I am an inspiring young writer that would like to share his own experience and perspective of what the My Little Pony universe while we're all huddled around our virtual bonfires.
The evil that was once Nightmare Moon was split into fragments when she was defeated by the main six. Now, she is growing stronger everyday as she prepares to launch an invasion on the land of Equestria, an invasion of darkness. The Elements of Harmony, along with their little dragon companion, must travel all across Equestria and destroy these fragments if they are to save the land from becoming an abyss.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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this was surprisingly good. I want more.
I actually liked it, The scene change thing could have been a little better. Like instead of saying scene change you could have just went to the next scene. other than that I loved it!
This story has a great premise so far! Your word choice is great, and I can see how this is setting up for an adventure-type story. So far, the characters are written pretty well, although Rarity's no-dirt-EVER ATTITUDE in the show has gotten a little better, and I don't see why she'd be complaining when it was doing a generous thing for a friend, but there'll be time to fix that later. Where was I? Oh! Edits and grammar mistakes!
I think that should be a semi colon instead of a comma... Maybe.
Coronated.
Her crest? (Equine body parts are confusing, I know.)
Twilight is a time of day too, perhaps a title like 'the primary diarchs' or something would've been a little better worded.
It seems a little odd to me that TwiTwi knows more about animals than the pony with animal care and communication for a special talent.
Rubbing a hoof BEHIND the back of her... neck? You forgot a word and I'm not sure if 'behind' was necessary. (Of course, she could be rubbing her ass in confusion instead or something, but neck or head seems more realistic.)
Dry. There is no try.
The plot seems promising, but the style used writing it seems a bit heavy (for lack of better word) Also am certain you could have done without the bat bit (no pun intended
)