I was just lying there, looking up at the blue sky. Never in my life had I seen such a colorful sky, except in anime and other shows on TV. Though this one reminded me mostly of the sky from My Little Pony, however I could not be sure, unless I got up. I started by looking upwards, to see what was above me, and I was now staring at a forest, which also looked familiar, again from MLP.
“Damn, what the hell happened?” I asked myself. As I got up, looking around, I saw a small village, this was the final nail in the coffin, I was now certain because it was looking so much like MLP that it had to be it. The first thing I noticed was the building just ahead, which looked very familiar, it was the Sugarcube Corner, or to be more exact, the roof of the place. I kept looking around and located Twilights Library Tree house thingy, or what was left of it.
“Oh my god, I can’t believe it, I'm in Equestria, I have to be, everything looks as in the show, I can see Sugarcube corner, Twilight’s tree, the town hall, I can even see Canterlot in the distance” I almost shouted to myself, in excitement. I then heard a timid voice behind me.
“I-is anyone there?”
I instantly looked behind me, and of course I saw Fluttershy, who else could it be?
“…is, I mean it does not look like an animal we have seen before, and none of my books have any info on it” I heard twilight say, as I slowly woke up again. I must have passed out, I thought to myself, maybe the realization I was in Equestria was too much for my brain?
“Shh, it looks like it's waking up” I heard what sounded like Rarity, but I was not sure, until I opened up my eyes, and saw the mane six standing around me, keeping their distance.
“Where am I?” I asked, looking around, I knew where I was, since it looked very much like the inside of Fluttershy’s Cottage, but needed confirmation.
“Hello, you are in Equestria, Ponyville to be exact” Twilight said, looking at me, with a mixture of interest, and confusion.
“Okay, good to know, so I was correct in my assumption” I said, rubbing my head, since I had gotten a headache, that’s when I noticed something was wrong. On my left arm was no longer my PDA, but instead something looking like a wrist worn Computer from one of the call of duty games, but this one had a full QWERTY keyboard underneath it, wrapping around my arm looking like it was a clear wrapper, with black keys on it. I started to examine it, looking around on it, to find out what it was, all sides where a simple mat black finish, with no I/O ports to see, no connectors of any kind, no way for it to be attached either. The screen had a dim glow and only stated “LUA():” looking like a lua interface to test commands with, I decided to leave it be for the time being, and focusing on the ponies around me.
“Okay, I think an introduction is in order” I looked around on each of them “my Name is Johnny, I'm a human from another world, or maybe just another planet, I'm not sure” I said, as calmly as I could.
“Hello Johnny, my name is Twilight Sparkle” Twilight said, pointing at herself, with her hoof.
“Howdy, names Applejack” applejack spoke up, tilting her hat.
“Hello, my name is Rarity” Rarity said, looking like she took a small bow.
“My name is Rainbow Dash, Fastest flier in Equestria” Rainbow Dash said, hovering slightly above the ground, before landing.
“I'm, Fluttershy…” Fluttershy quietly said.
“HI!” Pinkie pie shouted in my ear, or at least it sounded that way, she was still standing a good meter or so away. “My name is Pinkie Pie” she then said, in a more quiet voice, but still very loud.
“Okay, now that the introduction is out of the way, how should we start this?” I asked them, looking around. “More specifically, why are you all so far away? Are you scared of me?” I asked.
“Well, not scared per se” Rarity spoke up. “It's just, we have never seen anything like you before, and did not know if you were friendly or hostile”
“Good point, I would most likely have done the same if I were in your shoes” I said.
“Shoes? You mean like horse shoes?” Twilight asked. Of course, they don’t know of me, so how should they know of my clothes.
“Right, forgot, not the same species” I said, before getting cut off by Rarity.
“Are shoes, like the things on your hind legs? Like we have horse shoes?” she asked.
“Exactly, though they are not hind legs, they are just my legs, like these” I moved my arms around “Are my arms, and at the end of them, are my hands” I said, flexing my fingers.
“Interesting, would you mind if I take notes?” Twilight said, seeming very fascinated by my appendages.
“don’t mind at all, as long as you are okay with answering a few questions after I'm done explaining how I work, or most of it” I replied, since I already knew most of them, I only wanted to confirm a few things, to find out where in the storyline I was at, and if this was even following the story at all. Twilight’s horn started to glow, until there was a small flash of light, and she was now hovering a piece of paper, and a pen in her magic. Already noting down what I had said so far.
After about an hour of talking back and forth, we each all learned something, and they had many questions, like why I was looking like I did, how my world or planet was, what my species fashion was like, and a few more. I in the meantime learned that this was just after the season 3 finale, I also learned that Twilight had already sent a message to Celestia, who were on her way to see what I was, and possibly figure out what my intentions where.
“So, I have been meaning to ask you for a short while now” Twilight said, looking very interested in my arm. ”What is that thing on your arm?”
“I don’t know, before I arrived here, it was my PDA” I said, looking at her.
“PDA? She asked, seeming a bit confused.
“Right, forgot your technology level might not be the same as my world, it's a Personal Data Assistant, it helps organize my work, keep track on my calendar, notes, even had some games if I was bored”
“OH, like Tennis? Or basketball?” Pinkie asked.
“Not quite, only smaller games, not quite that scale, since it was limited to the screen space, which was about half the size of this thing” I pointed at the computer on my arm. “But I have no clue what this is, so for the time being, I'm going to leave it alone, until I'm in a safe place to interact with it”
“I have a place you can use, I use it to test out spells, and it's very safe too since it's a pocket dimension” Twilight said, with a glint in her eyes.
“I would like that, but let’s wait until your ruler gets here, and decides what to do” and as if waiting outside the door for someone to talk about her, she knocked on the front door.
“Come on in” Fluttershy said, with a low voice, and in entered Celestia, and 4 guards.
Then get one.
If you wrote a program that is too broken and buggy to run, would you want to distribute it? Of course not. So why would you publish a story of English prose that is filled with spelling and grammar errors?
The story is great and the concept seems interesting I hope you continue with this fanfic I'm exited to read more
5291594 thank you for the link, editor, will likely be found within a few weeks, maybe even days.
5291634 the plan is to keep it going as long as i possibly can, maybe doing some logic breaking, to keep it going at some point, but so far, im still a good 10 chapters away from being even remotely close to a point, i consider the end, or a breaking point in the story, so dont worry, it will continue for a LONG time.
I like the concept, too. It reminds me of 'Hack 'n Slash'.
There, too you had to hack the world using lua.
Anyway, in regards to your writing style, I would recommend to pace it a little slower.
It seems very rushed.
Also I would try focussing more at one character at a time and not to try to squeeze them all in even if only indirect (f.i. The fashion question).
All in all I like the concept. It could certainly become a pretty interesting story, though I don't really know what to make of the fact that he already knows everything about MLP. The implications could - and surely will - get quite bothersome.
hey... i know that scripting anywhere... thats lua, is it not?
is it like gmod
Don't think I've ever heard Twilight ask to take notes.
5291883 i will try to keep that in mind, as i continue along the story.
5291885 that it is.
5291892 by no editor, i mean its just as i write it, not read before hand, to find possible spelling errors or gramatical errors. also im sorry for you not seeing it as a story, but it will hopefully get better over time.
5292518 not quite, but gmod weapons and other things, are also made in LUA. so in a way it's similar, but not quite.
5294000 thats because everyone(as far as i have read) see Twilight as a mare who does not ask to take notes, but i prefer to make her this way, also due to how i want her to be in the story, a little more "may i" instead of just "im going to", and i have not seen her like this in many stories, i think i saw one, where she was like this, and i loved it.
I would have used pocket dimension
5347131 wow, why did i not think of that, thanks.
5415228 true, and if i dont have an editor in the end of january, i will just publish them, unedited. and people will have to live with the spelling errors.
Honest review of this; the first chapter was really well paced but need some touch ups, second chapter seemed to progressed WAAAAYYYYYYYYY to fast to be realistic. These are just a few quirks I found with it, but its a start. Keep goin' mate.