Heavy Rain
Chapter One
Suvi walked through the dark forest, seeing heavy clouds brew overhead. It had been a day since he woke up in this god forsaken place, alone. It had also been a day since one of the locals found him lurking through the forest and ran off, terrified. Ever since that faithful moment he had been followed by pastel colored ponies that wore golden-clad armor all over their bodies. No, not being followed, but hunted. He could tell by the way they were looking for him, the way they looked for his footprints, any plants that were out of place, any odd smell, but he could always stay one step ahead of them. They were easier to fool than Russian's. Although, it was getting dark, and Suvi needed to find a place to rest for the night. He had been walking non-stop for the past seven hours evading the ponies, and he seemed to have lost them, for the time being. He looked around for a comfortable area. The forest seemed to be as lively and vibrant as much as it was eerie and decrepit, just like home.
Seeing an area that seemed clear on the ground but covered by a tree canopy on top looked like it would offer him at least some protection from the coming storm. He walked up to the area and sat down in a bush, partially concealing him. He sighed to himself, he ached from walking and was generally exhausted. He opened up his greatcoat and covered up his rifle so it stayed clean and dry, it was his closest companion and his deadliest tool. Closing his eyes, he propped his head up against the tree. Luckily it hadn't started raining yet, and he slowly slipped into a deep, silent sleep.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Five Hours Later
Suvi suddenly awoke in the pitch black night, and pouring rain. He was as angry as he was confused as to why he was awoken but he came to his sense when he heard a continuous noise in the background, standing out against the ambient rain. He quietly took his rifle out of the protective shade of his now drenched greatcoat, and crouched, looking around for any signs of movement. He was shaking from the cold, and tried adjusting his sight to the darkness. After a few seconds he couldn't hear anything, and was about to go back to sleeping and shrug it off as some wild animal, but before he did so there was a flash of lightning. The split second flash instantly illuminated the whole area, and he saw what he was first expecting, two white ponies in golden armor. He raised his SVT slowly up to his shoulder and pointed the muzzle in the direction where he last saw his two pursuers.
"I see you..." He very quietly said to himself while looking down his scope. The two ponies seemed to be arguing about something, but what it was they were yapping about would be forever unknown. The rain muffled their voices to where not a single noise was heard. Suvi waited, and waited for the thunder to make another round, and luckily the ponies kept on arguing in the same area. He was growing impatient, and his arm growing tired, but luckily there was a bright flash. At the moment of this flash, Suvi pressed down on the cold metal trigger which sent the rifle into a kick, firing in sync with the lightning and thunder. He was never disappointed by the recoil of his lovely rifle. He started to move around silently in the bushes to get closer to the last pony, not wanting to waste the few cartridges he had left.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Steel had been arguing with his partner for the past five minutes about going into the Everfree at night to hunt down the beast that was stalking around Ponyville. He was frustrated, tired and exhausted. Walking through the forest for hours straight tracking down a creature that they couldn't even catch up to took its toll, and the moment Steel suggested they rest his partner seemed to just snap on him and went off about how "great" his idea was and how they'll be respected once they find the creature. He sighed to himself and stopped trying to argue with his partner and decided to observe his surroundings, waiting for his peer to blow of steam.
"Of bloody course you would suggest we go out into the Everfree in this weather you fucking unicorn panzy! Why would you even be so egotistical as to catch this creature! It didn't even hurt anypony!"
Steel kept looking around, and he couldn't shake the feeling that he was being watched. It felt so bad that his gut was screaming at him to leave, now.
"You just wanted to do it so you can look all big and mighty for that mare, didn't you? Huh? Are you even listening to me you-"
Steel put a hoof in his mouth, "We have to leave, now".
"Why? What's your-" There was a bright flash of lightning and thunder rang out with it. It was so bright, in fact, that it had temporarily blinded Steel. He covered his eyes and brought his forearm down, readjusting his sight to the darkness.
"Come on buddy lets go." Steel said. He turned around to walk the trail back to Ponyville, but he had just realized that his peer didn't respond to him. "Didn't you hear-" His partner lay in the mud infront of him, lifeless. "S-spectre... are you okay?" He walked up to the un-moving body, touching it with his hoof. Spectre's body lay there with a barely visible wound to the forehead. "No no no no what the hell just happened!?" He used a light spell to get a better view of the wound, having hope that he could save his ally, but it was to no avail. The wound was deep, and it was seeping blood, fast. Steel started to panic and looked around frantically, looking for the source of his ally's death.
"Fuck this, I'm getting out of here!" He turned around and was about to run off, but before he did he heard something running up behind him through the muddy soil. Before he could turn around he felt something hit him in the stomach and it knocked the wind out of him, and once he hit the ground his helmet flew off, covering his now unprotected face in mud. He gripped his stomach for what seemed like half a second, until something grabbed his hair and pulled him up. He was facing away from the creature, so he did not know what it was, but something told him that it was the new and unknown creature. "P-please don't hurt me!" Right after those indecisive and last words, the creature spoke.
"Et koskaan minua kiinni."
The words filled Steel with dread and fear, although he could not understand what they meant at all. He didn't know what to do at this point, and a piece of cold, sharp metal was brought up to his neck. He knew what it was, and he knew what was about to happen, but it felt so surreal. He felt the blade instantly cut into his jugular and the pain mixed with fear made him pass out, but he was not going to wake up.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
The next morning, in the Ponyville Militia Barracks
Sgt. Tempest sat at the front desk. It was just another uneventful morning like all others. He woke up from his uncomfortable bunk, made coffee and ate a muffin, and sat at the front desk of the barracks. His job was to greet anypony who came into the barracks and to answer any questions they would need. He rested his head on his hoof, waiting for something interesting to happen. While doing so, he recalled the events of yesterday. A tan mare with short red hair came bursting into the barracks, frantically explaining about some creature at the edge of ponyville and was scoping it out. She seemed very scared to him, and he wasn't really sure what to honestly do. Although one of his guards named Steel volunteered, and somehow convinced Spectre to go with him, to go into the everfree to find the creature, with any means necessary. He seemed to be checking out the mare that came in too... huh. He was completely lost in thought, so he decided to go into the barracks and check on the two hunters, based of his assumption they'd be back before sunrise. He walked down the hall into the second bunkroom.
"Steel, Spectre, front and center." He said with an authoritative tone. But he realized there was only one pony in the room, and he was neither Steel nor Spectre. "Where's the two "hunters"?" He asked the lone guard. The guard was laying in his bunk with his armor off reading a book.
"I don't know." He blindly replied. "I haven't seen those two since they left yesterday afternoon."
Tempest looked at the guard dumbstruck. Why weren't they back? What reason in the whole world of Equis would they vanish? It was the Everfree, yes, but they did not go far. Ah, yes, the creature! The mare that came in yesterday explained that the creature seemed to be hairless, and stood on two legs. It was also wearing some sort of dark colored clothing. He had a realization. If the creature wore clothing then it had to be intelligent, but how intelligent? Was it a primitive, newly evolved species that has been unheard of? Or was it smart enough to evade Steel and Spectre, perhaps even kill them? He was not sure, but he could not take any chances.
"Cpl. Haste," The Sargent said to the lone pony in the bunkroom. "Gather up five guards and look for the two missing soldiers in the everfree, but do not proceed more than eight miles into the forest.
"Sir, yes sir!" the pony replied, quickly putting his armor on and securing his helmet, walking out into the courtyard to gather a search and rescue party. Tempest walked back to his desk and levitated a piece of parchment, a quill and inkwell infront of him, and started to write.
Dear Princess Celestia,
It has come to my knowledge that there is a new, unknown creature within the borders of Ponyville. There has only been one confirmed sighting, although two guards were sent to track it down to determine if it was a threat. These two guards have no returned from the forest as of seventeen hours. Usually it would be assumed that they have been deceased by a more natural assumptions such as timber wolves or manticores, though they did not travel nearly that distance into the forest. I fear for the worst, as this new creature is assumed to be very deadly. I request immediate support from the Royal Guard to track it down as my militia is low on manpower and experiences.
In the truest regards,
Sargent Tempest.
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all I have to say
I like the point of view and the open-ended plot line.
Didn't see any other writing mistakes besides letters being missing but that shit happens so no biggy.
4428684 Thank you
my great-grandfather Thor fought in the winter war and the continuation war, and his brother Bror fought in the final year of the continuation war, both survivde
but Thor died in 2011 he was 92 
but Bror is stil alive 
I think you meant Sergeant at the end there :-)
Will this be continued?
4432988
Of course it will be. I just have a lot of stuff going on hence summer is nearing, so it may be slow.
This story isn't loved enough. I demand more.
This shows a lot of promise, keep up the good work
What exactly does the Finnish mean?
4428746
What? You deleted your own comment, so I couldn't see it. I deleted my own because, due to a glitch with my mouse, I end up double posting somehow.
4436796
My apologize, my internet connection wasn't doing too well. Finnish is plural for those who recide in Finland
4436870
Well, there was a sentence in the language of Finland that I couldn't understand. Could you please translate it for me?
When I see "Finnish Sniper", I'm reminded of the best sniper ever...
Simo Hayha
The idea sounds interesting, but the execution is... lacking. A lot.
The pacing is way too fast, the scene transitions are pretty shoddy ("Five hours later" in particular) and there's grammar errors in the first
wall of textparagraph (Russian's what?)I like this, so I'm glad your continuing
4437144 Dude is a fuckin' legend.
4436971
It's finnish, but it doesn't really mean anything. He must have meant something like, "Ette (plural) koskaan saa minua kiinni" or possibly "Et (singular) koskaan saa minua kiinni", if the comment was addressed at Steel, specifically. It translates to, "You'll never catch me".
As it is now, it translates roughly to, "You (singular) never me catch".
4436971
It means: You will never catch me. (It should be written: "Et saa koskaan minua kiinni." If he meant the pony he was talking to, or: "Ette saa koskaan minua kiinni." If he meant their entire race.
4439604
4439858
Ah. Thank you both.
Still, even irregular Finnish is better than none.
4437308
+1. This thing is wrong in so many ways.
Ok, I can accept that just throwing human in Equestria without any kind of reasoning why and how he got there is just a part of elaborate plot device (and I certainly don't miss 3248328th retelling of "anon walked in forest, stumbled across rock and gets in Equestria" story). But killing two ponies without any obvious reason? The story takes no time explaining why he have done that, no build-up, so reader just can't relate to character? Should I hate protagonist? Should I pity him? Or maybe should I adore him?
Also:
4430162 Damn. I wish I was related to the god of thunder.
4441760
Are you sure the
generic human number 2,571,432protagonist isn't a girl? It wasn't too clear...Nice read, but I would have liked more if the story slowed down a bit, it's way to fast paced and I didn't really get a grip on the snipers situation.
All and all, get your self a proof reader and slow down the story, I see that this fic's got potential
4443196 I don`t get it.
4444067
4443196
I appreciate the criticism, although if the story isn't that perfect for you then I don't know what to tell you. I am currently writing this whenever I have some free time and I don't care to make it a masterpiece for I'm not a professional writer nor is English my first language. I don't think someone should expect so much for a random story that's written for fun
4444356 No hard feelings, but by sharing story publicly you made it eligible target for criticism
And it's nothing wrong with being inexperienced and writing for fun, but writing without trying to understand why some stories work while others fail so miserably - it seems kind of pointless.
A Winter War HiE fic... my sir my family heritage calls to me!
I swear though this is the last thing I expected to see on this site.
Is this the same sniper that was hit by a mortar shell and lived? or was that a different sniper from a different war...
4444973 I know more than a little about the Winter War; Talvisota, in Finnish. For the Russians... to say it was terrible is the biggest understatement. They were freezing to death en masse. Their tanks were of almost no use, and frequently got fried from Molotov Cocktails (the Finns in vented the weapon proper in this war; the name was opposed to "Molotov's Breadbaskets", the Finnish nickname for bombs dropped by Soviet planes). To top it all off, the Soviets had a system where Commisars overrode generals and officers who knew better, shooting them (or worse, having them arrested; believe me, you'd be lucky just to be sent to a gulag) if they opposed their orders. It was a cluster-fail by the Russians, and only Russian numbers and new training "won" the war.
4447624
I wish I knew more, but sadly the closest 100% born in Finland relative was my great-grand parents. My grandfather is 100% Finnish, but born in America.
4444567
I understand completely, I'm glad we're on the same page
4447995 Hopefully, I was able to create a background for you to go on.
4448117
Well I have read multiple books and watched 1 or 2 documentaries on the topic. So I do know some details of the war. Also the good sir known as White Death by the Russians. He fits on the top 10 bad asses to ever live list.
Very nice, a man of war in a strange place. The only thing he know is they are searching for him. So the only reasonable thing to do is murder or who knows what this strange creatures are capable of. He has a different language than the other so there has to be a missunderstanding.
Is he going to survive? Or the ponies will hunt him down? Maybe they will understand their differences but that's not the most possible resotution since he already murdered two innocent.
Interesting.
Not bad, not bad at all. Greetings from Finland!
Suvi is a woman's name, by the way.
Jos suonette nyt anteeksi, mie lähen kävelemmää sinne torille päin...
Well this is interesting concept. I'll keep looking how the story evolves. Oh, and before I go, if you need any help getting sentences translated to Finnish, I'll be more than glad to help. I know this is no biggie for most readers but as a Finn, I could help you get sentences right.
"Et koskaan minua kiinni" should be "Ette koskaan saa minua kiinni" and Suvi is a girls name, so you could change his name to Teppo, Timo, Tapani or something like that.
Killing the guards was completely unnecessary and stupid. He should have just let them pass on by like, well, just about any sniper of the 20th century. The story has already established that he can easily avoid the two, so killing them is just wasting ammo and giving his position away.
The story premise is clearly spelled out in the description, but the text itself does little to expound upon that or flesh the characters out. At the end of the first chapter, ignoring the description, all that we know is that this bloke who fooled Russians is being tracked by ponies and decides to kill two of them to ensure that instead of being passed off as the ramblings of a crazy person he'll be certain to have the entire Royal Guard baring down on him. We don't know who the main character is, what his goals are, or what his personality is. (Indeed, we know more about the ponies who are killed than the main character.) These characters come off as walking plot devices, and that's not good.
A sniper that simply loves to kill for the sake of killing? A case of I don't know what they are... kill it...
4478166 Probably worried that they were trying to take him prisoner, a legitimate worry, though I agree the killing was unnecessary.
4667605 go and play some video games
4478166 finnish soldier buddy
I have a deep respect for the fins greetings from sweden
GOD FUCKING DAMNIT! YOU WILL UPLOAD ANOTHER CHAPTER OR I WILL FILL YOUR HOUSE WITH CARBON MONOXIDE!
4927701 Don't do that. Cover the author with melted cheese and put rats in the same room.