Examination 2.2
Everypony was there. Okay, if 'everypony' counted the Crusader's families and teachers. But all of them were in attendance. Why, Rarity had even managed to remove her parent's tacky clothes for the occasion, rendering them naked but presentable for once. Though her mother was ever so slightly dyed with a rather disturbing shade of green and shivering for some odd reason.
Oh, and Pinkie's sister and her family were there too. They were fun.
"Awwww..." Sweetie kept herself just low enough compared to the table so that Rocky Road could just barely see her eyes peeking over the level of the table. The giggling foal reached for Sweetie Belle, giggling and burbling happily as he tried to grab her horn to suck on.
"Cweam! Cweam!" Rocky babbled as he waved his finely dappled legs at Sweetie.
"Ice Cream?" Sweetie asked, letting her surprise escape confinement as Rocky nodded hard enough to fall over. The vanilla and chocolate colored foal giggled and sat back up closer to Sweetie, once more trying to grab onto and suck her horn as he did. "Okay, I guess a little." Rocky pouted and whined. "A lot?" The mischievous foal filled himself with escaping giggles once more.
"Or a none, you little scamp." Marble said as she crept up beside Sweetie and joined her in just barely looking over the surface of the table. Rocky took one look at her eyebrows of frowny doom and pouted, crossing his forelegs. "Don't you pout at me. You're cute enough to fool her with your sorcerous ways, but we both know that you want it just so you can smear it all over yourself and force me to give you a bath."
"Bawh! Bawh!" Rocky gurgled, instantly cheering up. Little stinker.
"Wait..." Sweetie Belle climbed down and sat down beside the table. "I though foals that young hate baths..." Sweetie said, watching the foal and his mother playing.
"He gets it from his father. I fell in love with that big, squishy.... ooh, that irritatingly suave galumph of a stallion over the way he'd play in the mud fields and marshes building roads and bridges before he'd drag me into the tub with him for 'enhanced cleanliness techniques.' He he." Marble said, breaking down into girlish giggles at the end. Rocky made gagging motions as he tried to figure out what his mom was saying, before getting sick of it and frowning while sticking his tongue out. Marble replied in kind, adding a raspberry to her own. Rocky replied once more with an even more impressive one, only for Marble to cut to the chase and snatch him off of the table. The foal never stood a chance against his natural predator, the mother, no matter how much he waved his hooves to ward her off. Ravenously, she dipped her muzzle to his soft and baby-fat coated belly before mercilessly blowing raspberries directly into his belly-button.
Sweetie smiled and backed away slowly, letting mother and foal play. Why didn't her mom play with her like that instead of leaving her with Rarity half the time? Heck, the only reason she and her dad had showed up was because Pinkie had to drag them in so they could talk about whatever stupid teachy stuff was going to be taught to her.
Looking around was a big fat waste of time, too. Sure, there was Scootaloo and Surprise having a wing buzzing contest, and Applebloom was having some kind of argument with Limestone, but her sister was too busy being a bigshot and talking with all of her friends and some stupid orange pegasus from Canterlot. Where was the teacher they were getting, anyway. At least with her she could talk about the future with. Stupid adults. Stupid business. Stupid party. How in the hay did Pinkie make a party that was..... boring.
"You know, for somepony who has had as many stories told about them as you, you aren't nearly as larger than life in person, Sweetie Belle." The nearly golden voice instantly lifted Sweetie's spirits. It was infused with a loving warmth that flowed into her and through her upon a motherly tone of patience that seemed willing to forgive anything. A hot hoof began to slowly stroke her back just in the right spot to soothe her as the voice talked.
Sweetie opened her eyes back up from her introspection and looked over. And up, and up into the eyes of the mysterious mare who had just been giggling with her sister. The tips of the big pegasus's flowing mane and tail quivered in a nonexistent breeze, or maybe just all the little movements her body made. The mane draped down past her long neck and massive barrel to flow over her wing and tickle at Sweetie's back. More striking were her eyes. The eyes of a grandmother, almost. She spoke again, standing there beside Sweetie. "If you want, I can babble until you want to talk. A great many ponies say that I'm good at that."
"W-who are you?"
"Sunbeam Daffodil Flora. But let's just stick with Sunbeam, it makes the brain hurt less trying to remember it. I'm your new teacher. It should be interesting to teach somepony whom my prize student recommended that I teach." Sunbeam gave Sweetie a smile wide enough to squeak.
"Ummm... Sweetie Belle. But you knew that, I think?" The little unicorn hesitantly offered in return, declining the offered wing. A pegasus? Teaching magic? That didn't make any sense at all. She looked to Sunbeam's cutie mark and stared for a bit as she realized a whole lot like Princess Celestia's sunburst. But with a strange little smiley face drawn on the sun.
Sunbeam followed Sweetie's gaze to her hindquarters, and her ears dropped with worry. "Is there something wrong with my cutie mark?"
"Yeah. Uh, it kinda looks like the Princess's. You're not the Princess, right?" Sweetie put on her mental detective hat on, humming a tune of espion- espio- spying that she had heard in one of the serials she had seen at the local theater.
"What? No! It looks similar because, uh, it roughly means the same thing?" Sunbeam spoke quickly after shaking her head rapidly, trying to assuage Sweetie's curiosity. "Princess Celestia's mark doesn't directly mean that her special talent is raising the sun! Her cutie mark actually means that she acts as a beacon for other ponies and beings to follow her example, and as a guiding light to help them grow." She winced at the babble coming out of her mouth. Babbling wasn't supposed to happen.
"Oh. That sounds pretty reasonable." Sweetie Belle perked up and dropped her suspicious looks as she satisfied herself with that answer. Cheerilee's cutie was sort of the same thing. Of course.... "Uh, that still doesn't explain why Twilight asked for you instead of a unicorn. I- uh... don't mean to be rude, but- uh..."
"I have my ways. Most of my tricks I'll show you while teaching you. I helped Twilight through a great many of the basics and some of the advanced work. But, in your case whether or not I know the basics and can teach them to you is entirely irrelevant to your further magical study."
"W-what?" Sweetie turned paler as she began to imagine that she had already gotten as strong as she possibly could.
Sunbeam facehoofed hard enough for it to hurt. "What I mean to say," She began through her hoof ", Is that whether or not my suspicious, Twilight's suspicions, and Princess Celestia's theories are correct or not, you still are learning and using magic in a way that is entirely different from normal and I cannot teach you in the same way that I taught Twilight." Sunbeam explained. Reaching out with a wing, she stroked Sweetie on the back wit hit, prompting the young filly to snuggle into it.
"I don't wanna be different. I just want to be normal and have my stupid cutie mark already." Sweetie depressedly pouted as she let herself be slowly shifted up against Sunbeam as the great pegasus laid herself down. Each breath escaped her in a huff of indignation over the fact that she had to be 'different' and 'special'. Stupid overused words. Stupid expectations. Stupid adults. She wasn't 'special', she was just Rarity's dumb little sister, and that was all... she was ever going to be.
One of Sunbeam's big and fluffy hooves slowly lowered itself down to stroke down the center of Sweetie's back. "Being different IS normal. Look at me, I got all of my alfalfa growing up and nowadays if I wear a fake horn I could be mistaken for Princess Celestia at a distance!"
Sweetie Belle harrumphed a little, setting her tired head down onto her crossed forelegs. She wasn't interested in stuff like that, or the way her mom seemed to be halfway dyed to lime green, or any of that other stupid stuff.
Sunbeam frowned, ever so slightly. The warmth emminating from her grew a little stronger as she snuggled up closer to Sweetie Belle to get her to pay attention. "And Sweetie Belle? Cutie marks aren't 'normal'. They tell other ponies that you ARE different, that you ARE special, and how you're different and special. I'm like C- Princess Celestia, but I'm more cheerful and use that. Twilight shares the core of her cutie mark with her brother, but Twilight's mark shows how she connects everypony together through magic and friendship while her brother's shows his need to protect everypony around him."
Sweetie grumbled more, incoherently as she glared over her hooves. Sunbeam carefully tweaked her horn with a hoof, trying to get the reluctant foal to face her. "G'way. Not done being unspecial yet." Sweetie turned her head away, aggressively sighing.
Sunbeam's gaze turned to follow Sweetie's, then turned back the other way when she realized that Sweetie was deliberately staring at a blank wall. Ah, much better. Rarity was nearly dead center of where her younger sister's gaze would otherwise naturally wander to. She suspected that that explained a great deal. "Is your sister Rarity unintentionally showing you up all of the time without even realizing it or trying and making you sick of getting compa-"
"YEEEEEEEEES!"
Every head in the building turned to Sweetie Belle, who turned crimson red and shimmied under Sunbeam's offered wing until she couldn't be seen anymore. Mouthing 'later' to Twilight, Sunbeam carefully consoled the filly with rubs as she quietly broke down.
"Yes. I thought it would get better after Princess Luna saved me from ruining her life." Sunbeam confusedly smiled at the mention of the lunar diarch. Something that she hadn't been told about... "But she keeps on doing it and making me look bad next to her. And she's not even trying to, that's the worst part. She just wants to be a good big sister and- and-" Sweetie Belle slowly broke down into choked breathing as she let out the tension. Her little hooves clutched and dug into the hay-covered ground as her fears of always being no more than 'Rarity's little sister' ran through her mind.
She was so engrossed in that pitiful state that she didn't even notice as Sunbeam's Wing slowly rose from her. Nor did she notice the three sets of hooves delicately wrapping around her into a hug. No, not until a pair of hot tears dripped down onto her forehead did she look up to see her sister's worried face just above her head. Her two closest friends tightened their pony-pile hug, nearly crushing the life out of her as Rarity let Sweetie rest her head on her shoulder.
"I-I didn't know, Sweetie Belle."
"I know. You just wanted to help."
"Rather mucked it up again, didn't I?"
"It's my fault for not telling you."
"No, my fault for not asking you."
"No, it's my fault for-"
"Stopping this here!" Sunbeam loudly proclaimed to break up the impending sisterly squabble. "You aren't just 'Rarity's little sister', little one. You ARE special, perhaps enough that you will shadow Rarity as she has shadowed you." Her wing carefully wiped away the small streaks on Sweetie Belle's face before squeezing the entire group close to her side. "There is something in you, something so wonderful and powerful that it made Princess Twilight ask for help from Princess Celestia. That is the biggest reason why I am here. Besides examining all three of you to help her find the optimal lesson plan, that is."
Scootaloo stopped in horror, looking up from her friend. "Wait. Exam? Like a test?"
"Yes?" Sunbeam tentatively answered, wondering if she should ask for medical help with the way that Scootaloo started to suddenly tremble.
"Tomorrow? The field trip day to the Crystal Empire?!"
"Yes, I think?"
"NoooooooooooOOOO-mmph!" Scootaloo was hushed by Applebloom shoving both of her hooves in the little pegasus's mouth to keep her keening wail of horror muffled.
"Okay, okay, we get it! Is there any way ya could push it back or something?"
Sunbeam frowned. She didn't really want to push back examining the trio, but it couldn't hurt, could it? She did need time to unpack and settle in, and some Twilight time to make plans for teaching the trio regardless. She shrugged, not seeing much reason at all. "Well, I don't see why not. Events do seem to follow a pattern in Equestria nowadays, and being just a little over a week after the Equestrian Games, I don't see any major crisis popping up that will cause problems. Is that alright with you, Princess Twilight?"
Twilight jerked upright on the other side of the room, looking a little panicky. "Yes, yes! My library, next week?"
"Sure. See? Nothing to worry about." Sunbeam said, worridly watching as Twilight twitched a little. "Okay, maybe a little. I should probably talk to her about that this week." She turned back to the foals, putting a smile on for them. "No, I think we'll be just fine. It isn't like Tirek will rise from Tartarus or something else as dramatic as that so close to the Equestrian Games."
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1 Week Later....
Sunbeam stood at the former site of Twilight's old home, which still smoldered underground despite two days of firefighting efforts. 'Not like Tirek will rise from Tartarus' her big, plush tushie! "So... do things like this happen often around here?"
"Sorta. Kinda. You know, I have no idea anymore." Scootaloo forlornly said as she looked over the handlebars of her original scooter into the crater carved into the landscape.
"Eh, sorta. Just normally not this big." Applebloom answered, poking at the lip of the crater. "Ponyville likes to screw with ya like that. At least Twilight got a new home out of it. Ah don't think anypony in town could take Twilight sleeping on their couch for more than a day."
"Yeah! I actually kind of like it. It's like a big... fortressy... thingie... of- I dunno, friendship?" Sweetie slowly worked out. All three of them stopped what they were doing as the realization of what they could do struck them.
"CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS, FORTRESS OF FRIENDSHIP HOUSEWARMERS! YEAAAAAAAAAAAY!"
Oh sweet tree, this was going to be bad!
And now Celestia needs to apologize to Twilight for A) Jinxing it and B) assuming Twilight was exaggerating the madness in all those friendship reports.
Oh the blessed irony, it burns like toothpaste on the testicles.
Ahh. You managed to work Treefort: Bookbrary into the story. Nice.
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BEEEEHOOLD! The Fortress of Friendship! (We tried calling it the Fortress of Solitude, but that title gets rather undercut when six others have the keys to your front door.)
Ah yes, the Fortress of Friendship. A.k.a. Sparkalon, the Palace-Tree, the Seedling of Harmony, Twilight's Castle Playset, and so forth.
Let's just hope it survives the Crusaders.
Looking forward to more... though I have to wonder about the shenanigans Celestia had to go through to maintain her cover during the whole Tirek incident.
Oh man... This just keep getting better!
Cheerilee's cutie was sort of the same thing
mark needs added
on the back wit hit,
With it,
Things that I found in this chapter that need fixed, Possibley...
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Surprise as a CMC. The Horror is DOUBLED!
4498682 Castle Fugly.
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To be fair, so is Canterlot Castle, and to an extent the Crystal Tower. I would kind of like to see some more angles of the place and get a floor plan. Which would be nice, and de-mystifying. If it could get some crystal foliage on it, that'd make it pretty sweet. (though a bit painful for Dash/Miss Hooves to crash into.)
So that's what happened. So did Luna get blamed for Tirek coming back too?
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Nope. Luna was a bit more... proactive, let's say, than her sister was. Luckily, Ponyville's had worse, ya pansy! Have at him!
Luna: Look, Mate, yer bridges fell down, and your library was blown to the choir eternal!
Ponyville: That? That's just a flesh wound.
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muthafuggin' Monty Python man. It was much more than a shrubbery.
Let's look on the bright side: This might not be a total disaster. However, they'd have to be seriously bucking the trend if it isn't!
Um .... no it doesn't. Her cutie mark represents her special talent as magic [generalized]. She was a powerful magic user far before she learned the power of friendship and wanted nothing at all to do with anyone until she was forced to do it. Only then did she start connecting [and even then with a limited number of ponies] and bringing others together [only the mane 6]. So that comment is entirely false.
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Well other than a few tings that are utterly wrong [like the above thing, seriously that is completely untrue. Especially since a pony's magic gains spells for their Special Talent first, and others are more hard to learn [if they can do it at all]. Twilight has no friendship spells, or connecting spells. The only thing she has that's close is "Want It! Need It!", and we saw how wonderfully that played out.
Then you have the whole "Morningstar" last name thing. I can't say just how much that seems utterly ridiculous in the fact that A)as aforementioned with Tia it's redundant, and Luna it's insulting / not true; B) Their last name shares nothing with their more ancient origins and as old as they are they wouldn't have modern-Equis in their last name. Honestly they don't need them, never used them in cannon, and Twilight never referred to Celestia as "Princess Celestia Morningstar" in any of her letters. Nor in the Cannon letter when Spike was sent a personal letter by Celestia during Dragon Migration.
I can see Morningstar as an Appellation to Celestia or as a Nickname she uses for close friends / family / acquaintances , I can give you that; But not to Luna. And not as a last name.
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Other than that. Yes, you have tons of funny bits here and there. And I greatly enjoy reading what you come up with. It has a lot of humor, fluffy bits, and good characterization. If you ignore the occassional entirely false tidbit scarcely scattered and the name thing. This is an amazing comedy fic. And if everyone knows that Scoots is an orphan it'd be cute to see her get a family [although I know that not the main focus of this fic. Even though I want to know why noones taken her in yet].
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With that out of my system, it's good to see another chapter. May you be less concussed in the future.
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Um... did you miss "The Cutie Mark Chronicles"? "Everypony everywhere has a special magical connection with her friends, maybe even before she's met them." Twilight got her cutie mark when she saw the Rainboom, connecting her to her friends. Also, magic in FiM seems to be "You can have magic without friendship, but friendship magic is better."
As for the "Twilight lacks friendship spells" thing, this was covered in "Boast Busters". Other unicorns get telekinesis and a specialized spell related to their special talent. Twilight's special talent is magic (and remember, magic is friendship), so she gets ALL the spells. If her special talent were "connecting" people, she might have a platonic version of Cadance's (TOTALLY NON-CREEPY ) special talent spell. But it's magic, so Twilight gets facility with all spells rather than one spell.
I do agree with you on the "Morningstar" thing. I could see it as one of Celestia's many, many, many titles (seriously, she's got to have heaps), but for Luna it's incongruous and jarring and false.
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Actually while yes she got her CM durring the sonic rainboom. It was only after successfully completing her exam, and meeting her idol [and pony who inspired her to go there to test to begin with]. While yes magic is indeed friendship, her magic doesn't connect others. She is connected, but really that can be said of all the main 6. Since they got their CM from Dashie's sonic rainboom, but their Special Talent isn't based around connecting to others. Even though most of them do in one way or another have skills that do enable a great deal of connection, it's a side effect of their jobs, personalities, and in Fluttershy's + Pinkie's case their Special Talents.
So yes she can use the magic of friendship [Twilight], but her Special Talent is in Magic in and of itself. Generalized since it's in any field of magic, but it wasn't about connecting others, and she never connected with others other than 1)Tia; 2) Her family; 3) Spike [I see him as her son since she hatched him, but a brother is good too i guess]; and 4) Cadance.
Other than those 4 she shut out all others, refusing to connect with anyone in any fashion, and until recently was more geared to her studies and pleasing Celestia [well pleasing Celestia will never go away]. But to say that her Special Talent is connecting others is wrong [even then she was connected with the string of friendship from Dashie, but that was Dashie not her] and while she can harness the power of friendship to do even more powerful magic, it was not what it originally stood for. Rather it was a side effect from having as you said access to "All the Magic".
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And until she connected with her friends, despite having a cutie mark for magic, she SUCKED at it.
And since then, all of her big magic moments? Catalyzed by her friends.
Oh yeah, including turning into an ALICORN on the power of their friendship, which counted as 'fulfilling her destiny'. Cutie mark is magic THROUGH friendship, end of story.
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That is where you are inherently wrong, and even showed that you are wrong.
A person gets there Cutie Mark when they know what they want to do with their life. What makes them special. Twilight's is magic, plain and simple. All Magic. Not Magic through / with anything. Yes being The Element of Magic and using the power of friendship was her destiny.
But!!! If her special talent was to do magic through friendship she'd know that inherantly same as with all Special Talents. That's how they work! It's in the name! SPECIAL TALENT, knowing what makes you special and what you want to do with your life. If her talent was magic through friendship, she'd know it, make lots of friends and do what Tia in your fic said.
Bring others together, and Connect others.
Somthing she did not do until recently. And even then she didn't suck she:
A) Hatched a dragon egg and made it an adult.
B) Turned ponies into plants.
and
C) Knocked several adults out, just because she was startled.
By the way. That was Dashie's doing, not something Twilight did [the startling, connecting everyone together, paving the way for everyones cutie marks was Dash, not Twilight. If anything Connecting and Bringing others together fits Dashie more than any of the others.]
So you are in all ways wrong in what you said her Special Talent was. It is, Magic. That's it. Magic. Yes magic can be made more powerful with friendship, but that's with any unicorn. Especially Element of Magic Bearers. But a Special Talent is something you know, do, and is something that she would do before becoming an Element Bearer since she'd know her Special Talent was bringing others together, and connecting others [what you said in your fic : false], or magic through friendship [your reply: false].
As Magic [generalized] Special Talent, she does, is shown doing, and is proficient in all branches of magic.
Alchemy [doesn't use friendship, or connecting with others]
Science Based Magic [doesn't need friendship or connecting with others]
Rule / Logic based magics [different verse same as the first]
Even alot of her magic like in Boast Busters or Magic Duel didn't use the Elements of Harmony or her friends to power her magic. That was her, the first one was her, while serverly affraid that her friends would hate her for doing her Special Talent to take care of the Ursa Minor. The second one used her friends, but not for magic as much as props for misdirection [semantics either way].
So I am right in pointing out what is actual cannon. Not fannon or what ever you are using. Yes if you had an AU Tag that'd be easier to swollow, but you don't so thus I'm just pointing out that you are wrong in what you said in that chapter. Call it me being Autistic or OCD. It's still a logical falacy to say something is a ponies Special Talent when it isn't. And wasn't made because of something that wasn't so. Correlation doesn't = Causation and that goes the same for Causation not = Correlation [aka. Rainbow Dash did the sonic rainboom causing all her future friends to get their cutie marks, does not mean that Twilight suddenly connects and brings others together [original comment [in chapter] nor that it's Magic through Friendship [your last comment].
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Kosher gelatin is made from fish bones. Standard gelatin is made from animal collagen. Beef and pork hide, hooves, and bones mostly.
I've given this story up until chapter 2.2.
I tried very hard to give this story ever chance but unfortunately there are three very important factors that kept on knocking me out of the story.
The first is the nigh untranslatable sound effects your using which come across to me as
peopleponies making baby noises. At least that's what I kept hearing in my head. I understand the intent and such but its just way over the top even for a CMC fic.The second is all the pop culture references. While not normally a bad thing, in this it was to blatant. Almost for the sake of making references rather than for the story's own benefit, thus making it a detriment instead.
The third major thing is that your writing tends to jump around. You are carrying a concept or a portion of a scene and then suddenly you switch gears or an action with little explanation or at least some form of transitional action. This of the three is the least important as you haven't done it too often but it is something to note.
I'll be quite honest, this story has potential but it could use editing for excessive content. Other minor things like each of the chapters have featured at least three instances partial or all caps. Stylistically this isn't unreasonable if done in the right context. If you take a look at say Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix there are several shouting matches in it but beyond those the excessive capitalization is almost nill. In other cases you are using all caps for emphasis and leaves me as a reader wondering why its capitalized when typically emphasis is carried out by italics, underline or simply related that the character put emphasis in a portion of their phrase.
And this is where I must say good bye. I wish your fic and other further writings the best but I cannot further read beyond this point. If you feel that at any point you may have fine tuned this fic or have a similar fic that does not use the above mentioned stylistic choices to such a grand scale, drop me and like and I'll be happy to leave feedback there as well.
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Casa De Arsepull
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Yes, Thrackerzod, you keep saying that. But if there was a cutie mark for being stupid, you three would have it already.
This should be: Reaching out with a wing, she stroked Sweetie on the back with it, prompting the young filly to snuggle into it.
4498266 ... Well, that's a new one to me. *Adds it to his growing list of "Don't do This Unless You Wishes to Die or Otherwise Prove Someone Wrong".*