• Published 14th Aug 2014
  • 4,504 Views, 130 Comments

The Conversion Bureau: I Am Immune - SouthernCross



He thought he was going to become a pony. He didn't.

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From Humble Beginnings...

A young man gazed at his hands as he contemplated all that had taken place to lead him to where he sat at that time. The shuffling of a doctor as she double checked all the measurements and took notes for the treatment he was about to receive provided a subtle ambiance, as the hooves of a pony clopped on the sterile tiled floor as the creature assisted the doctor, the man's thoughts drifted.

His life had started off so simple. There was nothing outstanding about his family, two parents who occasionally bickered and an older brother, with whom he had bonded and bickered as they grew up together with a decade separating them. His mother was a bookkeeper, a good one too, who took care of the family finances and taxes while his father was a humble mechanic, working first with cars but slowly working his way down to forklifts as his age started getting the better of him. Even his brother never did anything more spectacular then being a warehouse manager for a company specialising in screws.

He was the only one who sought to turn a talent into an ambitious career, as soon as he had finished high school he had put his name down for an animation and media course. The course had been cancelled due to the events that happened soon after.

The young man could still remember the taste of take-away crispy chicken wings he had been eating while watching internet videos, when his Facebook had gone ballistic with posts about the massive quakes and tsunamis that resulted from Equestria's emergence. Western Europe and Eastern America had been devastated by the initial waves and resulting flooding.

Then they had all learned of the Barrier. That massive wall of energy that was slowly spreading out from the pony continent and consuming everything in it's wake.

As little more then a teenager who could only gather information through the internet he had only been able to piece together tiny snippets of information about what was happening. After discarding all the contradicting statements and trace what he could find back to the source material, and discarding anything of questionable origin, he had been able to confirm only a few things.

Firstly, Equestria's appearance was as much a surprise to the average pony as it was to mankind. Even their government was caught off guard by what happened but react fast to deal with the fallout.

Secondly, the consensus was that the Barrier was created by Celestia, the highest ranked leader in Equestria, in an effort to protect the pony nation from outside threats. She had apparently planned to drop the Barrier as soon as she learned that humanity meant them no harm but had maintained it once learning humans where violently allergic to 'magic' native to Equestria.

The last major detail he learned was how the Barrier was growing because of 'magics' nature for reaching out and expanding into anywhere it doesn't already exist. It was holding back the toxic-to-humans magic but apparently even Celestia wasn't able to halt the growth completely.

He had no way of telling how much was true but his sources had at least some kind of proof that the information they were spreading was from the proverbial horse’s mouth. However just getting that information had been an adventure that had lasted almost a year and a half.

Though he did find it amusing that everyone seemed to be reacting differently. The most predictable groups where the Religious Fundamentalists who were declaring it the End Times, but then they always said that about every major event… New US President? End Times! Natural Disaster? End Times! Terrorist Bombing? End Times! Toast lands butter side up? End Times!

Then there was the Pick Up Artists. Predictably they had immediately broken out into speculation on how to best woo a mare, especially one of the Princesses, and arguing over who was Alpha Male enough among them to pull it off. Unfortunately for them they attracted the notice of one Lyra Heartstrings, who, in a string of increasingly hilarious threads, managed to terrify the entire community with her hands fetish. There was also quite a few ponies that accused the PUAs of misogyny, but they were overshadowed by Lyra’s antic.

Feminists had also had a predictable reaction; immediately heralding the coming of the ponies as the nail in the coffin for the Patriarchy. Hilariously the ponies decided to research feminism and subsequently called them out on their violent rhetoric and misandry. Feminists then, predictably, played the victim card and tried to write off the misandry as activism for equality. Naturally the ponies weren’t convinced.

Hilariously it was the Men’s Rights Activists that seemed to not really give a shit. Sure, their boards got a large number of threads speculating on what fate awaited humanity, but for the most part the Collision didn’t even register on the MRM radar since it had nothing to do with their goals. Even more surprising were the reports from Equestria saying the MRM had sprouted up over there… with a primarily female membership. Of course they called it the Stallion’s Rights Movement.

Ironically the SRM was closer to what both Feminism and the MRM had always advertised themselves as then either actually managed to be...

So here he sat stark naked on a utilitarian hospital bed with a mattress that was barely thick enough that was covered by plastic sheets that made so much noise every time he shifted his weight he doubted he could sleep on it. The pony in the room had even joked about his appearance, stating he was hairy enough that the transformation should be shorter then normal.

Small comfort since the young man felt he was practically committing suicide in order to take a form that could survive Earth's consumption.

“James?” the doctor called him politely. His blue eyes turned to her and he noticed she was holding out a glass of faintly glowing liquid, “The potion is ready when you are.” She said kindly.

His breaths came quicker and his chest heaved while his heart began to race. Zero Hour was upon him, the end of his life as a human, a Homo Sapien, was about to end and his new life as a pony was about to begin. The realisation of the finality of that reality hit him only in that moment and he found himself unable to do anything other then stare at the glowing potion while his knuckles turned white from gripping the sheets so hard.

After a few moments the was snapped back to reality by a hoof touching his knee, “Don't worry James, when it's over you and your family can migrate to Equestria.” The pony said soothingly, “You could find a nice new town to settle in, forge your own place in Equestria with your own hooves... maybe find a nice mare and have lots of foals...” She giggled and winked at him, “Considering how your brother turned out I know you are going to make one handsome stallion!”

James smiled faintly at the pony and nodded, “Th... Thanks, Lily Bloom.” Taking a few deep breaths he reached out and took the potion in both hands before raising the glass and commenting, “Here is to a new life.” He then brought the glass to his lips and skulled the contents in one go.

“You know...” the doctor sighed, “You could have sipped it slowly...”

The young man groaned internally for not realising that before he was hit by a blinding pain and a scream bellowed from his throat.

----

Sandy Valet was not a happy woman.

Normally, even given the current state of the world, she was actually really happy and up beat. However today her editor decided she was to do an interview she had been hoping would be assigned to someone, anyone, else for the last week.

So here she was with her camera team rolling up to the entrance of the local Conversion Bureau to interview some of the staff for a segment on the local current affairs show. There where no doubts in her mind that it would just be chopped up into a propaganda piece to get more people to go pony.

She didn't much care about that part, it was her name being on anything pro-pony that upset her. Not that she had any real control once the footage was handed over to the post-team, all she could do was try and phrase her questions in such a way that those she interviewed revealed uncomfortable truths about the Bureaus and that she did so without outright baiting them.

The old, 'Give a liar enough rope' approach.

They passed the checkpoint just outside the Bureau without incident, the security team had known they where coming a month in advance, so they simply pulled up in one of the parking bays near the entrance and started unloading their gear. While the muscle did their job Sandy prepared to do hers, reviewing the questions she was required to ask and preparing a few of her own and committing them to memory.

That all got thrown in the trash heap when the Bureau decided it was a brilliant time to explode.

“YES!!” Sandy cheered in elation, she had been wanting something exciting to report on since she had that weird dream about teenagers using biblical figures to turn into Sentai Heroes.1

With all the speed of a professional camera crew it didn't take long for Sandy to be transmitting a live broadcast back to her station, which in turn was streamed to TV sets, mobile devices and their website in real time. What everyone watching saw first was Sandy's overly excited face, marred slightly from dirt from the explosion, in front of a burning Conversion Bureau.

“This is Sandy Valet reporting to you live from Conversion Bureau NA67 with California News Network. As you can see the Bureau has been destroyed in some kind of explosion. Keep in mind we are the first on the scene so no information is known about who is responsible for...” Sandy stopped herself when one of the camera crew looked past her and started gawking and raised his hand to point at something. Raising an eyebrow Sandy stepped out of the camera's focus and had a look at what was so enthralling.

“Whoa...” was all she could say.

Standing in the ruined entrance was a dazed looking young man, his eyes glowing yellow and potion swirling all around his naked body. As the stunned reporter and film crew, and countless others around the world, watched half the potion be absorbed into his skin while the other half transmuted into a white t-shirt, baggy black pants, sneakers and an unzipped red jacket.

As the glow faded from his eyes the crew caught a glimpse of their natural blue colour before they closed and the young man fell to the ground unconscious.

Author's Note:

1 All my stories are connected in some way. Even if the connection is just a dream...

To clarify a few things; First I don't know jack about American cities or news networks, second I don't care.