Good idea, less than ideal writing skill. Sorry to say, but this isn't that well written. Please don't take this as negative though! I hate being associated with those jerks who bad mouth stories. Just, trying to give some some constructive criticism. Please don't hate me.
Dude, grow some balls and quit it with the shy act!
We it isn't my fault that the writer doesn't appreciate hate! I don't wanna sound like a jerk!

try sex of a knew perspective

.

Well, that is almost always a bad sign..

Story is rather awkwardly written.
and it just doesn't flow..

That said.. first erotic fiction is a pain in the ass,
I agree with 4294406 I can see where you want to go but the story lacks something.

It's not a simple porn without plot. It feels like you want it to be taken as a serious story.
But at the same time it lacks (for me that is) the feeling that I can enter that world. There are just certain moments I can't suspend my disbelief and I have to fight to get into the story again...

4295975 Pretty much.

Plans to continue?

7975070

We can petty much only wish at this point

Sorry…