That Could Have Ended Better

by ThePhoenixrising

Chapter 1

In the dark cobbled streets of Gilda’s hometown of Hearthstone lay the quiet little tavern of Hydra’s Breath, only dimly lit by street lamp candlelight as the salt coloured moon that illumined the city sky. Gilda was just walking by her local, as she always does, on her way home. It’s just she thought she would have a friend alongside her this time, or at least, passing it without a headache, and a broken heart. Broken heart, really? She thought to herself, that’s rather dweebish, if that’s even a word.

It’s also not quite fun to acknowledge that now when she looks at anything pink, she would get a small imposing headache, unwelcome and only proceeds to make everything worse. She looked up at the night sky, trying to distract herself from what was a horrible day, all but to little avail. Why do they think some ponies could control the sun and moon, the weather is one thing, and it’s true, I witnessed it all first hand, but… She shook her head, just get your mind off of those nerds.

Well, tonight normally would have been a quiet night in Hearthstone, if not for the normally quiet tavern, actually making some joyous noise for once. She shrugged, and decided to take a look inside, maybe have a few drinks she thought to herself. When she sneaked her way inside Hydra’s Breath where she was met by creaking floorboards. There was a fireplace just next to the bar, a homey atmosphere of white stone and wooden panels, all covered with firefly lights. All the while there was a quiet contained fire as she felt that her ears were lovingly serenaded by the strumming of the guitar, the happy flute, and that obnoxious drum, as if she was being hit in the face with it. Not exactly music, but it was home.

Everywhere the griffon looked, there was many colours of her kind, brown, black, grey even midnight blue, all singing, dancing, flirting and drinking with one another, all the while she was trying to get herself to the bar, shifting herself through the crowd. Though along the way there was one grey griffon with greased up fur on the top of his head, purred in his ear and no doubt started flirting with her carelessly and probably crudely, not like she could hear him with the music.

She lightly shoved him aside, and kept walking. Then came another, flowers in his mouth and was grinning sheepishly, wiggling his eye brows up and down. The white and brown griffon just rolled her eyes, almost tempted to shove him away, if not for one detail that she noticed on his forehead.
“Listen, dweeb, why would I go out with you? You got dork written all over your face.” She coolly stepped aside to reveal a mirror on the wall behind her, and lo and behold, to his horror and dismay, there was the dreaded word, right on his forehead!

With that he turned to his friends and whined, looking at his friends like that he was a puppy that was just kicked. “Come on, guys, really? I had her there.” Another griffion, this time crimson said straight back to the Grey, dejected griffion snorting in laughter, wrapping his arm around his friend.

The crimson griffon wiped his tears from his eyes as he kept laughing, but when he finally managed to get some breaths, he said, still having small bits of laughter singing in his words. “Trust me; she would not be a good idea. Girls like her, man, they’ll rough you up bad.” Gilda just rolled her eyes, and kept on walking. The Canterlot accent doesn’t work for him either. She thought to herself, A pale white griffon tried to catch her eye, and Gilda walked on, not interested.

“Listen, I’m not in the mood, dude, so just buzz off!” yelling right in her face, the music briefly paused and the shocked crowd turned agape, then just continued without any real thought and the mutterings and laughter continued. “Who said I was a dude, though. I could be if you want.” The voice that danced out of the beak of the white griffon was a surprisingly sultry voice. “Oh um…” Gilda stammered, blushing, “I don’t swing that way.”

“Oh? Pity and you look so cute, I’m sure a girl would looove to have someone like you.” With that the white griffon started to stroke Gilda's wings with her claw which was immediately batted away. Gilda could only shift uncomfortably and bat the claw away again when the white griffon continue to stroke and coo in Gilda's ear.

“Somepony.” Gilda corrected by instinct, quickly bringing her claws to her beak. After lowering her claws, Gilda just blushed a little, struggling to find the right words. “I mean, you really think I’m cute?” there was a pregnant pause before Gilda realised what she just said, quick to maintain her image that Gilda accidently squandered, she snorted, still blushing. “I mean, tch, whatever.” And lightly shoved the white griffion aside, before finally reaching the wooden bar with another griffion, bags under his eyes and he looked more like a Bald Eagle than anything else.

Gilda grunted as she sat herself down on a wooden stool ruffling her feathers and placing both claws on her head, groaning. “Rough night, kid?” asked the Bartender. Upon a closer look he looked like he was wearing a leather jacket and a small bow tie as he stroked and caressed one glass to the next with his cloth, before he started to fill each one up with ale or some other alcoholic beverage that was requested by one customer or another.

“Rough day actually. Remind me never to look at pink again.” This raised a chuckle out of the old bartender, briefly looking up at Gilda smiling before quickly looking back down again at his work, spraying some water on the glasses from time to time, all in tune to the fast paced, crazy music. Gilda could only look at him and frown, and a fire rose in her chest. “What you think that’s funny?!” growled Gilda, raising one claw in a clenched fist.

“Not at all, lass, how are ya?” asked The Bartender, quickly attending to a customer, in which briefly interrupted the conversation before giving Gilda a chance to speak, when he was done, he placed some coins in his pockets and returned to the teenage griffon with a smile.

“Well, it has been a while.” Said Gilda with a twitch of sadness in her voice, shifting herself back down to her seat, lowering her claw and pulled out a small brown bag. In which this bag was chinking softly since there was coins inside and she placed it down onto the polished bar face. Thoughts of the day still reeling behind her eyes and she could only groan and moan at each memory, almost wincing in pain at each one.

“How are your folks doin’?” asked the perked up Bartender, pouring one pint of ale to the next, shoving them skilfully to each customer when he finished. There were ranges of grunts of thanks to chippy sounds of gratitude as he passed each pint from one customer to the next, all through the bar stand and all with great skill.

Gilda just sighed and said “I don’t know.” She stroked the barface with her one claw finger and had a far away look in her eyes, replaying all the events of the day in her head.

The Bartender paused, and gave Gilda a sullen look. “Well, I’m sorry to hear that.” Gilda quickly came back to the present with a shake of her head and quickly brushed it off with a wave, scoffing quietly. Gilda could only look at a reflection of herself in the mirror, bags under her eyes and ruffled feathers, she was a wreak.

“I had worse, old man. I’m here now, aren’t I? Whatever you got, I want your strongest.” Gilda pulled out a small bag from her coat pocket and started playing with it, with a tired grin on her face, but happy, somewhat. Her head still felt dizzy and there was still pain in her chest, but she was at least, trying to remedy the situation herself.

“Oh, I don’t know if ya want that, maybe perhaps a Citrus cocktail?” suggested The Bartender. Tending more customers, and looking on at Gilda with concern as she thought carefully about her answer, she just sighed and looked at The Bartender, dead in the eye.

“I had a bad day, man”, deadpanned Gilda. “Don’t make it any worse.” There was a pause as the two looked at each other and the tension became thick, as the band stopped playing one song, and went straight to another, just as vibrant and unorthodox. Which only made her headache worse, but only momentarily, before it all faded again and with that, she could focus properly on the conversation with bartender. Who was smiling at each customer with gratitude as he gave out drinks and was given tip after tip from happy customers that were leaving for the night.

“Fair enough, lass." He said, pushing a pint glass full of some thick, brown, bubbly liquid towards her. "Strongest ale in the Griffion kingdom it is, hefty price though.” The Bartender said, all with a small grin on his face.

Gilda intervened quickly, “I got enough.” She was shaking her small bag up and down the bar face, giving a causal yet a tired grin. “If you say so.” Sighed a resigned bartender, cleaning up a large beer glass before pulling out a bottle and quickly tipping it all in, watching as the drink poured in and the foam touched the tip of the bottle, shoving the pint to Gilda and without looking, he threw the bottle out the window with no effort at all.

"I haven’t seen ya since you were a wee lass, singing songs an’ that.” Gilda cringed and blushed softly. "Hehe, I remembered that you were very good too, lass. Quite the voice on yer. I bet you could still sing too. Maybe show that band lot a thing or two as well.

“Hey, man. Don’t remind me.” groaned the teenage griffon. She was almost hiding her face with the ale while The Bartender gave a small chuckle. Gilda just gave the drink a good glup, letting it slide down her throat. and push her further away from reality.
“I don’t know.” Gilda lowered her head, scratching the back of her head feverishly. “I just had a really bad day.” With that Gilda sighed meeting the eyes of The Bartender and Gilda lowered her voice, “Listen man, I’ve been to Ponyville.”

“Why in the name of all the grains of the hourglass would you go there?!” interrupted the Bartender, accidently dropping the glass it’s crash to the wooden floor grabbed the attention of the tavern. Gilda’s eye twitched but just barely remaining composed. Some cheered at the mistake, but The Bartender just ignored it, cleaned it with his claws and put it all into a black bin behind his counter.

“A friend of mine lives there… or at least, she was my friend. I just, I was kicked out of the train! Because those dweeby ponies thought that my ticket was a fake! How would they know that? I brought it from the train station, so that must be legit, right? But no apparently not!” Gilda smacked the ale down against the wooden table, when she noticed what she just did, she calmed down with a small exhale, but only a little bit. She still felt her blood boil.

A black griffon who was just talking to two other female griffons, both of them blue intervened with a snort “You would think that they would use magic for that kind of thing. I mean, they have unicorns there, so you would think that with the magic they got, they would use it."

“I know right?!” agreed Gilda with expressive arms, looking over to the bartender for some kind of understanding, which was met with a silent, understanding nod. “And you would think that they would at least let me off at the next stop, but no! they wouldn’t even let me do that! Do you know how long it takes to get to Ponyville by flight? Two hours! Two hours! And that’s not even the worst of it! I went into this place, Sugarcube Cube corner.” This was met with raised eyebrows and another scoff from the black griffon, grinning at Gilda.

“What did a toddler came up with the name?” The Black griffon said again, leaving himself and his female companions laughing at the joke, one was a crimson griffon and she was losing feathers all over the bar from the laughter, tears in all of there eyes. Gilda could only look on and snarled, looking away from the laughing group.

“Buzz off, man. Not talking to you, not in the mood.” The black griffon just rolled his eyes and kept on conversing with the two females. “Anyway, I went there this morning, my friend, Rainbow Dash, told me that the food there is great, I went in that morning, and well, clearly they don’t recognize that Monday is part of the week, this orange guy, Mr. Cake I think? He was a complete wreak, messed up hair, bloodshot eyes, bags under ‘em, everything! He must have had a hangover or something, because he just keeps giving me looks and not even talking to me!”

“It sounds like he’s drinking too much to me, lass.” Gilda just gave him a perplexed look at The Bartender, questioning his intellect, considering where this was coming from. “Alright, the irony isn’t lost from me. Just makin’ a observation.” He dropped his head and stroked the glasses again, pouring drinks but still listening to the story that the teenager wanted off her chest.

“Anyway… So I just want to get straight to Dashie.” A smirking look was shot right at Gilda, black griffon again. “One word out of you and I’ll turn your butt sideways, caprice?” The look quickly dissipated and he got up with the girls, pulling out a cigar and walked out with the girls still giggling at his jokes. The Bartender was still working and listening, serving the customers. “Where was I?”

“Oh yeah, Rainbow Dash. I just wanted to, you know, hang out, relax, fly around, do whatever. I mean, just to make the day just that little easier, but no! Now there this pink earth pony following us around at every turn and doing everything she can to try and break us up for her! I mean, it’s like she doesn’t get that we just wanted to spend a little time alone, either that or she doesn’t care!”

“That sounds like she was giving you a hard time, lass. I mean, it's almost as if she has no idea of personal space or something like that." The Bartender said, in the brief quiet of the Tavern before the band started playing another song all over again.

Gilda placed both claws in her face and groaned, “Oh you have no idea!” She cooled down and composed herself in a couple of breaths, looking at The Bartender. Her head was reeling but she thought it wasn't from the drink, though her speech was slurring and her eyes were losing focus, she thought was more the pain from the day rather than the alcohol.
“I need another drink.” said Gilda, her head bowing.

“Same again?” inquired The Bartender there was a brief pause, Gilda couldn't believe that she had to stop and think about it, butt yes, she did had to do that. Letting the banging drum wail into her head, as if it was begging for some kind of answer. she supposed the fire would be a better thing to look at, not this time, it was raging and almost angry at its nature.

“Yeah.”

“Tell you what lass, here’s a few o’ them, it’s on the house.” Gilda squawked at the response, and she beamed as the drinks piled up towards her, about five pints, enough to get her drunk for certain.

“Just, be careful, lass. That lot could knock out an Ursa Major.” The Bartender wasn't wrong, the Griffon King was an infamous drunk, a fun one at least. But he had been known to be at bars and taverns more times than he ever get to actually be inside the court, throne room or even the counting house.

“Oh thank you, thank you so-” Gilda exclaimed enthusiastically, before she coughed at the image of herself losing her indifferent nature, which she saw at the bar mirror behind The Bartender’s head and sipped her drink. “I mean, cool. Anyway, this pink pony just won’t leave us be! All I wanted was just some time to spend with my friend, is that too much to ask?! And by then, I just… lost it. I completely lost it. Told a yellow pegasus to ‘buzz off’’ yeah, that was smart.”

The bartender hummed in agreement, before attending to another customer, hooded character, wearing completely black, honestly Gilda never expected such a character to be in Hydra’s breath, or indeed, any tavern, and there he was, being served vodka, straight. Shouldn't that kill him, or at least knock him out? Gilda looked at the figure with awe as she watched him down it quickly.
"Who’s that guy?”

“Oh him, couldn’t tell ya, never seen him before. Oh, that being said, what’s your name, lass?” a small smile crept on the Bartender's face, almost a squee, although the sight is adorable, Gilda's face just turned beet red and raised her balled claws as fists, this may not end well.

“Tch, what?!” Gilda spilled her pint in shock and bemusement. “But you already act like you know me! It’s Gilda! Gilda!" The tavern was silent again, and Gilda couldn’t help but sweat and shake a little before again, the tavern just carried on with their businesses. Except the hearty laugh that exploded out of the bald eagle bartender

“It’s was just a joke I like to play on t’ locals. They honestly thought I'm going senile. No, I know who you are, Grizelda. Your parents used to call you that all the time.”

“Please, just, don’t call me that. It’s kind of embarrassing. Gilda scratched her neck and looked at the bartender imploringly. “And Gods help me if that pink one hears that name. Anyway, she invited me to a party, played these pranks on me, just to spite me, whatever her plan was, it worked.”
She sighed and lowered her head defeated, and she almost started to slur. “I lost Dashie today, man. So yeah, I’m not quite in the mood for jokes.” The bartender’s face fell and coughed sweating and shifting uncomfortably.

“Oh um… I’m sorry to hear that, lass.” The Bartender's head fell and just focuses solely on wiping the glass, before pouring Gilda another drink. I do feel for you, lass. He thought to himself, he always does when he hears sad stories like this. He looked over at the hooded figure, he's ordering another vodka, three of them this time, every order gets bigger and that still leaves The Bartender at a loss.

“I’ll live, I went through worse right?” said the ever increasing drunk Gilda, staggering on the stool, but she gave a confident grin to the bartender, which the bald eagle was happy to return. Maybe this is what I needed. She thought to herself, before she felt somebody tapping her shoulder, almost as if it was a slap. The black griffon was back, now with a cocky grin on his face, his fangs showing.

“Hey, Grizelda is it? About this Dashie you were talking about, yeah, I would love to ride her first chance I get.” Gilda just rolled her eyes, and smothered his face with her right claw, holding her drink with her left said grimly “Don’t you have your own mates to get to?”

“Nah, I ditched them, can you believe it? It’s like they don’t have taste, because they don’t, they don’t have good taste. But maybe your friend does, maybe I would make her my pet if she’s lucky.”
Gilda downed the last of her pint and looked at the Bartender darkly, her eyes glowing, knifed teeth showed themselves and she was growling.

“I’m sorry lass, if it’s going where I think it’s going, I’m going to have to ask you both to leave.” “What’s it to you, old man?!” came the voice of the mocking black griffon. “Hey, birdbrain, what’s your name? I like to know the name of the beak I’m going to shove down your throat.”

“Arrow, Grizelda. And don’t you forget it.” Gilda gave a small laugh at the remark. “Trust me, no amount of drinks in the world could make me forget you." She turned round and finished her ale, placing it down to the bar face and sneered. "as much as I want them to.” She shoved Arrow somewhat hard and he fell to the wooden floor, glaring up at Gilda as she turned to the bartender “Thanks for everything tonight, I needed that.” “There were times when your mother needed it too, send the lovely lass my regards will ya?”

Gilda smiled, nodded and said quietly, “Yeah, man. I’ll see what I can do.” With that she grabbed Arrow’s beak like a vice and dragged him, with him failing and with gibberish Gilda would assume is swearing, and when she opened the door, he threw him outside into the mud, before closing the door behind her. She patiently waited for Arrow to get up and he shoulder charged right into the door again, Gilda smashing into it, but the sturdy door stayed up, she threw a couple of hooks before shoving him away, giving herself some space.

She ducked under a haymaker, before giving the black griffon, a swift low kick, almost losing balance, but with a couple of breaths, composed herself, and she looked at the staggering griffon Huh, he’s just as drunk as me, You’re almost making it too easy! She thought to herself with a bruised cheek and a smirk.

With that, she threw a couple of hooks to his beak, breaking it, a couple of swift kicks to the stomach, and that enraged him, he started to wail punches and kicks, yelling with each one, as if he was having a temper tantrum, if he was, Gilda wouldn’t be surprised at all.
After a few very effective punches from Arrow, she flinched in pain and staggered back, looking back up the brown and white griffon saw the demented look in his eyes, readying himself for a decimating punch in which Gilda saw the opportunity to dodge.

After receiving a few cuts and bruises from the fury punches and kicks. With that she casually stepped to the left, letting him fall to the floor, before finishing the skirmish with a blunt kick to the face, leaving him fatigue, bleeding and barely conscious.
She took a few breaths and wiped her brow, surveying the damage to her face from the puddle just nearby, she’s already getting a black eye and there was a cut on her cheek, she definitely had worse fights in her life, but still that part, she always thinks, isn't exactly fun. She crouched herself down and whispered menacingly right in his ear.

“Listen, birdbrain. If you ever try and touch Rainbow Dash with any of your dirty claws, I’ll find you and make you regret it. Clear?" She took the downed Arrow’s claw and assisted him up, turns out he was rather heavy, akin to lifting a piano. There was some difficulty but Gilda managed to get him up.

“Now, go, get out of here, before I decide to do worse to you.” Arrow, quickly getting the message, his eyes bugged out in frantic panic, squawked and few away into the nights sky, leaving the injured Gilda alone, outside Hydra’s breath.
The door behind Gilda then creaked open and there was the hooded figure again, getting a closer look she could see that he was certainly a griffon. The teenage griffon managed to get a brief look at his face before it hid back into his dark hood and Gilda could swear she saw a scar.

“You must be Gilda.” He held out a claw in which Gilda refused to shake, only staring at him intently, but then only showing little interest to affiliate herself with him. Gilda turned round and started to walk away into the night's street, occasionally looking back to see he's still following him. It niggled her mind at first, but in time just grew into a full on poke. She stopped and turn round, sighing, maybe after speaking he'll leave her alone. She thought to herself.

“Let’s say I’m a merchant, shall we?" said the shadowy figure, still following her. "And I have a little proposition, I have a little history with these ponies too, How about you and I help each other get our own backs, hmm? Wouldn’t it be fun, to get back at Pinkie Pie for instance?”

“Huh, is that her name? Anyway, I’m not interested.” Gilda waved him off with indifference and started to walk her way back home a little bit faster, just to try and get away from him.

“But I could get you, revenge!” said the raspy voice of the hooded figure, growling and salivating at the prospect.

Gilda turned again, tending to her loose feathers from the fight, pulling off one then another with a little wince of pain, she looked behind her and he's still following him. Pokes to her brain, are starting, slowly becoming punches, she tried to ignore it, but to no avail, it only made her see more red. “Look, Dude, you’re clearly evil, so the answer’s no.”

“What?!” Me?! Evil?! The hooded figure was taken aback, reeling from Gilda’s words.

“Yeah, the whole mysterious hooded thing, it’s been done many times, oh, and the whole revenge thing? That’s so boring!” Gilda now as just jogging away, her breaths became laboured, her sweat danced around in her brow, but she still needed to get away from him. “Don’t you get it?! I’m not interested.” still following her, he started to slip onto the wet, rain covered streets, feeling fatigue himself.

“But what if I could make them submit to you? Assure you that you would be loved by your… Dashie is it? Make her choose between a miserable, short existence with her friends, or a lifetime with you? What if I said there’s money in it for you?”

“How about this, I would pay you to shut up, and leave me and Dash alone?!” There was a slight pause, as the hooded figure kept on chasing after her, scratching his chin.

“Would you do that?” inquired the figure, his breathing still laboured, and he started to sprint at the teenage griffon as she started to. She was agile, slotting herself from one alleyway to the next, quickly doing everything in her power, just to get away But fortunately, he was starting to struggle to keep up with Gilda.

“No! You’ve done nothing to prove to me, you’re not evil! Speaking of which, man, you even so much as touch Dash or her friends, you’ll be hearing from me, and next time, I’ll be completely sober.” Gilda turned and punched her open claw, ensuring her point was made. “Got it?”

“I’m sure I will be hearing from you, Gilda.” With that, Gilda only spat blood on the ground, and flew away, I’m not willing to listen to that trash. She thought to herself, just trying to get herself home. She did her him mumble, but couldn’t distinguish what he said, at any rate, she didn’t care. She just wanted to get home, after a horrible, trying day.

Celestia’s sun was glistening over the pond just outside Ponyville, Pinkie was bouncing as she usually does, alongside her good friends Rainbow Dash and Twilight. “Oh, girls, this is the first time we are going swimming in like, forever! It’s going to be so much fun!” Rainbow Dash, just pushing a small cloud just above them, flapping her wings almost lazily, yawing a little.

“Well, it’s not like you said it about a hundred times already, look. I’m happy you’re happy, Pinks, just, ease up a little.” This brought a grin on the purple unicorn’s face. But Dash was too invested in placing the cloud just over the pool, checking wind direction and speed with her wings, she needed the perfect spot. She fluffed the cloud and layed down on it, no, the pegasus thought, not quite there yet. She got back up and attempted again, only to notice the grin on Twilight's face. "What is it, Twi?" She said in a almost monotone, bracing herself for some teasing.

“Been having too much fun last night?” Twilight's grin grew bigger, she was almost laughing as she placed a hoof over her mouth, desperate to remain composed, as Dash rolled her eyes and continued her work feverishly, still adjusting and moving the cloud inches to the left or right, eventually finding the perfect spot for the rainbow haired mare, just under the tree, and the sun perfectly positioned over the leafs.

"Yeah, Twi, you could say that.” Dash groaned, finally subjecting herself to the cloud itself and just lay on it, as Twilight was getting ready herself, pulling out a purple towel from her bag, then a pink one and placed them both down expertly with her magic, perfectly as she possibly could, nothing less from her she guessed.

Wait, can you have too much fun?” Said Pinkie, bemused, “I didn’t think that was even possible.” Pinkie giggled laughing at the silly notion of 'having too much fun'. To her it seemed ridiculous, impossible even.

"Trust me on personal experience, you can. Remember that time I tried to study you?” asked The purple unicorn, smirking, lying down over the towel, pulling out a few books and stacking them next to herself.

“For my Pinkie sense and fourth wall breaking powers? Silly, Twi.” The pink earth pony snorted and giggled, rubbing the bookworm’s head. “That kind of thing can not to be just learnt, you also need pure, natural talent!” Pinkie said with an aura of confidence, punching the air with her hoof.

This peaked Twi’s interest and she started to stroke her chin. “Um… Pinkie, where did you learn all that stuff?”

"Oh Twi, loosen up Laughed Rainbow, lying on top of the cloud. "You don’t have to be an egghead all the time you know. You could relax, it’s easy, watch.” She quickly flopped onto the cloud, and then stretched her cyan body in pleasure and comfort, loving every second. “See?” Rainbow said sleepily, rolling onto the cloud contently “Easiest thing in the world.”

“Didn’t you just tell Pinkie to calm down a second ago?” inquired Twilght, her eyebrow rising, before placing a purple bag down to the soft sand a pulled out a rubber dingy with her magic and started blowing on it, inflating it. Taking her time and just relaxing, focusing the air around her into the dingy, though it doesn't hurt to blow it in every once in a while, she thought to herself, her face going blue as she does, making her quickly change her mind.

“Yeah, but that’s because you both could never relax until you find juuust the right spot and you just-" Rainbow sighed rolling on her back and closing her eyes in contentment. “You just drift off.” With that, the cyan Pegasus, pulled out some sunglasses and sighed contently.

Pinkie started to giggle, and as much as she tried to contain it, she couldn’t succeed.
“Relax?! Dashie, I don’t want to relax just yet, I just want to well, you already know.” Pinkie smirked, and just couldn't remove the smile on her face.

“It should be common knowledge by now.” Twilight added, pulling out a book and with her magic started to read it, lying on her stomach as she does so.

“Exactly! That’s why I do not intend to disappoint anypo-woah!” Pinkie shivered, her tail swished and her hind legs started to kick inexplicably. No doubt, it’s another case of the Pinkie sense. Both Twilight and Rainbow by this time have learnt to take such a thing seriously, even if it couldn’t be explained.

“Um… Pinks? You okay?” Rainbow asked, concerned, she raised her sunglasses away from her frowning face.

“Y-Y-Yeah. Ooh, this one’s a doozy.” With that, Pinkie’s eyes started to dilate and her smile faded away. “I think I may have made a mistake.”

“What mistake, Pinkie? Twilight’s eyes lit up in realisation.

“No, no, no. You’re fine, I mean, Dash is happy enough.” Twilight comforted, stroking Pinkie’s mane.“I know that, that’s not what I meant. It’s more… I’m about to have a sudden realization.” Pinkie said, stroking her chin in deep thought. Pinkie’s fur almost turned white and she brought her hoof to her face when her face turned into shock and a sort of a glint of an idea.

“Oh Luna! That’s what I should have done! I should have left Dash to it with Gilda, then try to befriend her later. Oh duh! Well, it’s a shame she’s a meany pants.”

"Pinkie, she’s not always like that.” Dash replied and exhaled a sad sigh, Dash closed her eyes, trying not to have those thoughts return to her, and just focus on the summer sun and the light breeze, surprisingly very easy when you know how to do it.
“Which is strange why she was like that all day.” Dash finished her thought.

"It was because I kept bothering her, oh Horseapples! that’s what I did wrong, I might get a second chance though.” Pinkie said quickly retaining her smile and started bouncing again, full of energy, taking Twilight by surprise as she fell onto the sand, becoming covered with it.
Pinkie turned to Twilight and quickly ran to her, kissing her hoof. “Oh Twilight I’m so-so-so-so super-duper sorry.

“No, it’s fine. It’ll wash off easy enough.”

“Pinkie, why did you think of Gilda with that Pinkie sense thing?” asked a somewhat shifty Rainbow Dash.

“I have no idea. Eh, we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.” Pinkie’s voice then became strained as she lifted Twilight off from the beach sand pit. The answer seemed to appease Rainbow for now, as she returned to sleep. “Oh, and Twilight, you’ll become an Alicorn princess in the near future.” Pinkie started to giggle, but mostly in confusion, “Whatever that means.” Twilight paused, blinking in confusion before she gave her friend a loving smile and a nuzzle before returning to her book.

“Oh Pinkie Pie, you’re so random.” Twilight laughed, quickly picking up her book and started to take a nice inhale, letting her body loosen as each word caressed her mind gracefully.

“Heh, yeah.” Pinkie agreed, sitting on her haunches and contemplated briefly. “Maybe not quite as random as we all think, but again, I suppose we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it.” With that Pinkie quickly got up, cantered towards the edge of the pond and jumped what looked like a few feet in the air yelling “Cannonball!!!!” before crashing to the water with an audible splash, to signal a day of fun swimming for the pink party pony.

Comments

[Emptybee]

I gotta be honest, I didn't read this so much as skim it. You've got an interesting idea here, but the grammar and punctuation needs work - especially your use of commas. Also some of your sentences read oddly, with unusual word choices or tenses. Maybe look into getting some prereader/editors or look into one of the groups that helps new writers. There's always room for more Gilda in FIMFiction.

[ThePhoenixrising]

Thank you mate, much appreciated, any idea how I could get pre-readers?

[An-Twan Star]

I like me some Gilda. Unfortunately there never seems to be enough to go around. Just one question though, do you intend this to be a one shot, or are you planning to go somewhere with this. Because I think this has great potential as a story. Its definately refreshing to see good Gilda stories amongst the sea of "Hurr! Gilda is evil and wants to hurt everypony!" stories and comments here. As for finding Pre-readers, I just googled fimfiction pre readers and found The Proofreader Group http://www.fimfiction.net/group/27/the-proofreader-group Looks like you can hire proofreaders there. Alternatively, you can look at some of your favourite stories and find author's notes or somekind of information on who proofreads it, if they proofread it, and ask them if they would like to take up your story. Now I gotta get cracking on my Outside Insight story before i'm too late.

Good luck in the contest.

ATS

[ThePhoenixrising]

An Twan Star, it seems you discovered my cunning plan. You see, I only written it as a oneshot simply because I haven't got time to make it a full story, so I made it so that it would entice the reader into wanting a sequel, in which I'll probably get round to at some point. And yeah, we don't know if Gilda's really evil, since we only saw her in one episode. Anyway, best of luck to you too, and thanks for the help with the pre-readers.

[Volscon]

4823107

Hey man if you want to write a sequel then more power to ya, I know I would read it.

[nightwalker]

4823107
I second the sequel.

I really hope you can get this revised and cleaned up. The ideas are good, and I like the mysterious stranger in the cloak (mostly for how Gilda points out how obviously evil that all is), and am curious to see where it goes. But, yeah, on a technical level this is a bit of a mess. Not unsalvageable, not the worst I've seen... but, yeah it needs work.

Best of luck, and viva la griffons!