The God Emperor of Mankind gritted his teeth, steadied his battle stance, and prepared for one of the most difficult battles of his life. Just beyond the hole in the very fabrics of realspace that led to the chaotic dimension of the beyond known as the Warp were his most hated and fearsome enemies. The Chaos Gods, beings of inconceivable might and power that twisted the Warp to their own desires and warred with humanity for thousands of years so that they might take over the entire galaxy. But as for now, their only bid was to enter into this world, where its magic granted them physical forms that would not typically be allowed.
Celestia scooted over closer to the Emperor, her horn already aglow with magic energies while her mane started to spark before the first signs of an inferno. “So, Geom, how difficult are these Chaos Gods to fight? Can they be defeated?”
“Only sparingly,” the Emperor answered. “Each defeat makes them stronger, and normally they do not align themselves together to defeat one threat. When all their powers are combined, it is nearly impossible to beat them. All I’ve managed was to contain them from spreading further for the last couple of thousand years.”
“Can they be killed?” Celestia asked. “Not that I’m saying that’s the only option to stop them, but if it comes down to saving Equestria, it would become a possibility.”
The Emperor chuckled. “If they could, I would have done it long ago. Whenever one is threatened to cease to exist, the others arrive to save him. While they may squabble and fight petty wars with one another—as is their nature—with one of them gone, the Warp becomes calmer, meaning they become weaker. It’s either all of them or none of them.”
Celestia sighed. “Great. There’s two of us and three of them. The odds aren’t in our favor then.”
The Emperor’s stance faltered.“Three?” he asked.
Celestia nodded, peering deeper into the hole leading to the Warp. “That’s all I can make out. Three figures, growing closer by the second.”
“But there are four Ruinous Powers. Where can the fourth be if his brothers have already arrived?”
“Well, you’re the expert on them, so tell me which one is missing,” Celestia said. She bent her knees and prepared a devastating spell the minute the Chaos Gods dropped by.
“Well, there’s Nurgle, the eldest of the four,” the Emperor noted as the first figure entered this world. “He is the Plague Lord, having complete control over pestilences and decay. You can probably tell just by looking at him. Which you should try to avoid doing for your own good.”
The appearance of Nurgle did indeed match the likeness to his title. A gigantic husk of rotting flesh that’s only claim to life were the putrid diseases growing inside it and the maggots eating away at the flesh, Nurgle was every bit the embodiment of death and decay he so claims to be. His skin was a vast array of colors from putrid green from moldy brown and even a bloody black ooze that leaked from every open wound on his body. Nurgle’s own exterior was also his interior, many of his rotting organs hanging out of his ruptured skin like some twisted, perverted joke of a smashed piñata. Past all the boils, leaking puss, oozing noxious juices and overpowering stench that burned one’s nose hairs, Nurgle’s face remained as one of a jolly grin from the demented smile of a grandfather like figure, said grin spilling forth a vile bile along with jagged, razor sharp teeth.
While Celestia’s face had turned a shade of green similar to Nurgle’s skin, she dared not breathe in through her nose, lest she perish from the scent of rot incarnate.
“Looks like the next one is Khorne, the Blood God. As expected, he’s all ready for battle,” the Emperor spoke, breaking Celestia out of her disgusted trance after seeing Nurgle. “Whatever you do, avoid looking him in the eye. His gaze is unpleasant if you don’t enjoy witnessing the deaths of trillions of beings himself and his cultists have murdered. He isn’t called the Lord of Skulls for nothing.”
Khorne’s face could not be seen behind his helm that was similar to that of a skull, but even from here Celestia could hear the snarls and growls. Taller than even the God Emperor, Khorne stood an imposing figure that reeked of violence like Nurgle reeked of decay. He wore armor that looked to be as if fashioned from those of his fallen enemies, twisted and beaten into a hulking mass of brass and black iron that gave him an appearance of a living weapon. Spikes lined his back and every available free space on his armor, each decorated with the impaled skull of a defeated foe. In one hand he held a massive two-handed sword that seemed to be able to slice through reality itself, a blade so large it made the Emperor’s look like a toothpick. And finally was the constant dripping sound of blood oozing from the openings of his armor, a red rust of dried blood staining his armor an even shade of crimson.
“Ah, and it appears Tzeentch arrived as well. Keep an eye on this one, Celestia, for he is the God of Sorcery and Changer of Ways. His magic may even surpass yours,” the Emperor warned her.
Celestia could not look away, but from what, she still didn't’ know. Out of all the Chaos Gods she has seen thus far, Tzeentch’s appearance was by far the strangest. With the body of a giant bird of prey, Tzeentch neither had feathers or wings. Instead, his skin was composed of constantly shifting faces that leered or mocked Celestia in a never ending variety of dialectics and tongues. Tzeentch had no neck to speak of, his head literally on his body where an imposing beak that whispered arcane secrets stood. His eyes glowed with an internal blue fire that promised secrets that could shatter the mind and lies that could change your fate. Above his head stood horns that rippled with an arcane might that put even Celestia’s own to shame, Tzeentch’s power so great it practically flowed out of himself like a river and surrounded him like an ocean. He was mysterious, familiar, dangerous, secure, all these things and more to form a body that was both inconsistent yet cemented itself as one of the fundamental truths in this universe.
“So, with all three of them here, that only leaves Slaanesh,” the Emperor said. His grip around his sword tightened, a frown that looked to be as if etched in stone overtook his visage. “Of course, leave it up to the Prince of Pleasure to pull a surprise at the last second.”
“Hey, guys, it’s me, Discord!” Discord bellowed, waving to the three Chaos Gods that had just entered through the hole in the Warp. He ran up to the three, showcasing the mountain of pizza boxes. “I got some pizza for us! Just like college, remember?”
“Did you get the pineapple toppings?” Nurgle asked, tongue rolling out like a decayed snake.
“Sure did!” Discord opened one up, offering it to the ruinous god. “Along with anchovies for Tzeentch as well!”
Nurgle balked, his tongue returning to his rotting jaws. “Anchovies? Ew! Disgusting! Who in their right mind eats their pizza with anchovies?”
“You know, you could always pick the anchovies off,” Tzeentch said, which was repeated multiple times from all the faces along his body. He picked up a slice, already removing some of the pineapple slices. “Furthermore, only a moron would eat his pizza with pineapples.”
“Ah, forget this! We already had Chinese, you fat sacks of shit!” Khorne bellowed, swiping the pizza boxes out of Discord’s hand. Glaring at Tzeentch, he slapped his pizza slice out of his hand, much to the chagrin of the Architect of Fate. “Discord, you called all of us out here, so there better be a good fucking reason for it! I got skulls that need collecting and blood that needs spilling!”
“Oh yeah, right!” Discord turned towards Celestia and the God Emperor, snapping his fingers and then pointing at them. “You guys remember the God Emperor of Mankind, right? Well, he has a new girlfriend, and the two got in a little spat over me, since Geom here isn’t too friendly to Chaos Gods apparently. Kind of bigoted in this day and age, I know, but this is why I called you guys in to help.” Returning his gaze to the three Ruinous Powers, Discord smiled and held a thumbs up. “You guys mind being bros and assuring Geom here I’m cool? It’d really mean a lot.”
“The God Emperor,” Nurgle wheezed.
“Alive?” Tzeentch hissed.
“And still with his skull?” Khorne shouted.
Discord hummed under his breath, tapping a claw to his chin. “Wait a minute… weren’t there, like, four of you in your dorm? Where’s Slaanster? You know, the Slaanmeister, Slaaningtons, Slaan-a-lam-a-ding-dong. That guy… girl… thing.”
The three traded a grin, though Khorne’s only way at expressing pleasure was for blood-soaked drool to leak from the bottom of his helmet.
“Oh yeah, Slaanesh did mention something about arriving in style,” Khorne said, a predatory chuckle escaping his lips.
“Yeah, yeah, said she wanted to be a bit fashionably late!” Nurgle laughed, the action causing boils all along his body to pop and spewer out toxic fumes.
“Leave it up to the Master of Excess in All Things to come up with a grand entrance!” Tzeentch said, not sharing in the other’s laugh but smirking deviously all the same. “I predict quite a rowdy appearance from him soon enough.”
“Geom, any idea where the fourth one is?” Celestia whispered, her attention for who to shoot at next divided amongst the three.
The Emperor’s eyes scanned all across the banquet hall, but he couldn’t spot the missing Chaos God anywhere. “No, but if I know Slaanesh, he’d probably show up in the most unexpected ways possible.”
Just then, the Emperor turned his head towards the ceiling, holding up his sword to defend himself. But nothing was there.
Lowering his weapon, the Emperor shrugged. “Huh. I could have sworn he’d try to sneak attack me from ab—” The Emperor didn’t manage to finish his sentence, already falling through a hole that had appeared beneath him in the floor. From it Celestia could hear giggles that seemed to resemble that of a little filly and screams of a tortured mental patient all at once.
“Oh, wait, there’s Slaanesh!” Discord turned back to the three and grinned. “Looks like the gang is back together after all.”
Once Discord finished uttering those words, all three Chaos Gods punched him in the face at the exact same time. Khorne took extra measures to throw a kick at Discord’s groin region as well, hitting it square on.
“My balls!”
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so that comming a light year away
Oh, Discord... I can't tell if I should be mad at you for being clueless or love you all the same.
Okay...I don't suppose we'll get an explanation as far as "why"s sometime soon?
4508795
Why what?
Wait?! Is Slaanesh going to try to rape the God Emperor?!
4508806 Shivers
4508806
Please stop with the big walls of text comments.
4508815 Sorry.
4508804
Discord said they were friends. Why are they acting like that? And other whys.
4508840
Ah, yes, next chapter explains it all. I'm just too addicted to cliffhangers.
Well, that was kinda unexpected.
I'm much like Tzeentch in this chapter when it comes to pizza.
Things are getting crazy, and Discord actually getting a good kick in the balls solidifies this statement...before it melts into a puddle
4508814 Calm down, m'lord! At least you'd only have to deal with ONE deity trying to slip into your pants… unlike THIS guy:
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Meet Mahiro Yasaka, living in a universe… Oh, my! Right next to your old one! Funny thing, it is! Anyways, at least there's only one Slaanesh… He has to deal with all three of THESE:
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Now, they may LOOK harmless, but they're JUST AS BAD as YOUR Chaos Gods. The blonde? Hastur, the King in Yellow, a wind deity. And yes, that IS a guy. Who's gay. For Mahiro. The silver haired one? Nyarlathotep, the Crawling Chaos. That is only one of her THOUSAND FORMS, which include, BUT ARE NOT LIMITED TO: a living mist, a pile of tentacles, a LITERAL HURRICANE, and a winged eyeball with three irises. The redhead? Cthughu, the LIVING FLAME. Her true form is- and I shit you not on this- a SUN. A living. Fucking. SUN. She also happens to go for both him, AND Nyarlathotep.
And there's a species for EACH OF THEM. A species of STARS. A species of INSANITY-INDUCING ABOMINATIONS WITH A THOUSAND FORMS. A species of hooded WIND GODS. ENTIRE SPECIES OF THEM. EACH OF THEM.
I know what you're thinking: Why the hell is he saying this? Simple: To remind you that you could be in an even WORSE condition than you're in now. Four (NOT counting Discord on this one) Chaos Gods? BAH! That kid, a literal KID, probably only 15 or 16 at the most, deals with mind-breaking beasts on practically a weekly basis. Frankly, I'm amazed he hasn't either broken under the pressure or tried to flat-out kill them all. Then again, these three are kinda cute… yes, MAYBE we can include Hastur on this list… ifyou'reintothat...
4508814
4508806 Of course not. Slaanesh's Goal is to seduce him willingly!
4508779
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4508855 The first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem. With that done, the healing can begin.
4508795 He's Malik.
Silly Discord. A proper god of chaos keeps his anatomy in constant flux, when he decides to have any at all.
In any case, this is going about as well as I expected it too. I look forward to more.
4512069
Maybe he forgot that he shouldn't keep them there. (Try the chin...Oh wait, MIB proved that doesn't work. Chest...Doctor Who. Really there isn't anywhere else to put them...)
4512400 internally out of harms way. Ouo. Not even on the outside to be in harms way. ouO
my guess. there is going to be a lot of chaos corrupted ponies going around soon... and why in the name of them did they hit discord, i thought they were buddies
Silly Discord... this is a gala, not a ball.
4514524
To put this in clear terms, the Chaos Gods are like the cool fraternity in college, like Monsters University. Discord would be like Randall, the kiss-ass with a modicum of skill willing to sell out to the big boys despite being abused.
4518626
Holy fuck, how do you know me so well...
4518633
Less that I know you and more that I had one of those "I've seen this before" moments.
4518626 oh okay then
4509373 One move Chaos scum and I, all of my fellow Inquisitors, and the entirety of the Grey Knights chapter, not to mention the Custodes, will tear you apart and sent you back to the hell from whence you came.
Sorry about being a massive nerd, but khorne is the oldest chaos god, not nurgle. They all (minus slannesh) came into existence during events of old terra. Khorne came into existence during the mongol hordes, Nurgle had the black death and the good old lord of change had the renaissance period.
4532949
Nurgle is often times called the oldest of the four and Grandfather Nurgle for that matter. He came into being when death first arrived.
4533220 Sorry, messed up my info there a bit, thats what I get for commenting at 2am, but what I meant to say was while khorne is younger than nurgle, khorne was the first to gain sentience, even though nurgle had been round a while.
If the warhammer chaos gods are the frat boys ,what was discord in college?
4533220
He's called grandfather Nurgle due to his personality, not his age. Tzeench was first as he was born after enough change had occurred on a large enough scale. Given that change began at the very moment time began...yeah, you get it. Then Khorne, then Nurgle, then Slaanesh. While Nurgle did exist before Khorne, he wasn't "born" into "godhood" yet, because death was just your normal grow old and die kinda deal. Then there were massive wars amongst mortal species which caused Khorne to, for lack of a better word, solidify. Then the massive death toll of those wars caused Nurgle to solidify. Then the Eldar got kinky and shat out Slaanesh.
I thought Tzeench was the first. I also thought there was Tzeench and Khorne before there was Nurgle.
"You brought us into a fight against the Emperor in a place where we are at an ultra disadvantage and will probably all be brutally killed permanently by him!? YOU MORON!!!!"