It Gets Worse
Slightly earlier, at Carousel Boutique...
The warm water cascading down her back, the room filled with steam, the shower curtains making an enclosed, comfortable area. Geo felt truly relaxed.
As soon as she had arrived at Rarity's boutique, Geo had immediately been ushered upstairs to the bathroom, where Rarity had practically forced her inside, and closed the door behind her, telling her not to come out until she was completely clean. The majority of the dirt and leaves her body had accumulated during her trip to Ground Zero was actually on her clothes, and not so much herself, but Geo was not the kind to turn down a shower. And now, there she was, in a capsule of hot water vapor.
She stood there, letting the warm water and steam and curtains form a little barrier between her and the rest of the universe. Geo truly had time to herself. Time to think.
In all honesty, the past two days had gone rather quickly. She was just sitting in her apartment with her less-than-pleasant roommate and friend, discussing which of the sexes was better (he won the battle, not the war) when they and some of their household items were transported to another dimension. A dimension filled with ponies, of all creatures. With everything going on, the warp, the first encounter, the hospitalisation of her fellow human, and then the arrangement she currently found herself in, Geo hadn't really let it all sink in yet.
Showers tend to do that to people. Provoke thoughts.
Geo thought about it. A world where evolution had decided that equines were the dominant species, as opposed to primates. It was a slightly unsettling concept, now that she truly thought about it. There are no other humans, only animals. It didn't make much sense that said horses had not even evolved much from what they were like on Earth, and yet they were the central species. They were still in the stage that was the equivalent to humans when they were apes.
How had these horses even created half of the stuff that they had? They were horses. For Christ's sakes, they don't even have fingers!
Then again, there are also unicorns, pegasi and alicorns, not just the standard earth ponies.
Geo went over what she knew about this world from the somewhat brief conversation she had with the princesses outside of the library, and with various other sources.
These ponies have somehow evolved enough that they're able to build houses, and libraries, and hospitals...some of the hospital devices looked kind of advanced...
Truly, to anyone where she came from, if Geo told them that in another dimension, there was a world that was ruled by horses, she'd be wheeled away by the nice men in white coats to a lunatic asylum, spending the rest of her life in a padded cell.
Yeah, those aren't nice thoughts. Let's just move away from that...
Horses ruling everything. An unreal concept in her world, and a very real one in this world. What she didn't understand was that in her world, their were ponies, and unicorns and pegasi existed, but only in mythology. How come humans didn't exist in anything here, ever?
That there's a real chin-scratcher.
Geo paused at her last thought. Good God, I sound like Applejack.
After that, Geo decided to partake in a little shower singing.
This is your time to pay! This is your judgement day!
We made a sacrifice,
And now we get to take your life!
We shoot without a gun! We'll take on anyone!
It's really nothing new,
It's just a thing we like to do!
Geo then began to sign slightly louder.
You'd better get ready to die! Get ready to die!
You'd better get ready to kill! Get ready to kill!
You'd better get ready to run, 'cause here we coooooooooome!
You'd better get ready to die! Ready to diiiiiiie!
Without realising, Geo had gotten even louder. At this point, one could hear her from downstairs. Rarity was not amused, but considering she did the same thing in the shower, she kept her mouth shut.
Your life is over now! Your life is running out!
When your life is at an end,
Then it's time to kill again!
We cut without a knife! We live in black and white!
You're just a parasite,
Now close your eyes and say goodnight!
Rarity had begun to actually pay attention to the lyrics. "Goodness, those words are simply horrid! Why would they have such things in music?"
Geo continued with the song, repeating the chorus.
You'd better get ready to die! Get ready to die!
You'd better get ready to kill! Get ready to kill!
You'd better get ready to run, 'cause here we coooooooooome!
You'd better get ready to die! Ready to diiiiiiie!
The next portion of the song was just "Get ready to die" said in repetition, though when she belted out the final "diiiiie!" Geo covered her mouth, hoping no one had heard her. She wasn't aware she was far beyond that point. The song over, she simply sighed, and leaned back against the wall behind her.
The warm water continued to flow, and after a bit, Geo decided to make actual use of it, choosing then to wash her hair. She turned to look at the bottles on the shelf, but without her glasses, and because of the steam, it was very hard to see. There were so many bottles and tubes, all horribly blurred.
She grabbed one anyway, a white one from what she could tell, moved it as close to her eyes as she could, and tried her hardest to read the label. All that her eyes picked up were blurry black lines. She groaned. Well, crap.
Another thought then occurred to the girl. Do ponies write like us? How'll I be able to read this? That train of thought kept going. How do ponies even write? I mean, there's that tiny gap-thing in their hooves, they could hold a pen there, or something...a pegasus could use magic...wait, I mean unicorn...pegasus magic, what the hell? She shook her head. Right. Hair. Clean. Shampoo. Hopefully not freaking turpentine or something.
Geo stood stock still for a moment, warm water pounding her neck and back, pondering what to do. In the end, she shrugged, and just opened the bottle she was holding, hoping that it was shampoo. It didn't matter too much to her. unless it's actually turpentine. I'd like to keep my scalp, thanks.
By sheer luck, it was shampoo. Or conditioner. Ha! Bloody fluke, that was.
As she ran her hands through her hair, worming her fingers through the strands, Geo continued to think about the world she was in. They say "Equestria". Is that, like, a country, a continent or the whole planet?
Many other questions made their way through her head, such as Why the hell would they call this place "Ponyville? That's like calling Melbourne "Humantown." and Cutie Marks. How do they work?
One question that came around was, How exactly are they planning on getting us back? They said something about diamonds and jokes...I dunno. Suddenly, another very interesting question came into her head. This one, however, seemed to bounce around in her skull, refusing to disappear into the hoard of other self-inquires swimming in her consciousness.
Do I actually want to leave when the time comes?
Geo thought long and hard about this. She hated humans, humanity, what they had done, what they were going to do. She was part of the single most destructive race in her world, the single most destructive race in all of discovered life, including these ponies. If she stayed here, she could be away from all of that.
A world without humans...that'd be a bloody paradise. But...
I'm a human. What if I corrupt ponies?
From there, there was only silence aside from the sound of water against skin as that one question bounced through her head, getting louder and louder.
Ignoring the voice in her head, which should be worrying her on several levels, Geo placed the bottle back on the shelf. She decided not to try another one, fearing her luck wouldn't hold. There was a reason she didn't gamble unless Christian was around. He could see patterns. She couldn't. At this point, I literally can't see anything.
Unbeknownst to Geo, a small remainder of the shampoo was on her forehead, in droplet form. Now, this was not the type of shampoo one should get in one's eye, lest they feel like they had just used bleach eye drops. However, the gods of screwing with people had decided that one drop would snake it's way through the maze of acne, through the eyebrows, and straight into contact with her eyeball.
Geo let out a small squeal as she went to try and rub it out. As she did, she took a step forward, lost her balance...
And slipped.
From outside the bathroom, a squeak was heard, followed by a squeal, followed by a loud thud, then followed immediately by "OW! GODDAMMIT!"
Downstairs, Rarity had heard the resounding thud, and the following blasphemy (though she didn't know it to be that), and went to go see what was wrong.
Geo was laying at the bottom of the shower-bath hybrid, clutching her lower back with her left hand, and her eye with her right, both now in searing, unrelenting pain. In actuality, it wasn't as bad as she was making it out to be. In that regard, she was more like Rarity than the two of them would ever know.
However, as she went to try and stand up, she noticed the position she was in. Laying down under a warm flow of water, legs spread...
Geo's mind, being Geo's mind, suddenly began to flow with dirty thoughts. It's been two days since we've been here...and it was the day before that that I had last-
Realising what she had just thought, Geo recoiled in minor disgust. Really? In a strangers shower? For Gods sake, girl, are you really that desperate?
As the angel and devil on her shoulders debated over whether to pay attention to an area considerably lower than her shoulders, there was a knocking on the door. It seems the angel would be appeased this time.
"Hello? Geo, are you alright? I heard a loud noise. Did you fall?" Rarity called through the door, concern in her voice, though it was barely audible over the shower and the blood rushing through Geo's ears.
Geo stood as quickly as she could, afraid that somehow Rarity would see her. She had let many people, "Probably too many," said a voice that sounded suspiciously like Christian's in the back of her mind, see her naked before, but...an animal? She was somewhat unsure.
"Geo?" Rarity called again, knocking thrice against the bathroom door.
"Uh, yeah, I'm fine. I fell, but I'm, uh, okay." Geo stammered. The pain in her lower back had disappeared entirely, though her eye still stung slightly. She turned to stop the flow of water, now feeling like more of a burden than the liquid relaxation it was before. Geo then pulled the curtain open, and stood on the adjacent bathmat.
A small chuckle was heard from outside the bathroom. "I heard you singing. Quite an odd little song you had there."
Geo blushed. She knew she couldn't sing. As Christian had once quoted, 'My dear, you sound as if four fully grown Vietnamese men were having their intestines pulled out of their mouths.'
"Sorry about that. I won't do it again..." Geo called back.
"Oh no, by all means, go ahead," Rarity affirmed. "I needed a good laugh."
Geo scowled. Bloody pompous cow...
Her little barricade from the universe broken, Geo went to pick up the dirty clothes on the floor to put back on, before a thought struck her.
I have literally no clean clothes.
Geo blanched. Which means if I want new ones, I'll have to get measured up, and...I need new panties...
She was not looking forward to the upcoming conversation.
"Hey, uh, Rarity? You still there?" Geo called, her voice echoing off of the tiles, steam still flooding the room, but not as much as previously.
"Yes, darling, what do you need? Did I forget to give you a towel? Oh, goodness me, I can be so forgetful sometimes..." Rarity replied. "Well, I'll bring you the towel, and then you can get dressed and I can get to know you a little more while you stay here."
Hey, you did forget, actually. Huh. "Uh, yeah, about that..." Geo began.
She heard something that resembled a sigh through the door. "I'm not sure I like that tone. What's wrong?"
"You know how my clothes are dirty?" Geo began.
"Yes?"
"Well, I can't wear the same clothes again, even if you wash them. It's...unsanitary."
"I couldn't agree more...wait, where are you going with this?"
"Alright, I'll just say it then. I need new clothes." A pause. "You're a seamstress." Another pause. "I can't really simplify it further."
There was silence. Rarity did not respond for a while, and the only noise that could be heard was Geo as she opened the window to let some of the steam out, which was causing her breathing irregularities.
Finally, the currently obscured unicorn replied. "Oh...yes, well..." she seemed to giggle nervously. "I'm not sure I could do that. I mean, you've got a different body structure, and I would never have made clothes so..." she paused, "big before."
Geo scowled again. That'd better not have been a fat joke...
"Yeah, well, you're the only tailor I know here. I won't put on these dirty clothes, not just 'cause it's gross, but I'll get dirt everywhere, and I doubt you'd want that." she mused. "Plus, it could be...I don't know, a challenge."
A contemplative hmm was heard from the other side of the door. There was a pregnant pause before Rarity replied.
"Well, I do love a challenge..." Geo could practically hear her smiling. "Alright, Geo, you have yourself a deal."
Geo smiled in return, before grabbing her glasses off of the sink rim and putting them on. "Uh, yeah, we have another problem."
"What's that, dear?"
"Um..." How do I put this... "I need new clothes for everything."
"Yes, I don't see the problem."
*sigh* Of course you don't. "I need a jumper, pants, a shirt, and... underwear."
"Why is that-"
"You need measurements. How is the only way you can measure me for underwear.?"
Another pause. "Oh, yes, right. You humans need clothing to cover your...selves."
Geo sighed. lowering her glasses and pinching the bridge of her nose. "Could you get the towel so I can at least leave the bathroom?"
"Oh, yes, of course." Geo could her Rarity actually running away from the door. The human girl looked down at the white tiles underneath her feet, and sighed once more.
This is gonna get worse before it gets any better...ugh, goddammit...
///
It wasn't too long later that Geo found herself standing in the main room of Carousel Boutique, wearing nothing but her glasses, her hair tie and the white fluffy towel Rarity had fetched for her, standing on the stage-esque area that's usually reserved for the fashionista's mannequins.
At the moment, Geo was the mannequin.
More like a goddamn test subject. Geo was really not looking forward to the upcoming events, especially the part that involves nudity. She was usually all for nudity, but this time it'd feel awkward.
Rarity had gone to find her tape measure, leaving the human girl in the large room by her lonesome. She was cold, standing on a hardwood floor in bare feet, and had pretty much nothing on. The towel covered her middle section, but her shoulders, arms and legs were exposed to the open air. Unfortunately, the towel would have to go if her new clothes were to be properly fitted.
Geo waited on that cold platform in the middle of the cold room with the cold floors. After being in a shower hot enough to scald a normal person, touching the wooden floor with bare feet was like dipping one's toes in a small tub of liquid nitrogen. That is to say, not pleasant in the slightest.
When Rarity finally returned with the tape measure in her light blue magical grasp, Geo breathed a sigh. It's not appropriate to say it was a sigh of relief, because it was just as much a sigh of defeat.
"What took you so long? It's colder than Christians heart in here!" Geo cried, on the verge of actually having her teeth chatter. Rarity just snorted in response. Geo narrowed her eyes. Some host you are...
"Alright darling, we need to get started. I'd hate to have you running around outside of your comfort zone." Rarity stated. Geo wasn't entirely sure if that was sarcastic or not.
"Right then. What should we try and make first?" Rarity inquired, seemingly dreading the upcoming towel removal as much as Geo was.
"Honestly, I think we should start with the underwear." Geo suggested. When the fashionista unicorn stared at her with a look that said Please repeat that, and by repeat that, I mean say something entirely different, Geo quickly stammered out "Uh, just to get it out of the way. You know, you could make them in the order that I'd put them on, or something?"
Rarity just sighed and shook her head. "You know what, Geo? Just...take it off. We should get this done as soon as we can."
Geo took a deep breath. Alright. I do this in front of people all the time, so why is it so hard in front of one goddamn animal? Do it like a band-aid. Don't think about it...
With that, Geo swallowed her pride, and dropped the towel.
///
Far too many awkward moments and comments later...
Rarity used her magic to hand Geo the towel, which she used immediately to cover herself.
"There, that's done with." The white unicorn breathed a sigh of relief. She didn't have to look at that anymore. In Rarity's opinion, any creature without fur or scales or feathers to cover their bare skin are just plain strange to look at. Not only that, but Geo was slightly larger than Rarity would like, as she had pointed out a few times, much to the human girls chagrin.
Geo tried to lighten the situation with a joke. "What, not even a goodnight kiss?" Her reward for this feat was a withering glare from the fashionista.
Awkward silence followed as Rarity looked over her notes on the human's physique, while Geo continued to stand there on the platform with nothing but a towel.
"So, yeah, thanks for this. I'll pay you back when I can-" Geo began, bit was quickly cut off.
"No, dearie, I won't charge you a single bit for these. Consider them a welcoming gift. I am the Element of Generosity." She smiled as she turned to Geo. "Also consider it my part of a deal. You take the clothing, and in return, we never speak of this incident again."
Geo nodded. "Fair's fair."
More silence.
"Uh, can I, you know, go and find my room? I need a bed right now." Geo asked.
Rarity nodded, having turned back to face her notes. "Yes, of course. Your residence is the first door on the left at the top of the stairs. You'll find a four-poster bed, a bedside table, a few mirrors and some hair supplies."
Geo raised an eyebrow. "So, you had all of this planned out, or do you just keep these things in a room for a reason i can't think of?"
Rarity sighed. "It's my sister's room. She sleeps there whenever she visits."
Geo's curiosity was piqued. "Oh, you have a sister? Older or younger? What's her name?"
"Yes, younger, and Sweetie Bell." Rarity replied, still not looking at the human behind her.
"That's, uh, nice." Geo said rather awkwardly. A pause. "Yeah, I'll just go now."
"Mmhm. Goodnight, Geo. Sleep well." Rarity called out to Geo, who trying to touch the floor as little as possible on her way to the staircase.
"Oh, Geo? Before you head to your new room," Rarity called, still not looking at her. "Sweetie Bell very much enjoys singing. She's good at it too." Rarity turned her head to make eye contact with Geo from across the room. "Maybe you could ask her for some tips."
Geo scowled for the third time that night at her host. She turned and trudged up the stairs, muttering something along the lines of "goddamn stuck up bitch".
Geo made it to the top, turned left, opened the door, and without doing anything else first, just walked over to the bed, crawled in under the covers and tried to sleep.
Her head hit the pillow, and as she fell asleep, one though went through her head.
I think I'm going to like it here.
Geo suddenly rethought that,
At least, I hope I will.
And with that, sleep took her.
///
The next morning at Sweet Apple Acres...
It wasn't a rooster that woke Christian up, nor was it any members of the Apple family. No, what awoke Christian was the small beam of sunlight that shone onto his closed eyes through the gap in the curtains.
Covering his eyes with his hands, Christian groaned, first with fatigue, then with annoyance as he remembered where he was and what he was meant to be doing.
Confounded ponies. They drive me to insomnia.
Christian rose from the bed, still in his clothing that he'd been wearing for three days now. He turned to look at the bed he had been given, and noticed the long beam of light extending from the window to the pillow, right where his head was.
Sol is 150 million kilometres away, and yet it has perfect accuracy.
Christian withdrew that thought. I doubt that the star that decided to make itself acquainted with my retinas is Sol.
Even though he had an almost all-encompassing urge to simply collapse upon the bed and continue his sleep, Christian stayed awake anyway. After all, the longer he was awake, the more complex and detailed his vengeance schemes would be, and the more time he had to screw with the aforementioned ponies.
Normally, Christian would have used this time to have a shower and dress himself. However, he had no new clothes. Christian snorted. I also have low hopes of these hicks owning a shower or bath.
It was strange. Christian was told that he would be awoken at 5:30 am, and yet the beam of light would indicate that it would be closer to 9:00 am. He had assumed that the Element of Honesty would have kept her word. Or maybe the sun worked differently here.
Considering the evidence, I believe the former is the most likely.
As if on cue, there was a knocking on the door, and a southern accented voice was heard from outside.
"Hey Christian? Wakey wakey! Ya'll gotta get up 'n' help us with th' orchard!" cried Applejack.
While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping. as of some one gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door, Christian thought. It was odd how that excerpt came to him at that exact moment, but he cared not.
Christian trudged to the door and opened it, causing the orange mare to jump slightly. She obviously wasn't expecting him to actually be awake, her Stetson almost falling off.
"Alright then, pony. Take me to my post. I would like to get this done as fast as humanly possible." Christian snapped irritably at her, shoving her form out of the way. Though, considering their height differences, kicked would be a more apt description.
"Hey, now slow there buddy. Ya'll ain't workin' 'till ya got some food in ya." Applejack pointed out as she trotted up to the mildly fatigued human.
"Oh, good, horse food." Christian sighed. "I do not suppose you have anything other than daises or wheat? I have not eaten for a while, now that I ponder such a situation, and though I am not yet debilitated, I believe a source of protein and iron would be imperative to my survival."
An intelligent "What?" was the response he received.
Christian sighed again, pinching the bridge of his nose. "I need meat in my system if I am to survive."
Applejack narrowed her eyes at him. "Well, ya'll ain't gettin' any. Yer jus' gonna hafta eat what we eat."
"You do not understand, pony. My body will not take the outright rejection of meat very well. I will need to eat something." Christian explained.
Applejack simply ignored that comment, and said "Fer breakfast, we're havin' Granny Smith's Apple Pie."
That gave Christian pause. "Pardon? We are having pie? For breakfast?"
"Yup. Ya'll got a problem with that, too?"
Christian was silent for a few seconds. "I suppose it is better than nothing..." he grumbled.
Applejack rolled her eyes. "That's th' spirit," she quipped sarcastically.
"Oh, shut up and feed me."
After they had walked downstairs and to the kitchen, Christian found that the rest of the Apples had already gathered around the table, and had their meals in front of them. Applejack had not lied, each pony had a slice of Apple Pie on the plate in front of them, of varying sizes and textures. Big Mac had a large slice, while Apple Bloom had a small one. Granny Smith had what used to be a piece, but what was not a pile of mush on her plate. There were two other plates, and Christian need not have guessed who they were for.
Applejack greeted the rest of her family with a hearty "Howdy", while Christian simply waved them off, having no need to be polite anymore now that he had removed his desires had been sated. The Apples thought nothing of it, simply contributing it to waking up early.
Speaking of which...
"Applejack, you told me you were to wake me at 5:30, yet the sun is considerably higher in the sky than that." Christian pointed out, looking at the orange mare with a raised eyebrow. "Care to explain, Element of Honesty?"
"Ah kept my promise. Ah came t' check on ya at 5:30. What's yer point?" Applejack retorted.
"The positioning of the sun would indicate it to be at least 9:00. Yet you claim it to be 5:30. Explain."
"Well, Princess Celestia has been known t' accidentally raise th' sun a little early-" Applejack began, before the human cut her off.
"Alright, farm dweller, let me teach you some basic astronomy." Christian said, his voice raised slightly. "One: planets rotate around stars, not the other way around." He paused, waiting for a reaction. When all he received were bemused frowns from everypony present, he continued anyway. "Two: one does not simply move stars. Stars are much larger than-"
Apple Bloom took this time to interrupt. "But the sun ain't a star, the sun's a sun. Stars appear at night."
Christian gave her a withering glare. "I was not conversing with you, child. In any case, you are incorrect. The sun is a star, and this planet is orbiting that star."
"But Miss Cherilee said-"
Christian snapped. He had had enough of these uneducated hicks, and it had not been five minutes since he had walked down the stairs.
"I do not care what your imbecile teacher says, because I know I am correct. Many humans from many different eras have put much study into the subject, myself included, so do not tell me that the Princess can move stars, or that the sun is not a star, without some solid evidence, and not just the word of some pony who teaches at a primary school!"
The table was silent. Nopony uttered a word. Granny Smith looked appalled, Apple Bloom looked as if she was going to cry, and Big Mac looked angry. However, the biggest reaction was from Applejack.
She was furious.
"How dare you." She said. Applejack said it softly as well, as if she was holding back the rage.
"How dare I what? Teach your sister, and no doubt the rest of you, how celestial bodies function?" Christian scowled. "If anything, you should thank me."
It was Applejack's turn to snap. "How DARE you!" she yelled, getting out of her seat, and right into Christian's face.
"Ya think that ya'll can jus' walk in here after we invited ya t' stay, an' then treat yer hosts like manure? Ya'll think you're better than us? Huh?" Applejack was shouting now. "She's jus' a child! How could ya go 'round treatin' colts an' fillies like that? Ah don' care how ya'll were treated as a child, ya'll're gonna treat my family with some respect!"
Christian stood himself, causing the small wooden chair to fall over. "I do not need to treat you with respect. I value intelligence above all else, and I cannot respect you if the brightest thing about the Apple family is their coats!"
Big Mac decided to take a stand. "That's enough!"
Christian turned to him as well. "Do not get involved in this, work horse. This is between me and your sister."
"Ah've ev'ry right t' get 'nvolved 'n this! If my sister is in trouble, Ah ain't jus gonna stand 'round 'n do nothin!" Big Mac cried.
"Mm? Do you feel the need to save her?" Christian inquired, with a hint of malice in his voice.
"Eeyup! Ah'll save my family from anythin' that comes our way!" Big Mac replied indignantly.
Christian had all he needed.
"Let me see...a desire to protect your loved ones...you are cared for by your grandmother, with your real parents mysteriously gone." Christian smirked. "Tell me, Macintosh, what exactly were you unable to save your parents from?"
Big Mac stopped. Not a word escaped his lips. He seemed lost in memory. The other members of the family were shocked, however.
"Ya'll're talkin' 'bout my kids there, sonny!" Granny Smith called out. "Ah ain't gonna take too kindly t' slander."
Christian turned to face her. "Of course you had to have a say, you acursed gorgon. You call them your kids; do you mean that as if you saw them both as your children, or where they actually both your children?" Christian smirked again. "All in favour of the latter option being the truth, say 'aye'."
"THAT IS IT!" Applejack howled, turning around to buck the human in the chest. Christian had seen the move coming, however, and quickly jumped backwards out of range, where he continued to taunt the family.
"Congratulations. Your family consists of a senile octogenarian, an emotionally scarred brute, a small child with an even smaller intellect, and a girl who thinks violence solves all." Christian smirked once more, causing fire in Applejack's chest. "What is more, is that the latter three of you are most likely the result of incest."
He then turned to Granny Smith, who was standing now as well, and said with a voice dripping in both venom and sarcasm, "You must be so proud."
Applejack had definitely had enough, but had thought about what Christian had said about her resorting to violence. It was true, she did. So, she decided to use words instead. Applejack was not usually the type to say what she was about to say, but desperate times...
"Ya'll think yer tough, don'tcha?" Applejack asked rhetorically. "Ya like t' hurt ponies with words, right?"
Applejack had a smirk of her own. "Well then, why do';t we take a few jabs at somepony you care 'bout."
Christian simply laughed, though no humor made itself known. "Who could you possibly insult to harm me? I am emotionally derelict. There is no one, living or dead, who could possibly have any effect on me."
Applejack hated this, but she had too to get him to shut up about her family.
"Ah don't think ya'll'd appreciate it if Ah talked trash 'bout her sister."
That stopped Christian right where he was.
"If you so much as speak her name with negative connotations, I will do to you what John Wilkes Booth did to Abraham Lincoln." Christian threatened, not registering the fact that these ponies have no idea who either of those humans are.
"No, ya said bad things 'bout me and mine, now Ah get t' say things 'bout yours." Applejack explained.
"That is different. She has done nothing to deserve your malice. Your family have." Christian retorted.
"Oh yeah? Like what?"
"I have already stated my reasons." He pointed at each pony in turn, beginning with Granny Smith. "You are geriatric." He pointed at Bic Mac. "You let emotion take control rather than logic." Then Apple Bloom. "You are simply uneducated, and your very existence is an insult."
He then pointed to Applejack, his facial expression perfectly neutral. "You bucked me in the head and had me in hospital for a day. You have all done things to aggravate me, and thus you have received a swift vengeance."
"Then what did my Ma 'n' Pa do t' get insulted? Huh?" Big Mac yelled, taking Christian's attention away for just a second.
"If you recall, I did not insult them. I simply deducted that they were dead, and that they were brother and sister." He grinned darkly. "I know you value honesty, so I will be honest. I first believed Apple Bloom to be your offspring, Applejack. The father being Macintosh, of course. I would not put it past farmers, and ponies no less."
"Well, ya did insult 'em in my book, so Ah'm goin' to go for yer only weakness!" Applejack declared. "Was Alex really stupid enough to-"
Applejack did not see the kick coming, nor was she able to avoid it. She could only stumble backwards as the surprisingly powerful kick caused pain to flood her sinuses.
"I told you not to say her name with a negative connotation," Christian growled, "and now you pay the price."
Big Mac looked about ready to burst, and had turned around to buck the cold human into next week when Applejack cried "Don't! Ah've got this!"
Shaking her head a little, Applejack stood her ground. "So, ya'll defended yer sister."
Christian narrowed his eyes. "What is your point, pony?"
"Well, if you can do it, why can't Ah?" Applejack asked. "That's what started this. Ya yelled at my sister, and Ah stood up for her. You had a problem with that, an' took it out on me. Then, when Ah try to hurt your sister, ya'll defend her!" Applejack lowered her voice. "Now you tell me how in tarnation that's fair."
Christian said nothing. He simply glared at the orange farm mare in front of him, standing tall, defending her family. Her kind and welcoming family. They had welcomed him into their home without a second thought, and yet he treated them like this?
"Christian, think o' it this way. What would Alex say if she was here right now?" Applejack asked, no longer caring about the pain.
Christian paused before replying. "She would have said 'These people have let you into their home, with nary a care for whom you were or what you had done. Why do you treat them like this, Christian? I taught you better than that.'"
"Exactly." Applejack said simply.
Christian grimaced. "But she would not say that, because she is dead."
Applejack sighed. "That don't matter. She'd have been disappointed in you."
Christian definitely thought about that one. Alex would have been very upset that he had treated someone with such contempt, more so because they were animals.
He still had a look of pure hate on his face, but eventually, Christian sighed.
He turned to face the rest of the Apples. "I...apologise," he spat out, the word feeling like poison on his tongue, "for causing you so much grief." Looking at them again in turn, again starting with Granny Smith.
"I apologise for calling you senile and geriatric, and for insulting your children. You seem like a nice woman, and I would very much like to try one of your apparently 'famous' pies." said Christian. Granny Smith, seemingly satisfied, nodded and smiled slightly. She'd been around long enough to know when an apology was genuine.
"I apologise to you, Macintosh, for calling you emotionally unstable, and for insinuating Apple Bloom was your daughter. You are very determined to keep your family safe, and had I any family left, I would admire such a trait." He continued. Big Mac still looked angry, but accepted Christian's words, and sat down.
"I apologise to you, Apple Bloom, for insinuating that you were stupid. You are just a child, and would not be expected to know these things," he looked at everypony else, "though the rest of you should." This got him a few glares. "I also apologise for insulting your teacher. I simply do not trust a primary school teacher with astronomy, is all." Apple Bloom, always one to forgive, smiled at the apology and trotted back to her seat.
Finally, the bitter human turned to Applejack. "Alright, let us get this over with." Christian cleared his throat.
"I apologise for almost eating Fluttershy, for ruining any potential relationship between Spike and Rarity, for insulting your diarchs, for viciously attacking and hospitalising Rainbow Dash, for having you bare through my life story, for having myself stuck here, and for insulting your family, both those living and life impared."
Applejack smiled. "There, was that so hard?"
Christian did not smile. "Yes, it was excruciating. Now, if all of this unpleasantness is out of the way, I would like to eat for the first time in three days, if you would not mind."
Applejack's smile vanished. Ah knew it was too good t' be true... "Yeah, fine."
And so the human and orange pony sat down, and began to eat. Christian was somewhat unused to eating a slice of apple pie without a fork or spoon, but he would manage.
Before he could take a bite, however, Applejack piped up. "Wait jus' a minute. Ya'll didn't apologise fer kickin' me in th' face!"
Christian sighed. "You bucked me in the head. I did the same to you. We are even, for the moment."
Applejack said nothing, opting just to glare at the human as she ate.
The human simply picked up the large piece of pastry, and took a bite. After chewing for a bit, Christian's eyes widened considerably for the smallest of seconds. He would never admit that he thought this apple pie was the single greatest thing to every grace his taste buds.
"So, how's the pie, Christian?" Apple Bloom asked in her high pitched voice. She had seemingly forgotten about the previous incident entirely.
Christian hesitated on how to answer. He ran though many possibilities, most of them things like "exquisite" or "marvelous", but all he actually said was "It is...adequate."
That seemed to satisfy the filly, who went about happily eating her pie, not a care in the world.
Christian, however, went back to contemplating how he would get back at these ponies. He would get back at them, no matter what the cost.
They would pay for this.
This was the next step in the large chain of events centered around Equestria's two strangest creatures, now official guests, Christian and Georgina.
Sorry, Geo.
Author notes: I have returned, humble followers and fans, as i said i would. A new chapter has arrived! I'm really sorry it took so long, but better late than never, right? Right?
So, yeah, I may be able to update tomorrow, I may not. Like I said, sporadic updates.
Anyway, I hope you enjoyed, stay tuned, and so on and so forth.
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Amazing chapter.
But I just don't like how Geo hates being human. What is so appalling about being a viscous species with amazing advanced intellect? If humans and ponies were at war, we wouldn't even need shock & awe, because we'd steam roll through them extremely fast. And besides, we're bipedal omnivores! What could be better than that?
FOIST
WOOT
CRISTIAN IS BEST HUMAN
479053
Yeah that's kinda the point though. We WOULD steamroll through them... and that's kinda sad imo. I don't hate the human race (I'm one of them, I can't in my right mind hate myself), but I can sympathize with other's deprecating opinions about us. We have kinda caused some pretty terrible things...
Also, better than bipedal omnivores? Um... being a pony in Equestria? Yeah, I'll go with that... =P
479100
But there seems to be something bad about being a pony in Equestria
Hooves and horrible technology.
Fingers and space ships is where it's at.
And about humans being able to steam roll the ponies, it's crossbows and ballistas versus assault rifles and tanks. Don't you just love science?
Christian will never learn...
479118
Eh technology isn't everything. Besides, they have magic. That counts for something, for sure. And yes, I do love science, but I'm not the number one fan of scientific development of military weapons. I'm a pacifist at heart (always have been), so I've never liked the fact that we as a species are always fighting over something.
With that said, I would dearly miss my fingers if I ever did lose them in any way.
To be honest if I was there when he called granny smith a gorgon, I likely would have burst out laughing.....
479068
LOL NOPE
I have to side with Crown8 here. I for one would rather be agressive and invassive rather than Dosile and stagnent.
479246
CHRISTIAN FTW!
HUMANITY FTW!
and finally..... THIS STORY FTW
i.iflip.im/t/one-does-not-simply.jpg
ONE DOES NOT SIMPLY MOVE STARS.
479133
Magic is interesting, but we don't need it. As a species that did not evolve with wings or telepathic power, we rely on our amazing science. As far as using said science for military development, it's a whole lot easier to nuke someone rather than spending tons of money just to kiss up to someone else.
479951
Yes, screw being nice, let's just nuke anyone and everyone that has a different opinion! That sounds like a great idea! /sarcasm
But yes, we do not need magic. Because we do not have magic as a crutch we are able to advance further into science to accomplish better things. That doesn't mean that magic wouldn't be useful. It also doesn't change the fact that humanity as a whole is quite a violent species, and I'll be damned if world peace ever actually occurs. Hint: it never will. There are people that actually like killing just for the sake of killing, which, put simply, disgusts me. Hell, a lot of our entertainment is based around violence anyways. After all, why negotiate when you can just kill them and take what you want, right?
479997
That's why many nations are getting money from war. Since we get all that money, it's going right back into the war effort. And destroying another nation for their resources is easier than buying it all off of them.
480026
My point exactly. It's exactly what I don't like about humanity. It's my only qualm with the human race. We don't think of peace, we only want. We want and want and want. We are selfish. We will do whatever necessary to get what we want. So, yeah. I don't know, I was raised by the moral "treat others how you want to be treated." I sure as hell don't want to get nuked, thank you very much.
479554
I like how you used "Sol" and not "The Sun". It makes Chris more factual and less emotional.
480037 Someone made a song about that. Here ya go!
480646
There is a very large amount of people who don't actually know the name of our sun. More still don't know the name of our moon (Luna). It's sad, really. And yeah, that's what I was going for.
best chapter yet.........I can't help but notice something though...........
u got trolled.............with logic.............in ponyville, nay, in sweet apple acres
file:///C:/Users/John/Downloads/images%20(2).jpg
file:///C:/Users/John/Downloads/trollface.jpg
I have to admit, in regards to Christian (yes, I'm using his full name now because anyone who could go through what he did and NOT become insane deserves at least that much), I like him now. A bit, anyway, since I still want to strangle him at times (though I would feel like a heel during it).
But, and I can't believe I'm saying this...I'm becoming rather annoyed by Geo, or rather, her whole 'Humans are EVIL!' deal. I'm not mad at you, but she gets on my nerves with this. Honey, if humans were half the scumbags you make them out to be, we would have snuffed ourselves out DECADES ago. You have a lot of nerve, ya know that? Sure, a good amount of humans are real pricks, but you just make yourself seem like a prick by blatenly ignoring all of the GOOD a lot of us have done over our lifespans. If you really think so low of us, than go ahead and STAY with the colorful ponies. NO ONE will miss you.
Sorry if I'm being rude, but I've seen the whole 'Humans are Bastards' thing WAY too much in HiE fics. It's gotten to the point where it's almost enough for me to leave a story behind the second I see it come up. The fact that I'm still reading this just speaks good things about your writing ability.
Anyway, I like how you aren't having Christian change his ways in like a nanosecond, since that would be VERY unrealistic given what he went through (Still want to kick him in the face, though). Hopefully you'll keep him the semi-lovable prick he is, while slowly but surely easing him into becoming more of a 'Jerk With A Heart Of Gold'. I await the next chapter!
480853 You have to upload it to Photobucket or such first. We can't see things on your hard drive...
noted
481354
You do have to admit, humans are a rather destructive species. We have our good points, but Geo tends to forget those in favour of the bad ones.
And yes, I hate it when bad humans change their ways in a matter of weeks. It's awful. Though I wouldn't go as far as to stop reading the story. Also, thank you for the compliment.
481354>>479068 I completely agree with both these statements.
right now I can totally see Christian decking Celestia for talking about his sister,
O
that would be SOAWESOME O
482318
Hmm...I like that...
Oh geez, this is taking a turn into "HUMANS ARE HORRIBLE CREATURES WITH NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT-SO-EVER" territory.
479118 And about humans being able to steam roll the ponies, it's crossbows and ballistas versus assault rifles and tanks. Don't you just love science?. Yea, right... Dream on...
And then Celestia gets pi**ed off and starts fighting for real: human technology vs. Celestia + sun + Luna + moon + (to add insult to injury) magic (e.g. teleportation + poison joke) . This would be the fastest (and only) global unconditional capitulation of the human kind... It's better to be enslaved than cooked alive, ya know...
(I am using general terms for sun and moon hence the lack of a capital letters).
EDIT: Oh yea - I have completely forgot about the story :)
MOAR!!!
Chapters that take a long time are always the best, because it works up suspense.
You makin a chapter On ANZAC day mate?
492049
Yes. Yes I am. I'll also be leaving a commemorative footnote. It's not much, but it's something.
482251
To be fair, you have to look at the context. Yes, the ponies are very peaceful and it seems like it would be an amazing place to live (I'd never want to be a pony, though. But even as a human it'd probably be nice there), but then again, look at their leaders. They have something which we as humans know to be impossible: competent and benevolent absolute rulers. That's impossible for us, since even if someone like that did lead a country for years, that person would eventually die. Basically, there would be no way to support that type of government. We're the way we are today because we've had to fend for ourselves and solve our own problems. Unlike them, we didn't have 2 very physical and very present beings which are pretty much gods who control the sun and moon. We didn't have full control of the weather, or magic, or any type of thing like that. So it makes sense that we wouldn't be as soft.
When you take all of that into account, we're actually pretty good. We've never had anything like Celestia, Luna, magic, etc. to guide us. Yet, we still place great importance on concepts like kindness, generosity, honesty, etc. The fact that we have all of that even without all of that support while developing gives me faith in humanity. As Kamina said, "WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK WE ARE
!?"
ok, now I want to beat Christan within an inch of his life...... he was mean to the apples