Prologue
Across the vast expanse of the Macintosh Hills, a massive stone wall stretched for miles on end, encompassing the entire area know to the ponies of old as the 'Badlands'. This amazing feat of pony engineering cut deep into the mountainsides, as if splitting the very land itself. Dotted across the gigantic structure were many spiral watchtowers, with many ponies adorned in fine dark blue armor, patrolling their own sectors. Some even gazed out towards the northern skies warily, the slowly setting sun casting light pink rays across the sky. Periodically, large, sapphire blue banners descended from the walls tops, proudly displaying the insignia of the ponies nation.
Their insignia. Their crest. The very symbol that caused them to well with pride, was that of an upward facing crescent moon, with a small star reaching out from its center, as two wings splayed outwards from its sides. This was their flag.
The flag of the Lunar Republic.
Now if one were to look passed these mighty walls and into the area that once was infamously named the 'Badlands', they would not see a desert landscape, barren of life as it once was. No, they would see many small cities spread out across the area, all very lively and bustling with activity. Of course, these cities would only garner some much attention, as one's eyes would be focused on the massive thriving metropolis that was centered smack dab in the center of the badlands.
This city, Orion, was well known as the capital of the Lunar Republic, and rightfully so. Surrounding the city was a miniature version of the great walls of the Macintosh hills, considerably smaller but still mighty nonetheless. Inside the walls lay countless buildings, and at the center of the city, lay the mighty fortress that was the Lunar Palace. Just like the night sky above, the city was dotted with small lights popping out from the darkness. Various street lamps illuminated the dark streets, as well as many lights from the residential buildings.
In one particular residence, a young thestral pony sat in her room, attention solely focused on the items in her hooves. A stuffed toy stallion in blue armor was clashing with another just like it, except this one featured golden armor. They young filly continued to play a mock battle between the two, imitating crashing sounds as the two collided. So enthralled in her playtime that when a small knock came from her door, she let out a startled 'eep', nearly flinging her playthings away.
The door opened slightly, enough for a large black stallion to peek his head in. Scanning the room silently, his emerald eyes finally locked on the small pony on the floor. The once tired eyes of the stallion quickly took on new life as he adopted a warm smile.
"Hey kiddo, I'm home" He said happily, stepping all the way into the room. Barely had seconds passed before he was slammed by the young thestral, wings beating excitedly as she hugged his neck, he returning the gesture tenfold.
"Dad! Your home!" she squealed, finally letting go of her fathers neck. However, her father's attitude quickly changed, a stern expression now present. "Arent you supposed to be in bed Midnight?" he scolded. Midnight's ears quickly hugged her head, realizing that she was well past her bedtime. Averting her eyes from her fathers, she instead focused on the floor, hoping to build an excuse in time. Small chuckling above her roused her from her thoughts, spotting her father trying to hold back laughter.
Emphasis on trying.
Her confusion quickly turned into annoyance. Her father was just toying with her again.
"Very funny dad" she said unhappily, the happy moment ruined by her fathers antics. In response, the stallion ruffled her mane with his wing, the soft feathers tussling her thick hair. "You know I kid" he said, his happy tone present again.
"So", he continued, " What are you up to?"
Her enthusiasm quickly returned, she was all too happy to show her father her latest toys. Skipping happily over to her toys, she practically shoved them in front of his face. "I'm playing battle ponies!"
"Battle...ponies?", his voice carrying a hint of worry as he raised an eyebrow. He was well aware of what each toy signified. One was unmistakably a solider in the Solar Legion, while the other clearly favored the Lunar Battalion. His eyes rotated between the two toys and his daughters wide smile, indecisiveness present in his head. On one hoof, he loved to see his little Blossom so happy, however, on the the other hoof, she was still to young to understand the underlining concepts of what the toys signified.
"Sweety, don't you, I don't know, want to play with something else? Perhaps that doll your aunty got you?" He asked hopefully, pointing to a small pink mare near her toy box. The small thestral followed her fathers look, her own eyes quickly finding the doll.
She groaned as she spotted it. "But daaaaaaad, dolls are so lame! These guys are way cooler!", now shaking the toy soldiers in her fathers face. Just then, the door opened once more, this time allowing another thestral mare to pop in her head. A snow white mane shrouded part of her face, leaving one brilliant golden eye to spot the two. Narrowing quickly, she looked into between the duo.
"You", she pointed a hoof at Midnight, " Are supposed to be in bed young filly". As the filly silently 'awww'd the mare's hoof quickly locked onto the Pegasus, her eyes narrowing even more. "And you", she started, "Are supposed to be getting ready for it yourself"
"Sorry honey"
"Sorry mom" , the two said together. Shaking her head, the bat pony trotted all the way into the room, revealing her cutie mark, that of a moon . Smiling happily at her daughter, she nudged the filly with her head.
"C'mon you, it's bedtime", pushing her daughter closer to the evil clutches that was her bed. The filly wouldn't go down without a fight though. Struggling slightly against her mother's gentle nudging, the filly tried to seek the aid of an ally.
"Dad! Tell mom I don't need to go to bed! I'm not even tired!" She called out to her father. Her father made an attempt to move, but a stern look from his wife locked him in place. " Sorry sweety, but daddy isn't here right now. This is all a dream" he said while waving his hoofs in the air while making 'woooooo ooo" sounds. The filly groaned, throwing her own hoofs in exasperation. She was now so close to the cruel creation that was her bed that she yawned subconsciously.
"Buuuuuuut" her father continued," Everyone knows no filly can go to bed without a bedtime story!". The elation she felt at the mere mention of a bedtime story caused the small bat pony to all but dive into her bed. Her father always told the best stories! However, the missing tension against the mother's head quickly caused the mare to face-plant into the floor.
"Whoops, sorry honey" he nervously said. The female thestral simply mumbled into the floor, which sounded similar to ' your going to here it later'. Meanwhile, Midnight was practically bouncing in her bed, eagerly awaiting her father to begin. Trotting over to her side, her father sat to the right of the bed as his wife moved to the opposite.
"So, which story would you like to hear?" He asked curiously. This caused her to loose her sudden excitement as she tried to think of which story she wanted. Her father had many good ones, but which one? Suddenly, it hit her, and she bounced again in eagerness.
"Oh oh, tell me the secret story again!" She said happily. Her father did not share this, as he spotted his wife's ears perk up, while raising a solitary eyebrow at him.
"Secret story?" She asked, her lone golden eye boring into him, as he resisted the urge to gulp nervously. The filly, ignorant of the tension between her parents, nodded in earnest. "Yep! Dad says its a secret! I don't know why though, the story's awesome!" Her father would need to have a discussion with her later about the term 'secret' , but there was more pressing matters.
"Uh, sweety, maybe a different story? Perhaps the one about the little train that could?" He tried to steer his daughter in the right direction. Unfortunately, she wouldn't be having any of that.
"But, daaaaad, that's story is so booooooring! Tell me the secret story again! Pleeeeeease?" At the last part, her eyes grew considerably larger as small unshod tears popped up near the corners. Midnight also pouted her lip, which began to quiver slightly as she looked to her father.
"Yes honey, I would like to hear that story as well" his wife said, a predatory look in her eyes. She grinned widely, displaying her two front fangs, which glistened in the small light of the room.
He was trapped. On one side, he faced a weapon of mass cuteness. The other? A wife all to willing to bury him in the hole he dug. He let out a sigh. He was definitely sleeping on the couch tonight.
"Alright, secret story it is" he smiled at the squeal from his daughter. Collecting his thoughts momentarily, he cleared his voice, signaling he was ready to begin.
"Ok, so, this is the story" he paused, smirking as his daughter hung on his very word, " of the Fall of Equestria". If his wife's eyebrows could leave her face, they would have done it then and there. He mentally winced at that. Yep, he was on the couch tonight. Probably no blanket too. His wife showed her displeasure, as she brushed her mane away, allowing both eyes to bore into him, but she allowed him to continue. Why not let him dig a bigger grave?
"Long ago, the world was not a happy place. Ponies were sad and scared as an evil force named Discord ruled the land. But then! Two royal sisters, Alicorn's of the Sun and Moon, joined together to defeat this tyrant. Together, with their power, they were ultimately able to defeat this monster, and encase him in stone for eternity! Across the land, ponies rejoiced and would soon band together to form the nation of Equestria, with the royal sisters as their leaders. However, this peace would only last for so long".
Midnight didn't realize it, but her fathers voice carried a hint of sadness, and her mother moved closer to stroke her mane lovingly.
" The land after the tyrants rule was damaged and desolate, and ponies struggled to return their home to its greatness. One day, the younger sister, saddened by the daily struggles of her ponies, proposed to form a new colony, where all the ponies would grow strong and happy. But the elder sister forbade it. For she felt it would divide and shatter the weakened kingdom, forever. Despite her sisters belief, the younger sister moved ahead with her plans, and under her moonlight, she secretly established her colony".
The stallion took on a genuine smile as his gaze shifted away, seeming to stare at a faraway place. All the while the young thestral tried to fight back a yawn, her eyelids becoming heavy.
" For a time, the colony thrived and grew, all under the protection of their mothers moon. Then, things changed. The elder one discovered her sister's lie, and ordered her to bring the ponies back to rejoin the nation. The younger refused, saying the ponies were happy being separate and free. This would not stand for the elder. She decided that if they did not come back on their own, she would bring them back forcefully".
Despite this being her favorite part, Midnight had already snuggled into the warm confines of her bed, her mothers soothing strokes slowly lowering her into sleep. She barely had her eyes open, and much of her fathers words did not register in her sleep induced mind. Meanwhile, her father continued to speak, with much more conviction this time.
" The younger pleaded with her sister, begging her to reconsider. However, the elder would not be swayed. Before she could carry out her plan though,the younger called out to all the ponies of the nation, asking them to help protect her colony. This would be the final days of the nation of Equestria. For you see, just like the royal sisters, the nation was divided on the issue. Sides were quickly chosen, and many ponies refused to budge". Shaking his head slightly, he continued,"Eventually, Equestria could not stand divided, and it crumbled away, to never be reformed again. And that. Is the fall of mighty nation of Equestria".
The father let out a deep sigh he hadn't realized he'd been holding and looked expectantly to his daughter, only to find the filly sound asleep. Smiling, he moved the covers all the way up, the young thestral letting out a content sigh. Finding his wife's eyes, they both nodded silently. Each offered their daughter a good night kiss, before quietly exiting the room. Just before closing the door, the father checked the room once more. Finding all is well, he closed the door with a small click.
Turning around, he immediately entered the piercing glare of his wife.
"I cant believe you" she said angrily. The pegausus sighed. He had this coming.
"She was going to find out sometime" he replied calmly.
"Yes, when she was ready!" she seethed through grit teeth. How could her husband do this? Telling a filly, their daughter no less, something meant to only be heard by older ears!
The stallion avoided his wife's glare, instead choosing to sit quietly on his haunches. His wife was quick to realize his saddened expression, and felt some of her anger melt away at the sight. Snorting loudly, she tried to build her anger back up, only to find she couldn't do it. It was one of the qualities that she loved and hated about her husband, she couldn't stay mad at him. Sitting down on her own haunches, she sighed.
"You are such an idiot sometimes" she said, rubbing her temples with a hoof. In reaction, her husbands head lowered a little more.
"But" she moved a hoof to bring his eyes to lock with her own, "I still love you" . The pair shared a small but loving kiss. Their eyes never leaving each other.
" And, I think I understand what you were doing. You wanted to protect her by telling her" she stated, gently nuzzling him. Moving away, her brows then furrowed. "You could have at the very least told me first, I'm your wife for Luna's sake".
"Sorry honey, you know me" the stallion said sheepishly. Oh, she knew him. All to well. Rolling her eyes, the mare pulled the stallion up to a standing position.
"Cmon, lets get to bed" the mare motioned, already walking toward their room. Taking one last look at door, the stallion tenderly placed a hoof on the door.
"Goodnight, my midnight blossom" He said quietly. Satisfied, he trotted to catch up to his wife.
"Soooo, this means I'm not sleeping on the couch tonight? Right Honey?" he inquired hopefully.
Swatting his face with her tail, she gave him the answer.
"~Not a chance!~"
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Yes.
There is a lot of potential here.
This looks good!
Change the comma to a semicolon or period
Remove the comma after "large" and add an apostrophe in "walls"
I would change "This" to "It" or remove the first two words altogether
Past these mighty walls
so much attention
Keep with your current tense- clashed with
Remove had
You're (And- d'aawwwwww)
Aren't
Father's
When you end dialogue, you need to punctuate it, even if it's not an exclamation or question mark.
too young
Ah, see here, you actually want the period inside the quotes, not outside, don't ask me why, idk.
You don't want a period after the quotes
Extra space, and you want full quotes for this, not apostrophes
There were more pressing matters
that story
can't
I didn't actually cover all the mistakes, but you should be able to work out things with this.
like that) didn't detract from the overall reading, and it flowed nice and well. I'll get to the other chapter tomorrow, and do all the comment-y stuff.
Overall, I'm quite liking this so far! The grammar mistakes, while they bugged me (but I'm
Keep up the good work! (And I have to ask, please tell me RD is Lunar Republic in this like the title image!)
Wow I love it it is one of the best storys I hve ever read
This is actually a really good idea.