This story is a sequel to The Trotting Dead
Everpony is searching for someone.
Maud wants to go find Igneous and Cloudy.
And Pinkie goes to try and help.
So she leaves Cheese in charge of her foals, and sets out to the Rock Farm to find them.
She doesn't like what she finds.
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The end scene reminds me of 400 days when the ranger/whatever lady tries to convince the small group to join Carver...(he hit Clem, I still want to revive and then kill him..)
>Ecocat<
I cant cry right now..... no, no crying.......
WHY DID MAUD HAVE TO DIE WHY!
4947997 I actually didn't realize that until you brought it up...
PS, Wish I could've killed Carver myself.
No. Bad author. Maud no die. U sooo mean
5074855 ...
Sorry?
5075365 Lol just randomly rage quitting as normal xD Everythings fine! Awesome story make ten more sequels!......................................................................Seriously though. Sequels.Please.Im begging you.
Been done much better. I'm STILL left with basically no context (as in, no reason to give a damn about any of the characters), and everyhing plays out sorta like a list of actions.
How did Maud die
5223231
I think she got crushed in the boulders.... Oh the irony xD
One note of constructive criticism here is that you really should be more cognizant of character's choice of wording. Most of the dialog you have sounds like it's coming from the same person and not the characters in question. Specifically some of Pinkie's wording seems a little too out of character for me to read it as Pinkie Pie. Honestly this turned into a much longer note than I thought it would and the following is simply my review of one the conversation you had between Pinkie and Maud. I mean no offense here, just trying to pass along another perspective. Take it as you will.
(This is fine but it could be changed up to allow for more exposition.)
This doesn't sound like something Pinkie would say, rather I imagine Twilight using such wording. Try perhaps "I...I want to know too Maud, but we've been here for weeks. If there's any hope they are still... well... we should just hope they are still taking care of themselves. But why bring this up now?"
This phrase seems a little off as when I try to read it with Maud's slow paced voice from the show it just doesn't seem like something she'd say either. Something along the lines of, "I don't know, I can't say I believe they're alright, but I have to know. I should have been there with them but I came to find you."
One thing of note: If Maud left to find Pinkie I feel as if this would be one of the things she would have immediately told her so putting this bit of information off until later for another character to mention just seems a bit like wasted exposition. Maud could have told Pinkie that their family was alive last time she saw them and went out to find her at some other point.
I see no reason for this statement, in truth it would have actually been beneficial to have her mane have hair falling out as Maud is more of a direct character who I wouldn't perceive to embellish things, but again, I see no reason for keeping it in. The statement "I... I think my hair is falling out." Seems out of Maud's character. Personally I view Maud as a pony that wouldn't care for her hair falling out.
I get what you are saying here but I feel as if you can express this through proper dialog without writing it in the narrative.
Maud!