A birthday party. What usually is the happiest day of the year for somepony happens to land on the saddest day for a dragon librarian. But when he learns who the lucky mare is, he can't help but be upset with his sister who was nowhere when their caretaker left them for good as he stood by her bed.
To make matters worse, he has to deal with his niece and the rest of his old friends' grandchildren as life wishes them to live happy and normal lives.
But when the last breath of Kindness fades away; evil will once again be unleashed onto Equestria. It is up to this new group of friends to find the elements within themselves. It's also up to Spike and his Sister to come to terms with one another if any pony wants to keep harmony across the land.
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This is most likely not the best way to describe this story but does make a good summary.
I do advise reading Past Sins by Pen Stroke and Batty Gloom before starting this story. It does involve Nyx so, LET THE FLOODGATES OF UNPLEASANTNESS OPEN! HAHAHAHAHA! Cause i expect to get hate for writing this.
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Will add anypony's image if to this if i feel it needs to. The same goes for themes.
*Sounds of applause*
I'm having suspicions that Storm used to be a Royal Guard or wants to be one, the way he acts.
HA i wondered when someone was gonna throw a male into the demographic. that'll throw diz for a loop (and so will nix).
makes me wanna head on with my plans for the second generation I have up.
only thing is, you haven't mentioned any of the younger gens, or did the original author who did nix cover them? (the CMC, Pip, dinky, etc)
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Don't worry I planned on having a kid/grand kid of characters from the show appear at some point or the other. Not all, but the important ones to Nyx, yes. Oh btw, Applebloom's kid got an intro in chapter one, It's just hard to call someone who is your parents cousin by saying Second Uncle or something like that, so Autumn calls him Uncle to play it safe.
I can understand that describing a fast pace scene with alot of action can be difficult and hard to pull off, but it was well portrayed even if it felt like it was from a scene from dragonball Z. the character development is also continuing very nicely and the story is progressing at a good pace. i look forward to reading the next chapter to see how discord concocks his plans, nyx's roll as defender and how Starlight manages her powers as well as her friends.
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Truth be told the fight scenes are really a rewrite since I had Discord use a *squee* ton of fireballs (fire is the most chaotic element after all) but a good friend said it was really unlike Discord to use elemental spell like the princesses. Soooo i based most of his attack from the show. On that note...
how could i not see the DBZ references!
Any who... I'll try not to displease you or any of my other readers in the next chapters. (Though i think I'm going to need Derpy to drop a piano on me
But the show must go on!
So Sweetie Belle has a grandson and Scootaloo has a daughter?
It's like time travelling in the future.
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Um why would Starlight call Ash Shield cousin then?
Maybe i should of slid in the word 'second' cousin. Don't worry, the next chapter should clean that up.
523818 No, it's just that the description of his mane colour and texture made me think that.
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I know i just thought that myself.
523843 No worries, just carry on. Have a moustache
Oh, I was wondering when it will enter the Past Sins group.
523862
I just put it in 10 seconds ago
523865 I'm quick am I?
my only complaint is this story really needs a editor/proofreader, seeing plenty of grammar errors all over the place. depends on how much i could fit in it but if you want i could try and reread these chapters before moving on and pm you fixed copies Burning Wick... or email them, whichever you want. it'd be my first try at editing like that though but still.
edit: in particular:
[Nyx met the dragon gaze with her own while replying,] and [“I’m not a filly anymore Spike. I have been taking care of myself for over the past 80 years. I can make choices for myself.”] is not 1 whole sentence so instead of having a comma at the end of [Nyx met the dragon gaze with her own while replying,] it should be a period (that seems to be a common mistake here :/
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I know i need a pre-reader/editor and any and all help will be nice.
FIRST
So now we will see more Nyx in Ponyville. Sweet!
“I hope so,” Starlight looking back at the mess, “You need help cleaning this mess?”
Walking over to her, he picked the pony up and carried her over to the staircase, “Oh, no, you’re going to bed whether you like it or not.”
i'm sorry and i may come back to this story later but please, please, a proofreader for this story. the grammar mistakes and numerous run on sentences like: “You would go as low as ponynapping,” the solar regent barked, “you sicken me Discord.”
are getting increasingly annoying to me.
“You would go as low as ponynapping.” The solar regent barked. “You sicken me Discord.” (fixed)
both commas should be periods as they're separate sentences/statements/descriptions/etc..
CLIFFHANGER!?!?!?!?
NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
627020
Not exactly. What was introduced was the reporting verb and the inquit placed before the dialogue. It is a common mistake that people place periods after the reporting verb while it is a well-known fact that it is a form that can be used.
You example of [Nyx met the dragon's gaze with her own while replying,] is indeed an example of a flawed sentence structure but there is nothing wrong with the inquit in general. In fact, if the inquit is to work, it should rather be [Nyx met the dragon's gaze with her own and replied,]
426616
Your chapter had a lot of potential but your overall grammar influenced it somehow. It's okay if the errors aren't exactly frequent but when they are as blatant as they were in this chapter, it slightly kills the will to read since it can ruin the overall comprehension of the sentences contained if your chapter. I would suggest you to get an editor, if you don't already have one.
Sincerely,
The Eclipsed One
Raine Moon
Isn't an alicorn's age also determined by the amount of magic they have?
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Yeah I kind of forgot about that part when I wrote this. And I posted this before I finished reading the rewrite of Past Sins. So Yeah
But think of it this way, Over the years, her natural body grew along with her ability to use magic. I'm just taking a shot in the dark but since Luna was probably the age of the Season 1 Luna when she became Nightmare Moon, That even when her magic was drained by the elements, her body returned to the size it had naturally been before she let her anger take control. Because if she didn't have that natural body to return to, she would probably been about the size of the Cmc after the Elements. You can use theory further by apply it to Nyx, whom in truth isn't even one year old in Past Sins, so when Luna took her magic back, she left enough to equal that of a filly about Sweetie Belle's age. So after 100 years, Nyx's body grew naturally as well magically to her adult state now.
Keep in mind that we never saw Celestia in a state of her magic being drained either, so one could then apply this theory to her as well. Since while Luna was on the moon she could have be held back from the natural aging she was suppose to go through while Celestia aged normally for 1000 years. So I figure if Celestia was also drain of magic (from a long enough time in Discord cell keep in mind) her body's natural age roughly match that of her cannon Appearances just without the magical mane.
I am fully aware of that, but think about it for a sec. What if natural growth and magical growth don't increase at the same rate?
"So why do alicorn look so young?"
Well I like to think that all immortal's natural growth will halt after it finds that age that can be argued as both young and full of energy and old and burden with experiences.
Hope you enjoy this moment of over explained theories about you simple question. I know I did.
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I understood everything.
Holy crud, I actually cried during the lullaby scene. That was heartbreaking man.
Thus passed Fluttershy, the Lady Kindness, the last of the Elements of Harmony. With her passing ended an era of Equestria's history the like of which would never be seen again.
But with the end of one story, another begins.
Lovely writing. I'm also very, very interested as to what Starlight's cutie mark might mean. It is very possible that she is simply too powerful for any of the traditional forms of magic to contain her will. Only when she draws her magic through her compassion can she control it. Is she the new Element of Kindness?
Brilliantly-written battle scene. Let us not forget that these are gods; it's really only due to the fact that they were all, to a certain extent, holding back that there was anything left of Canterlot!
I am waiting unitl i finish the story as wriiten so far, but i must bring out an issue now.. whichis not solely present in this story but is common throughout fanon ( and to a certain extent the show itself)
here it goes..
IS THERE NO SUCH THING AS HISTORY CLASSES IN EQUESTIRIA?
I cannot fathom how it is possible how, barely a century after the events of Past Sins, NO ONE remembers nyx's origin story. i mean this story makes a ploint point out of the fact that t least one eyewitness to those events
is stll alive at the beginningo f the story..
and yet Discord basically insinuates that he can blackmail Nyx by telling ponies she s Nightmare Moon? like how is it that everyone does not know that fact already??
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Think of it this way... That was a black spot on Nyx's past. A scar that she wanted covered up. how do you cover up said scar? You remove it. That's why (at least in this story) Nyx's destroyed the castle the cult built for her. Also I like to point to a real life black spot on a country's recent history. Ever heard of the Tiananmen Sqaure Protests of 1989? Most of the younger population in China don't cause the government covered it up.
There is also another reason why I made it so the mass population was mostly unaware of it because Nyx to them was a Super Hero. What would do if you found out that your Hero had once defeated the rulers of the country, taken over said country, enslaved thousand of citizens, and cause a night that lasted two weeks?
cover image suggestion:
deviantart.com/download/314912568/my_first_da_muro_drawing___nyx_by_silverarrow87-d57ho3c.png
Source
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I'll take you up on that suggestion.
Hey Burning, do you have any news about the future of this fic? Because it kinda looks like it has died.
2572242 I've been slow in reworking it so its correct with Past Sins cannon/show cannon. Sorry all.
]
You left most of the story in italics.
И это всё? Печальный конец? Дискорд победил? Надежды нет? Никс умрет?
And it's all? Sad end? Discord won? Hope not? Nyx will die?
Press F