Meatball Marinara

by DEn-eaRP

The Cash Cow

Something's waltzing through the village; Ponyville is in a bind. Twilight Sparkle's after Breadnose; can she find the dude in time? Rainbow Dash is made of meat; will the sandwich be complete-?

"Kellllllll-deo, where are you?"

Nopony answered because the town was deserted. It turned out that everypony that day had deserted the town to hit the Dessert Desert for their just desserts. Actually, that was a lie because Applejack was in town, Element of Honesty she was.

"Ya'll lookin' fer that darn tootin' Keldeo?"

"Yes, in fact I am, Applejack! Do you know where he is?"

Applejack activated her honesty powers. Although she did not know the location of Keldeo, she could not tell a lie and therefore the location she said would turn out to be where he was. Eyes glowing orange, she answered, "He's at the 100 Hotel in Canterlot, floor 1, room 5." She tipped her hat. "Hope that helped!"

It did indeed help as Twilight began a mad zip to Canterlot. Rainbow Dash, the meatball she was, struggled to hold on as meatballs do not have limbs. The library in the unicorn's saddlebag was having a rough ride too. Truly, only the dead would know peace from Twilight Sparkle's wild ride.

Now completely alone, Applejack activated her honesty powers again. "I am at the Dessert Desert with everypony else!" And because that was the truth, she was. It was too bad that Twilight and Rainbow Dash would be missing out on the Taffy Pit and the MMMMountain.

AT THE HOTEL

"What do you mean, you haven't had it since 1969!?"

The room service pony, depressingly named Room Service, gulped. He wasn't quite sure what to do. He had literally never worked in a situation where the guest was not 100% satisfied. "S- s- sir, unauthorized cornflakes are unauthorized in Equestria! They're too dangerous, but I assure you, our authorized cornflakes are just as good!"

The guest of honor, an ambassador pony by the name of Keldeo, snorted. "Authorized cornflakes are not my idea of delicious! Go get me some unauthorized cornflakes for my brunch, or I will see to it that your boss fires you."

"Sir, no, please!"

"GO!"

Room Service, uniform drenched from the immense sweat this spoiled swordspony had induced from him, scrambled out, to go meet the illegal request. As he dashed out, our hero Twilight, Dash in tow, dashed in. The 100 Hotel was known for being a nexus of time and space warping, so naturally Keldeo did not find the intrusion of a complete stranger to be worth batting an eyelid at.

"Breadnose! I request your bread nose!"

Breadno- I mean Keldeo blinked, flustered. "No." He shook the feeling off. "I am about to go on what could quite possibly be the most important ambassadorial trip in history, and I would not have the time to go through plastic surgery to take care of my charmingly bulbous nose."

"There's a knife right here!" exclaimed Twilight, picking up the knife on the currently empty food tray.

"It is not silverware time, miss." Keldeo tapped his hoof, remarking how late his unauthorized cornflake brunch was. "What do you want my nose for anyway?"

Twilight put on her best "official business" voice. She loved doing this voice; it made her sound awesome, in her opinion. "I am hungry for a Meatball Marinara, just like mom used to make. I need bread, and your nose is bread. Therefore, I request your nose."

Room Service burst in with the contraband cereal. Seeing what he assumed to be Ol' Breadnose's mistress, he quickly poured two bowls and ran away.

"While I cannot help you, I can offer you some delicious cornflakes instead for you to eat." Keldeo ate his meal in a sophisticated manner. To his dismay, his guest was not grazing on the wonderfully cholesterol-and-fat-soaked unauthorized cornflakes.

"I'm sorry, Breadnose; it's just that... only a Meatball Marinara will do." Twilight fidgeted around nervously. "It's what I'm hungry for."

"I am sorry to hear that," sighed the actually-not-sorry-at-all swordspony. "Oh well, more cornflakes for me!"

"I have never seen anypony so into cornflakes before; does this hotel really make them that good? Oh! I get it! I'm so smart! These are the delicious, yet, dangerously unhealthy unauthorized cornflakes!"

"What's it to you? Sometimes one might want to take in the finer pleasures in life!"

"I know." Twilight checked in her saddlebag to see if there was a book in the miniaturized library to set aside for later about the history of Equestrian cornflakes. There wasn't.

"By the way, I am Princess Celestia's number one student, please!"

Keldeo's eyes opened in shock. Said shock also allowed the clogged-by-cornflakes cardiovascular system to fail, and so the musketeer died, hoist by his own petard.

"How rude!" Rainbow Dash piped up.

STILL AT THE HOTEL, BUT IN THE EVENING

The glowing and shining princess, Celestia, trotted over to her number one student. She intended to question her about what happened at the time of Keldeo's death, as the purple unicorn had been there for some reason when it happened.

"What kind of business did you have here, anyway, my faithful student?"

Twilight and Rainbow (Celestia was not able to recognize Rainbow in her baleful form) looked at each other nervously. They weren't entirely sure if the death would be considered a sinister shock or a stupid suicide.

"It is a matter of a Meatball Marinara, Princess Celestia!" stated the nervous student. Her mentor eyed her oddly, as she was an immortal being, she never had a mother who would buy her Meatball Marinaras from Subway, and thus she felt a sad pang. She would never truly understand, like her student did, the true significance of a Meatball Marinara. However, that was not important at the moment; what instead was important was the implications the death of the ambassador would bring.

"We need to discuss this matter, Twilight; Keldeo was a very important pony."

Celestia spun around clockwise 3 times, did 8 backflips, spun counterclockwise 4 times, did a frontflip, and then spun around clockwise 2 more times, which teleported them all to her private quarters. Even the police were present.

Comments

[abandoned2123]

Maybe I'm just stupid, I don't know... but I have no idea where what's going with this

[kingtiger666]

i1.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/277/384/823.jpg
what the fuck did i just read

[Rainbow Dash the Awesome]

I'm conflicted; I hate troll fics but I like vore, and it looks like that's where this is going.

[DEn-eaRP]

425621

Someone gets it! Hooray!

[Magnum-opuS]

It's like a text Youtube poop!
You owe yourself a PRRRROMOTION!

[Fat Autistic Weeaboo2222]

425443 i bought a fanta orange soda from dunken doughnuts so either someone put LSD in while i wasn't looking and im tripping balls or this story actually exist