Dorian had always been different from other donkeys of his young age. He was too timid, too soft-spoken, and had a nasty way of sticking his snout into businesses where it didn't belong. Intrigued by the lifestyles of his equine brethren, the burro finds himself leaving his run-down home in Canterlot to pursue his own dream of finding a special talent of his own in the grand field of toy making. However, in a fit of deadly curiosity he finds more responsibility than he could have ever bargained for, finding needed help only by the peculiar blank flank twin sons of the groomer on 66th Street.
Sometimes one doesn't need aesthetic symbolism to find their special talent.
((Please note that creative feedback is always welcomed and encouraged))
Chapters (3)
Interesting. Not often you see donkey OCs.
I shall be watching with interest.
Ohh, now this is something you don't read every day. A thumb and track for unique premise and interesting oc's. I'm also taking a gander that Dorian ends up making Super Cider Squeezy.
402997
Thank you kindly
403056
Though the SSCS6000 does feature here, I don't think I should say anymore on the matter. Trololo~ 
Thanks so much
I liked the worldbuilding aspect of it, howeve,, that combined with the writing style made it a little dull in places, sounding more like a sociology lesson than anything else.
448621
Once the entire thing is finished, I plan to just sweep through it and try and tweak it around. I don't plan on putting any more 'lectures' in this... at least I'll try not to. 
That's something I've been working on, actually. One of my main cruxes is trying to build a setting and make it interesting at the same time. It doesn't help that I'm a sociology nerd to begin with :x
Thank you so much for the comment though!
448630
I experimented a bit with putting the lectures as actual lectures, or quotes from an academic text. Then I at least had the oppertunity to add something to the unvierse by using the text not only as exposition, but also to characterize the academics writing it, It at least add a little flavour to the story.
448684
That's actually a really good idea. I'll keep that in mind as I keep going with this. I could imagine that it would let the narrative flow a lot more smoothly as well. Thanks for the tip.
When I saw the title I instantly thought "Hellraiser". I think it was the fourth one that had a toy maker.
What a fortunate coincidence, just what I was looking for - a story about donkeys.
I really liked it. Your characters - at least the ones we see here - are well portrayed, and it's hard not to like them. You succeded in drawn my attention. However, sometimes something in your style of narration reminds me of a lecture. That's why it is hard to enjoy it when the reader is too tired to concentrate.
452215
Oh, thank you! I figured that someone had to fill in the donkey gap on this site sometime, and I'm glad that I was able to catch someone's interest though.
As for the lectures, you won't be seeing anymore of them if I can help it. My world-building sucks, but at least I've basically done all that I've needed to with it. Now that it's been brought to my attention I can try and be more conscious of when I'm getting too carried away >>
452312
No, your world-building doesn't suck. In fact, your world was one of these thing which I liked the most. I would rather said that the impression of a lecture comes from something in your patters of writing, though, I cannot (yet) precise what exactly it is. I shall read more and see.
I think I know what seems to be wrong. Okay, not exactly wrong. I don't even think that anyone would call it a mistake. I mean, you use lots of big words and equally "big" sentence structures. I do not claim it's not a bad think to write in sophisticated way, but I cannot help the impression that you overdo it a little bit, and because of that your story is rather hard and demanding reading.
455348
Huh. No, I get what you mean. Fanfiction isn't always written in such a way that the reader would have to work to enjoy it. I don't try to overdo my style, if anything I'm trying to, for lack of a better word, simplify it in order to make it more enjoyable and light. I haven't written fanfiction in a long time, and I understand that there's a specific style that one needs to stick to in order to gather a sizable audience. I don't want my stories to be a chore to read, yet at the same time I want to strive to improve my diction and imagery in a way that I can make something real. It's a weird conflict
Thank you for pointing this out to me though and bringing it to my attention. Until now I had a hunch that was the problem to begin with, but it's good for me when someone else actually points it out and confirms it.
455377
May I give you one, little tip. If you are planing some dynamic action, think about using shorter words as they are giving the reader an impression that everything is moving faster.
I'm glad that you are not mad at me for making such comment.
455407
It's great when I get feedback that isn't all praise or compliments and all that hoohah. I like comments that give me suggestions on how I can improve as a writer. 
I shall make a note of your tip and try to be more conscious of my style as I continue on with this.
Oh no! I love constructive criticism.
It's about time I made this a favourite. Hiatus or otherwise!