I'm a writer, and I write stories about ponies. It'll be a good bet that every story will eventually turn into an adventure. It's what I do. A new chapter will be posted every Sunday.
Mother's Day is a day that Rainbow Dash dreads. The reason is that for her oldest friend the holiday is one of loss. She spends the day comforting Fluttershy as she mourns the life that never had a chance to be.
This story ties into my AppleShy Series, and takes place just before the evens in Him Part 1.
The idea for writing a one shot came from a good friend Ragnarokia, and it was a great help.
The artwork is from BroniesOver9000
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I like this story.
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4368657
Thank you very much.
4368730
to you as well kind sir.
And a hearty
TROLLESTIA is on the roll.
My word, PatRoison put out a story
Made my damn day.
Awwww, too many feels!
Good to see you're back though!
4371209
What an odd comment. Have a mustache of randomness.
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4371652 Glad to be of service.
4373230 Nothing like some feels for Mama's Day.
And It's good to be back.
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Www, why? It filled my heart with a little bit of grief when I realized what happend. Poor Fluttershy didn't even get to name her own kid (s). Great job by the way, a short sad good story 5/5!
4412389 Thank you very much. It was sad to write that she never had the chance to name or even hold her baby. I think she'd be an awesome mom.
A long time ago on deviantart,
! First of all, your new addition to your story is heartbreaking. Fluttershy's ordeals in your have brought me to tears and this new tragedy near left sobbing with no hyperbole, then again Mother's day is sad day for me in general. Fluttershy's strength really shines when she says. "Every day Live as if this foal never existed." All of her tragedies and pain she has kept secret and lived with shows just how amazingly strong her character is. Though she is not alone, with Rainbow at her side, its good to see that Flutters has an inner strength that makes me admire her. I also feel that she needs a day to mourn not only out of respect to the foal but for her to be real with the world. That she needs to cry on a someone's shoulder and let out all the grief and pain. Its a very human moment for two colorful ponies.
Overall yet another success and a proud return of the King of Pony fanfiction. Once again I can say that eagerly await your next story or chapter. I will see you my friend in Brighter Days!
PATROISON,,,
wrote some amazing fanfictions, but that was many moons ago. Now he has returned and has written a Prequel/kindahappensatpointearlyinthestoryoneshot for one his best series AppleShy. But will his return to the world of Horse Fiction be a triumphant return...or Star Wars Ep 1: Phantom Pony...
ITS AMAZING!!!:ICONSOMADTHEREISNOFLUTTERHAPPYPLZPLZ: When you return you return with an emotional bang. First lets get the basics out of the way. Great pacing, spot on characterizations and not single spelling error to be seen. Structurally you have created a very solid oneshot that can be read alone or as part of the Appleshy series.
Where you shine most is in your characters and it is especially apparent since this story stars Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy, whom you are the best at writing both in character and adding amazing amount of depth to.
Let start with the Dashing Rainbow. Throughout your stories, most evident in Appleshy, you have characterized Rainbow as Fluttershy's knight in awesome armor, a most loyal and passionate defender even at her own expense. That is made clear in Rainbow not only know where Fluttershy would usually be on Mother's day but also in her feeling the need to be there with her when it is obvious she doesn't want either of them to dwell on the past. Also shown with how angry Rainbow got when Fluttershy mentioned her mother, having read your Appleshy series I can't help but sympathize with Dash. She also want Fluttershy to live life without having to look back on this painful past, possibly a way of her trying to forget about her, unintentional, participation. That one line where Dash say. "Except for-" speaks volumes how this tradition brings back Dash's guilt and eats at her. It shows Dash has many layers but will default to being the who she is, loyal and an awesome friend.
Now on to the Pink Maned star of the show, Fluttershy
The dialogue between these two flows perfectly. They feel and sound like conversations really close friends would have and how they would comfort each other in a moment of extreme emotional distress.
In terms of how this contributes to the Appleshy series as a whole it definitely feels like a worthy addition but strong enough to warrant One-shot status as it could be read without knowing the full the story. Reading the series and then this fic just adds to the power of certain words and as I highlighted. As for how the revelations her will effect the series now, I can't say. Remembering my last read of it I can't recall any moment that would have changed because of this revelation but knowing you Pat, you've got more that few tricks up your sleeves.
4448199 Well, it's fine time I answered you awesome as usual post.
I haven't responded out of being a jerk, but rather I just liked reading the comment, which I do at least once a day.
Thank you. Seriously, thank you for your comment. It means a great deal to me that you not only take the time to read my story, of which I am grateful to all who take the time, but I'm grateful that you take the time to wrong such a long and comprehensive comment.
Let's jump into, shall we?
That was something I really wanted to get right. Appleshy is a pretty long series, and I didn't want the readers to feel that reading it was mandatory. I wanted them to know that it was a small part of a larger story but that there was enough here that they wouldn't feel lost. That was the reason I didn't go into detail about how Fluttershy became pregnant, though hinted at, and only mentioned her relationship with Applejack.
Though that last part was really more for frame of reference for when this story takes place. It takes place before Pinkie's Private Party and before Him Part 1.
I have to admit, even though Rainbow Dash doesn't clear my top five favorites, I love her relationship with Fluttershy. The two complement each other very well, and their history means that there is much that doesn't need to be said.
For example, Rarity and Fluttershy my be best friends, but Rarity would still need to ask if there was something bothering Fluttershy.
Rainbow would already know when something was troubling her. I find their relationship to be so close that they're not even best friends. Not even, as Pinkie might put it, bestest of best friends. They're so close that it could appear that they are romantically involved, or that they are family.
I remember reading a comment a while ago in a FlutterDash story that said, "Everyone knows that Fluttershy and Rainbow are a couple. Everyone that is except for Fluttershy and Rainbow."
I noticed that Rainbow really wants to be the hero, but with Fluttershy it's a bit different.
She wants to protect her, but, more than that, she wants to her happy. Way back in Surprise Party once of my favorite lines was when Rainbow tells Applejack, I don't like to admit it and you better keep it to yourself, but I can't stand to see her sad.
Fluttershy's happiness it very important to Rainbow, though she might see it as the only way she could ever be free of guilt over the past.
To Rainbow, the past is the past. There is no point in dwelling on it, and she's brash enough to be almost hurtful in her bluntness. Still, with Fluttershy she exercises some restraint. She slips and feels guilty, but Fluttershy, who knows Rainbow as well as Rainbow knows herself, understands that her intentions are good. Rainbow is not only a good friend, but she is the best friend that Fluttershy could have by her side.
Her guilt over the past is a big part of her overall arc in the series, and it will be a big moment should she be able to finally do the impossible and forgive herself.
There is a strength to Fluttershy that often overshadowed by her shy and timid nature. She is essentially alone in the outskirts of Ponyville. She may have her animal friends, but they aren't ponies. She bears her burdens alone. Not out of pride or fear, but rather a genuine need to not burden anyone. She does not want anyone to feel as though they need to help her. She understands her weaknesses and accepts who she is, but she would rather have her friends live their lives how they choose and be happy. To her that is enough.
In a way, it's a good thing that her friends don't share her feelings and involve her as much as they can.
I'm glad I was able to pull that off. There were a few moments where I thought that I could have added more, but ultimately felt that it was just enough. As long as the two have known each other, there are things that don't need to be said.
Thanks for the vote of confidence. As far as changes in previous chapters, it'll be limited to Fluttershy admitting what happened to her in front of her friends. Changed from six years prior to ten, and a scene where Dexter is going over her attack. That's it. Merely dialogue changes. The only one who knows is Rainbow and she would rather forget the whole thing and help Fluttershy move on.
In future chapters, without giving away any plans, this will play rather large part in her trial.
Once again, for the umpteenth time, thank you for your awesome comment. It's a reminder that I can share a story with others and share it well.
I hope to see you again really soon, and certainly no year and a half "soon" either.
Stay awesome, as usual.
Hello, I am finally here to read your story!
Let's begin!
Proper punctuation would be:
This feels a little choppy,
It would flow more smoothly as one sentence.
You can leave out the part about the date. When she says, "great it's mother's day," we know that she saw the date.
I'm not big on how you spaced this out, it's almost like she's talking to someone else. A few slight changes could make it better.
This sentence should be its own paragraph,
This one sentence is describing the weather, quite nicely I might add, but the rest of the paragraph describes Rainbow's thoughts and feelings. That's a subject change, so you need a new paragraph.
It looks like you meant to put a period here,
This confuses a lot of people,
You lie down, but the past tense is lay. You lay a book down, but the past tense is laid. What you have should be "She lay down." Lied is only used when you lie to someone in past tense.
Try avoid using said so often, it's not a very descriptive word.
Here, said is unnecessary, just say,
The action tells the reader who is speaking.
This should end in a period.
Here's something else that confuses a lot of people:
The dialogue here can end with a question mark, and still not end the sentence.
Here is an example sentence:
The question mark would take the place of the comma, and better describe the tone of her voice. This is perfectly acceptable punctuation.
You're going to want to watch for this,
The last line is okay, but the word are should be lower cased. The top two lines need periods before the second set of dialogue.
This should be: "I-I love her" or maybe "I...I love her. But the word I on its own is not a complete sentence.
This sentence is a little unclear,
I'm not sure what to make of it. Maybe a simple re-wording could clear it up? It may just be because I haven't read anything else you've written.
I noticed a lot of other errors in punctuation with dialogue, but I'm not going to point them all out. Just keep in mind what I told you and you'll find them all.
It was a really cute little story, and I thoroughly enjoyed it. As you know from reading my story, I love the relationship between these two, and it seems that we are both on the same page when writing about it. Maybe sometime in the future I'll read your other stuff, but for now, I got some writing to do!!
Farewell, friend!