Twilight sighed, exhausted from the outcome of the day, the black patches under her eyes more pronounced as she laid her head on her psychological fictional book. She has read it many times to help her as she wandered the town of Ponyville trying to find the pony who started the rumor of her being a doctor, and even though her insanity proved many times to be not so helpful in stressful situations, she still maintained her righteous position that she was absolutely right and everypony else was not right. Very not right, much like Caramel.
Lifting the chamomile tea to her lips with her magic, Twilight sipped it loudly, to calm her nerves at the end of the day. It went down smoothly, the tea working its effects as the unicorn could feel herself become calmer, the remainder of the crazy part of here silently telling her that the beverage tasted slightly of green and purple.
Sighing once again, though in relief, she went back to her book, before a voice interrupted her. “You okay there, Twi?” Spike asked from the ladder, placing the scattered back in their place.
“For the time being,” Twilight said, her eyes still glued to the page. “You just wouldn’t believe the morning I had. I’m trying not to think about it, but it always come back to me,”
“Must’ve been embarassing if it’s eating you up,” Spike commented as he remembered his own confusing morning with Garble. For some reason, everytime he thought of ‘what if’ scenarios to explain it, they all ended with smoke everywhere and everypony with bloodshot eyes. Why would he start a fire in the library, the young drake questioned himself.
“It was, trust me. Literally everything that could’ve gone wrong went wrong, and everything that did go wrong turned even worse,” She hid her face with her hooves, her cheeks warming up brightly as her mind relived the instances. “Like when I asked Rainbow and Pinkie if they were the ones who caused this… calmly-”
“I KNOW WHAT YOU TWO DID!”
“IT WAS ME, I was the one who called Mrs. Cake fat when she wasn’t looking!”
“That was my sample, not Thunderlane’s! Please don’t kill me.”
“-and then there was the incident with the Apple family-”
“Git outta here, ya dang crazy, no-good, gibberish spouting, savage!
“Applejack, it’s me.”
“Ah know, that’s why Ah’m sayin’ it.”
“- And not to mention poor Rarity -”
“Twilight, um… what happened to Rarity?”
“I don’t know, Sweetie Belle. She fainted as soon as she saw me, screaming ‘Oh, the equinity’.”
“- I don’t think they’ll ever forgive me,” Twilight stared at the book on her lap, her inner thoughts at conflict. “All this trouble, and for what? Just so I could find that lousy Keyser Pone.”
“Who?”
“I mean the culprit. Gah, this stupid book,” Twilight breathed in deeply, drowning the pain in her mind as she took another sip of her bowl- gosh darn it, tea.
Stepping out of the ladder, Spike made his way to Twilight’s side. “Twilight, how about you go upstairs and get some rest while I clean up the library?”
Twilight smiled for the first time in a while. “Thanks, Spike. I don’t know what I would do without you.” she stood up, ready to head to the blissful heaven that was her bed. ”I’ll schedule a meeting with Princess Celestia tomorrow so we can clear this whole mess up.” she neared the stairs. “For now, I think I’ll just sleep through the day and hope that nothing comes running through the door-”
The door slammed open, as the uncorn’s eyes. “Excuse me, are you Miss Twilight Sparkle?” a voice shyly inquired from the entrance, saddlebags strapped to her sides.
I wish I wasn’t. She felt her insanity slip. “What it is now?”
Twilight turned to the door, an angry white mare filling her view. “My name is Nurse Redheart, and I am here to cease all medical practices happening at this moment.”
Twilight stood there awkwardly, not sure of what to do or say. ”... I was gonna get some rest.”
“Is it for medical purposes?”
“Well, I am sort of stressed-”
“Then you may not,” Redheart commanded with assertiveness.
Annoying assertiveness, Twilight had to add. “Can you please tell me your problem fast so I can end my day?”
“Yes, we have a problem.” Redheart began to close the gap between themselves. “We have had multiple patients of ours stop coming to the hospital for their respective treatments and therapy. When we asked them why they did, they told us that a lavender mare and her little lizard thing-”
“They called me what?” Spike blared out in outrage.
“- cured them of their illness, as one of them quoted, ‘10 seconds flat’.” the white mare ignored the lizard’s interruption. “So we decided to investigate on how you were able to treat the patients in mere seconds when other trained professionals took weeks to do so, and we found something, something that alarmed us and the system,” Redheart came face-to-face with the unicorn’s snout.
“You’re not a licensed doctor.”
Twilight blinked at this… revelation. “No, I… guess I’m not,”
Redheart pulled back in shock. “You even admit it?!”
“Well, yeah, I’m not even an actual doctor. I constantly tell the ponies that come by that specifically so there wouldn’t be any confusion.”
“And yet, you still treated them like normal patients,” Redheart raised a suspicious brow.
Twilight shook her head furiously. “No, I didn’t.”
“Oh yeah,” she grabbed a clipboard from her saddlebags. “How about when a mister Caramel came by with an inconspicuous rash on his left flank?”
“I know I didn’t do anything to him, he simply took my band-aids and ran off. Isn’t that more illegal than a misundertanding?”
“What about a mister Thunderlane who went in for a urine sample exam?”
Twilight shuddered at the memory with a look of dread. “Don’t remind me…” Why do I have the sudden feeling of déja-vu?
Placing the clipboard back on her bags, Redheart faced the unicorn. “By violating the rules of the system, I, and the rest of Ponyville Hospital, demand you stop everything you are doing involving the medical field until the system deems it no longer infringing on the rights of the hospital staff. If you continue to do so, then we shall have to arrest you and your peers.”
Twilight hung her head. How did it ever get to imprisonment? “Alright, I’ll concede. I won’t step another hoof on this field.” Twilight said begrudgindly, before a thought came to her. “Wait, you’ll arrest me? Isn’t that the Royal Guards’ job? In fact, why aren’t they here with you?”
Redheart opened her mouth to respond, but nothing came out. She did for a good minute before focusing back on the duo. “The system does not need to explain itself. Now good day.” Redheart spun around, trotting out of the unlicensed hospital.
As the pair watched the nurse exit the library, Spike turned to Twilight. “What’re we gonna do now, Twi?”
“What we do every day, Spike,” Twilight let a breath escape her lips. “Blame Discord.”
Wow, I edited this 5 times since it was published.
"Hey why am I depicted as a slave?" said
"Silence, you useless piece of dung! You are an inferior speices, your existance is useless to Equestria, you will be exterminated" said Celestidarlek
5567915 Achievement unlocked in that case. Congrats!
Also, yay for not letting Twi explain herself. Or better said, let her explain but actually not paying it any mind. Well played, Redheart
5567957 "My life is meaningless..."
"Spike, don't say that. You're very important to me and the re-"
*Dragon attacks*
"AH, help me you useless piece of s***!"
A little too obvious...
That last question was just :D
img1.derpicdn.net/img/view/2012/7/12/41901__safe_twilight+sparkle_pinkie+pie_parody_pinky+and+the+brain_artist-colon-catwings30.png
5567986 It's to compensate the not-so-obviousness of the other references.
new synonym for Dragon : Lizard thing
that would make Discord a Lizardthingonequus
the funny thing is how Nurse Redheart left
i would immagine her leaving the Unlicensed Hospital like this :
i.imgur.com/tZOS8.gif
The system does not need to explain itself.
anyway good chapter
Silly ponies.
Twilight is a magical prodigy who lives in a tree, not a medical prodigy who lives in a clinic! Therefore, she is obviously the town baker! Everybody who visits gets free cookies!
No, Pinkie... Just, no. For one thing, I don't even cook all that often...
Because she can't.
Be that as it may, I am a librarian. Not a baker. Not a doctor. A librarian.
Actually, Twilight, I'm the registered librarian. You're an agent of the crown and a legally registered magical pony of mass destruction.
Since when!?
Since you hatched Spike, if you must know.
even when trying to avoid the system, she is still being screwed by the system.
5568204 Why am I bringing this full circle?
5567957 5567975
Yeah, Spike isn't worthless! He's an important part of the Princess Twilight Sparkle Crystal Friendship Castle Playset™ !
5568400 And it comes with its own dooby. *Warning: dooby sold separatly.
i.gyazo.com/e44f8aed1ea5dbe2344852ae12cdda8d.png
mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/rsz/mlfw10650_small.jpg
5568484
5568484
That was a thing of beauty.
5568484 Oh wait, I forgot. Language please (Rated E)
5568657
5568658
mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/rsz/mlfw1455_small.jpg
i.gyazo.com/aac065351c920f3a8be57c526cfb0142.png
Damnit I hate vectors.
5568664 Oh, didn't see, sorry!
You missed a line break [hr].
5568802 Fixed.
5568686 I'd advice you to censor the captions.
i guess Twilight practicing medicine without a license was going to catch up to her sooner or later, even if it wasn't intentional.
5568204 Pretty much everything you said is what I have always believed.
I love it when things are blamed on Discord, because A) 90% of the time he's at fault, and B) the other 10% of the time he sees being blamed as an opportunity to make things worse.
5569086 Shhhh!
5569101 What, are you worried I will say his name 3 times in a mirror?
5569106 SHHHHHH!!!1111!!!
5569110 Alright, Alright, I'm cool, I'm not going to get his att-DISCORD DISCORD DISCORD
5569115 You b****, what have you done?
5569126 Done Sh&t the bed, I have.
5568250
If I recall correctly, I wrote a sample in the comments about Red Heart a while ago. You know what? I think I like yours better. Kudos, sir, kudos.
5569132 Really? You like mine better?
5569142
Well, yeah. Considering that the final and penultimate punchline relied on a teamfourstar clip I included and the fact that I FORGOT RED HEART WAS NOT A UNICORN, I believe yours was the superior comedic venture.
5569159 Well, my Redheart's final line was a Rainbow Dash presents reference.
Still, this brings my self-esteem to cocky levels. Thank you, my dear dude.
5569169
Glad I could be of service. In case you're interested, I searched for my post. It's close to the top under your first chapter. Specifically, the 35th comment. Maybe you'll get a chuckle or two out of it. I can't wait for the next installment!
EDIT: Of this story. I meant to indicate my excitement at the prospect of a new chapter. I didn't mean to insinuate I would continue the post or continue writing things of that fashion. That would probably come off as annoying and leeching attention off of your story. Rest assured I would never do something like that.
Pinkie and the Brain reference! I love it!
5569715
5570375
5570527
Do you guys even language please?
5569230 Next one might be the last though (And longest)
Isn't friendship wonderful?
Also, given what I can only describe as Redheart's staggering incompetence, I'm beginning to suspect this is actually a changeling plot. I look forward to more.
5571408 Shhh...
5571301 Rape & Molestation are considered swear words now?
5571845 Not really E rated.
Have you ever considered submitting this story to Equestria Daily? You can find out how to do so here.
5424091 What is Pantero?
I think you mean "peers"
5574821 Thanks.
5573218 Maybe. Once I finish and edit it for any mistakes left, I will consider submitting.