There's no conflict. The protagonist doesn't miss home, or friends and family, or his culture. There's no cultural shocks, no noted cultural variation between his specie and that of the Equestrian ponies. Then there's no explanation given for why they speak the same language. If they speak the same language, there needs to be some deus ex machina to explain it. There's no internal struggle of conscience or morals or both. He doesn't have any qualms about shagging ponies, kissing them or giving them hornjobs and the like. He has no antagonists. He doesn't overcome a problem and grow as a character. Or fail to overcome a problem. There's no tension whatsoever. Everything goes the protagonist's way and reads like a poorly written self-insert wish-fulfillment clop fantasy. There's potential here, but it's going to need an editor and lots of "spit 'n polish" to really improve this story.
im enjoiying it alot. please continue good sir
It was almost clop category and Molestia at the end....
Duuuude, continue as soon as possible!
There's no conflict. The protagonist doesn't miss home, or friends and family, or his culture. There's no cultural shocks, no noted cultural variation between his specie and that of the Equestrian ponies. Then there's no explanation given for why they speak the same language. If they speak the same language, there needs to be some deus ex machina to explain it. There's no internal struggle of conscience or morals or both. He doesn't have any qualms about shagging ponies, kissing them or giving them hornjobs and the like. He has no antagonists. He doesn't overcome a problem and grow as a character. Or fail to overcome a problem. There's no tension whatsoever. Everything goes the protagonist's way and reads like a poorly written self-insert wish-fulfillment clop fantasy.
There's potential here, but it's going to need an editor and lots of "spit 'n polish" to really improve this story.
648636 MOLESTIAS Maine in pink
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