Twilight's got it all - a title, a job, her own castle in Ponyville. She especially likes the castle part. It makes her feel like a real princess.
The local council, however, would rather it weren't there.
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- Member Since 9th Nov, 2011
- offline last seen Last Friday
Macharius
"There are lies, damned lies, and Macharius' update schedule."
Macharius
Joined 9th Nov, 2011 ·
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The ending..
Tirek.
Discord changing sides.
The Library going kablooey.
Celestia had planned it all from the start
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I want to find this funny, but I can't.
4373028
Any particular reason?
ha... i've been reading these [immediately following the finale ] stories since yesterday, and this is my favorite so far.
It is a very ugly castle.
4373059
Not that I could explain very well
4373334
Oh. Ok then.
Hm... lets see here. Five time savior of Equestria, at least, hero who lead Cerberus back to Tartarus and returned from the trip, savior of Ponyville itself on multiple occasions, overwhelmingly powerful mage while still a unicorn capable of mind raping a town into a riot, and alicorn princess of magic and yet some little nobody local government officials can have her castle torn down?
Twilight, just vaporize the nuthouse that seems to be around your castle. No one will miss a little dirt pony town anyway. Just get your friends inside and remove the rest of the pests.
As soon as the castle popped out of the ground, I immediately said, and I quote: "well that's gonna be an eyesore."
4380300
I saw some fan art that suggested a way it could become less of an eyesore, it's a tree after all, it needs some leaves. Would be one complicated remodel though
4382200
It's a tree with no branches, though. Plus it's made of crystal, which means that regular green leaves would look really wierd, so it'd probably have horrible shiny 'crystal-leaf' things all over it. I really hope the whole thing gets removed (or at the very least, a complete overhaul and shrinking) pretty sharpish.
Honestly though, I just don't see why they didn't fix up that castle in the Everfree with magic and give it to her. It's a much nicer design, and it wouldn't affect the feel of Ponyville because it's quite a way outside it.
you do realize that since the tree came from a box which came from a flower, which came from the tree of harmony, that means the box was a seed, is thereby making it the child of the tree of harmony. they just made themselves in enemy to most powerful force in the universe, more or less. Furthermore, considering its nature, it probably has self-defense capabilities.
4493718
The last paragraph of the story would like a word with you. I don't want to spoil it for the whole three people that are gonna read it after this comment, but it pretty much outright says that the castle/tree/eyesore blob isn't exactly natural.
As for the whole 'it's natural and therefore has defenses' thing, trees in real life don't really put up much of a fight when you take an axe to them either.
4495485 I never said anything about it being natural, I said, its nature, which is magical.
This story is one of a sub-genre of MLP fics that I myself don't like all too much, perhaps somewhat hypocritically (I wrote a story about a literal soul-sucking corporation of bureaucrat daemons coming for a businesspony's soul). It mixes the world of Equestria with modern day cynical bureaucracy to create a conflict. Now, I am not a purist that claims corporations shouldn't exist and neither should track vehicles, but... I feel as if it was not executed too well within this particular one. It feels forced, in a way. It could have been done in a slightly more graceful way, but the addition of these more modern elements both works for it, making it more of a comedy innately, and against it, ending up feeling off.
As a matter of fact, feeling forced is what the main problem is here. Not being forced, but feeling forced. Twilight acting a bit more hysterically than she probably would, the numerous lampshades on what we percieve as logic flaws, the minor community jabs, the absolutely, completely uncalled for mistreatment of Spike in-narration near the end, the Trollestia ending... It feels like the story wants to show you than it's funny instead of actually being that. All of these are very common tropes in MLP fanfiction, and, if anything, it's a good sign that in this particular one they aren't quite as glaring as they normally are.
All that said, there are good parts in it. The very beginning, up to the ending line from the two officials (which I just can't stand this exact line for personal reasons that I won't tie into this), is where I was enjoying the story - shortly after that, it descended into all of the aforementioned. If I were to be asked on how this one can be improved, I'd say scrap the second half and go with what the first one almost suggests - rebuilding the castle to fit the requirements better.
Yes, this is from a group, and yes, I did just copy and paste it to make it more convenient as a comment.
5201391
You know, truly and honestly, I think you put far more thought into that review than I put into making it. After watching the season 4 finale I decided that Twilight's castle was so horrible that I'd write a story about it being terrible and getting torn down. Absolutely everything else was plucked out of the air while I was writing it (the Trollestia ending only occured to me half way through the story). And the reason for the 'Spike-gets-maligned-again' trope rearing it's head? I decided that Twilight should write a letter to Princess Celestia at that point, but realised that Spike wasn't mentioned at all before then. That was literally it.
Now this is gonna sound really bad, but I don't know parts of it you're referring to here. I certainly didn't put those in conciously.
I do appreciate you taking the time and effort to write such an in-depth and well thought out deconstruction of what you think of this story, though. That castle is still the worst thing that's happened to MLP so far.
5201794
Well, the circumstances surrounding its creation shouldn't affect the end result. Okay, they do, it's inevitable, but not for the reader.
I found the dismissal of Spike, the overplayed hyperness of Twilight herself, Trollestia, numerous mentions of how magic doesn't have to explain anything, and the overly swift characterization in the end to be these. At least it didn't go down the "AJ is a background character" road, I'd have left a dislike then.
What's to say? It's a healthy "take that" to the playset cashgrab that swerves away from the foreshadowed Everfree Castle idea.
(No errors spotted.)
That ending was perfection.
4373017
Even for making a lesson happen, Celestia seems oddly cheerful for being out 10 million bits!
5201794
Ah yes Twilight's Castle... I didn't hate it per-say but I thought the library was cooler.
It took me forever to figure out this joke.
I really don't know how to feel about that. 