Gilda returns to her home of Hearthstone of the Griffon Empire while with the help of a Bartender, she will find comfort in him and together they come to deal with what happened in Ponyville. All in Hydra's Breath, a normally quiet tavern, but tonight will be full of drinks, griffons and maybe some violence. Tonight, Gilda will vent out her frustrations and hopefully find some peace.
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I gotta be honest, I didn't read this so much as skim it. You've got an interesting idea here, but the grammar and punctuation needs work - especially your use of commas. Also some of your sentences read oddly, with unusual word choices or tenses. Maybe look into getting some prereader/editors or look into one of the groups that helps new writers. There's always room for more Gilda in FIMFiction.
Thank you mate, much appreciated, any idea how I could get pre-readers?
I like me some Gilda. Unfortunately there never seems to be enough to go around. Just one question though, do you intend this to be a one shot, or are you planning to go somewhere with this. Because I think this has great potential as a story. Its definately refreshing to see good Gilda stories amongst the sea of "Hurr! Gilda is evil and wants to hurt everypony!" stories and comments here. As for finding Pre-readers, I just googled fimfiction pre readers and found The Proofreader Group http://www.fimfiction.net/group/27/the-proofreader-group Looks like you can hire proofreaders there. Alternatively, you can look at some of your favourite stories and find author's notes or somekind of information on who proofreads it, if they proofread it, and ask them if they would like to take up your story. Now I gotta get cracking on my Outside Insight story before i'm too late.
Good luck in the contest.
ATS
An Twan Star, it seems you discovered my cunning plan. You see, I only written it as a oneshot simply because I haven't got time to make it a full story, so I made it so that it would entice the reader into wanting a sequel, in which I'll probably get round to at some point. And yeah, we don't know if Gilda's really evil, since we only saw her in one episode. Anyway, best of luck to you too, and thanks for the help with the pre-readers.
4823107
Hey man if you want to write a sequel then more power to ya, I know I would read it.
4823107
I second the sequel.
I really hope you can get this revised and cleaned up. The ideas are good, and I like the mysterious stranger in the cloak (mostly for how Gilda points out how obviously evil that all is), and am curious to see where it goes. But, yeah, on a technical level this is a bit of a mess. Not unsalvageable, not the worst I've seen... but, yeah it needs work.
Best of luck, and viva la griffons!