Even after the disappearance of all but one of the ponies in Equestria, the world moves on. As the last pony in Equestria, Applejack must come to terms with painful discoveries about her past and with time, move on as well.
Chapters (6)
Sky McFly
Joined 3rd Jan, 2013 ·
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Good job. I like the premise and I can't wait to read what comes next!
Apple Bloom, not Applebloom.
4900111 Thanks!
4914085
The pleasure was mine!
o.O
Wait, so Chryssy committed genocide to spite one wayward changeling? Talk about anger management issues.
Now that I give it a little thought... dude if all those ponies are dead, you got a BIG plot hole
Seriously, changeling feed off of love, and ponies are the most loving race, and if you killed all the ponies. Well guess what you did? You had the changelings kill off a major food source.
Plot aside, so far so good.
4930037 Thanks for your comment! I thought someone might bring this up. I had thought about trying to justify this in the story and came up with the following ideas:
1. If Chrysalis has the power to transfer memories from one pony/changeling to another, then it shouldn’t be unreasonable to expect her to be able to siphon the love out of every pony and store it away before destroying them.
2. The “alternate universe” tag may imply that this is a universe in which changelings are driven by hatred for ponies rather than a hunger for love, or just that they don’t need to feed off of love.
3. Maybe Chrysalis has such severe anger issues that she didn’t realize what a huge mistake she was making because she was so intent on punishing a single traitorous changeling.
But I wasn’t quite satisfied with any of these explanations and thought it would be kind of hard to work them into the story anyway. So I decided that instead of going to the trouble to try to explain away the plothole, I would just ignore it and hope nobody notices. I apologize if that’s a lazy way to write. I hope it doesn’t ruin the story for anyone.
4944443 Read your messages :D I got the answer there!
wow. i mean........ wow.......
this is amazing. the extinction of an entire race and yet the suffering that was never really hers. that hit a soft spot.
Have you ever considered submitting this story to Equestria Daily? You can find out how to do so here.
Two words: Double. Spacing.
It feels like a shame to me that a situation that has so much descriptive potential is being handled with such tiny chapters. Oh well, I shall see where this goes.
WTF? This 100% different from anything I might have expected.
I give you kudos for a good idea... but the presentation has been lacking so far. We're talking about the genocide of an entire race and – perhaps worse – the slaughter of characters we all know and love, but the revelation and comprehension comes so quickly that the impact is lost. At the moment I am admittedly horrified, but only by the concept of the events, not the way you've written the explanation.
Also, how will the changelings survive if there's no pony love to feed on?
The changelings have always terrified me...
...but this only scares me even more.
Wiping out all of ponydom still doesn't make sense though, especially as an act of revenge against a single rebellious changeling. I cannot under any circumstances imagine the Changeling Hive going along with such a suicidal decision. Even if Chrysalis can store the love, it's going to run out eventually, and then what are the changelings going to do? Wipe out another, less love-filled race like the griffons?
I have to wonder why this changeling cares so much.
I can't help but wonder if the changeling is actually Rainbow, just... 'changelingified.'
I have mixed feelings about this. In the end, I think the entire story could have had a much better presentation. As I said, the idea is 80% good (Chrysalis's nonsensical reasoning and actions are a serious pitfall), but if you'd taken time to really describe Applejack's situation and give us a proper sense of her isolation and loneliness, maybe have her explore and show us the desolation of a world without ponies, the whole thing would have been far more impacting. Essentially, what could have been 30k to 40k of emotional toil turned into a 6k 'this is what happened.' It feels... lackluster.
What I'm seeing is an author who has great concepts but needs more practice implementing them. I encourage you to keep showing us your ideas; practice makes perfect, and in time you might be able to take this concept and really wow your readers.
5475974 Thank you! I really appreciate the constructive feedback!
Have some mood setting music!
That is all.
A good idea but killing all the ponies would starve the changelings very quickly. Maybe she had them cocooned instead?
The story could be refined quite a bit, but it certainly has an interesting premise. If you keep on working on improving your writing, I'm sure you'll be able to create some beautiful stories in the future.