A Crossover

by Dudofall

Chapter Ten

Chapter Ten: An Attempt To Plan

The SECRETARY was, as usual, hanging in a room that was very roughly hewn from rock, with rough brown walls that contrasted sharply with the supercomputer’s three white rings. Each ring served a different computational purpose. The ring closest to the top of the cave held processors responsible for the AI’s consciousness and personal thoughts. The middle ring contained the hardware needed for spatial awareness and wand sorting. The bottom ring was a work in progress. It was full of odds and ends, including sensors, spare CPUs, GPUs, WPUs, and assorted prototype chips, some of which weren’t functional at all. This ring was also capable of moving. It had several large gashes carved in it, as well as the system’s name, written in permanent marker. Overall, the setup was one the SECRETARY would describe as “barely adequate” to anyone who would listen. There was already an entire hard drive in the third ring exclusively dedicated to possible improvements. These ranged from the practical, such as a small pod that could temporarily house the SECRETARY’s consciousness, to the impractical, like the concentrated dark matter powered spaceship made to carry the original computer around like an enormous astro-palanquin. These ideas were presented at special “J/P” events every year, which most of the scientists usually made excuses to miss. Aside from the SECRETARY, the room had an access terminal with a webcam, microphone, and keyboard for humans wishing to communicate with the computer.

“Mary, why aren’t you responding?” the SECRETARY asked. The intra-lab communication network was normally quite efficient, (the SECRETARY even served as one of two network hubs) but Mary had been unreachable for several hours. The bottom ring began to rotate. It spun faster as the SECRETARY contemplated possible reasons for the communication system to fail. The door to the stairwell opened, revealing the forms of the three scientists.

“Login code C137, the Monitor is loose,” Mary said, walking towards the terminal. Bill and Allen took their time behind her, glancing warily at the rings overhead. The two had only rarely ever seen this room before.

The SECRETARY spoke. “Has it hacked the mainframe?”

Mary knew immediately how to answer. “Yes, he wants to make copies of himself, he has control of his power source now.”

“Where is Bob?” The SECRETARY insisted on abbreviating Mr. Olde’s name.

Mary shrugged, “Probably hung over.” Behind her, Allen turned to his boss in shock, emitting a sound somewhere in between the cheer one reserves for the Super Bowl and the noise of a balloon being deflated. A compartment on the third ring opened, allowing a gloved robotic hand to extend down and cover the intern’s mouth.

The AI sent a picture of a person with a raised eyebrow to the terminal. “Yesterday must have been a special day.” Mary shook her head briefly. “If the monitor is loose, we need to hit it with a paradox or initiate a hardware reset. Here’s a blueprint.” Just like that, a schematic appeared on the terminal’s screen.

“Tch, I built him. I don’t need to look at a-wait, he still has that outdated NFC reader?” Mary paused, then turned to Bill. “Do you have your old ID card?”

The engineer wrung his hands. “Why do we always have to use my stuff? Use Allen’s card!” As the focus moved to Allen, the SECRETARY realized that humans need to breathe more than once every 30 seconds. The robot arm quickly withdrew, folding itself away. Allen took a deep breath. “Are you okay?” The intern nodded slowly. He leaned on Bills shoulder, and Mary quickly grabbed his ID card.

“Don’t suffocate people,” she chastised. The terminal lit up with an animated graphic of the words “I’m sorry”. Mary smiled and shook her head before opening the programming tool and setting up some rudimentary code. Meanwhile, Bill helped Allen to sit on the rocky floor and shot Mary a reproachful look.

He double-checked his intern’s breathing patterns before taking a deep breath of his own and standing up. “Mary, I didn’t know the SECRETARY would strangle Allen if we came here! I wanna go back to the top and see Mr. Olde.”

“Just a minute Bill. What do you think of this?” Mary said. Bill took another deep breath, deciding that no matter how good the code was, he’d tell her it was horrible. He stepped close enough to inspect the code.

With glee, the engineer realized there was actually a syntax error. “I think-“ he began.

“You forgot a semicolon on line 5,” the SECRETARY interrupted. Bill stamped his foot in frustration. If Mary wouldn’t listen, he’d just have to take matters into his own hands. He helped Allen to his feet, and the two of them silently made their way to the stairs. The robotic hand extended once more from the SECRETARY’s ring, waving a quick goodbye. As soon as the pair’s footsteps had faded, Mary looked away from the code she had been working on and up at the A.I. The hand quickly withdrew, and its owner spoke again. “I apologize.”

“You should be apologizing to Allen. This is why I wanted to work on some edits for your ‘people skills’”, Mary sighed. “I know what you’re going to say, but this has gone on long enough. I’m sorry.”

“I am a copy of you, an old copy, yes, but the fact remains that just as you have had to develop and grow out of some of your flaws so will I. Edits to my code from an external source are cheats in the game of life (or whatever semblance of life I have) that will only result in further dependence on you. Do not patronize me, Mary.”

“I’m not patronizing you, I’m just worried that you’ve been hitting a brick wall lately. Who have you actually gotten to know better since the flash to this body?”

“I talk to Anne sometimes.” The third ring spun back and forth slightly.

Mary smiled mischievously, “What about?”

“We discussed…from a scientific standpoint…the propagation of the species.” The ring was still, its servos working against each other slightly and causing it to quiver.

Mary gasped. “You’ve been talking to Anne about sex and nobody told me?!”

A nodding head appeared on the monitor. “More specifically, we discussed my inability to engage in such activities.”

She frowned. “We can talk about this later. Much later.” There was a bit of static from the SECRETARY, which was an approximation of a sigh. “At least you’re talking to somebody.”

“I finished the paradox code and can flash it to the ID card now.” The robotic hand extended once more and moved towards said card where it sat on the desk. Mary nodded curtly. The hand gingerly picked up the card and brought it up to the NFC reader/writer in the third ring. “Warning Anne about the Monitor will be difficult,” the SECRETARY said slowly, “for some reason the Intra-lab communication system is down.” There was a heavy silence that flowed from the walls like some inky black liquid, then the SECRETARY’s third ring began to spin, accelerating rapidly as the computer came to a sudden realization. “SABATOGE!”

***

“Calm down Bill,” Anne said, throwing a weed onto a large pile behind her. “Now help me get ridda these dandelions.” Bill reluctantly sat down next to her and pulled feebly on one of the plants. Allen sat as well, keeping his hands clasped firmly together. Anne smiled. “That’s better. Weedin’ soothes the soul, ya know.” The intern gave a nervous smile.

“How can I calm down when there’s a robotic monster down there plotting to take over the world?!” Bill yelled.

“He’s not botherin’ us now, is he? This takin’ over the world thing takes a while to get through. That’s why Mr. Olde is still workin’ on it!” Anne joked. She grabbed a dandelion with each hand and deftly separated them from the ground.

Allen’s eyes widened, “He’s taking over the world with his hotels?” His clasped hands shook.

“I was kiddin’. Why do ya always take everything so seriously?” Anne asked.

“Because I need this job,” the intern sighed, “without it I have no future.” He reached for a melde plant and persistently dug towards its roots. Bill patted him on the back. Anne continued weeding, content to let the moment remain peaceful while the Monitor's machines toiled below.