Do rainbows and cotton candy mix?

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Rainbow Dash has feelings for Pinkie Pie. But how does she go about telling her? Does Pinkie even like mares? Will she reject or accept her if she does? So many questions that need answering.

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Comments ( 16 )

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Matt11

Matt11 #1 · Jun 20th, 2014 · · · What are these feelings? ·

ohh i feel like this might be a scootadop, i like it so far

TheN0tSoNice

TheN0tSoNice #2 · Jun 21st, 2014 · · · What are these feelings? ·

But the party that pinkie pie wants to throw rainbow dash so intense

Crimson Dawn

Crimson Dawn #3 · Jun 21st, 2014 · · · What are these feelings? ·

One thing you may want to change for future chapters is to have different character's dialogue being in different paragraphs. For example

"Hey Dashie!" Pinkie greeted to one of her closest friends. "Hey Pinkie, can i get a cupcake? I kinda slept through lunch earlier," Rainbow dash said rubbing the back of her mane with a sheepish smile. "Oh, of course Dashie! Anything for you!" As Pinkie Pie bounced away, Rainbow Dash couldn't help but feel... different at Pinkie Pie's choice of words but decided to just wave it off as her sleeping a bit longer than her usual naps. Pinkie then hopped back back to her rainbow friends table shortly after with a singular cupcake that sported white and red frosting on top of it. "Here ya go Dashie!" Pinkie said as she hoofed the small confectionery over to her rainbow maned friend.

Should look more like this

"Hey Dashie!" Pinkie greeted to one of her closest friends.

"Hey Pinkie, can i get a cupcake? I kinda slept through lunch earlier," Rainbow dash said rubbing the back of her mane with a sheepish smile.

"Oh, of course Dashie! Anything for you!" As Pinkie Pie bounced away,

Breaking up the dialogue helps the reader as it makes it clearer about who is saying what.

reaperdarkblade

reaperdarkblade #4 · Jun 21st, 2014 · · · What are these feelings? ·

4577845 I suppose that could be helpful. Thank you very much, I'll keep that in mind while I'm working on the second chapter, and perhaps edit the first chapter as well.

Sunglaze

Sunglaze #5 · Jun 30th, 2014 · · · What are these feelings? ·

I like it and I would like to see more of it but it is to soon to say whether I really love it....it doesnt take much for ke to love something so I think im going to but anyways cant waitt for the next chapter

TheMusicalBoy93

TheMusicalBoy93 #6 · Jul 5th, 2014 · · · What are these feelings? ·

Excellent opening I wonder how Rainbow Dash will feel when she comes to realise why she can't stop thinking about Pinkie. There's a couple of grammatical errors in this chapter, but nothing that makes it unreadable. If you try proofreading a little more, or get someone to proofread for you, I'm sure the problem will be a quick fix

reaperdarkblade

reaperdarkblade #7 · Jul 6th, 2014 · · · What are these feelings? ·

4645130 I'll get on that soon. Thanks.

reaperdarkblade

reaperdarkblade #8 · Jul 6th, 2014 · · · What are these feelings? ·

I apologise everypony for the increasingly large delay. life is getting in the way due to needing a job. Also had writers block for a while but I'll get the next chapter out when I can. Please don't be too mad.