If you don't expect too much from me, you might not be let down. -Gin Blossoms
Changelings. They're an evil that must be purged from this world. The way they take love from ponies by killing and replacing their loved ones is abhorrent. There can't be any good in them... right?
First person, partial backstory for my OC, Erised. May upload more about him in the future.
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Good job. Just a few things it needed more details like what your OC erised looks like and what wepons he carrys. Allso if i may say so he seemed a bit too 2D you need to add more depth to his charter like he kills all thease changlings one gives him a load of notes and he dont think thay might be faked. Maby have him go back to the bar and ask about the good things the changling did or something. Still upvoted good story
It was obvious what gonna happen but still quite good oneshot.
But srsly waitress was such a whore
Too little...
... too late.
Good enough. Keep trying.
4682007 Well, i believe i said it was a Partial backstory. Meaning i'll be adding more about him later on (maybe).
Still, thanks for the upvote, follow, and the image thing (still not sure how to use that by the way).
This was an interesting read for sure! I am really partial to this line:
The repetition of it at the beginning and at the end is especially effective. At first, it seems pretty obvious that the wicked, deceitful, etc. are changelings as a whole, given his repulsion of them... and then at the end, with it repeated, it gives a zing of realization of exactly what his words mean. (though I would recommend making it the very last line... not that it's not fine as is - it is!! - I just think it would make it even more of a goosebump moment realizing the true meaning and motivation behind those words) There's also the subtle, further realization of what he means by "for this is what I am." I didn't catch it in the beginning, but when it was repeated, I fully understood what (I think!!) he meant: the burden of being a changeling, the thing he despises, as well as the burden of guilt for the murder put him in the category of wicked, deceitful, cruel and malicious. If I understood that correctly and that is what you meant... oooh! Goosebumps!!
In my opinion, this would make a good "hook" prequel... but then I'd, personally, like to be taken back further than where this starts. Why does he hate changelings, when he is one himself? What caused him to pursue a life of changeling hunting? Are his powers common for changelings, or unique to him? (my gut says the latter, but I'm not sure where your headcanon lies) In short... what brought him to the state of such hatred and darkness where this story starts?
It's been a while since this was posted, but I hope you plan to pick it up and continue.
5384340 Thanks for your comment. And I have to say, you got the gist of the meaning perfectly.
It's been a while since I've written this, and I've kind of forgotten what I was going to do with him; hopefully I still have some old files on one of my flash drives that can remind me. But I do remember that this was, at least chronologically, somewhere in the middle of Erised's timeline. Perhaps I'll pick this up again when I've got the time.
In the end, he was the true monster.