Ok so, If your reading this then I'd better explain. Right now I'm unconscious near the edge of a huge tree in a mythical place where horses talk and fly and do magic. I'll explain what happened...
(One day earlier...)
(Current time: 11:49. Place: A con I cannot pronounce.)
“No way... Ganon would beat link if Link didn't have the master sword!” Gavin debated as we walked into a random convention.
“Pshhh, Thats the OoT Link, The Twilight Princess Link would beat Ganon with the first sword you get in the game!” I debated back.
We were both cosplaying as Legend of Zelda characters, him as Ganon or Ganondorf in some games, and me as Link, even though I'm a girl. I was missing some parts of the costume but still it was a great costume. I only wish Gavin would have done Dark Link or even the dead hero of time from Twilight Princess, but still hero and villain is still pretty cool.
“Hm? Gavin... Hey.. look it's that shard that that caused The hero of twilight to change from a wolf anytime the player wanted...” I pointed out.
“That was awfully drawn out..”
“Shut up...”
We both walked over and I grabbed it. It was faintly pulsing with a familiar orange light.
“Ah so you've noticed the crystal? It's yours for 150 dollars...” the merchant behind the stand said.
“WHAT! Thats a rip-off for a plastic knockoff!”
I saw Gavin was fiddling with a sword. It was thick and made of some kind of metal with gold accents. I assumed that it was something from OoT. I never played OoT so I have nearly no knowledge of the game.
“If you get this I'll give you a bonus... I'll throw in the sword your friend is looking at for 20 bucks, other than the usual 90. Deal?” He said.
I stared at him to Gavin, who was holding up 50 dollars, and back to the merchant. I let out a sigh and slapped 120 dollars down on the table, added with the 50 dollars from Gavin.
“Nice doing business with you... I hope you have a good time...Oh I, Improved the crystal a bit so you won't have to worry about the language barrier...” he said.
I picked it up and held it up, proud that I managed to get it, not even caring about what he said. Suddenly I saw Gavin collapse on the ground. After that I felt dizzy and saw the floor getting closer. Then I just blacked out.
So... that's where we are right now. I have nothing other to say than, I really have a bad feeling about this...
(Current Time: Unknown. Place: Canterlot castle.)
“Sister, A royal guard has found something near Twilight's home. Shall we inform Twilight?” A dark blue horned Pegasus, with a flowing starry mane and tail, said to a white horned pegasus, with a flowing rainbow mane and tail.
The white one shook her head and said “No Luna, We should let Twilight figure out if this is a threat to Equestria or not. She hasn't been wrong before has she? But if it makes you feel better you can send some Night guards tonight to investigate, but do not hurt it.”
Luna thanked her sister and walked out of the room.
(Current time: Unknown. Place: Ponyville, Near Golden Oaks Library.)
“Urhhh... Did anyone catch the 18- Wheeler that hit me...” I said after I got to my feet.
My vision was blurry but I saw a small blue dot growing closer and closer. I shook my head and saw it was a cyan horse flying at mach 4 speeds. WAIT FLYING!?! CRAP! I quickly ducked and rolled out of the way of the crazed horse. I've taken many martial arts classes as well as watched a few evasion tutorials online so at least I couldn't get the stuffing beat out of me while I try to stay alive. I stood up and felt my head. I looked down and picked up the green hat then ran as fast as I could to stay alive from a speeding rainbow horse. I ducked down an alleyway as a rainbow blur sped past me.
“Where did you go!?” I heard it yell as it landed and galloped down a different alley.
I walked out and sighed.
I sat down and took out the foam master sword. It felt heaver and it was more shinier. Weird... I held it in my hand and slashed as a vine that was growing off of a house. It was supposed to harmlessly have the vine flow over it but instead the vine split in half. I dropped the sword, with a crash, in surprise and stared at it.
“How is that possible... it's supposed to be foam!!” I yelled at no one.
I looked around, just remembering the blue/rainbow horse. I picked it up and saw a bag around my waist.
“Huh? This is new...” I said as I peeked into it.
Inside was that crystal and a bottle.
Inside the bottle was a note, I uncorked the bottle and read the note.
'Just a freebie I threw in, I was feeling generous.' it read.
it didn't have a signature so I couldn't help but wonder who wrote it. I tossed the note in the bag and tied it back up.
“Uhg... my head still feels funny... How did I get here... Wait... GAVIN! Oh my god, I forgot completely about him!” I shouted as I looked quickly to see if he was anywhere near me.
“Gavin! Please say something! If I don't hear from you I think I'm going to go crazy!!” I yelled, not even caring about the horse.
It must have been far gone by now, or so I assumed.
First off, drink heavily, second off, write the best fanfic ever about my life so at least i can catch a glimpse of heaven before i descend to hell. FRom there if it did finally happen i would go and try to end it all, because suicide might make up for all the grammar mistakes im sure my fanfic author would have since im so unlucky. And in the end, ope that i don't turn into another HIE fic where the human gets turned into a pony.
Good story though, but you need to remember to get your dialogue a little more meaty. Your going to fast for it to properly flow, and it ends up being read in a choppy and monotone voice. You also should change your story description with her being mute since it doesn't matter at all if it gets entirely cleared up in the first chapter. Also, maybe you should back up a chapter and explained what happened before she was kidnapped by lyra, as well as go and give some more meat to the exchange between link and ganondorf. Hope this helps at all! I really want to see where this story goes!
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[youtube=www.youtube.com/watch?v=GADqozprZQ4]
You get a fave just for that little nugget of nostalgia.
People give you grief over a Zelda/HiE/Displacedverse fic? What sorcery is this!
Probably critics, or Grammar Nazis.
Yeah, but even so, Crota! Zelda!
at any rate, Ima start reading now. I don't care how many spelling/grammar errors I may find, tis Zelda, and therefore 20% cooler than Frieza's brother.