A strange artifact comes into the hand of one Twilight Sparkle. It's devious nature is being revealed in front of her very eyes, and it seems she is the only hope Ponyville has. Her struggle is shown in her letters to her mentor.
So... the Saddle Arabians gave a Pearl of pure Darkness to Celestia which, most likely, turned her back into Molestia by now who then sent the Pearl to twilight to turn her back into her "old self" again as well? That sound about right?
4465584 prolly the couple we saw at the end of Magic Duel^^ thereal question is, for what purpose did they give it to her when they knew what effects it would have?
Pros: -Twidash -The idea of taking the inverse of everything is interesting Cons: -Alternate universes don't have as big of an impression as long-term romanic novels.
4465717 I can't speak for anyone else, but at least for me, sex scenes don't really do it for me. In corruption fics, the sweet stuff is seeing the mental changes of the corrupted. I must say, seeing the changes in stages via letters rather than gradually through thoughts is an intriguing idea. Having read this, I'd say I prefer the latter a bit more, but this is almost as effective and an interesting spin on things.
4470269 Well, it's not complete just yet, but I might as well review what I can. I've already said why I think it's good, so I'll jump to the bad: this story needs a bit more editing. It's not terrible, but there are enough errors to be noticeable. For example, "Caidance" is incorrect; it should be "Cadance". Similarly, it's "Daring Do", not "Daring Doo".
From chapter 2:
But I with Pinkie’s knack for the bizarre, I knew that she wasn’t just imagining things.
I'm not sure if that 'I' is extraneous or if there's a word missing, but either way it's wrong as it is.
From chapter 3:
Right before it, I sensed a series of shockwaves hitting the invisible mind barrier on me and Spike
That should read "Spike and I". Normally I wouldn't nitpick on that, but unless degrading writing skills are a sign of Twilight's corruption, it seems off that someone as academic as her would get that wrong. This is the flaw in having a scholarly character write, I suppose.
Edit: Ignore this, I was incorrect.
Soon enough, a stampede of ponies went into the shop, relieving it of all it’s products, in exchange for a generous amount of bits.
Should be "its". "it's" is the contraction of "it is"; "its" is used to indicate possession. In this case, "(the store's) products".
Whatever this is, it’s getting stronger with each pony it manipulates.I hope Luna stops by, the dream with Dash and Pinkie keeps repeating.
No space after the period.
Again, there aren't enough of these to be cringeworthy, but they're noticeable enough to take someone like me out of the story somewhat. Considering this story relies rather heavily on its descriptions, this is a moderate flaw.
Beyond that, I'm a bit confused of how this revelation affects previous canonical interactions (presuming everything not mentioned still happened). From the "Your faithful student" signature, I can narrow down the timeline to somewhere before Twilight's coronation, but after Magic Duel (Saddle Arabian dignitaries). This causes a few logical errors:
- Celestia/Molestia was alive all this time, but what about Twilight? I think ponies would have noticed if she never aged, and Twilight's parents are still a thing. - This completely messes up how Discord breaking free would have played out. First, I'm guessing that the Elements of Harmony wouldn't exactly work for a marriage spat, if they'd even work for Molestia in the first place. I can't see how he would have seen them as a threat. Second, I'd imagine their dialogue would probably have been less aggressive and more Discord wondering what happened to his wife, and Celestia responding with confusion. If Twilight looks the same as she did back then, she'd probably get in on this act as well. However, this doesn't seem to be the case, as Twilight never goes "So that's what he was talking about" in her letters, or something to that effect. Third, if Mistress Twilight had learned Chaos magic, then I imagine her "discording" (for lack of a better word) would probably have done something a bit more interesting. - Cadance is something of an anomaly as well. She's shown to be visibly younger in Twilight's flashbacks during the Season 2 finale, yet this puts her as being significantly older.
For the record, I ask these because you've got me incredibly intrigued about this alternate world of yours, and I'm interested in seeing how it affects things. As corruption clop goes, it's perfectly fine in this regard as-is. Actually, I'm curious about some other things in this world:
- The Crystal Empire fell to Sombra roughly a millennium prior. How does this change things, if at all? - Why'd Nightmare Moon get sent to the moon in this universe? Power struggle? Argument? Prank gone wrong? 1000 year afterglow? - I'm curious as to how Chrysalis and the changelings in general fit into this, particularly before the Crystal Empire's attack. Unrelated third party? Citizens of the Kingdom of Chaos and Lust, or whatever it's called? Constant threat to the same? - I'm curious about what life was like before the Crystal Empire's influence. I'd love to see an expansion on this showing general life under the rule of Chaos and Molestia, as well as seeing Twilight grow up and learn. - Finally, I'm also interested in seeing the revival of Molestia and watching as she, her husband, and her daughter attempt to rebuild and reestablish their rule.
I apologize for the wall of text; this is another reason why I don't review every fic I read; by the time I finish two more will have come out. XD
Right before it, I sensed a series of shockwaves hitting the invisible mind barrier on me and Spike
That should read "Spike and I". Normally I wouldn't nitpick on that, but unless degrading writing skills are a sign of Twilight's corruption, it seems off that someone as academic as her would get that wrong. This is the flaw in having a scholarly character write, I suppose.
actually, no. In that sentence, "me and Spike" are the objects of a prepositional phrase. thus, no correction is needed. the only thing I'd change about that sentence is replacing the preposition "on" with "of"
4472494 Ah, thank you. I tried double-checking before I posted that, but I didn't find that "you and" replacement trick. Thanks for the link and the correction!
4474192 4472494 Thank You both for taking the time and helping me get this work of fiction to a higher level of quality. I am a bit busy these few days to correct everything, but I will try and edit it accordingly. Say, how does a creepy one shot with Scoots getting her wish and being "the perfect protege" sound?
4474800 It'd go with the latter. This story is really about Twilight Sparkle, while the one-shot sounds like it'd focus on Rainbow Dash and Scootaloo. Also, I doubt a letter format would work quite as well for the one-shot.
sooooo is the part where celstia comes in to stop the madness going to happen? or was she actually evil from the start or something? how does that make any sense then?.......
I've got to say I am enjoying this so far but it make me curious about a few things since I saw one of the comments about little side stories to this one. I agree letters wouldn't work in this but having the chapters happen during it not a post thing. Like you could have some stallions and mares get turned into drones from Drone 001 or pinkie. As for Flutterdoll, in all honestly I kind of want to see her get used by a few other stallions. Maybe she could turn a few of them into dolls as well. Oh man it would funny that Blueblood use Flutterdoll just to be turned into a mare doll that get's deflated by the Rarity twins. Just to have Fancy inflate to use whenever making him more into it just saying hey use me more. But just to get deflated for later use once again. Plus what about Shining and Cadence I figured they would get corrupted along the way. It would be interesting to see there kink. Maybe Cadence would be objectification or maybe that could be Shining being turned into pair of living panties that Cadence would wear. Then what about Lyra and Bon Bon or Mayor Mare? Geez this leaves so many ponies for so many things. so I still say a side story for these. Maybe make it were comments could be used to spark idea's for those one-shots.
4481001 re-read the first few lines of chapter one, she told twilight to examine it after she had it for a while, if she was still sane then she wouldn't have told twilight to study it. she would have thought it a gift from saudi arabia and kept it in some sort of treasury. basically, she was the first to corrupt and then sent it to ponyville after the corruption of canterlot, whee its corruption could spread
I decided to end this story here. Be sure to look out for "The Black Pearl Tales" for more fun in this universe, in a more traditional storytelling format. Love you all, and to all a shiny good night!
well, if you're splitting ponies, why not give AJ Big Mac, without taking away Honeycrisp. Or doing some stuff with Apple Bloom and Granny Smith
Well if I go there I will in these pony form and change into a darkness of chaos p.Luckily it not the element of insanity because they killer like?
So... the Saddle Arabians gave a Pearl of pure Darkness to Celestia which, most likely, turned her back into Molestia by now who then sent the Pearl to twilight to turn her back into her "old self" again as well? That sound about right?
4465574 Correct! But who from Saddle Arabia could have given Molly that Pearl?
4465584 prolly the couple we saw at the end of Magic Duel^^ thereal question is, for what purpose did they give it to her when they knew what effects it would have?
All I can say now is this alternative universe is best alternative universe
Kind of feel that the letter format made the "sex scenes" distant and impersonal. Reading an after action report isn't as hot as the real thing.
If she manages to convert Cadance and Shiing, you need to make Shining turn flamboyantly gay... that would be an interesting plot twist!
4465842 Love puns.
really enjoyed the story. And I hope Shining and Cadance get it in the epilogue
Pros:
-Twidash
-The idea of taking the inverse of everything is interesting
Cons:
-Alternate universes don't have as big of an impression as long-term romanic novels.
4465717 I can't speak for anyone else, but at least for me, sex scenes don't really do it for me. In corruption fics, the sweet stuff is seeing the mental changes of the corrupted. I must say, seeing the changes in stages via letters rather than gradually through thoughts is an intriguing idea. Having read this, I'd say I prefer the latter a bit more, but this is almost as effective and an interesting spin on things.
4470234 Thank You for such an insightful comment, and I hope to create more fic's in the future that you enjoy.
4470269 Well, it's not complete just yet, but I might as well review what I can. I've already said why I think it's good, so I'll jump to the bad: this story needs a bit more editing. It's not terrible, but there are enough errors to be noticeable. For example, "Caidance" is incorrect; it should be "Cadance". Similarly, it's "Daring Do", not "Daring Doo".
From chapter 2:
I'm not sure if that 'I' is extraneous or if there's a word missing, but either way it's wrong as it is.
From chapter 3:
That should read "Spike and I". Normally I wouldn't nitpick on that, but unless degrading writing skills are a sign of Twilight's corruption, it seems off that someone as academic as her would get that wrong. This is the flaw in having a scholarly character write, I suppose.Edit: Ignore this, I was incorrect.
Should be "its". "it's" is the contraction of "it is"; "its" is used to indicate possession. In this case, "(the store's) products".
No space after the period.
Again, there aren't enough of these to be cringeworthy, but they're noticeable enough to take someone like me out of the story somewhat. Considering this story relies rather heavily on its descriptions, this is a moderate flaw.
Beyond that, I'm a bit confused of how this revelation affects previous canonical interactions (presuming everything not mentioned still happened). From the "Your faithful student" signature, I can narrow down the timeline to somewhere before Twilight's coronation, but after Magic Duel (Saddle Arabian dignitaries). This causes a few logical errors:
- Celestia/Molestia was alive all this time, but what about Twilight? I think ponies would have noticed if she never aged, and Twilight's parents are still a thing.
- This completely messes up how Discord breaking free would have played out. First, I'm guessing that the Elements of Harmony wouldn't exactly work for a marriage spat, if they'd even work for Molestia in the first place. I can't see how he would have seen them as a threat. Second, I'd imagine their dialogue would probably have been less aggressive and more Discord wondering what happened to his wife, and Celestia responding with confusion. If Twilight looks the same as she did back then, she'd probably get in on this act as well. However, this doesn't seem to be the case, as Twilight never goes "So that's what he was talking about" in her letters, or something to that effect. Third, if Mistress Twilight had learned Chaos magic, then I imagine her "discording" (for lack of a better word) would probably have done something a bit more interesting.
- Cadance is something of an anomaly as well. She's shown to be visibly younger in Twilight's flashbacks during the Season 2 finale, yet this puts her as being significantly older.
For the record, I ask these because you've got me incredibly intrigued about this alternate world of yours, and I'm interested in seeing how it affects things. As corruption clop goes, it's perfectly fine in this regard as-is. Actually, I'm curious about some other things in this world:
- The Crystal Empire fell to Sombra roughly a millennium prior. How does this change things, if at all?
- Why'd Nightmare Moon get sent to the moon in this universe? Power struggle? Argument? Prank gone wrong? 1000 year afterglow?
- I'm curious as to how Chrysalis and the changelings in general fit into this, particularly before the Crystal Empire's attack. Unrelated third party? Citizens of the Kingdom of Chaos and Lust, or whatever it's called? Constant threat to the same?
- I'm curious about what life was like before the Crystal Empire's influence. I'd love to see an expansion on this showing general life under the rule of Chaos and Molestia, as well as seeing Twilight grow up and learn.
- Finally, I'm also interested in seeing the revival of Molestia and watching as she, her husband, and her daughter attempt to rebuild and reestablish their rule.
I apologize for the wall of text; this is another reason why I don't review every fic I read; by the time I finish two more will have come out. XD
4470350
actually, no. In that sentence, "me and Spike" are the objects of a prepositional phrase. thus, no correction is needed.
the only thing I'd change about that sentence is replacing the preposition "on" with "of"
4472494 Ah, thank you. I tried double-checking before I posted that, but I didn't find that "you and" replacement trick. Thanks for the link and the correction!
4474192
4472494
Thank You both for taking the time and helping me get this work of fiction to a higher level of quality. I am a bit busy these few days to correct everything, but I will try and edit it accordingly. Say, how does a creepy one shot with Scoots getting her wish and being "the perfect protege" sound?
4474762 I'd be happy with anything that expanded this AU.
4474772 That makes me conflicted a bit. Should I add it to this one or just title the one shots as a "Black Pearl Tales" type thing?
4474800 It'd go with the latter. This story is really about Twilight Sparkle, while the one-shot sounds like it'd focus on Rainbow Dash and Scootaloo. Also, I doubt a letter format would work quite as well for the one-shot.
sooooo is the part where celstia comes in to stop the madness going to happen? or was she actually evil from the start or something? how does that make any sense then?.......
4477080 she had been corrupted earlier on. do the math.
I've got to say I am enjoying this so far but it make me curious about a few things since I saw one of the comments about little side stories to this one. I agree letters wouldn't work in this but having the chapters happen during it not a post thing. Like you could have some stallions and mares get turned into drones from Drone 001 or pinkie. As for Flutterdoll, in all honestly I kind of want to see her get used by a few other stallions. Maybe she could turn a few of them into dolls as well. Oh man it would funny that Blueblood use Flutterdoll just to be turned into a mare doll that get's deflated by the Rarity twins. Just to have Fancy inflate to use whenever making him more into it just saying hey use me more. But just to get deflated for later use once again. Plus what about Shining and Cadence I figured they would get corrupted along the way. It would be interesting to see there kink. Maybe Cadence would be objectification or maybe that could be Shining being turned into pair of living panties that Cadence would wear. Then what about Lyra and Bon Bon or Mayor Mare? Geez this leaves so many ponies for so many things. so I still say a side story for these. Maybe make it were comments could be used to spark idea's for those one-shots.
4478524 and where does it say that?....
4481001
re-read the first few lines of chapter one, she told twilight to examine it after she had it for a while, if she was still sane then she wouldn't have told twilight to study it. she would have thought it a gift from saudi arabia and kept it in some sort of treasury. basically, she was the first to corrupt and then sent it to ponyville after the corruption of canterlot, whee its corruption could spread
4482567 .....meh....guess i'll just have to accept that explanation......
I decided to end this story here. Be sure to look out for "The Black Pearl Tales" for more fun in this universe, in a more traditional storytelling format. Love you all, and to all a shiny good night!
4485531
Does “The Black Pearl Tales“ actually exist at this point in time?