This was very good. Superb character development as our main character forces himself to try something he normally would never do for bits, and is forced to deal with the reality that he liked it, and that he probably just ruined his ass.
However, I think the ending was too abrupt. Even if the two stallions decided not to talk much after that, his partner still would have cleaned up, maybe stood around awkwardly for a bit after mumbling his thanks, and finally dropped the bits on his dresser and left. The entire thing was over in about 4 paragraphs. I really think something else would happen for the first time you have gay sex with some random dude.
4974708 You're not wrong. Part of that was intentional, as the ending was supposed to mirror the dazed and disjointed mind of the protagonist, but I can safely say I kinda pooched that.
A fun, interesting take on the usual clop story. I like the conflict of internal emotions and that even afterwards he's still very unsure about it. The whole awkwardness thing was both realistic, and super adorable. I can't wait to see more!
Holy shit, that was better than what I expected. Great grammar, couldn't find any errors whatsoever! The act itself was sensual and awesomely described, great job
Sweet Luna that was HOT. I have to echo a number of the other comments: The internal conflict Dust had throughout was excellent, as was the sense that you built of him realizing that he was enjoying it. I do agree with Cloud Hop - given how shy and (in a way) affectionate Winger seemed, I sort of expected him to take a bit longer to leave. But as you already mentioned your intent on how you ended it? I give this a 9.5/10 - would clop to again. *blush*
Hmm. Definetly interesting. Sure wanna see another, but this time experienced and dominating customer-stallion.
EXCELLENT.
i feel dirty..... and i dont care but good so far keep it up
I think this story is pretty good i want more.
This was very good. Superb character development as our main character forces himself to try something he normally would never do for bits, and is forced to deal with the reality that he liked it, and that he probably just ruined his ass.
However, I think the ending was too abrupt. Even if the two stallions decided not to talk much after that, his partner still would have cleaned up, maybe stood around awkwardly for a bit after mumbling his thanks, and finally dropped the bits on his dresser and left. The entire thing was over in about 4 paragraphs. I really think something else would happen for the first time you have gay sex with some random dude.
Can you say mental issues inbound?
4974708
You're not wrong. Part of that was intentional, as the ending was supposed to mirror the dazed and disjointed mind of the protagonist, but I can safely say I kinda pooched that.
Hmm, I love this. I need next a mare who comes in a maid outfit wanted to be dominated and be his "Sex Slave for a night"
A fun, interesting take on the usual clop story. I like the conflict of internal emotions and that even afterwards he's still very unsure about it. The whole awkwardness thing was both realistic, and super adorable. I can't wait to see more!
Holy shit, that was better than what I expected. Great grammar, couldn't find any errors whatsoever!
The act itself was sensual and awesomely described, great job
Holy...
Sweet Luna that was HOT. I have to echo a number of the other comments: The internal conflict Dust had throughout was excellent, as was the sense that you built of him realizing that he was enjoying it. I do agree with Cloud Hop - given how shy and (in a way) affectionate Winger seemed, I sort of expected him to take a bit longer to leave. But as you already mentioned your intent on how you ended it? I give this a 9.5/10 - would clop to again. *blush*
Who is this "Harmony"-person/deity they keep mentioning? Is it a reference to the elements of harmony, and their bearers?
Lube! Sweet baby Luna use lube!
Ion know mang