“Hey, Skipper?”
“Yeah?”
“Why are we in a haunted castle?”
“What do you mean?” Skipper seemed too relaxed over this.
“Well, for starters, I don’t see anyone.”
Under any other circumstances, I’d consider that to be a good thing. But in this case, I find this eerie.
This castle is frighteningly deserted. Halls polluted with filth and debris. Broken windows allowed a hot, suffocating air to howl like a midnight wolf. Shredded curtains do nothing but add to the tattered scenery. And whatever these paintings were, well they are nothing but torn pieces of cloth now. And is that someone’s blood on the wall?
Had I known any better, I'd say this place was ransacked thoroughly and completely.
I don't like this at all.
“Well, if I am to speculate, that has something to do with the fact that it's nearly three in the morning.”
Shut up, really? "That isn't possible Skipper, the Sun has been up all this time."
"Well what did you expect would happen if you put the Sun Bringer and the Moon Bringer to sleep."
...
“Who?”
“Princess Celestia and Princess Luna.”
....
“Seriously, who again?”
Skipper heaved, “The judge and the prosecutor.”
Oh~! That makes no sense.
“How does putting them to sleep dictates the movement of not one but two celestial bodies?”
“Did I not explain it to you already?” Okay, where on earth is that smug attitude coming from? “The judge and the prosecutor brings out the sun and the moon every day and night," Okay, that is the biggest load of baloney I have ever heard of, "You placed them to sleep, ergo the Sun is still up in the middle of the night.”
I gave her a questioning look, "Are you telling me, that the ponies I spend countless hours explaining everything from anatomy to quantum physics to abstract mathematics have the capacity to rotate an entire planet around itself as well as the satellite that orbits it?" And I'm not even that good at math! I definitely need to rethink my conclusion back there.
Skipper seemed unsure of herself, "I don't know," her skittish voice cracked, "I guess," she scratched behind her head, "I mean that's what everyone believes, isn't it?"
I close my eyes then shake my head; conspiracy, after conspiracy, after conspiracy are hitting me in the face. This place believes more in magic and wizardry than a tribal village in the middle of Africa. I don't think I have the energy to argue anymore, "Just forget it," was my simple exasperated answer.
"Are you okay?" Skipper suddenly asked with concern in her voice, "You look really tired."
"I'll be fine when we get out of this castle," and of course I can do without the truth bending, fluffy magic explanation of every day occurrences, "So, what's our escape plan?"
“I don’t know, I thought you had one.”
…
Say what now? “No, I thought you had one, since You dragged Me out of the courtroom without any warning.”
"No, You told me to either follow in your lead or follow in your hoofsteps," Oh wait, I did say that didn't I? "But, ever since you were ogling possibly the most dangerous mare in Equestria. I guess the plan went out of the window."
How dare she?! "I was improvising, I didn't have a plan to escape plan nor did I expect that these ponies to be so ignorant over their simple anatomy!"
And I was not ogling the love of my life, I was simply admiring her butt tattoo and how it blended perfectly with her curves.
...
Hope I did not say that out loud.
"Okay, okay!" Skipper jumped the gun, "so what do we do now?" She asked.
"Well, we can't stay out in the open, someone might find us."
“Hey, did you hear something?” Just great! Speak of the devil.
“Yeah, it’s coming from over there!” darn it, we’ve been spotted, need to hide quick. Now I simply need to get Skipper…
Where did Skipper go?
“Skipper!” I whispered as loud as possible while turning left and right.
I spot no one. Great.
Yet another thing I need to worry about. My accomplice bailing out on me. If this is going to be the case, then I need to…
“Psst!” A voice called me, I looked down and a pink filly with froufrou blue hair greeted me rather harshly, “What are you doing? Change into something!”
I blinked.
“Oh wait, your horn is broken,” her whisper had a sudden realization tone to it.
I blinked again. Where the hell did she come from?
“Looky who we have here!” the sudden bombastic third voice declared, I turned slowly to see two rather familiar faces, “How in Equestria did you escape?” Rotten Breath said with his familiar nonexistent suave.
I am in big trouble, “Good behavior?” I gave them a wide, idiotic smile.
“Right, and who in their right mind would give you a pass on good behavior?” Twinkle Toes interrogated.
I wore an even bigger smile, “Princess Celestia?” No harm in invoking her name, right?
“Very funny,” Twinkle Toes continued, then pulled a pair of chains from his saddle, “Now come on. Let’s get you back in your dungeon where you belong.”
I sighed, this escape was a fool’s escapade from the beginning. First, Skipper disappeared from view, then a filly appeared out of nowhere, bossing me around as if she's all that, and now the guards caught up to me.
This has got to be the stu…
“Wait, stop!” Suddenly exclaimed the little filly. She then ran in front of the guards, lifted her body, then spread her hooves trying to block them from reaching me. I just stared in shock at this developing situation.
And I am not alone, the guards suddenly stood still, unsure what to do. Rotten Breath however took the lead, “Hey there, little filly, would you mind stepping away from the very dangerous creature? I’ll give you some ice cream if you do.”
He’s right little one. Shoo! Go to him, I’d rather deal with the murdering princess judge than to deal with a child.
Crap, what did I do for her to turn and hug my only decent fore hoof? “But mister changeling has been nice to me!”
“Uh no I haven’t, and we just met!” I interfered, but just looking at the shocked face of the two guards, my words are definitely falling on deaf ears. The filly continued unfazed.
“He promised to take me to a special place…” wait, what she is saying? “… Where we can have loads of fun…” Stop, please stop speaking, “… And he promised to show me all sorts of fun.” She ended her sentence with a wink.
It’s official now.
I am doomed.
“Wait, this isn’t what you think!!” I reacted defensively, but the damage has been done. I am now facing two guards with blood in their eyes.
“You Monster!” Exclaimed Rotten Breath, his stench almost knocked me out, “How dare you steal from such innocence!”
“I didn’t, I don’t!” Curses, has Rotten Breath ever washed his teeth? Every time I speak, his stench keeps getting in my mouth causing me to nauseate, even though I'm several meters away.
“I will not allow you to feed love from a foal!” Twinkle Toes suddenly screamed, what the hell? Why so many ponies believe that feeding on love is possible? “AHHHH” he roared, picking up his spear and charging straight at me
“Oh, no!” The filly gasped as I shoved her away.
Twinkle Toes then swung the spear far behind his head. Is he trying to get a momentum? That makes his attack way too obvious? I quickly dashed to my left as the strike hit the floor with a clung.
“Please stop, this is a misunderstanding!” I said but before I could even finish, Twinkle Toes threw the spear to his left. Again with the big swings, I quickly dashed backwards as the swing went inches to my face.
“I don’t even know her!” But my words didn't do anything seeing as Twinkle Toes continued his attack with a quicker swing. Okay, this one's fast. Evade! Evade... Curses I hit a wall, dig deep!
Gah!
Too close, the spear passed above me.
But that wasn’t the end of it, Twinkle Toes threw the spear above his head again and roared, “You will not escape!”
Another big attack? I can dodge it! I blinked, the spear veered toward me and I dashed to my right, rolling on the ground.
I stood up. Something's not right, I sense movement behind me. I did a quick sidestepped... only to find Rotten Breath loosing his footing after he failed to grab onto me. He regained his composure just as quickly and looked at me dumbfounded, "How did he?"
"Wow," the filly admired.
Twinkle Toe tsked. "He's good," he confessed.
“Will you please stop this?! I have done nothing wrong!” I screamed at them.
“Oh, you done plenty,” Twinkle Toe growled, “Evasion of court, resisting arrest, feeding on love,” ugh, that again, why can't they drop the superstitions already? “And mind controlling a minor,” wait what now? “You are going down hard for this,” He then leveled his spear in front of me.
“For pity's sake, not only have you accused of impossibilities, now you accuse me of something I don't even...?” I let out an frustrated sigh, "Just forget it, and let's get this over with," I sneered.
“It’s entirely possible to hypnotize someone you know!” Yes, I know it's possible, but then again I doubt anyone will believe me if I said I don't know how. Thanks child, you have just signed my death warrant. But then, Rotten Breath's eyes lit with a sudden realization, “But your horn is broken, you couldn’t possibly have hypnotized anyone with it.”
“What does that have to do with anything?” I gave him a quizzical look.
Rotten Breath looked at Twinkle Toes a bit uncertain, “It’s like a unicorn thing, right?” Twinkle Toes answered with even more uncertainty, “They light up their horns and bam the colt out cold and he’s like under their spell or something. That’s how Princess Cadence been doing it lately.”
“No, no, no,” interfered Rotten Breath, “That’s how their Queen does it, remember? She’s been pretending to be the princess Cadence until the attack. The princess does it with a more zing to it.”
What the hell? “You two clearly have no idea what hypnosis is,” I deadpanned.
“Oh yea?” Rotten Breath jeered, “Well, what do you know about hypnosis mister know-it-all?”
“Not much, I don’t think I know how to hypnotize,” or do I? No, I don’t think so. Though I seem to remember watching something about it at my younger years, or was it something I learned lately? “But I read something about it. And I can assure you, it doesn’t even need a horn.”
The two looked at me dubiously, before snickering in disbelief, “Oh yeah? Prove it!”
Do they really think I’m joking? “And how do you suggest I do that?”
“Why don’t you hypnotize us?” To my disbelief, Twinkle Toe actually suggested that, “And when you can’t, I’ll cut you three ways fold and give you as a gift to the princesses.”
I gulped, this feels more like a trap than anything else, “Fine, I accept.” Okay, new plan; I need to buy enough time and look for an opening so that I can hightail out of here. If that is even possible in my state.
I walked toward the two guards, their sniveling smiles gave me chills but I shrugged them off. “Okay, for starters, I want you two to relax,” I say in my most calming voice, “Listen to my soothing voice, imagine flowing high above the clouds.”
“We’re pegasi Support, we can fly there whenever we want,” Rotten Breath rudely interrupted.
“I don’t hear relaxing!” I tapped my hoof on the ground, he shrugged, “Now just relax, focus on the sound of my voice, you are now falling into a deep sleep,” Heh, I sound like in a Scooby Doo episode…
I used to watch Scooby Doo when I was little! Wow that came out of nowhere
“So what are we supposed to do?” Twinkle Toe asked, his voice clearly free of tension.
“Look into my eyes,” I scrambled, “Look deep into my eyes,” I opened my eyes widely, “You are now falling into a deep sleep.”
I watched in horror as Twinkle Toes poked Rotten Breath before sneering, they are definitely going to fake it for sure, "Oh no, I think I'm getting sleepy," Rotten Breath said with an automated voice.
"Yes, let me just lean on my spear to take a nap," Twinkle Toes replied with an equally emotionless voice. I'm not sure if they consider me an idiot, but they can't fool a child with this act.
Well, it doesn't really matter, I'll run like a maniac the moment they close their eyes. Not the best plan, but it'll have to do.
"That's right," I answered in an accidentally sneaky voice, "Just close those eyes," I was about to sprint for it when suddenly a green light hit Twinkle Toes from the back, knocking him unconscious.
"What the?" Exclaimed Rotten Breath.
I was about to run for my life when I noticed a sudden motion; Skipper jumped from behind the fallen Twinkle Toes, her horn suddenly light up in a green hue with a small ball of fire created at it's tip.
Rotten Breath looked at it in horror. But before he could escape, Skipper blasted the ball of flame into his face, hitting him between the eyes. Rotten Breath reeled his head backwards, before falling unconscious.
I blinked.
What just happened?
"We did it!" Skipper exclaimed while jumping up and down, "but nymph, you are awesome! When Twinkle Toes was attacking you, you were like, Swoosh! Whoosh! And Bam!" She was jumping all over the place while trying to mimic me, "And when Rotten Breath was about to tackle you but you somehow disappeared and he was about to ahh!" she lost her footing while twirling and fell on the ground, "That was awesome," she finished while panting before looking at me, "Why are you looking at me like that?"
I felt my mouth dry up, had my mouth been open all this time? "What?" No, not that, prioritize your thoughts first, she bailed on you god dammit! focus on that! "Where have you been?"
"I hid as the little filly who was trying to cover for you," Skipper's smile turned sly, "Wasn't I convincing?"
I frown, "I don't believe you," the acidity in my voice caused Skipper's ears to flop.
"But I really did turn into that filly," she answered me with a saddened voice. Suddenly, green flames erupted from her horn, but before I could speak they engulfed her completely.
"Skipper No!" I need water, where the hell is a fire hydrant when you need one?
Why do I hear giggles? "Calm down Support," Skipper answered me with her usual voice, "I'm alright," her voice suddenly turned into that of that blasted filly.
And soon enough, the flames died down, and the same pink filly that nearly caused me my life was standing in from of me.
I blinked.
The filly giggled, "See? it's just a random transformation," she said before flames engulfed her once more, but this time it was more rapid than the last time. Skipped reappeared from the ashes, "Every changeling can do... Support, what's wrong?"
I took a step forward. These flames, I need to know. What is it's density? their spectral emission and absorption? Molecular consistency? Energy output? the type of reaction that causes them? The reactant and the end products?
"Why are you looking at me like that?" Skipper dropped her ears, her tail between her legs and hunched her body as I approached her.
More question swam into my mind as I regained more focus. The flames came from her horn; what type of organ is it? how can it catalyze such reaction? what type of cells is it composed of? How do they function? what is their structure? what type of enzymes do they use? Can they be cloned? What is their genetic sequences? What type of switches do they use? What type of extracellular matrix did they develop? What's their inner anatomy? How much blood do they receive? How about lymphatic vessels? Do changelings even have Lymphatic vessels?
"Support, please stop! You're scaring me!" Skipper tripped on the ground and fell on her back. I jump above her.
More question popped into my mind, but I no longer have the urge to ask. I need need to satisfy my curiosity, I need answers, "I need to know!"
"Support! Please! Stop! AHHHHH!"
FEAR THE QUESTIONER!
Alright, morbid curiosity has been sated! Off the tracking list this story goes!
Twilight is gonna be pissed...
he, is doing a twilight
The comedy is well done, but I personally think you should be careful not to overdo it. Sometimes it's better to let a joke slowly build up before you deliver the punchline.
Also I like to think that for a good comedy there must be some development or you risk to drown your story in sketches like as if you would overwater a plant.
You could also say, that a sketch burns story content as fuel and you have only so much story to spare.
Overall this chapter was enjoable
Support seriously needs a reality check.
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took that long for a couple words ok
WOOO There's more :D :D :D :D :D :D yay :3 keep up the great work man so far so great in my eyes :) :3
6611194
Thank you very much for the advice.
In reality when writing comedy I constantly debate with myself on the length in which I need to go to get to the punchline.
In this chapter however I had so much fun picking question and choosing disciplines for the last joke, I didn't even consider whether I went overboard with it or not.
Another excellent chapter.
I wanna know what happens when he meets Twilight.
6611571
Fixed, and thank you for pointing it out.
6611508
Bad news, that's going to be a while.
.....wut.....
Oh DIRTY MIND MODE ACTIVE
So all Equestrians are jukes when it comes to Changelings. Skipper make Pillar's situation much worst for him; all does It was surprisingly smart for a changeling that seem nearly clueless about her situation in the court room, was she leading him on? It was great to see Twinkle Toe and Rotting Breath again. I am really disappointed to see that Shining Armor tried to trick him about surviving the judicial process, I thought that their might have been more sincerer with him.
I am a little disappointed that Pillar didn't cam out of the proses as a legally free changeling, I thought that he was going to actually pull it off on his own.
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To be honest. I was expecting him to use Twilight's Scientific mind to make her become his and Skipper's protectorate or some other titles that fit after I see the lecture thingy.
Also...Without context, this is really...
Dirty mind!
After his freak-out near the end, this story hopefully ends with him and Twilight having deep philosophical conversations about science, the meaning of life, the universe and everything, why water never boils when you're looking directly at it, and how many times their sheets are going to have to go through the washer to thoroughly sanitise it later.
Support and Twilight will be great friends at the end of all this, or he will be dead.
OMG UPDATES
That was wonderful! Why can't we have more updates of this competent story!?
What did he do to her? Somehow put her up in some experimental table or chasing her as he tried to figure out what she just did?
An update?
Holy sweet freakin Celestia.
Gr8 m8. I r8 8/8
Oh look it's Twilight.
6613240
Quality over quantity. I think it is better to wait longer for a chapter, if you get one with more quality. So I think the Author is doing everything right.
In some ways, I think remaining in the court would have been the better idea....
6614515 I know How It works but It won't make me less anxious. I will wait as long you Promise to continue upon this stuff. I hate stories to be channeled or have unused potential. You expoit this potential and make a Human in equestria story to be enjoyable to that. You are a rocking genious - as Simple as that. So... Any thoughts upon when you'll be ready, Mr. Tottaly-not-SelfInsert?
poor skipper, the male changeling equivalent of a twilight sparkle.
Because when faced with the choice of hiding in that haunted castle or escaping down the road away from the haunted castle and the masked axe murderer that's been living in it... you chose poorly. You chose very, very poorly.
I hope he makes more soon.
KInda doubt that lecture on our science can do Support Pillar any good. Yes, it's impossible to eat love in our world. But Support now in Equestria where it actually possible and pretty much a scientific fact. So from Celestia & co point of view Support just try weasel his way out of trial by fabricating some pseudo-science nonsense.
6614931
It will be a while now that I entered Nanowrimo with this story, hopefully when this month is done I can start updates once or twice a week depending on the speed of editing.
6616470
And you sir just won the internet.
6616494 *squee* Editing is Magic
Back? Great!
They run back into the room XD
"Let me do science to you!"
"Bad touch!"
"No worries! I'm a certified doctor!"
"You are certified alright!"
Keep it funny!
Also: so much for the land of harmony.
YAY I love this story I really can't wait for the next chapter its just so amazing
6666020
I'm glad you enjoyed it
wooow
dark trial is dark
and actual comedy!
i like it.
MOAR! please....
6666111 more please.and got be the funnies story that got do with science. lol
oh.... i kinda hate it when i catch up with a story i'm reading. it's like i think there's more to it but then i see that there isn't and i'm sad because there's no more left for me to read right now.................... mustache
Good job my friend may the stars guide you in progressing this wonderful story
I´m not really sure if he looked at Luna, or Twilight, but this story is already to short for me, I´m reading it to fast because it is somehow really good.
This story gets worse and worse with each chapter! How in the HELL do you manage that?
And there is the biochemistry....
6771118 How so? It is mostly geared for a nerdiness take. I have seen your comments before on stories and they are usually more specific than this (Those comments were not usually unwarranted either.). Is it just not your kind of story? It is more like a light comedy with grim dark overtones. It could use some more descriptive prose on the scenes but not that bad? Just curious.
Pretty sure the sun-moon thing is just moving light around Equestria (which would be funny if the rest of their hemisphere was at night while Equestria was in day). That, or it is just a large-scale illusion. Considering how ponies react to things they have no control over (such as thinking the Everfree creatures taking care of themselves is unnatural)...
6611878
I think Shining Armor didn't know it'd be like that. He hasn't been around for the trials after all. Hell, maybe Celestia purposely kept him away due to his sense of justice. Cadence also being kept away implies that she might actually not have a problem with the love eating. Or at least, she recognizes it as not strictly amoral.
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"I don't know if I like this kind of fun!"