“Anytime now!”
I grabbed Skipper’s neck as if I was hanging for dear life. Literally, I am hanging for dear life over a very long drop. I need to reassess how it got to this point once I’m safely on solid ground.
“Just let go, Support!” Captain Armor yelled, “I’ve already created a field to catch you with!”
I looked down and saw a purple glow beneath me.
I scoffed, “There is nothing there.”
“Sure there is!” Captain Armor exclaimed, “Jump and you’ll see!”
Does he take me for an idiot?
“I will not use an untested and invisible contraption just to show your superior magic trick skills.”
“I give up,” Captain Armor sighed and went inside again.
“Support!” Skipper yelled, her breath at its end.
“Can you at least send one of those winged Equines instead? They seem pretty reliable,” Better have one of those than something I’m unfamiliar with. I heard a giggled from inside.
“I’ll get them,” Princes Cadenza said, taking a step to the window.
“WHERE IS HE!!?”
Stillness reigned over everyone as the voice reverberated through the air. Princess Cadenza had a particularly shocked expression on her face.
“Is that the prosecutor?” I asked.
“I AM GOING TO *slam* KILL HIM!!”
That can’t be good.
“Can you hang in there for just a moment?” Princess Cadenza said with the most nervous smile I have seen on any pony till now, “I’m going to see how not to get you killed.”
Great, and now she leaves with everyone following behind her. This is the worst escape plan turned rescue attempt I have ever seen. Suddenly I felt myself falling.
“Skipper, are you alright?”
“Can’t hold… Too Heavy!”
That can’t be good.
“Try to get me toward the window!” I yelled.
With all her might, Skipper buzzed toward the window. But just as she started to move, I felt my hooves slipping from around her neck.
“Skipper! Please hurry!” I told her with urgency.
“I’m trying!” She said.
Halfway toward the window, my hooves finally lost their grip. I looked up and saw my hooves flailing as Skipper dived towards me while I fell. The world seemed to stop around me. Skipper attempts to reach me from above slowed to a crawl. I looked down and the ground was waiting to greet me fast. I felt my heart pace slow to a halt. This is surreal.
Am I going to die without knowing anything?
Something caught my eye below. Glass exploded into the air and something black came out at blinding speed. I felt something catch me by my chest and the ground stopped coming toward me.
Am I going to live?
“Snap out of it!”
I felt shaking. I looked to my side and saw a changeling.
“You saved me?” I said in a mesmerized voice.
“SUPPORT!!” Skipper was yelling from above.
The changeling looked up toward her. “Follow me!” he ordered, then went toward the same window that he came out of.
The next thing I knew, I was in Doctor Love Heart’s office. The changeling went to rummage through some of the Doctor’s stuff before he found his stethoscope. He then took measuring of my heart rate, then just like the morning when I woke up, took the spatula and opened my mouth.
He tsked. “So many injuries, so little time.”
This seemed familiar somehow.
“Support, I’m sorry!” Skipper came from the window, ragged, out of breath, and crying.
“You!” The changeling pointed his hoof at her, “Please, sit in the corner and wait your turn.”
Skipper stared at him for a moment. “Okay,” she said as she obediently sat at the corner he pointed at.
What was that? In the short time I met Skipper, she never was that obedient.
“You know, changelings have a veteran system where the older you are, the more control you have on others. However I don’t need to tell a changeling from my hive that I am older and thus must obey. But they do so instinctively,” The changeling noted, “though, I doubt you would know much about changelings, considering that you are in fact, a human.”
I stared hard at the changeling. he does appear exactly like Skipper in almost every aspect, but there are few key differences. For one, his carapace showed significant signs of aging. He also tastes like honeyed tea. What bugged me the most about him though is that he has Slit pupils in his eyes. For some reason he oozes familiarity.
“Who are you?” I asked.
“WHERE IS HE?!?” The prosecutor’s voice suddenly boomed close by.
The changeling looked up toward the door. “I guess I have to take care of the princess first.”
Lightning his horn, green flames engulfed him. I stared with anticipation as to what form he would come out as.
I blinked. I didn’t expect it to be him at all.
“You two need to hide,” Doctor Loveheart said before grabbing me and shoving me into one of the closets.
“You, get in,” He ordered Skipper, who obeyed without questioning.
“Now please, be quiet!” He finally commanded before closing the door.
A moment of silence passed inside the dark closet.
“This place is cramped,” I remarked only to get shushed by Skipper. I heard a knock on the clinic’s door, then there was a sound of door opening.
“Doctor Loveheart, I bid you well!” The prosecutor’s voluminous voice filled the room.
“Princess Luna! What a surprise,” The doctor answered, “What brings you to my humble clinic?”
“We are here to apprehend a very dangerous criminal that blatantly made us miss raising the moon and lowering the sun,” her voice carried an unusual level of accusation to it, “We are here to check the premise in case he is hiding here.”
A tingling feeling started spreading through my back hoof. “Skipper get off my hoof,” I whispered.
“Sorry,” she whispered back.
“Ah, well, you can’t,” The doctor scrambled.
“And why is that?” The princess asked, with an interrogating tone.
Suddenly, I felt my back hoof fall asleep. “It’s getting numb!” I said with a slightly higher tone.
“Because I found two teens fornicating and didn’t want to disturb them,” The doctor had a cheer to his voice.
“Truly?!” the princess hailed, “Oh glorious day! And here I thought this generation was so conservative that they forgot how to have foals of their own.”
“You don’t fit in here,” Skipper pointed at the small space she was occupying in that closet.
“Here,” I squeezed myself in the corner, “Better?”
Skipper fidgeted in place, “A bit!”
“Would it be alright if I cheered them on?” the princess asked, “I mean, he does seem to be having a bit of trouble!”
I felt something hit my face, “Get your hoof out of there!” I tried to wrestle myself for further space.
“That won’t be necessary my princess,” The doctor hurried, “You know, foals and their privacy these days.”
But something under me slipped causing me to fall over Skipper.
“You’re too big!” She exclaimed while kicking the wall of the closet, forgoing all forms of subtility in trying to hide.
“I… better check on them… to make sure they are okay,” I heard a slam of the front door. A few steps later and the door of the closet opened. Doctor Loveheart stared at us in disbelief.
“For a moment there I truly thought you were mating with each other.”
“Apparently we didn’t fit well inside,” I said upside down.
“Well, you were in luck. Princess Luna didn’t recognize your muffled moans,” he jested, “By the way, how big are you to, you know, not fit in?”
I rolled my nonexistent pupils at him as I stepped outside the closet, “Apparently big enough for her to make a hissy fit over it,” I joked in return while pointing at Skipper.
She didn’t take it too kindly, “Hey, it’s not my fault you kept hogging all the space in there!”
“I think that is supposed to happen, don’t you?” He gave me a wink.
I laughed. I think that was the first time ever I gave a sincere laugh. Not understanding what’s going on, Skipper scowled.
“Come on Skipper, don’t pout,” I hoisted her from the cabinet, “You did amiably considering the situation,” I patted her head, and she beamed her Skipper smile at me, “Though, this is the last time I will let you fly me anywhere.”
She wore a saddened expression, “Sorry.”
“Come, let’s get your hoof checked out,” the doctor patted my shoulder, “I think that level of adventure made a big mess of it.”
“So,” I asked while walking toward the bed, “Should I call you Doctor Loveheart or what?”
“Loveheart is fine,” The doctor said, “I didn’t really take another’s place, so I decided to come and work under my changeling name instead. It was quite refreshing to hear ponies call me by my real name instead of my surrogate one; I enjoyed it.”
“And I’m guessing you want something from me?” I asked as the doctor started to crack the cask on my hoof.
“Yes, and no,” He answered as he pulled a pair of thick looking scissors and started cutting, “I will heal you as much as I can if you will listen to my offer. You are a free kin after all, and you can do whatever you wish afterwards.”
“But I am not a kin,” I remarked, “You know that, right?”
“I became painfully aware of that in the courtroom, yes,” He said while palpating my arm to my hoof, I winced when he reached a dark spot, “I honestly thought you would go toward the fifth article like Lovecraft did, instead of… you know.”
“Putting everyone to sleep with a ridiculously long speech?”
“Yes.” He stood up, went to one of the cabinets, pulled a cream, then came and spread it all over my hoof.
“It was a fascinating speech, but I fell asleep when you started talking about quantum mechanics,” He paused, “I have to warn you though, no matter how impressive your otherworldly knowledge may be, you need to feed off of emotions if you want to survive here.”
I thought for a moment. “I don’t know how though.” Loveheart gave me a shocked expression.
“What?” I asked.
“I thought you would put up more of a fight over the idea,” He said.
“I think letting a pony walk into my own mind changed a few concepts, opened a few horizons, if you wish,” I sighed, “Everything I knew has failed me and I don’t think I have a right to be stubborn about things anymore.”
He smiled at me, “Don’t beat yourself up over it. What you did back there, It might advance our own scientific endeavors years forward instead of relying entirely on the inherent magic of things.”
“You think so?”
Why do I feel like I just drank some warm soup all of a sudden?
“Don’t know; ponies aren’t well known for accepting things outside their cultural belief system,” He let out a chuckle, “And nymph did you do a number on that.”
“… Thanks,” I deadpanned.
After a swift motion, Loveheart gave me another shoulder pat, “You’re done. It wasn’t as bad as I thought; three more days and you should be able to use it just fine.”
I nodded, “Thank you.”
“Skipper,” he ordered and Skipper immediately stood up, “Your turn.”
Within a heartbeat, Skipper was sitting where I was, ready and waiting. Loveheart took his stethoscope and started his examination.
I sat on the chair next to his office. “You said you would have me listen to your offer, once you’re done. What is it that you want from me?”
“I want you to help me bring the changeling race together,” He answered me.
“That is a tall order for me to help a race I know next to nothing about.”
“Then you are in luck,” He took a spatula and looked at Skipper’s mouth, “I’m free the entire afternoon, I’ll answer every question you have.”
Finally, someone to tell me what’s going on. “What happened during the invasion?”
“Fifty thousand changeling blitzed the city. The initial plan worked perfectly, the insiders took out most of the defenses, Queen Chrysalis infiltrated as Princess Mi Amore Cadenza, gave the hive all the intel they needed to avoid the guards and make a clean sweep over the city. Within the first hour, they controlled every nook of the city with our losses numbering below ten. And the subjugation of the populace began.”
“I’m guessing it wasn’t pretty.”
“No, it wasn’t,” That sounded ominous, ““Rape, torture, murder; you name it.” He sighed, disgust written all over his face, “The hive wanted to extract as much love as possible, so they used every sadistic method available to them.”
I choked under my breath.
He just shook his head, “Made me ashamed to call them my hive anymore.”
He stopped his examination, then looked at Skipper as if trying to collect his thoughts, “The number of victims was near the thousand in total, with nearly five hundred dead from the guards alone. I hated every waking minute of it.”
“And where were you when it happened?”
“Manehatten,” he answered, the atmosphere no longer cheerful, “I was at a medical conference, and the Queen used my absence to instigate the invasion.”
“Are you that high up the ladder that you can halt the decision of a queen?”
“You can say that,” He answered while searching for something in his medical cabinet.
“He’s old,” Skipper said out of the bloom, “At least a few hundreds of years.”
“And you can tell how?”
“By his taste,” Her casual reply was laced with hidden seriousness to it, “It’s thick and overwhelming, kind of like yours, only stronger.”
Huh, I have a taste? Better leave that for another time, “Looks like the changeling had everything under control. How come they were defeated so easily?”
The doctor returned again with a bottle of pills in his mouth, “That is a simple answer: it’s because of a love spell.”
That… doesn’t make much sense, but I’ll go with it for now. I need to be less of a skeptic and more of a critical thinker if I am to survive.
“Here, take two pills now and one pill before you sleep,” the doctor handed the pills to Skipper, “They should remove the stress of awakening and restore your energy by tomorrow.”
He then turned toward me. “The spell that expelled the hive out of the city came shortly after three hours since the shield was broken. The statistics that came yesterday were dire.”
“How dire?”
“From the original number, only twenty thousand survived.”
Wow, that’s more than half were dead on the spot!
“Of those twenty thousand," Loveheart continued, "Almost half were captured by Equestria’s military. The twenty that died in the trials were but a fraction of what the royalty have. Of course, most of those were too injured to put on a fight so capturing them was like 'picking up the trash' if you wish to put it in the words of the royal guards that is.”
“So… only ten thousand remain with chrysalis?” I asked, almost not wanting the answer.
“Nope,” He replied taking his seat in his office in front of me, “She had nine thousand deserters since last night.”
Holy crap...
“The Love hive is down to one thousand, give or take. The deserters went into what we call ‘sleeper cell’ mode, and that is something very dangerous. These guys will remain hidden for years by monopolizing the lowlife; everything from stealing to trafficking to prostitution will become their domain, which will cause crime rate to soar into unbearable rates, especially in big Equestrian cities.”
“Oh!” Now I got it, “You want me to help you return the deserters to the hive?”
Loveheart chuckled. “I wish it was that easy,” he said with an all knowing smile on his face, “The only way to bring those idiots back without having to kill them all is to have a powerful queen accepting them into her hive.”
That makes even less sense, “But queen Chrysalis lost, I doubt that any of them will accept to return back to her.”
“True,” The doctor affirmed, “But I never said that her hive is the only changeling hive in Equestria.”
For some reason, that last sentence gave me shivers.
“So what do you think?” Loveheart said after he finished my camouflage.
“I look like a mummy with a hoodie,” I deadpanned.
Of all the costumes that I could have went as, being strapped from head to plot in sterilized linen dressing while wearing a hoodie isn’t one of them.
“Are you sure this will fool them?” I asked.
Loveheart waved my worries away with his hoof. “It’s not about the costume my friend, it’s about the acting,” He said poetically, “Now try not to speak too much, lest someone might recognize your voice.”
I turned toward Skipper, “What do you think?”
Skipper was fidgeting in place. The moment I addressed her, she jumped while biting her lips. “You look hot,” She said while turning bright red.
“Ignore her, the aphrodisiac must be kicking in,” Loveheart commented with a doctor like tone, “She’ll be frisky all afternoon.”
“Remind me again, why did you give her an aphrodisiac?” Seriously, what type of medicine is this?
“An aphrodisiac is like an energy drink for us changelings, the problem is that its side effects are like an alcoholic beverage to a pony,” Loveheart explained.
“So she’s drunk?” Did not see that coming.
“If being drunk means being exceptionally horny, then yes she is,” He stated.
A loud knock on the clinic door made us jump. The doctor donned his disguise then turned toward Skipper, “You. Put on a disguise.”
With a nervous salute, green flames erupted from Skipper’s horn. The resulting disguise made my blood go cold.
“Skipper!” I scolded, “That is the same disguise you used when we were being attacked by Toes and Breath!”
Skipper puckered her lips, then placed one hoof over her mouth and the other between her legs, trying to look appealing. “But I thought you liked this form,” she faked a saddened tone.
“You’ll think of something right Loveheart?” I turned to the doctor.
He winked at me then opened the door, “Gentlecolts, how can I be of service?”
“We just need to confirm the presence of those who broke in your office, as well as give you the documents you requested,” A stoic armored pony said.
“Of course,” Doctor Loveheart said in a cheery way, “Just let me sign the necessary papers first.”
As the doctor went on signing a few papers, a pen struck the back of my head. “Skipper!” I turned angrily, but what I saw left my face with a deep burning sensation.
Skipper was sitting on her back on the doctor’s desk, her hind-hooves spread so far apart that everything is displayed.
“Come on, Take me now!” She said with a deeply passionate voice.
Stupid Equine hormones! Now’s not the time to think of that!
“I, um…”
Someone’s voice came from behind, I turned around and saw the guard turning bright red.
“Is everything… um, okay?” He managed with his growing discomfort. Doctor Loveheart had his head in his hoof shaking it while muttering to himself.
“Everything is fine,” I answered, trying my best to make my voice a lot sharper than what it already was, “She took the wrong medicine from the clinic earlier today, and that made her… Uhm…” I carefully pushed one of her hind-hooves together, making sure to close the display, “Receptive?” I finished my sentence by giving her a hug and a kiss on the cheek.
“Oh, I’ll receive you any day. Love,” Skipper flirted after licking my ear, “And you too if you’re into that,” She said to the guard who went redder than it is possible.
Crap.
I’m hard now.
“Lieutenant Apple Trap,” Doctor Loveheart interjected, “Meet my cousins, Book Smart and Passion Jewel. As you can see, they are deeply in love with each other.”
“Ooo-ay,” Apple Trap nodded very slowly. “I’ll be leaving now,” he said in an automated voice, “Have a great day.”
Doctor Loveheart waved the soldier off. The moment Apple Trap was out of the door, he slammed it.
“That was unexpected,” Loveheart said, “I’m surprised it worked.”
“Loveheart, please,” I begged, “Can you do something about Skipper before I lose control?”
I am about to lose my virginity to a bug pony who is camouflaged as a small pony and is nibbling gracefully at my ear.
I have hit a new low.
Loveheart chuckled as he went to get a syringe. “Wasn’t expecting her to have this low tolerance,” he said while injecting her with the medicine, “Sorry about that.”
The injection immediately took effect and Skipper immediately fell asleep on the desk.
“Thanks,” I stated while putting her on the ground.
Loveheart went back to his desk then fell into his seat, “Ah, such a long day.” He then threw a folder on the table.
I eyed the folder a little. He noticed, “It’s what you wrote in that court room.”
“And why do you have it?” I asked.
“I am part of Equestria Science Society,” He replied, “I have a few privileges in that regard.”
I nodded in response. He slid the folder to me, “You can take a look if you want.”
I smiled before opening the folder. “Thanks, I wanted to review my work in there if I had a chance.”
He nodded in silence. I opened the folder and removed the photos. I shuffled through the equations that I wrote, and it started to sink in; I wrote a lot. I can easily understand how I might have surpassed an eight hour lecture if I was explaining everything. Could they be truly right though? Could the judge and the prosecutor truly be able to move celestial bodies with their mind? I’d shiver at the thought of meeting a deity like that in flesh.
“You still didn’t give me an answer to my offer,” Loveheart broke my concentration, “Will you help me in my endeavor to reunite the four hives of Equestria?”
I sighed without removing my eyes from the pictures, “I’ll join you, though I don’t know how useful I can be.”
“You’ll do great, don’t worry about it. I’ll be doing the bulk of the work, you just need to be the smooth talker you have been to broker the deal between the sisters.”
I chuckled. Smooth talker or not, I don’t think I have any other alternatives. I could return back to princess Cadenza and Captain Armor, but that would be too suicidal even for me. I guess it could always be worse than it already…
“Uh oh.”
“What is it?” Loveheart asked.
I took the picture in question and placed it in front of him. “I made a mistake,” I pointed at the part of the equation that is a mistake, “In the previous line this symbol was a minus, I accidentally turned it into a plus in this line here.”
“Yeah so?”
“Well, this is abstract mathematics. If it continued to be minus I may have proven that it is possible to feed on love if only half of the physics principles from my world were proven wrong.”
Which is unlikely to happen. Physics don’t change overnight.
Loveheart took the picture and scrutinized it. “This is written on the courtroom door, correct?”
I scratched my head trying to piece things together, “I think so.”
“Then you have nothing to worry about, no one could have possibly been awake till the end to remember or even understand what you were writing,” Loveheart waved with a dismissal hoof, “They’ll mark this as unsolved and move on with their lives.”
“Actually, there was someone awake till the end.”
Loveheart raised his brow. “Oh? And who might that be?”
“I didn’t memorize her name, but she was a purple unicorn.”
Loveheart’s original surprise turned into shock, “And what’s her cutie mark?” He asked urgently.
“Her what now?” I really need a dictionary to memorize this world’s terminologies.
“Her butt mark,” Loveheart insisted, “What was her butt mark?”
“A six pointed star surrounded by five smaller ones,” There was no way I could forget the shape on that perfectly shaped plot.
“This is problematic,” Loveheart said gravely, “You just described the notorious Twilight Sparkle, personal student of Princess Celestia and the one responsible for the failure of our invasion.”
I gave Loveheart a questioning look, “Is that supposed to mean something?” Beside the fact that I now know the name of my heart’s desire? I can see nothing wrong here.
Loveheart gave me the most serious expression I have seen on a creature’s face. “It means Support,” He said gravely, “That you are doomed!!!”
6759291
Just refresh the page
Book pony and book changeling need to set up a read-and-meet. With extra lectures.
img.memecdn.com/that-amp-039-s-what-she-said_o_1317033.jpg
sorry, told you it was going to happen!
6759354
And oddly enough, I'm okay witg that my good editor
6759412 Well, I was planning on changing my comment to something more mature after the initial surge of readers so I wouldn't be that guy to ignore the chapter as a whole and only focus on that one detail. But if you are alright with that, then I guess everything is okay!
Good chapter by the way.
Hahaha You are doomed Support doomed!
With each chapter this story gets better and better.
Doctor is a title and should be capitalized as such iirc.
Rape, murder and torture? Good luck trying to get the changelings to integrate into a accepted society( or not, I'm not sure yet, will have to wait and see the next chapters), I can understand the hatred of the ponies now and cadences restraint when talking to pillar is respectable. Though the revelation that the equation was wrong is a little confusing, is pillar doomed as in the traditional sense or...?
And now we have the problem of explaining to Twilight that what she saw was wrong?
6759338 No! They'll bore the building into rubble!
Ya hear that? It the sound of dooooooom!
this is an interesting turn of events. Pillar has been given the mission of reuniting all the Changeling hives on Equus, for what reason? I am not sure why he would really care for other Changelings seeing how most of the others that he has meant have been out right hostel with him and Doctor Love Heart freely admitted that Changeling have used not so very nice ways to siphon their food source from their victim, that is not conducive to encourage any form of sens of belonging to a faction that I can think of. Not that I can think of a better faction that he can join at the moment for any form of better protection but the doctors offer to help treat Pillar's injury in very tempting. The fact that the Changeling are fractured and disorganized would make it a great opportunity to gather support and setting up one's own faction but Pillar does not strike me as someone with the drive for this kind of enterprise seeing that he seem to have no social science background to him and doesn't have any geopolitical knowledge of the land. If he truly wants to help unite the changeling race under his banner he will need the doctor's consul. All doe i dough that he will mange to unite all the hive together if these others hives have their leadership intact and none of them would be willing to share power with the others ones unless they too have major problems like having a major food source shortage and the ensuing social unrest would put very lives are in real jeopardy and that they see no other choice but to do it. Still there will still be a power struggle that will come with the prise of having the one unique hive
that control the totality of the Changeling race.
I have a little hard time understanding how Skipper has become so smart all the sodden. the first time that he saw he she seemed barley aware of her situation, and now she seem to take initiative for herself to be calling her own shots. You have masoned that the intelligence and rank status of a Changeling is measured buy their skills a acquiring love for themselves, then how did she get all that love from Pillar alone?
The revelation that Doctor Love is also a Changeling was a bit of a surprise for me and I have to admit the the name should have clue me in on that, but i didn't. I think the that the revelation could have been better made unless you where really looking to make it sound underwhelming to the reader.
Ouch, quite a nasty little shock at the end, after the frentic note taking. Though that begs the question, just how far up the ladder is he (not the doc) species wise to command that out of the gate.
Is Doom about Twilight finding out about the mistake or Doom as in Twilight not realizing the mistake.
I bet it's the former.
but if the ponies didnt know that the minus was supposed to be a plus wouldnt that mean that hes ok, since they dont know the correct formula for the maths, unless they already did know and he made a mistake which would lead to a pony noticing said mistake and correcting him, OR he accidentally rewrote alot of accepted math and the ponies will take it at face value.
my head hurts, stupid math!
6759821
no
forget the math
He attempted to make proof that love can not be fed on.
He gave inaccurate information, which means he could have failed.
He might have even proven that love can be fed on, since his proof was wrong, which means it does not properly follow logic. Since nobody can disprove any of his math, they would have to just accept his incorrect information.
doom doom doom doom song
Definitely looking forward to future chapters.
I like how the Doctor mentions to Support that he knows he's a human and Support Pillar completely forgets about it after that scene, even when Doctor Love says he can ask whatever he wants. Even when the Doctor realises how culturally ignorant Support Pillar is and refers to Cutie Marks as butt marks.
Thank you for this Christmas present! It was lovely
This is up and down but I enjoy reading it (aside from the knee-jerk ponies). It does need an editor, though.
It was funny to the point where I had to bite myself to not crush my teeth. You owe me a next chapter for all the lost arm-hair...
I wonder if Cadance here is a changeling queen. Would make sence given her abstract domain...
6759643
For some reason, I can't reply to you without writing a spoiler or a hint over the next chapter. However I will point out that the Doctor's underwhelming revelation was partly because of how much I foreshadowed it in previous chapters. Also because of how many other changelings I am planning on planting as hiding ponies in this story.
Also I hinted at how changeling's evolve character, I never went into it in depth, that is reserved to later chapters.
I get that she is horny, but well I thought she was only into him. I guess the pills really took all of her......normal thinking away right?
HHhhmmmm I´m not sure what the doctor is trying to do after they got the hive together, and for that I don´t know how much I like it right now, but as long as Support isn´t forced into the deal, and anything they do afterwards I think I´m going to like it. Well you know what I mean, I don´t really want Support to blindly follow anyone,....well I can´t really describe it right now, I fell like I missing the right words.
I like the story, it is late now, and while I didn´t wanted to say up that long, at is even more bad that I have finished reading what you have so far.
KEEP IT UP KEEP IT UP KEEP IT UP KEEP IT UP KEEP IT UP KEEP IT KEEP IT UP KEEP IT UP KEEP IT UP KEEP IT UP KEEP IT UP KEEP IT UP KEEP IT UP KEEP IT KEEP IT UP KEEP IT UP KEEP IT UP KEEP IT UP KEEP IT UP KEEP IT UP KEEP IT UP KEEP IT KEEP IT UP KEEP IT UP KEEP IT UP KEEP IT UP KEEP IT UP KEEP IT UP KEEP IT UP KEEP IT KEEP IT UP KEEP IT UP KEEP IT UP KEEP IT UP KEEP IT UP KEEP IT UP KEEP IT UP KEEP IT KEEP IT UP KEEP IT UP KEEP IT UP KEEP IT UP KEEP IT UP KEEP IT UP KEEP IT UP KEEP IT KEEP IT UP KEEP IT UP KEEP IT UP KEEP IT UP KEEP IT UP KEEP IT UP KEEP IT UP KEEP IT KEEP IT UP KEEP IT UP KEEP IT UP KEEP IT UP KEEP IT UP KEEP IT UP KEEP IT UP KEEP IT KEEP IT UP KEEP IT UP KEEP IT UP KEEP IT UP KEEP IT UP KEEP IT UP KEEP IT UP KEEP IT KEEP IT UP KEEP IT UP KEEP IT UP KEEP IT UP KEEP IT UP KEEP IT UP KEEP IT UP KEEP IT KEEP IT UP KEEP IT UP KEEP IT UP KEEP IT UP KEEP IT UP KEEP IT UP KEEP IT UP KEEP IT KEEP IT UP KEEP IT UP KEEP IT UP KEEP IT UP KEEP IT UP KEEP IT UP KEEP IT UP KEEP IT 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I am throwing my Support behind this literary Pillar's Absurdity.
That was fantastic. Feed me more.
6762360 i only upvoted this because i wanted it to be 3-3 not 2-3
Hahah better and better :D
I didnt expect it to go this way, though I am hoping he makes amends with the princesses and others by the end
6769144 No problem, friend!
2083800
My pleasure. Your MC was transformed into something other than a pony--which in itself was intriguing. Mind you, there are lot of folks who try that and get it wrong on so many levels. I'm not a great fan of transformation stories, but if they're done properly, they do stand out. Yours is certainly standing out.
More importantly, he had a realistic reaction to the transformation with his initial freakout that quickly changed as he was forced to accept it wasn't a drug-induced hallucination.
Also, his limited viewing of the show didn't make him appear Gary Stu-ish by letting him be an instant expert on the society--instead, he has only a vague recall of the notable figures which adds to the realism. He's initially willing to argue against the magic, but like his attempt to bring himself out of the assumed drugged-state, he's opened himself up to wanting to learn more about it.
Plus, there's his interactions with the other characters, both pony & changelings. Shining's intrigued, and now so is Cadence. Luna's pissed and Twilight's is just as likely thinking he's the One just as he's thinking she is his One I can't wait to see how that all plays out.
And finally, he knows his life is in real danger and is actively trying to escape from the life-threatening situation as best as he can without taking the route of an insane psychopathic ape-shit moron--he's really been using his brains to attempt to escape and evade capture and learn more about the players and the rules of the game before making a decision on where to go next.
There are always a few spelling/grammar problems, but you've been doing fairly well with you editing--better than most folks.
Please keep up the good work. Looking forward to more
I WHOLE HEARTEDLY APPROVE OF SKIPPER X SUPPORT!!!
Also, please let the next chapter be soon.
6771064
I don't know if you are going to keep reading to the end, but this is a skewed version of Equestria. Hence the alternate universe tag.
6771109
I know, the shock value is amazing in this one.
6771127
If you think the ponies are bad, wait till you see the changelings in my story. I am about to stretch the dark tag to it's absolute limit.
Nice of you to finally getting around to listing off the crimes they actually committed.
Like, you know, they should have IN THE TRIAL.
6771155
Final verdict?
6771160 "Dark" is not a license for "suck." Or, for that matter, "Everything sucks and they all died pointlessly, the end."
Your story went, no, calling it grimdark would imply some sort of tension or suspense or build-up. More like 'pointless awful.' It's not grimdark, it's the literary equivalent of having someone in a clown costume run up and hit you in the face with a dead baby. You've given the reader a nice horrid shock, but it's not a story, it's just random nonsense.
Here's your protagonist! He's mutated! He's Maimed! He's in prison awaiting a death sentence! Wait, why? No freaking reason! Wait, here's Celestia and the Mane Six! Yay, court scene, this means plot exposition at last! FZZZZT, they just incinerated a bunch of sapient beings in a kangaroo court setting-- there's going to be absolutely NO explanation why!
Forget OOC--- No character's behavior has made any sense, in any context. They bounce from mood to mood like a rookie stage performer reading emotional cues off a script that got its pages shuffled. The protagonist doesn't even react realistically to his situation, talking like a systems analyst when he should be going out of his freaking mind with panic, bewilderment and confusion. It's supposed to be shock, denial, bargaining, anger, depression, acceptance-- in that order-- not "stop between Ben Stein lectures, spin the wheel and pick."
For a final fillip of awful you come hurtling out of the shadows in your clown suit again to deliver a grotesque sex joke to the reader's face. Hi, I'm Luna, I'm on a death-rampage to find and slaughter someone--- let's stop and take a few minutes to make some jolly sex jokes with the doctor! (and make some lewd propositions too-- Because as we all know, everybody was a free-love slutmonkey a thousand years ago.) Let's inject the female character with aphrodisiacs for an extra giggle.... because it's not like the whole section will now read like a script reading from a bad porno-- but hey, at least we got her on her back with her legs spread! That'll fix this godawful dog's breakfast!
Oh yeah, the Doctor. Okay, let's have the doctor do some plot exposition that he COULD and SHOULD have done the first time he appeared...
Sweet merciful crap.
This isn't a story, it's not even a bad rough draft. It's a barely collated collection of half-sketched out ideas. It needs run through the "re-do" machine four or five more times. Your protagonist needs to respond emotionally like an actual human being would in his situation-- and not just for a few seconds at a time. For example, a normal human being would be shrieking in horror and going into comatose shock after witnessing a brutal execution right in front of them. Not blithely giving a thesis dissertation on his diet in the next moment.
The rest of the cast is wildly OOC and suffering from demented mood swings as well--- chomp a ritalin and make their behavior and emotions consistent. The Pinkie Pie sense is NOT a Deus Ex Machina for Pinkie Pie to plot-dump on the cast.... even she has stated in canon that it's only good for predicting simple things a short way off-- like a stranger arriving or a falling flower pot. Rein it in or chop it out entirely. And for Christ's sake, read up on some court proceedings.... even kangaroo courts tell the convicted exactly what they've been found guilty of.
6771971
I see, interesting.
Well, thanks for the input. I was wondering when someone was going to point what's amiss. I'll continue this while trying to figure out how to hit the clown with something other than a dead baby.
6772019 I'm sorry. I have been really stressed and cranky lately.
Yes, even by my standards. You in the back, shuddup.
And I've let it make me rather bilious. Please try to take the advice and ignore the rancour.
6772553
Don't sweat it, I expected some harsh criticism the first time it got featured. What I did not expect is for it to reach 500 likes.
Besides, I got noticed by one of my favorite authors. That's good enough for me.
ABSOLUTELY LOVED IT
It is really good and interesting story. Never thought that you could make an escape by lecture people to sleep (that is a new level of escape art).
Luckily, you have yet to hit my low.
6770473 shall I keep track of this ship?
6788533 YEAS! WE NEED MORE FOLLOWERS FOR THIS SHIP!
I want to like this story. It's a good story. However, I have no idea what's going on. The plot is all over the place, not sticking to any particular direction. The premise is good, the characters are good, the writing is good, and there are a lot of great moments, but the incoherent plot is forcing me to pass this one up, sadly.
6762360
If I scroll fast enough it does the car rim thing and looks like it's moving slowly.
This is a great story, have a quite a few laughs! ! Keep it up! !