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Some things in this world happen by chance. Others do not. Twilight Sparkle is about to learn a disturbing truth that will turn her world upside down.
- Originally written May 2011 for Deviant Art
Reading this story first is strongly recommended:
(Blood is Thicker) http://ciroton.deviantart.com/gallery/26378692#/d3e1ndq
Credits:
~Image by JohnJoseco~ ~Edited by BrotherPrickle on Deviant Art~
I see you decided to put this story on here as well. I'm going to say that this story was one of the two fanfics that really got me into MLP fanfiction (no regrets). I was literally shaky after reading this originally (story drew me in that much, again, no regrets).
Despite how silly and strange Twilight being a golem was, I have to admit this story was written pretty well and was a very entertaining and engaging 'what-if' scenario. However, the sequel, as I attempted to read was just far too long for my taste with such a concept that really doesn't stay appealing for the length of a novel.
Still, entertaining story none the less. 
The "Oh, by the way, Trixie is your sister" acknowledgements didn't really add anything. It feel like a pointless attempt to keep this fic in continuity with your other story, even though there was no real reason to do so. It's not like Trixie had any role in this story.
True, and I realized this a little while after it was first published, but I am not the kind of person to go back and change things once something is published, no matter how much I may want to facehoof over it. Like the ending to My Little Muffin: lackluster and a deus ex in hindsight. 
So unless I decide to do it over from scratch (which is a lot of time and effort) it is not likely to change.
Wait, this has 700+ views. How's it BELOW "My Little Sister" which is a oneshot poem with only 180 views?
.....FimFiction is stupid like this when it comes to the "popular" stories list.
On a lighter note, you're on FimFiction. HUZZAH!
I was apparently very late to the party for reading this. For Want Of A Dawn was already out and had like 4-5 chapters. But it's still awesome all the same. Trackfaved and thumbed (up) with a passion.
This was an absolutely amazing read. I enjoyed it thoroughly and spent about 4 hours on it! I loved your use of names for twilight and the princess. And I nearly cried when she called her mom. Adding tricked as a sis was a nice touch too! Anyway, awesome read and watching you!
~LadyRinoa~
I didn't think I would ever like a grimdark story so much. It's powerful, it's heart-wrenching, and yet it's so beautiful.
This won't upset my headcanon, but I wouldn't mind if something close to that turned to be true (Yeah, of course it could 
)
This made me go through the whole emotional gradient, which is no small feat considering my depressive tendencies. Your portrayal of Derpy (sorry, Ditzy burns...) was pure genius, as well as your use of the Doc. The fight was both breath-taking and heartbreaking, and it's conclusion left me crying in a corner for half an hour.
You Sir are an artist, and I should be honored to read any future fanfic of yours. Actually, I probably wouldn't hesitate to buy any book you might publish in the future, if you get the opportunity.
Bravo.
Moonrise -> Moon -> Luna -> Lunatic
On a more serious note, I really like how you managed her change from calm and collected to a mad ball of purple energy by using hallucinations. I was wondering how you wanted to do that at first, but I never expected that.
Well since For Want of Dawn has finally been complete, I felt it was time to reread the series (considering I haven't since you re-uploaded most of it here now). I'll always wonder why your stuff doesn't get more views
(I can see how the whole 'also Trixie is your sister' bit would be confusing on the first read.)
Hm...I could've sworn there were more stories to bring over to fimfiction. Guess I'll have to scan through your deviantart again
I know that the situation limited Celestia's options, but covering up another cover up always makes things worse. 
I can't wait to see the madness that this will most certainly stir up. 
Another thing, I love your writing style, I can't quite figure out what exactly it is about it that I like, so I'm just gonna go with all of it. 
Another, earlier story that I plan to put here on FIMFic relatively soon. For now, have a Deviant Art link:
Gotta say, I'm coming away from this really disappointed, which is too bad as I was really looking forward to reading it.
While the plot was interesting and well laid out, the writing is what killed it for me. Your style seems much better suited to light hearted comedy and slice of life stories than dark and violent dramas. I don't really know how to explain what I mean by this; it's a bunch of little things. Emotions change at the drop of a hat, and character reactions are often extremely under or over stated. You make constant little shout outs and references to specifics from the show, and inject a little comedy or wry humour in scenes that don't really need it.
As I said, it's hard for me to express in writing what bothered me about this piece. In any case, it was certainly competantly written, just not to my tastes. I'll look through your other work, and see if you have anything which speakers more to me.
This was written well over a year ago and was, at the time, the longest piece of prose I had ever written. I may have improved and eliminated the issue you've talked about, but I don't know. You will just have to check out my more recent works (final chapters of For Want of a Dawn and Shadow Over Ponyville) to see for yourself. Otherwise, eh, different people like different things, but thank you for reading anyway.
>>615511 I know what you mean. I just can't believe this is considered 'brilliant' and 'genius' by so many readers. Obviously, there are not many literature students in the audience. There were so many oddities in this story, I don't even know where to begin. From the very first 3 paragraphs, it felt forced and awkward. I read it through twice, and it still didn't strike me as all that well composed. The very idea that Twilight is a golem and somehow manages to be the Element of Magic when her very existence is at odds with the principles of Harmony is strange and illogical. The notion that Celestia would not include safeguards in the construction of a golem is at odds with the whole mythology of golems in the first place. The massive mood swings and incredible lack of intelligence of practically every single character also detracts heavily.
To me, internal logic and consistency are EXCEEDINGLY important to a story. So much of this felt immensely rushed and glossed over, progression felt throughout as if the entire story were on fast forward and thus we ended up missing crucial exposition and detailed explanations of some very puzzling aspects of the entire story.
Trixie as her sister, for instance. NEVER should a story make reference to another story without providing the crucial details. In this story's context, it is utterly inexplicable that Twilight could have a sister. The reference comes out of nowhere and is never elaborated upon. It simply doesn't belong.
Good Chapter I can't wait to read the rest. The part were Celestia fail to bring her creation to life. Remind me of a anime show call Full Metal Alchemist when Ed and Al fail to bring back there mother to life and was nothing but a bloody deform corpse. Well any great chapter.
Very interesting, you have my attention
Grammar Note:
Only complaint, repeated use of 'then' when you should use 'than':
then - indicates the event occurs immediately or closely following.
than - used for comparisons "Spike knew better than to bring the idea up again"
Wow. That was so emotion-packed. You ran me through a lot of them, too. Apart from hurting her friends, I don't think our Twilight is too far from this insanity herself. Love the reasoning behind her trauma. It is funny that she goes the most crazy when it has to do with Celestia, isn't it? Lol.
And I know you wrote this a while ago and have finished with it, I have to mention that you write 'nodded [their] head' a lot. It's not an error, but it's really quite redundant when you think about it. What else would they be nodding? 
Your story is really quite a joy to read - even if it's a bit of a horror to read. Lol. Twilight! Nooooo!!!
I studied literature, and I have to completely disagree with you. You mention "to me," and that is exactly what your whole comment is: an opinion. It's really more than a little rude for you to say
I just can't believe this is considered 'brilliant' and 'genius' by so many readers.
That's just nasty. This isn't a years-in-the-making, edited by a publishing house and made to be on the bestseller list piece of literary work, this is a fanfiction. A damn well-written fanfiction.
It's not polished, definitely, and there are repeated errors, some things that don't make sense and so forth, but if you can see the potential for perfection in this story, then it is closer than it has any right to be as a fanfiction. Therefore, as a fanfiction, and not a literary work, it has the right to be called brilliant and genius by readers. Especially on the merits of bringing so many readers joy in reading it.
>>1520273 And I would point you to examples like "Background Pony" and "A Cup of Joe" to demonstrate that even in fanfiction there are plenty of writers who take the time to carefully think upon every detail in their stories, and end up with tales that rival the majority of published commercial work.
And I would ask you why the existence of "better" works makes a good work any less than that.
I understand that some things are not as great as they potentially could be, but this is fanfiction. Mostly a ground for novice writers to practice. While a great work can indeed be great, you shouldn't belittle lesser fics because of it. That's like comparing every new published novel to the literary classics.
It's only by encouraging the spark of "genius" that writers can flourish. I'm not saying we don't point out their flaws, but we definitely don't deem them unworthy of the praise given them.
Curse these Conflicting Feels!!!
How could you think I would want to make you into cupcakes, Twilight? I mean, HELLO, ponies would taste awful! Not to mention how hard it would be for me to disguise the meat since we're all herbivores, and I doubt hot sauce would do the trick, unless you had a WHOLE TUB for each cupcake but that would be a hot sauce tub with frosting recipe..."
Does this scare anyone else?
" How could you think I would want to make you into cupcakes, Twilight? I mean, HELLO, ponies would taste awful! Not to mention how hard it would be for me to disguise the meat since we're all herbivores, and I doubt hot sauce would do the trick, unless you had a WHOLE TUB for each cupcake but that would be a hot sauce tub with frosting recipe"
Does any one think this is super duper scary?
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" moments. I haven't read Blood Is Thicker yet, though, so I suppose I should get on that.
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but also a beutiful ending 
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