The story of Stable #50 and the stallion who found it after it was lost.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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It's very... choppy for lack of a better word. You really need to work on how smoothly the story flows because right now it feels like I'm driving down an old pothole filled dirt road. It makes it very confusing even for the most intelligent.
It's a very interesting idea. Maybe you should try some non fanfiction. I think that would be neat.