Dying Light

by Gryphon

Days End

Every breath brought more pain, Every cough brought more blood, Each blink brought a dimmer world.

Crimson slowly wiped the stream of blood dripping from the corner of his mouth. He cringed as his hoof fell back to his side sending quick shots of pain throughout his body. A large open gash just behind his shoulder allowed constant streams of blood to stain his white coat. Smaller cuts riddled his body clumping his usually blonde mane into a red and blonde mess.

Crimson let out another cough bringing more blood and pain to his mangled body. Slowly he pulled himself up against the stone wall behind him, allowing his back to rest against it. The beaten pony looked up at the scene in front of him. Multiple bodies were sprawled out across the courtyard, all had pools of blood growing around them, many lay still with blades resting deep in them allowing blood to pool out from around them.

The courtyard looked like it had held a small battle within its walls. The blades that were not left within bodies were spread across the grass and dirt, dried blood covering the usually clean reflective metal. All the ponies had a matching set of flat black armor that held a small white emblem that resembled an eagle's talon.

Crimson looked over all the bodies and let out a small chuckle, which ended in painful coughing.

"And she said I couldn't handle a small army on my own,” Crimson thought to himself as he grinned. His grin faded as he felt another surge of pain and looked down at his own wounds. The large slash behind his shoulder was still leaking blood with each beat of his heart, while most of the smaller cuts had ceased their bleeding. "I guess it was a little more difficult than I expected."

Slowly the sun began to make its way towards the horizon as the day came to an end. Crimson watched as the sky transformed into a blend of different colors. He had never noticed how beautiful it really was, seeing it every day, it had become just another part of life he never really stopped to look at.

As he looked over the courtyard, he began to notice every small thing most ponies miss throughout their lives. Things like how the sun hit the leaves in the trees, casting hundreds of moving shadows across the walls and ground. As he looked at everything he still couldn't get over how beautiful the sunset looked as it continued to dip below the clouds and touched the horizon. Life had never looked more simple than it did in that moment. In spite of the small massacre that had just taken place, Crimson felt a small sense of peace and comfort looking around the courtyard.

Crimson gave another pained chuckle. When had he ever cared about how nature looked, or trees for that matter. He looked down at his own blood pooling by his side. "I guess blood loss is turning me into a nature lover."

Crimson felt his breaths beginning to hollow and looked back to the sunset. The sun was nearly gone now, all the vibrant colors formed began to giveaway to night.

His white coat was a dull, off white as his body began to fail. He could feel his body getting cold and the pain from his shoulder began to numb away. As he watched the sun finally pass over the horizon surrendering to night, his breaths became slow and light.

Darkness slowly drifted over Crimson. He gave off one final laugh before his entire body relaxed and his eyes closed. The courtyard became silent as it was filled in darkness, the silhouettes of bodies spread around barely visible.

As the moon rose, it's faint white glow bathed the still form of the white pony slumped against the wall. The moon seemed to glow a little brighter on Crimson for a moment, before a large black figure stepped in front of the white pony.

~~~~

"Luna please! You have to do it!"

Luna snapped out of her thoughts when she heard the voice behind her.

"It's not that simple Night Star, the process is complicated." Luna sighed, as she looked down at the limp body of Crimson Lying across the small table in front of her.

"Luna, I beg you! Please bring him back!" Night Star begged, looking between Luna and Crimson.

"I...I don't know. Night Star, I have only done this one other time. It will be the most painful thing he will ever feel and I cannot promise he will be the same as he was before. He...he also might not like what this spell will do to him, we would never know if he wanted this."

"I don't care Luna! I just want him back!" Night Star yelled, choking back tears, "It wasn't supposed to end like this for him, please Luna.

Luna looked back at Night Star, who was looking back at her with pleading eyes. Luna could tell Night Star wanted this more than anything in her entire life. She looked like she would walk across Equestria and back for this. Luna couldn't look at Night's desperation any longer.

"Alright." Luna sighed and closed her eyes as she began to concentrate. "I need to be alone for this Night Star, I will come for you when it is done." Luna said, before taking a deep breath.

Night Star simply gave a small bow before glancing at Crimson, then slowly exiting the room.

Luna's horn began to glow, showering the dark room in a blue tint as she began her spell on Crimson. The same blue tint began to encase Crimson’s body and appeared to make his muscles tighten. The room remained silent for several moments until the sound of muffled breathing began. Crimson’s body slowly began to take air in as if he was sleeping. Luna gave a small grin, before closing her eyes. The next part would be long and painful for Crimson.

~~~~

Night Star moved through the small hallways beneath the Palace with heavy steps. Each time she turned another corner, she wanted to run back to Crimson, but Luna had made it clear she needed to be alone. As she turned another corner she stopped, both ears flicked backwards. She could hear faint screams coming from the depths of the halls. She looked back around the corner with pained eyes as the screams got louder and louder, each one sounded more painful than the last. Luna had begun the spell and Night Star knew all she could do now was wait. She slowly closed her eyes and she leaned against the wall.

Night Star took a deep shaky breath and whispered,

"Thank you, Luna."

Comments

[SHITSTORM]

I cant wait to see if this is made into a full story i would love that btw good story

[night shield]

Really good.. i would love to see you how you would finish it

[Ironwolves21]

Overall it's a good read. It needs a bit of polish, but other than that it's all right.

First off, add in indents for each new paragraph, it'll make it all look neater, and help mark each paragraph. Second, a lot of your paragraphs can be pulled together, it doesn't need to sit at two sentences per PG. On that note, always make sure that when you have characters speaking, that you have them speaking in separate PG's to help avoid confusion as to who is talking.

For additional little bits, try extending on how each character feels, and how the scene looks. Try to avoid repeating yourself too often, and try putting a bit of focus on things you normally wouldn't consider, like smell, or taste. (The taste of ruddy copper laced Crimson's mouth; the smell of death was slowly encompassing both him and his battlefield.) Explain things, delve into them, but don't stay on it for too long. Once the point is defined and put across, move on. Also, try not to put your characters name in too often. If it's clear who the narration is focusing on, you don't have to.

Lastly, don't stop writing, and don't stop reading. Very few people are great at anything starting off, so don't get discouraged when your works don't get a ton of attention. Hell, there are a lot of great writers out there who won't ever see more than 100 views. Just keep working at it, and you'll get better. Focus on making yourself happy, and then focus on delivering awesome content to your fans.

Good luck!