"Where's Twilight?" I asked Spike as he entered the kitchen. I had gotten up early since I had to visit Rarity's boutique and had hoped to talk to Twilight about what was bothering her last night.
"I think she's still asleep. Which is odd. She's usually up by now." he said.
"Well she had an exciting night last night. She's probably just completely exhausted from it." I said, worriedly. Unless she had been out all night with Celestia or at one of Pinkie's parties, she usually woke up as soon as the sun was up.
"So, what are your plans for the day?" Spike asked me, completely out of character.
"Why do you suddenly have an interest in what I'm doing?" I asked.
"Well I was helping Rarity with some things last night, and she said you were going over today for some help. Are you planning on making a move?" he asked.
"Making a move? What do you mean?" I asked him nervously.
"You rarely talk to her, and you don't hang out with her much, which is probably your way of hiding that you like her. Well back off! She's mine." Spike said.
I chuckled a little bit. "Don't worry Spike. I don't like Rarity like that. She's not even my type."
"Good. Because I am going to be earning her love later this week!" he said with a proud smile.
"Well good luck with that." I said. He had no clue that Rarity wasn't interested. He was a baby dragon, while much more mature for his age, he still didn't know how relationships worked. Or how to present himself. Granted I wasn't sure either, which is why I'm going to Rarity for help with that.
I sat in the kitchen for about an hour, waiting for Twilight to come down. She never did, and I started to worry. I walked up the stairs and knocked on her door. "Hey. Twilight? You awake?" I asked.
There wasn't an answer and I knocked again. She opened the door this time and looked like she hadn't slept. "Hey Brendan. What's up?" she asked.
"Well, I was just wondering if you were awake. You're usually up by now." I said.
"Oh yeah I'm awake." she said.
I waited for her to say more. "So what happened at Phil's last night?" I asked.
"Oh, nothing. We just...talked." she said.
"Okay. Well what did you two talk about?"
"Nothing much. Just how he felt."
"...and?" I asked.
"He said he loved me too." She said with little excitement in her voice. I felt like she was hiding something.
"Well that's good." I said. I noticed that she was avoiding eye contact with me and looked like her coat was a little void of its usual purple color. "Twilight? Are you okay?"
"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. What did you and the others talk about?"
"Mainly when I was going to get my own place." I said chuckling, trying to lighten the mood.
She smiled. "Hey, umm, I've got to write some things for the Princess. I'll talk to you later okay?"
"Oh, okay. Sure. I had some things I wanted to do today anyway. Catch ya later."
She closed the door and I returned to the kitchen. Something was bothering me and I wasn't sure what. Twilight was with Phil for awhile last night. Longer than I would have thought. Did they... I shook my head. No, Twilight wouldn't have done that. She's made that clear. So what was it? Did they just talk? Did they go out?
I shook the thoughts away. I've got somewhere to be. Something's up with her. I'll just give her her space and then see if she'll be ready to talk about it when I get back. I thought. I looked out the window and saw that the sun had fully risen from the horizon. It wouldn't take long for it to be at it's peak in the sky.
I walked out the door and headed down to Rarity's. It wasn't too far from the library so I took my time walking. It was still fairly early, and I wasn't sure as to when Rarity woke up. With how she presented herself, I assumed she would be up early to do her mane and coat, but that was just an assumption.
I felt the usual stares as I walked down the streets. I was wearing just a t-shirt and a pair of shorts, but they weren't bad looking. Then again, the one who has no sense in fashion shouldn't really be saying what looks bad or not. I figured it wasn't what I was wearing though. It was because I was human.
"That's the one that threatened them at the library." I overheard one of the stallions say.
"Seriously? Please he looks like a twig. How could he be a threat to anyone?" his buddy asked.
At least I'm not being called chubby. I thought as I remembered Rarity's comment about my belly. I ignored them though and quickened my pace.
I knocked on her door when I walked up. I could tell that she had been prepping stuff by the amount of trashcans she had out front. trash day for her was anyday she had to prep something. Which was almost every three days.
The door opened and I didn't see Rarity standing there. I figured she had opened it up with her magic, so I started to walk in. "Hello?"
"Ow!" I heard someone say as my foot kicked something. I looked down and saw a little filly standing there.
"Oh! I'm sorry!" I apologized. "Are you okay?" I asked.
"You kicked me!" she exclaimed.
"I know and I'm really sorry. I didn't realize Rarity had a sister." I said.
"Well she does. I'm Sweetie Belle." she said.
"I'm Brendan. Your sister said that she was going to help me today." I said.
"Yep. And I'm going to help!" she said with a cute smile.
I think my heart just stopped from pure cuteness. I thought. She ran away shouting for Rarity. I walked in, making sure I didn't accidentally kick any other surprise siblings of hers. The boutique was much larger on the inside than it looked like on the outside. I made my way to her own little stage walk and found her messing with wigs and little white head statues.
"Ah! Brendan, you're finally here." she said.
"It's early in the morning." I pointed out. I noticed she had a few hairs out of place. "Have you been awake all night?" I asked.
"Why of course! I needed all the time I could get on such short notice." she said.
Remember that you were the one who offered. I thought to myself."So, what's the plan for today?"
"Well, step one is to fix your hair." she said. She pulled out a chair and had me sit down, rather forcefully, and placed a cover over my shirt.
"You said you hadn't ever done this before for a human right?"
"Correct darling." she said, as she started snipping my hair without warning.
Too late to back out now. I thought nervously. I let her work in silence, mainly because I didn't want to destroy whatever concentration she had and completely screw up whatever hair I had left on my head. I felt my hair fall on my shoulders and it sent a weird feeling down my spine. I hadn't gotten a haircut in a few years and the last time I had the guy had cut my hair I wasn't satisfied with it.
"So, tell me, how long have you liked Twilight?" Rarity asked.
"Oh, um..." I said trying to think. "Well I'm not sure. I've lived with her for so long so I guess it just slowly came about." I said.
"Come now, Brendan. You have to know the first time you looked at her like that. When was the first time you looked at her and thought, 'Wow, she is really gorgeous and pretty. I like her." she said.
"I don't know. Maybe...a few months ago?" I said, spitting out a time frame that sounded like it would work.
"And you've been sitting on that for that long? I don't know how you did it. If it were me, I would be trying my best to show whoever I like that I truly cared for them and wanted to be with them." she said.
"Yeah, well she was with Phil, so I couldn't really just do that." I said.
"Yes you could have. You need to compete. Show yourself off to the world that you are a man and deserve the attention of the girl of your dreams!" Rarity exclaimed.
Again, a little over dramatic Rarity. I thought. "Are you almost done?" I asked.
"Just a few more touches and we'll be all set." she said. She cut a few more strands of hair and looked at it from all sides for about five minutes before finally putting the scissors down. "All right, we're all done with that." she said.
I took the cover off and started to get up, but she quickly pushed me back down in the chair. "I thought we were done with my hair?" I asked.
"Oh no, deary. We were just done cutting it. Now we have to style it and make it look more than hair. We have to give it a personality." she said. "Sweeite, can you fetch me the gels from the table?"
"I'm on it!" Sweetie said and ran over and grabbed the mixtures of bottles and tubes.
Oh boy. I thought. I never cared for gel. Whenever I used it my hair felt sticky and like glue. It was uncomfortable because it didn't flow. "No, no, I'm good on the gel." I said quickly.
"Don't be silly. You'll need it. Your hair is just too flat without it. This'll make it jump and spring and shout. It'll explain who you are as a person." she said.
"No, really, I'm sure I look fine."
"Let the designer do her work." Rarity said and took some of the gel and placed it in my hair.
I closed my eyes as she meshed my hair together with the goop. Why did I agree to this? I thought.
After about ten minutes of her putting the gel in my hair, I felt like I was going to look like Phoenix Wright. I'm going to look like a porcupine! I thought nervously. She pulled a mirror in front of me and I actually didn't look too bad. "Whoa." I said, seeing the spiked hair in the front with it leaning ever so slightly to the left.
"You like it?" Rarity asked.
"Surprisingly yes. How much gel did you use?" I asked.
"Not much. I used a little here and there. You had a painful patch of hair that refused to stay down on the back of your head, but I got it to work with me." she said as she placed the mirror down. "Now, it's time to work on your wardrobe."
I hated trying on clothes. I usually found one I liked, bought it, and wore it. Never did the whole fashion line that I knew my sister back home did before going out. "Let's see, try this." Rarity said throwing a pair of clothes at me.
I looked at it and already knew that I wasn't going to like it. Light blue with white pants. "I hate white pants." I said quickly.
"Then try the regular jeans." she said, tossing another pair at me.
I sighed and walked behind the changing tables. I feel stupid. I thought. I looked in the mirror, and I had to admit I looked good. But the shirt was too tight for me. I liked loose fitting shirts. "Do you have something a little more loose?" I asked.
"Not in your color." she said.
"Of course." I said quietly.
"Well come out. Let me see." she said.
I gingerly walked out so she could evaluate me. "Not bad. Not bad at all, if I do say so myself. Hmm...maybe..." she trailed off as she went back to her long closet of clothes. I was shocked she had so many human clothes, but I guess with her trying to appeal to the new residents of Ponyville I shouldn't be surprised.
I spent a good hour trying on more clothes than I had owned in my lifetime. I finally just gave up and chose the first one we did as it was the only one I liked the most. "You couldn't have just picked that one at the beginning could you?" Rarity said.
"I told you that 15 minutes in!" I exclaimed.
She huffed. "Well, no matter. You look dashing and ready to impress Twilight!!"
"How are you going to do it?" Sweetie Belle asked.
"Oh. Well...I don't know. I haven't really thought about it..." I admitted.
"Oh, I'm sure you'll think of something. You live with her already. Phil doesn't. I think that says something about you." Rarity said.
"I only live with her because she was willing to give me a place to stay while I saved up money for my own house." I said.
"And she hasn't kicked you out yet after, what, six months? I mean you've been working for a long time and houses in Ponyville aren't that expensive. So you should have enough to buy one now, right?"
"Well....in theory. But I may have spent it on...entertainment." I said. "Like taking her to the Starswirl the Bearded museum in Canterlot and on some other things as gifts to her..."
We walked to the door and before I left I turned to Rarity. "What should I do?" I asked.
"Just be yourself. She already likes you, darling. All you have to do is show her how much you like her." she said.
"And...if she doesn't? If she doesn't feel like I do?" I asked, suddenly nervous.
"Then you move on. You stay friends with her and still show her you care for her, even if you aren't together, but you don't linger on her." she said.
I lowered my head and sighed. "I guess we'll see how it goes then." I said.
"I guess so." she replied.
"Well, thanks for the help. I'll let you know how it goes afterwards." I said and walked back to the library. I had only been there for an hour, but I needed to see if Twilight was going to tell me more about what happened last night. There was something off about it. Almost as if she was hiding something. "I'm sure it'll be fine." I said to myself as I walked up to the library door.
Wow, Phil sure know how to hit on mares, whether they be Twilight or not! but in all seriousness I'm going to admit, I feel like you're starting to teeter into cliche, douche boyfriend territory now. it almost feels like you're going down a checklist at this point.
-Seemingly dislikes MOST EVERYTHING she likes and only has the most tangential reason to be with her? Check
-Flirts with literally everyone? Check
-Doesn't take this relationship all that seriously? Probably Check
-You said he works late a lot I believe, right? That's usually shorthand for not being able/willing to make time for the other, usually making the relationship fall apart. Check.
-Probably hit her and Twilight covers for him? Check
I'm sorry but this is getting a bit hard to read by this point. In my opinion this would be better served if you alluded to Phil being a douche instead of just spelling it out. Maybe he forgets some proper etiquette in public, like forgetting to be a nice guy and pulling her chair out? You know, little things that makes him feel more inconsiderate. Maybe he shows up to their dates consistently late and offers only the most half-assed apologies? Maybe he'll call off their prior engagements and brush Twilight off in favor of something he find more enjoyable?
I think if the story was based more off some subtle things that lead up to the conclusion that he's a dick, and not literally just written in stone already, as "Oh he's a dick!" right away, this would read better.
And honestly that's the main problem here, I didn't notice much in the way of spelling errors, but that plot man.
Danny, hate when a clif-like-hanger appears at the end of a chapter. Can't wait for the next chapter. Yay!
4956096 I understand that dude. But when I started writing this I was basing it off of this little comic here. i.imgur.com/Bsn4EMi.jpg
It's the whole inspiration behind this. But I'm going to try and work around the douche bag part.
4956117 Please do, your story has potential. But you might crash if you keep going this, it'a a little to stereotypical. I would like to say something more useful to say, but at the moment I've got nothing. Sorry about that.
4956442 I'm actually starting to think I should edit it and change that bit :/ don't know yet what I would change it to
4956993 That might be a good idea. I don't think you meant it to go quite this far, but it is getting into very sensitive territory. A break up could work if done right, or maybe Twilight catches him with another mare. I know that both of those are cliched as well, but what you're trying to do isn't easy. There's a delicate balance here that needs to be maintained so as not to risk alienating readers. I can't really help beyond that though.
4956117 now i wanna kill phil *goes into Super Sayian 3 mode*
*gathers a badass army*
Mission: Kill Phil. Kill on sight.
looking forward to more this is getting really interesting
stay classy
4957012
4956993
well, not to be the wall.. Or something here. But sometimes the cliche is actually good, sometimes the unique is just meh. I see a lot of people wienning and complaining about marry/Garry sues and cliches, but unique is hard and unigue can ruin things.
I'm not telling you don't make changes or do make changes, I'm just saying do what you want, do what you feel the story needs having readers enjoy your story is nice but are you going to enjoy it if your following the demands of your readers.
I enjoy the story as is, one thing I would like is if there are chapters from twilight's perspective as well, but that could alter the story in bad ways at this point.
I kinda think the mc would have told rarity about twilight's behavior and the black eye. If twilight won't tell him she may open up to the rest of the girls at least.
All in all after what I have said, the decision is yours and yours alone.
Also this is the first time I have been notified that this story updated. Your new chapters didn't even show up in my unread list since I had first found it when only chapter 1 was out....... hopefully it notifies me from now on.
4957012 so I changed it. I'm not neccessarily happy with this simply because I'm on my phone so editing the story is just hard. But it leaves some mystery as to what happened when they talked. I'll fix it more when I get home to my computer
4966937 well I may write another story from her POV but not sure. Last time I did that with a popular story I lost a bunch of inspiration and stopped writing it for a few months. But I did change it simply for the sake of it'll work better. While I'm not happy about the change per say, I blame the lack of editing capability on my phone which makes it all a huge pain. I'll fix it again and add whatever details I need later today
4966937 You do speak the truth, sometimes cliches are a good thing. More often than not they are unavoidable, however. I don't think any of us who write can dodge them, I know I certainly haven't.
4967108 did you change it before my comment or after? I'm confused. Like I said for some reason it never notified me that your story updated till this latest chapter, in fact over the last couple of months none of them were in my unread list.
So if you changed things before my comment then I never saw the old versions.
4969440 true. You could say it is cliche to try being original. .... The whole world is cliche.....
4970141 Lol no I changed them after your comment.
4970141 Oh man did you just hit the nail on the head.
4970205 just the latest chapter or more? Guess I must reread Hehehe mwahahaha get haha haha *coughs a lot* hehe sorry.
4970534 Hehehe
4970662 I'll put it this way, you didn't knock the ball out of the park. You knocked it off the planet and out of the solar system!
4970662 Last chapter
4970669 trying to be unique is cliche.
Trying not to be cliche is cliche.
Trying not to be a marry/garry sue is being a garry/marry sue.
We are all trapped in this yet most don't realize it or refuse to acknowledge it.
4970692 You're hurting my brain....
4970684 I will re read it them
4970695 if you were an Ai you would have self destructed.
4970692 There are many things about fanfiction that most of refuse to accept. I'm following you so far, it feels nice to have an intelligent conversation again, I don't get to very often.
4970743 your welcome. now to see what changed in the chapter.
4970684 ok i read through again. not much was changed but you did change the convo between the mc and twilight a bit.
Ace Attorney reference FTW! have a mustache
OBJECTION!
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