482944 Thank you for your comments gentlereader, I thought it might be interesting to show how someone who was formerly religious is this case Tinman, might react if it was his job to destroy his own religion. Plus Phoenix's close proximity to Utah made the L.D.S. faith a good choice for the religion is question.
483409 Thank you for your comments gentlereader, the mark of the beast idea hit me while I was thinking about what objections a religious fellow might have to ponification, literally become a beast in this case a pony was too good to pass up.
484139 indeed it is also L.D.S. as an acronym I thought was neat since I use so many other acronyms, I figured that the ponies might find it confusing to understand.
I've always thought that "Noun Phrase" was a good pony name... You use "antipathy" when you mean "antithesis." Opposite, not dislike. You do know that infrared and ultraviolet are portions of the EM spectrum, right? (Sorry, I tend to overanalyze technobabble.) I'm pretty sure the apostrophe is supposed to go before the numbers in an abbreviated year, since you're not including the leftmost digits. "Edmund pulled out a flash and took several swigs." Minor typo point-out is go.
Alright, enough petty comments. What's my take on the whole? Well, you've certainly done a good job of setting up the dominoes. Seeing how they fall promises to be a delightful clusterfuck of epic proportions.
485968 Thank you for your comments gentlereader I shall correct my errors post haste. What I meant by EM spectrum was being able to see in radio waves, versus UV or infrared. Incidentally "I've always thought that "Noun Phrase" was a good pony name..." I'm unsure what you're referring to. I'm assuming the second paragraph of the journal entry.
Ugh I hate missing simple mistakes, so embarrassing thanks for corrections.
This is really rocking. You have excellent concepts, intriguing characters, and the possibilities of redemption, noble sacrifice, or even damnation all in place like a buffet of possibilities. You also have some fantastic iconic images here - a hulking behemoth of destruction looming over tiny pixy ponies of kindness, a tiny muffin on a pole the only solace of a machine god, goodness, the sweet, sweet lemonade just keeps pouring out.
This is a great concept, and you are pulling it off well.
I POSSESS THE FIRST COMMENT! ALL GLORY! :D
...Also, LOVIN' this story, keep up the good work!
the religious angles brought up in this are simply fascinating.
keep up the good work, im looking forward to the massive HLF failure
482944 Thank you for your comments gentlereader, I thought it might be interesting to show how someone who was formerly religious is this case Tinman, might react if it was his job to destroy his own religion. Plus Phoenix's close proximity to Utah made the L.D.S. faith a good choice for the religion is question.
483409 Thank you for your comments gentlereader, the mark of the beast idea hit me while I was thinking about what objections a religious fellow might have to ponification, literally become a beast in this case a pony was too good to pass up.
484127
just wondering, what is the LDS, exactly?
484291
Ah ha! that must be it. thank you for your contribution of knowledge, good sir.
484139 indeed it is also L.D.S. as an acronym I thought was neat since I use so many other acronyms, I figured that the ponies might find it confusing to understand.
484782
acronyms.
acronyms everywhere.
also, i noticed that you bolded out the companies name in this chapter but not the previous one.
484821 yeah I meant to do that and ill probably go about fixing that later.
484853
ah, i was wondering about that. glad to see its on purpose
Moment-by-moment review time!
I've always thought that "Noun Phrase" was a good pony name...
You use "antipathy" when you mean "antithesis." Opposite, not dislike.
You do know that infrared and ultraviolet are portions of the EM spectrum, right? (Sorry, I tend to overanalyze technobabble.)
I'm pretty sure the apostrophe is supposed to go before the numbers in an abbreviated year, since you're not including the leftmost digits.
"Edmund pulled out a flash and took several swigs." Minor typo point-out is go.
Alright, enough petty comments. What's my take on the whole? Well, you've certainly done a good job of setting up the dominoes. Seeing how they fall promises to be a delightful clusterfuck of epic proportions.
485968 Thank you for your comments gentlereader I shall correct my errors post haste. What I meant by EM spectrum was being able to see in radio waves, versus UV or infrared. Incidentally "I've always thought that "Noun Phrase" was a good pony name..." I'm unsure what you're referring to. I'm assuming the second paragraph of the journal entry.
Ugh I hate missing simple mistakes, so embarrassing thanks for corrections.
This is really rocking. You have excellent concepts, intriguing characters, and the possibilities of redemption, noble sacrifice, or even damnation all in place like a buffet of possibilities. You also have some fantastic iconic images here - a hulking behemoth of destruction looming over tiny pixy ponies of kindness, a tiny muffin on a pole the only solace of a machine god, goodness, the sweet, sweet lemonade just keeps pouring out.
This is a great concept, and you are pulling it off well.
483409 You obviously missed "the end" then