Celestia Has a Questionable Infatuation With Her Niece's Coltfriend, Who's Also Her Apprentice's Brother, Not to Mention Captain of the Royal Guard

by Super Trampoline

Introduction: In Which Celestia Makes Luna Regret Her Nightmare Moon Era For All the Wrong Reasons

It was a beautiful sunny day. This concerned Luna, as it usually meant her sister was buttering her up for something. Like... Oh nooooo. Community service day.

You see, dear reader, Celestia saw fit to punish Luna for trying to plunge the world into eternal night. Metting out punishment for such an offense is certainly reasonable and to be expected. But community service? That's just cruel and unusual.

Now, I know community service at first glance sounds readily agreeable. Scrubbing graffiti off walls, cleaning the park fountain, giving alcohol awareness training to Berry Punch, patching up rifts in the space-time continuum caused by beings beyond our ken and understanding, etc. And you'd be completely correct.

But Celestia adhered to a dusty and archaic philosophy that the punishment must fit the crime. One can't help but wonder [Okay, seriously readers, please help me figure out something witty to put here! ], but that's another story for another day. And since Luna tried very hard to ruin a lot of pony's lives, it seemed only fair that through the karmic mechanism of community service, that the reverse be true. Today, Luna would be providing psychotherapy.

Oh, most patients weren't too bad, it's true. Dinky Hooves was hyperactive. Comet Burst had endowment issues. Applejack Apple thought she was actually an apple fruit. Stuff like that. But then she had patients like the megalomaniacal Trixie Lulamoon or the conspiratorial Bon Bon Sweetie Drops, patients who made her question whether rebanishment wasn't such a bad idea. And then she had her sister.

Wait, what? Luna looked closely at the schedule her receptionist had hoofed to her a few minutes before. This was a thorough inspection, not just a casual glance. And lo and behold...

"Hellooooooo, Luna!" Celestia declared as she entered the makeshift doctor's office. It was a spartan affair, carved out of one of the conference rooms tucked within the town hall. But it got the job done. The office that is. Luna unfortunately still had 136 hours of community service left. So her job was far from done. Which Celestia had just painfully reminded her of.

Luna's eyes grew wide. "No. Oh, hay no. I am NOT giving you counseling!"

Celestia adopted a fake pout as she stood there in the door way, ducking slightly so her horn would not scrape the ceiling. "You mean you don't want to spend time with your sister? Luna, I'm truly hurt." She harrumphed and raised her muzzle high in disgust.

Luna rolled her eyes and sighed. "Tia, don't do this. I love spending time with you. I'm so incredibly glad to be back." Her eyes watered a little, as the lunar mare reflected on how much less sucky her world was these days. Except for one thing. Her eyes ceased watering and instead hardened. "So why ruin that by making the activity we partake in together one I hate so much?"

Celestia shifted uneasily. "Geez, sister, take a chill pill. It's me we're talking about. Not some crazy narcoleptic pony or schizophrenic bookworm."

Luna grumbled before responding: "One: Yeah, no, your brain is hella scary. Two: Twilight has OCPD, not schizophrenia. Three, oops, so much for patient-doctor confidentiality agreement. Four: Oh well I'm pretty sure you already knew that though. But seriously, the two conditions, while occasionally comorbid, express themse--"

"Luna," Celestia interrupted, "I wasn't talking about Twilight. Seriously, relax. And really, am I that bad?" She raised an eyebrow incredulously.

"Okay, seriously stop standing there in the doorway; you're freaking me out. Just sit on the damn couch already. And yes, you have forty-three thousand years of mental detritus stored up in your noggin behind that aggressively calm demeanor you front. I am absolutely terrified of your mind and the contents within. However, I love you enough that I'll suffer through it for..." Luna flipped through her notebook with a blue glow... "Oh geez, an hour session? I'm doomed."

Celestia chuckled as she trotted over to the couch, which creaked under her weight as the matriarch struggled to find a comfortable position. "That's the positive spirit. Now, Doc, are you ready to help guide me through my issues?"

Luna scrunched her eyes as her ears pinned back. "Yes," she whispered in apparent pain. "Yes. Ms. Solaris, how can I help you this morning? This lovely morning I was meant to spend outside but am instead doomed to languish far away from, for in my hubris I plunged the land in at-the-time-seemingly eternal night. Alas, what a fool was I. For I became proud and haughty, and rather than use my goddess-given mouth to communicate with you, instead withdrew from both the public eye and my relation with you, becoming ever more bitter, an icy, hardened mare who only wanted recognition, only wanted love, only wanted the populace to see and acknowledge the beauty of my starry skies, the creation of which I put so much effort into. But alas, I was not praised, and in my self-imposed rejection, I rose up and declared myself mistress of the nocturnal age, a new leader under whom all would rightfully worship my surpreme glor..."

Luna blinked suddenly. Celestia followed suit. A blush appeared on the former's cheeks. "Sorry. I got away from myself." She cleared her throat. "How can I help you?"

Celestia grinned amiably. "Stirling soliloquy, sis. As for my issues? Well, have you ever wanted something, but aren't sure if obtaining it is a good idea?"

Luna's body visibly relaxed. Thank Yatzee, something benign "Of course. Desire is a complex emotion that many ponies must work out, myself included. What is it exactly that you want?"

"I want to fuck Shining Armor."

Cadance take the reigns, this is going to be a loooooong session

Comments

[CipherSplash]

That title

I love it

Thumbs up for that

Best waffle I've seen in awhile, thumbs down for bad grammar for the title though.

[Super Trampoline]

5622394

thumbs down for bad grammar for the title though

Please elaborate?

[CipherSplash]

5622415

caps for every single first word, and that a is tiny not BIG

Celestia Has a Questionable Infatuation With Her Niece's Coltfriend, Who's Also Her Apprentice's Brother, Not to Mention Captain of the Royal Guard

should be

Celestia has A questionable infatuation with her niece's coltfriend, who's also her apprentice's brother, not to mention captain of the royal guard

[Super Trampoline]

5622431 http://titlecapitalization.com/# Hate to break it to you, but you're wrong. roundstable.com/forums/images/smilies/inquisitive.png

[CipherSplash]

5622447

>> CipherSplash http://titlecapitalization.com/# Hate to break it to you, but you're wrong.

A should be capitalized. Just saying.

Celestia Has A Questionable Infatuation with Her Niece's Coltfriend, Who's Also Her Apprentice's Brother, Not to Mention Captain of the Royal Guard.

Also fullstop to finish the sentence.

[Super Trampoline]

5622479
Lowercase articles (a, an, the), coordinating conjunctions, and prepositions.
http://english.stackexchange.com/questions/32884/should-i-use-a-period-at-the-end-of-a-headline

[CipherSplash]

5622628

PFFFF

But Celestia adhered to a dusty and archaic philosophy that the punishment must fit the crime. One can't help but wonder [Okay, seriously readers, please help me figure out something witty to put here! ], but that's another story for another day. And since Luna tried very hard to ruin a lot of pony's lives, it seemed only fair that through the karmic mechanism of community service, that the reverse be true. Today, Luna would be providing psychotherapy.

And starting a sentence, which is a big no-no.

Grammar is wrong, you're keeping the -1 until it's fixed

[Super Trampoline]

5622647 http://grammarist.com/grammar/conjunctions-to-start-sentences/

If anyone tells you starting sentence with a coordinating conjunction (and, but, for, nor, or, so, yet) is incorrect, hand them any piece of professional writing and have them take a look. In literature, journalism, speeches, and formal writing of all kinds, using these conjunctions to start sentences is more than just acceptable; it’s ubiquitous. Open any book, even one with technical, scholarly, or otherwise formal writing, and you are likely to find numerous examples. There are exceptions, of course, but these are rare. That there is some sort of rule against sentence-beginning conjunctions is an old myth that never seems to go away despite the fact that it is not at all borne out in the writing of actual English speakers.

[CipherSplash]

5622661

all i got was fuck da grammar

woop lets roll with that see what happens no grammar at all

yeah this will be awesome lets also have slang

u r leg bro wis u r king coz then no grammar & spelling

thx m8

[Super Trampoline]

5622671 WHEN GRAMMAR IS OUTLAWED, ONLY OUTLAWS WILL HAVE GRAMMAR!

[CipherSplash]

5622699

and on that day

I will lick your nose and sell you for a dolphin

[Super Trampoline]

5622705 Ooooh, I like it when you talk dirty to me. roundstable.com/forums/images/smilies/cheese.png

[Imma nom your face]

thumbs up ^w^
lol I like it

[Super Trampoline]

5623551 Thanks.

[CipherSplash]

5622846

That's what she said

huhuhu

it's funny coz it's true

[Super Trampoline]

5629439
>Implying I have a special somepony in my life
>Iwish.jpg

[CipherSplash]

5629442

Sister?

Female Cousin?

Cactus?

anything Will do, well apart from the cactus

[Super Trampoline]

5629449

Sister?

What is, this, TwiArmor?

(Whatever you do, don't search Derpibooru for suitable images! )

[CipherSplash]

5629464

(Whatever you do, don't search Derpibooru for suitable images! )

too late, Shining wasn't too happy

i.ytimg.com/vi/ZMHoWliUGhg/maxresdefault.jpg

when you see, you can never unsee
media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lnmmg3LKtV1qidxg0.gif

[Random Duty Guard]

5629442
>2014+1
>Greentexting anywhere other than 4chan
>Using emoticons in your story
>Using "le ebin reddit maymays xD" in your story

Christ.

[Super Trampoline]

5637980 I've definitely reached for some low-hanging fruit here. And unfortunately it's mostly moldy and rotten. I just wanted to get the start of the damn thing published. It's been sitting around for half a year.

[Random Duty Guard]

5639831
Finish the story and you will have redeemed yourself.

[Cuber Snuggles]

Celestia grinned amiably. "Stirling soliloquy, sis. As for my issues? Well, have you ever wanted something, but aren't sure if obtaining it is a good idea?"

"I want to fuck Shining Armor."

Bloody ale, that escalated quickly!

[superfun]

Will this ever be continued?

[Super Trampoline]

9098830
Eventually

[superfun]

9098863
All right then.

[TheGreatEater]

Still can't access the "All Things Pass Including Kidney Stones" story T_T.

But this is a good start to Luna going crazy ... again. Poor, poor Wuna.