• Member Since 23rd May, 2013
  • offline last seen 1 hour ago

Holocron


Gaze within the Holocron and see what stories it has to tell.

T
Source

Starfall has admired (severely crushed on) Rarity since they were foals. But sadly, he has always fell a tad too short and couldn't find a way to talk to Rarity, despite asking her out. But now an opportunity comes his way, a way to get him and Rarity alone and on a date. Will he makes his move and get a marefriend out of this? Or, will he screw up and get rejected, or worse...."friendzoned"?

This is a Story Commission for Asterian Starfall. I hope you enjoy this piece. :raritywink:

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 1 )

Okay...What can I say? The plot was consistent, and thought out. The characters were well developed, albeit a tad glazed over, but it kept in line with the consistent pace overall. Spelling was a tad lax, especially towards the end; "Stardust?" However it didn't destroy my investment in the story, as more it gave me a slap in the face from time to time. Anyway, overall the story is really good, and I can clearly see your own soul poured into this; Fruit Loop being the most obvious expression of your true self.

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