I really love MLP. I probably like fluttershy the best from the mane six. My favorite series is : "Living the Dream" by kickass222urmom
Cole McGrath is a supernatural being with electric powers. He must get stronger in preparation of the beast, and must absorb blast cores to do so. When Cole McGrath absorbs the energy of Blast cores, he Passes out. What happens when he wakes up in a new world, and has no idea what to do next?
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Not bad. For your first story it's well written, you just have the occasional spelling and punctuation error. My main advice would be for the love of god, slow the pacing right the fuck down, take your time to explain what's happening and develop the characters. Apart from that this story has some good potential!
Yeah sorry about that. I've never written before. I'll try to slow it down, but i'm a pretty impatient person XD. Thanks for the feedback.
Beautiful. Stunning. But too fast. You should try to imagine the scenes and describe everything you see like a movie. I love your style, though. Never give up trust in the Getter.
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Thanks. I have trouble with pace in story. Does anybody have suggestions how I can keep the pace in the story? Not very good at that XD. It's good that you like it though
Oh yeah, and do any of you think I should continue creating chapters? Also, you can thank kickass222urmom for getting me to write a story. Me and him might be able to write a story together. If you haven't read any of his stories, then do so. They are all very good. XD
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Search google for "daily writing tips" and look for "show dont tell".
May Getter Robo be with you
I hope you don't mind criticism, but the main character seems like a giant Gary Sue.
Just saying.
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Who is Gary Sue? But whatever, at least you read it.
4513056 A Gary Sue, or Mary Sue, is usually a self inserted character that is overpowered, like graduating from the academy at the tender age of six and being skilled at everything and anything.
I suggest googling Mary Sue.
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I saw Mary sue, but not Gary sue, that's why I was confused. And also, if you've played any of the games, he is very powerful. Look up infamous, and you will see.
Also, I have a question to ask you guys. Do you want me to make more chapters? Also, I said this would be an adventure story. So do you want enemies that come from the my little pony world, or Cole McGrath's world. Or both. And also, should Cole be a good guy or bad guy? Depends on what you think.
4514913 But a powerful character isn't very interesting, he has to have some relatable weakness to invest the readers and make the story interesting, and this story doesn't have that.
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Oh dude, trust me, he has A LOT of weaknesses. I will reveal them later in the story. Or you could play infamous or read about it. You will see he has weaknesses.
Hello. I like the premise. I would also like to offer some friendly advice if you continue. A good way to better pace a story is to describe the area and the ponies.
I wish you the best of luck.
4516956 Other than water I don't see many. Relatable weaknesses, dying by touching water isn't very relatable lel.
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Death by bullets, he can die by any RFI energy, any monsters and things, and also he is vulnerable to fire. He is also weak to Karma, as whatever he chooses in his destiny will always turn bad, reflecting his famous quote: Karma's a bitch.......
Also all physical contact. I guess I can make him weaker, but nothing has really happened yet.
4520729 Relatable weaknesses. A guy with power over electricity isn't very relatable and the weakness that come with that power aren't relatable either.
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Well this is a crosssover, so you can complain to sucker punch if he is too powerful. And if he doesn't have relatable weaknesses. XD. I hope you like it anyway though.
4526978 Anyways, il like and fav the story to see where this leads, and you have made a reasonable argument.
Nice. I was writing something like this, you should look at it on my page.