Soarin's Folly

by a human

Chapter 4

Ditzy looked around the restaurant, trying not to squint. She wished she could just wear her glasses, but that would break her cover.

Honestly, she wasn't completely sure she wanted to be here. Going on a date with him of all people seemed absurd. But maybe he wouldn't be so bad in this universe…

"Hello," Soarin said, hastily taking a seat. "Have you been waiting long?"

"No," Ditzy lied. "Hypothetically, though, if I was, could you tell me what kept you?"

"I was busy choosing a tie."

His chest was bare. Ditzy raised an eyebrow.

"…I chose not to wear one."

A waiter came by, and Soarin ordered his food. Ditzy leaned back, watching the spectacle.

"So, how did you get seats in a place like this so quickly?" she said. "I've heard it takes months to get reservations here."

"Being a worldwide celebrity has its advantages," he replied, smiling.

Ditzy was unfazed. "Even though you're publicly straight?"

Soarin looked confused. "What? I am not."

"Well, you did ask me out. In public."

"I had a hunch about you," Soarin said. "And if you weren't straight, I was going to play it as a joke. You know what they say. Gay ponies do more straight things that straight ponies, they kid around so much."

"Right," Ditzy said, cringing. "But honestly. You can't be too far in the closet if you're dining with me at a place like this."

"Oh, I told the staff you were my cousin."

Ditzy stared at him. "You know, I'm a bit insulted by that."

"Why?"

"Because if this evening works in your favor at all, then not only will the staff think you are straight, they will think you are incestuous and straight," she said. "I don't think the straight rights movement could take a blow like that."

Soarin blinked. "Straight rights movement?"

"What? You never heard of it?" She paused. "It does exist here, right?"

"What?"

Ditzy looked a bit embarrassed. "I came from… another country. Far away. Things were a bit different there."

"Oh," Soarin said. He smiled. "Well, that explains it, then. I can't imagine anything like that existing here! Celestia would shoot that down in an instant, and not metaphorically. You know, the Elements of Harmony…"

"…are a third straight," Ditzy continued, taking a sip from her water. "What? You never knew?"

Soarin lurched, then started laughing. "What? Don't be ridiculous. Who would…"

"Rarity and Twilight," Ditzy said. "And let's just say Rarity is… ultra heterosexual. I've seen it with my own eyes. The tabloids frequently have to tone her antics down, because they are extremely obscene and more ridiculous."

Soarin laughed. "Okay, Rarity I can believe, but Twilight?" he said. "Everyone knows she adores Celestia, almost obsessively. She'll do anything to impress her!"

"Anybody would do anything to impress Celestia, especially if they knew she was watching them constantly," Ditzy said. "You don't know if she's really happy where she is. For all you know, Celestia's just using her as a political tool."

Soarin hit the table. "What!? That's uncalled for!"

Behind him, someone cleared their throat. Soarin turned to his side and the waiter deposited their food on the table. Ditzy wasn't sure quite how long he had been listening, but it must have been a while, because she could have sworn she saw spit in her premium roasted medium rare hay.

"Mind trading plates?" she asked.

Soarin sighed, pushing away his sandwich. "Mine also has spit in it."

"Oh." She had been looking forward to finding out what "medium rare hay" actually was. She reached into it and almost took a bite. Almost.

"Where do you get these ideas, anyway?" Soarin said. "I've never heard anyone so open about criticizing Celestia."

Ditzy tried giving him a look, to change the subject, but it didn't work. "I suppose I enjoyed a lot of freedom back home," she said. "I miss it. And it's not like I have much to lose over here."

"Where did you live? What happened?"

Ditzy looked flustered. "Well, you see… it's a bit complicated…"

"I have time."

At that, a large, burly stallion grabbed Soarin by the shoulder. "You're late," he said.

Soarin turned around. "What?"

"You're late," he repeated. "For your hearing." He looked at Soarin's plate. "And I see your sandwich eating habits are inconsistent as ever, you sick bastard."

"What?"

"This doesn't look good for your verdict," the stallion said, and then started dragging Soarin off. "Come with me."

"Wait, what!? What did I—!? Ditzy! Help me!"

Ditzy sighed, and got up. "What can I say?" she said. "It's been a terrible evening, and now I find out you're criminal here. Tell me if I'm surprised. Good luck dealing with whatever this verdict nonsense is." She turned around and walked off, attempting to shove away the waiter, who was trying to bill her for her spat upon food.

"No! Ditzy! Wait! This isn't—! I didn't do anything! Ditzy!"

Comments

[Spyrogyra]

Great story, but you eather forgot to say the other two of the Maine six that are not strait, or ment only two thirds, other then that, great story.