For years, Ponyville has wondered why the Everfree forest is the way it is. Why does everything there want to eat you or kill you as a means of recreation? It'd be nice to, for once, not worry about the town being destroyed by a giant, luminescent, bear-thing that Celestia seems too lazy to do anything about. What if there was some way to...NORMALIZE it or something?
Daring Do wondered the same thing. In fact, if she could discover the fabled center of the Everfree and do something to neutralize it, she'd finally do something big to live up to her parents name! Just think, "We can take walks into the Everfree because of Daring Do!" So she set out to find this so-called center. She would bring back proof of how she did it. The fabled artifact that generated the chaos that was clearly evident in the Everfree. She'd bring it back and finally have enough money to buy a home with some decent SECURITY measures. Yep. It was a simple plan by her standards. There's only one problem though.
Where's the relic? And what's this weird lookin' THING in the center?
Authors Note:
Bruh'....front page?! Schweet! Thanks guys!
This is very interesting, but it feels rushed.
6000419 I didn't feel it but wutevs
is a nice start, so far no i see no issues against it
6001180 Didn't feel it either...its laid out pretty well
FIRST story!? Holy shit...I'm jealous.
Not much suspense or build-up, and it's very tell-y, especially at the start. It feels like you tried to write most of the story into a single chapter, when it could have been broken up into multiple chapters and given more detail. You could make an entire chapter of the first few paragraphs alone, through at least some of Daring's journey and up to when she reaches the Centre. That extra detail and time spent with her would help invest the reader in the story, instead of being a tiny footnote in a much longer chapter like it is here. You've got a good premise, but you need to slow down a bit and make us care about what's going on.
For a first fic, it's actually pretty good. Very few spelling/grammar/etc problems, other than being a wall of text. Some breaks between paragraphs would make it easier to read, but other than that and the pacing there's not much wrong with it.
The structure is a little bit off, it could be better if you separate the different paragraphs more
so the reader don't just have a wall of text on the page, it discourages to read .
Besides that, your Daring Doo feels more like a Rainbow Dash. I mean all that self narrating and saying how awesome she is is more like Rainbow Dash and in the episode we see her she is more annoyed with Rainbows antics than sharing the same feeling in the situations. You should write her more like an Indiana Jones it is said Daring is normally a loner the whole romance thing feels not like her.
But what if the thing you digging up is what been keeping the “Everfree” in check?
You just doomed everyone
hope you plan to continue this. its good.
You must be kidding, this is your first story? I really can't believe that...
Anyway, I'm enjoying it so far!
please write more soon.
WOW. Seems like someone read my authors notes! Thanks guys! I'll try to correct those paragraphs in a fututre update and take my time. This was a bit rushed seeing as I wrote most of this whille about to pass out from a lack of sleep. But seriously, thanks! You guys are pretty awesome.
This sin't the first story I've ever written, this is just the first one I've ever officially posted on here. So no, I'm definitely no child prodigy. Well, i'm not really a child sooo.....whatever. You get the gist.
6013956
Done and thanks!
6002449
Thanks! I'm literally gonna copy and paste this comment onto my computer. XD
...yay its shorter....
6017445
Eeyup!....That's a good thing right?
6017465
yes because i had a problem about keeping up whit the first chapter *trust me ive read a chapter which was 80K long.......it was like 7 stories in one*
6017478 Oh, wow. lol. Long chapters bad. Got it!
6001485 Thanks dude....dudete.
6002298 Well, it's not the first I've ever written in my whole life. Just the firs..er...SECOND one I've submitted on the internet. :)
6017809
You have no idea how much I love making people laugh. You've made my day good sir!
Great chapter.
6018350 Thanks!
Morticia Addams everypony.
33.media.tumblr.com/fdd4c078b0a23ac96c6cb4c24339ae45/tumblr_nob2pinc651tg6ctfo1_250.gif investorintel.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/addams1.gif
6023570 lol good comparison.
I'm loving it so far :)
6034226 cpt. Falcon "HYES!" Thanks pal! :D
What's up with the formatting?
Most court dates, Disocrd ,
6018051 one would at first think than guarding the gate of greek 'hell' its self would be a grand accomplishment... but I guess like anything no one wants to guard places boiling or freezing with nightmares that are classified as native fauna.
6034313 What'cha mean?
6038676
In chapter 2 you forgot to capitalize Luna's name on multiple occasions.
Looking forward to the next chapter.
6069150 Thanks. I get anxious alot when writing and kinda...throw grammatical structure out the window.
You did good m8, you did good
6170374*Sheds tear* Thanks...that means alot.
6172224 Of course
GOD DANG IT!
6197307 You seem upset good sir.
6197434 the last bit how would celestia otherwise react....
6197454
Hehe...
Man these eponicons are fun!
6197468
like this celestia
(hits box)
6197478
This sounds like a great story. Can't wait to read the rest of it.
6197603 Yes! Someone got it! Thanks!
That doesn't make sense. Shouldn't she start flying BEFORE taking out the machete?
Lovely, simply lovely, though ass should be as and you have a weird thing with a [ near the beginning. It was great.
Do write more, and fast!
6198640 Thanks pal!
Solving problems with hugs.
Cuddlestia confirmed.