I had been beaten to believe that my life was worthless and that somepony else was always better than me. That I could be thrown about however they pleased. That was how I lived, with no freedom and no choice. SO when I had been given real freedom, when I was in charge of my own life. I didn’t know what to do, I didn’t know how to kill and cook another animal to eat. Freedom nearly killed me. But it didn’t. It gave me access to a whole better life, it gave me one of the greatest ponies I have ever met. I’m not going to lie, neither of us are heros. we are not good ponies, but we survived together and I can’t imagine living without her now. And so I am going to do all I can to get that back.
That's right ponies. I am resubmitting this after I very quickly deleted it. The kinks in my plan have been worked out and hopefully this one is here to stay.
Some additional help will also be provided by Suke and SuperLuminous
So there we go. Nowt more needs to be said and so commence the whatever this is.
I'll say it so nobody else has to. It's so close to FO:E that you might as well call them PipBucks by Stable-Tec. No point in changing something that works just so you can say it's not FO:E. I like it so far, but that is definitely something I'd change if I were doing it.
Now the rest of you have no right to raise that issue. It has been said.
Anyway, I wasn't lying when I said I like it. It's a good prologue - it introduces the character and provides some pieces of information that hint at what's to come but give no details. That draws the reader in and keeps them interested in the future of the story. If you give someone something at the beginning and tell them they have to wait to see what it is, they will likely stick around to see what it is.
Some grammatical errors, incorrect punctuation and the likes, but nothing I can't fix for you. All I ask is that you run chapters by me before you post them. It's hard working through posted chapters and it doesn't help you either. Most people will see the unedited, mistake-riddled work and it does not leave a good impression. First few chapters are where you draw people in and get people to like it, so it's very important that you get it edited. You can always count on me to take a look for you, though.
Sorry about that, but some things need to be said. It's good and I like it. All I ask is that you consider my points.
~ Editor Guy