Cross my Heart and Hope to Fly

by Tayman

Chapter Two

Pinkie shifted about in her bed as the sun's rays flooded the room. Her eyes slowly opened, not a trace of a smile on her face.

Oh no.

Normally she would be bouncing out of bed, but she just laid there, staring blankly at the ceiling.

I'm still just a boring old earth pony.

The sleep had done nothing to help this feeling. If anything, the thought had only festered in her mind overnight.

And there's nothing I can do about it.

Pinkie closed her eyes and rolled over, stuffing a pillow over her head. She wanted nothing more but to go back to sleep. At least she wouldn't have to feel anything that way.

Suddenly, she rolled back over and hopped out of bed, mustering every ounce of willpower to do a normally effortless task. "Pinkie Pie! Stop it right now! Stop moping! You have absolutely no reason to be sad!" She commanded. "You have a party to plan for! Now go downstairs and make some cupcakes! Have some fun!" Pinkie burst through the door and forced herself to bound down the stairs into the kitchen, where Mr. and Mrs. Cake were sitting at the table.

"Good morning, Pinkie!" Mrs. Cake said, taking a bite of a blueberry muffin. "You're up a bit later than normal."

"Sorry, Mrs. Cake." Pinkie said. "I just was a little more tired than usual this morning." She hopped into the kitchen, but her bounding lacked its normal gusto. "Mind if I make some cupcakes for a party tonight? You can just take the bits out of my next payment."

"Nonsense! Making cupcakes doesn't cost much. It's on us!" Mr. Cake said, before he and his wife stood up and pushed in their chairs. "But Mrs. Cake and I have to run for a catering event. Just don't burn the kitchen down while we're gone!" He chuckled as the two of them left, wheeling a large cart of food.

As the door shut, Pinkie began gathering the ingredients from the cupboard: butter, flour, salt, sugar...and gently set it all down on the counter next to the mixing bowl. She stopped to stare at the setup.

Cupcakes. Again. What about a regular cake? No, I've made tons of cakes too.

Pinkie sighed, beginning to measure and mix the ingredients. No spoons flew through the air. She didn't dump nonsensical amounts of flour or sugar in the bowl, nor did she spin cupcake sheets on her muzzle. There was no spring in her step as she worked, no eager twinkle in her eye. When the first batch was done, Pinkie opened the oven door and placed the cupcakes inside. She then closed the door gently before working on mixing up another batch.

Is this my true talent? Making cupcakes? There's nothing special about that. It's the same thing every time. Mix the ingredients. Bake. Decorate. Serve at a party. Pinkie stopped and momentarily hung her head.

You've done it hundreds of times before. So why feel so sad about it?

Suddenly, she grabbed a dishrag off the counter and flung it at the ground, a gutteral scream erupting from her throat. "STOP IT! You have NO REASON to feel down right now! You LOVE making cupcakes! And you're going to KEEP making cupcakes! You promised your friends a party, so don't let them down!" The oven dinged and she flung the door open, slamming the tray down on the counter. She dashed to grab a spatula and a tub of frosting, slapping the icing on liberally, smearing it all over the cupcakes and pan in typical Pinkie Pie fashion. She couldn't delude herself, though. After getting done with the first batch, she had exerted all her energy and was back to shuffling around the kitchen. She put in another pan and slumped down in front of the oven, staring blankly at the coils as they began to glow bright red. She didn't want to think about anything. To think would only invite unwelcome feelings. She lost herself in the oven, letting it fill her mind so nothing else could enter. But then she forced herself to hop up.

"I know! I'll invite Twilight to come help set up with the decorations! A little company will cheer me right up!" She exclaimed, desperately hoping she was right.

----------------------

"Thanks for coming to help me decorate for the party, Twilight!" Pinkie said as they walked into Sugar Cube corner. "I WAYYYY overslept this morning. I was afraid I wouldn't be able to set everything up in time! Sorry to tear you away from that book you were reading! What was it again?"

"Oh, I was just reading an introduction to linear and multiple regression." Twilight said matter-of-factly, activating her horn to close the door behind her. "Nothing too fancy. Anyways, I'm surprised you want help with the decorations. Usually you like to do all the preparations yourself!"

"Well, first time for everything, right?" Pinkie chuckled. "I've already got everything out that we need. Balloons, streamers, confetti, kazoos...we just need to set it all up!" She said, opening a box of balloons and letting them float to the ceiling. "Oh, and we need to tie strings on the balloons too! Maybe you start setting up while I make the punch?" Pinkie asked, bouncing over to the fridge.

"No problem! It shouldn't take long at all." Twilight said. As Pinkie opened the fridge, a familiar hum buzzed in her ears. The earth pony turned to see Twilight's horn glowing in a mystical purple aura, supplies beginning to float about the room. Pinkie's eyes widened as she watched a folding table float and stand up in the center of the room. Ribbon coiled through the air and tied itself around the balloons. Kazoos of every color buoyed about before being landing on the table in a neat row. Pinkie was unable to look away from the sight: objects floating through the air, enveloped in a purple glow as Twilight tilted her head this way and that, effortlessly directing the decorations like an air traffic controller.

"Pinkie? What's wrong?" Twilight asked upon noticing Pinkie's glazed expression, the decorations freezing in midair.

"Oh...nothing. It's just your magic. It's really neat. It would have taken me at least an hour to get this all set up." Pinkie said, forcing a smile. "But you just whisked it all into the air, and now we're almost done!"

"Well, it's nothing you haven't seen before!" Twilight chuckled, before resuming her work. "It's just a simple levitation spell. It's one of the first things unicorns learn!"

"Makes sense! I mean, I've seen all unicorns levitate stuff!" Pinkie Pie said, before tearing her gaze away and opening the fridge to grab some soda and fruit juice.

I have to grab all this stuff with my boring old hooves

She set the drinks on the table and walked over to the cabinet to grab a punch bowl.

Look at Twilight. She can do anything with her magic. She could probably turn this whole house into a balloon. Hay, she's Celestia's personal student! She'll probably be some important adviser in Canterlot one day. Pinkie stared down at the bowl in front of her.

I make punch.

"All done, Pinkie!" Twilight called, causing Pinkie to look up. Bundles of balloons were strung everywhere. Confetti cannons were set up right outside the door, ready to blast when the party began. Cupcakes and kazoos were stacked on the table, which was covered in a bright pink tablecloth. The record player was set up in the corner, and colorful streamers billowed down from the ceiling. Pinkie stared agape at the scene.

"Wow, Twilight. You're not trying to steal my cutie mark, are you?" Pinkie Pie managed a giggle, but there was no smile in her eyes.

"Oh please, Pinkie, I'm just following what you normally do!" Twilight laughed, strolling towards the exit. "Is there anything else you need? Because I should go read some more before the party."

"I should be fine, Twilight." She nodded, beginning to pour some orange soda into the bowl. "I'll see you later! I'm just going to wrap up a few more things here."

Twilight nodded, before turning to trot out the door. Pinkie cringed as it became enveloped in a purple glow and slammed shut. She turned her attention to the decorations Twilight had prepared. She did this all in fifteen minutes. It wasn't even hard for her.

Pinkie stared at a cupcake and furled up her brow, straining and focusing all her attention on the dessert. She envisioned it flying through the air, but it just sat there.

I'll never be able to lift it. I'll never be able to lift anything, or do anything cool like Twilight can.

Pinkie dropped to the ground, placing her head between her front legs. The decorations, the cupcakes, the imminent party...it meant nothing to her right now.

No, Pinkie...you have to get up. You can't let your friends see you like this. You don't want to make them worry about you. You'll have fun once the party starts. Just be positive! She pulled herself up and walked over to the counter to continue mixing the punch.

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"Well hey there, Pinkie!" Applejack said as she and the other four ponies walked into the room, all of them stopping to gaze at the colorful setup. "Wow..you did one heck of a job decoratin'!"

Pinkie Pie struggled against the lead weights in her cheeks, straining out a beam. "Oh, thank Twilight. She did all the work. I invited her over to help, and she just took over!" Pinkie Pie greeted her friends...and felt a cold shiver go down her spine as she saw Rainbow, hovering casually above the rest, each flap of her wings pounding the bleak sensation deeper and deeper into her head.

Twilight blushed slightly. "Heheh...perhaps I got a little carried away. Sorry I didn't leave you anything to do, Pinkie."

"Oh no, you were a big help. It gave me time to focus on other things!" In reality, Pinkie had spent the last hour slumped on the floor, staring lifelessly at the wall. She had only stood up right before her friends arrived.

"Well, what are we waiting for then? Let's have some FUN!" Rainbow Dash cheered, yanking one of the cannon strings, a large BANG ringing in their ears. A thick blast of confetti rained down on the ponies, causing them all to laugh and giggl loudly. However, Pinkie's laughs were forced. She didn't feel any joy from seeing her friends in such a happy mood, nor did she feel anything from the jaunty rock tune that began blasting from the record player. They all started dancing about, and Pinkie joined only because she had to. She felt as if her body was a heavy sack she was being forced to push around. Her motions were driven by obligation, not true desire.

They're having such a good time. I'm not going to spoil that for them. I'll party if it kills me.

She grabbed a cupcake and scarfed it down, even though she wasn't feeling very hungry. The punch tasted like sludgey water to her, although the other ponies remarked on how delicious and refreshing it was. She smiled through the whole thing, but nothing could penetrate the bleak feeling that clouded her mind.

"Um...Pinkie Pie? Are you having fun?" Fluttershy asked as Pinkie was changing the record.

"What?" Pinkie Pie said, her attention focused on the record player. "What a silly question! Why wouldn't I be having fun? This is a party, isn't it?"

"Oh-I'm so sorry." Fluttershy whispered, taking a small step backwards. "It's just-you seem a little tense, that's all."

"Come on, Fluttershy. You're being silly! I'm always happy!" The smile on Pinkie's face didn't spread as high as it normally did, and her eyes were flat and lifeless.

Fluttershy stared at her for a couple moments. "Well...if you say so..." she turned away, glancing back at Pinkie once more before joining the rest of the ponies in some more dancing. Pinkie forced herself to hop in after her.

"Wow, I'm beat!" Rainbow Dash said, flapping outside the door, panting heavily.

"Indeed, I worked up quite a sweat tonight. I'm afraid I'm going to turn in for the night. Thank you so much for the lovely party, Pinkie." Rarity said with a small bow of her head

"Bye, you guys." Pinkie managed to say as her friends left. Then she turned, hanging her head down, sighing heavily as she began to walk upstairs. Her mane deflated, hanging loosely down over her body, tail dragging behind her.

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I never thought there would be a party I didn't enjoy. It was awful. I just wanted to go upstairs and turn off all the lights and lie in my bed. Once again, I tried to act normal. I tried to command myself to stop feeling down. But the mind doesn't work like that, I guess.

If only I didn't invite Twilight over to help. That was a huge mistake. She's so special. So smart. So talented. She's probably the most magical pony next to Celestia and Luna. And linear and multiple regression? What the buck are those things? But she acted like she was just doing some light reading.

I wish I could do magic. I would do so many amazing tricks, make life so much more lively. Right now, though, all I can do is throw parties. The same party over and over again, with the same balloons, same cupcakes, same streamers. It all seems so pointless and empty now. Is this really my true talent?

Seeing Rainbow again didn't help either. She flies around like it's nothing. I'd be ecstatic if I had wings. I would soar EVERYWHERE. I wouldn't be stuck here on the ground. It would be like a rollercoaster I could ride all the time. But no. I'm just a stupid old earth pony. I wasn't even given a choice. I was born this way.

I'm still not going to tell my friends about it. It's silly. I've never heard of another pony not being satisfied with life "just because." They wouldn't understand anyway. They don't know what it's like to feel worthless. I don't want to make them worry.

The worst part is that I still don't know why this is happening. I've spent the last two years with my friends. We've had the best times together. Why can't I be happy all of a sudden? Why can't I focus on the great life I have, rather than the things I lack?

I don't know. All I know is that I want so much more from life. But I'll always just be boring old me. I'll never fly. I'll never do magic. I'll never be important.

-Pinkamena Diane Pie

Comments

[Hungrybear]

great idea, I think it's rather original. I'll track

[Tayman]

388344

Thanks! Did you think the execution was good? Did Pinkie's slow descent to sadness seem believable? Did you feel anything while reading? This is an experimental work, so I want to find out as much as I can from my readers. :)

[Nantheo]

It's times like this I wish I were a writer... just so I could write reviews better. Sadly, all I can offer is mindless praise, so here goes!

Honestly, EQD has spoiled me. All I ever read are stories posted on there. Not sure what made me click on the home page of FiMFiction and find this; let alone click and read it, but I did - and I'm glad I did, because I'm liking what I'm reading!

A sign of maturity in our Pinkie flourishes, where she questions her place in the world. Love it!
I can really see this happening in a actual episode. Honestly it could be anypony, but Pinkie Pie was the perfect choice, considering I could see that situation having the most impact on her. (She is considered the youngest as far as I can tell.)

Can't really say much else, since this is barely just starting. I suck at spotting spelling errors and the like (if there were any), so I'll leave that to someone else.

Looking forward to more!

...

Now... how to figure out how to track a story...

[Tom Brady]

This has some promise. The emotion was genuine and everyone seems to be written faithfully, for now anyway. There was nothing particularly wrong with your style. And I happen to have a soft spot for this kind of existential angst.

Still, it'd be nice to feel like it was going somewhere. I know it's slice-of-life and all, but there's so much build-up between the two chapters that are up that it's making me a little anxious. There really wasn't a whole lot of development between the first and second chapters to me, anyway. In the first chapter, you show that the seeds of doubt are planting into Pinkie's mind (the execution of which I did felt was just a bit contrived, but I do know from first hand experiences that thoughts and feelings like those do just pop up out of nowhere, so I buy it). In the second chapter, it's just embellished slightly. Both of which are things that could've been accomplished with just one chapter with more succinct writing. And if you don't want to change the way you write, that's fine; I'm not saying you should. Just combine the two chapters. 4,000 words isn't going to kill anyone. That's like, what...five, ten minutes of reading? And your prose and style isn't difficult or obtuse by any stretch of the imagination, so it would take even less time. They're both just build-up chapters that accomplish much of the same thing. And I understand that they were posted near simultaneously together and it's not like there was a month's wait in between. But the fact is that they're separate chapters that should expressing separate ideas and accomplishing distinct things.

Anyway, the entire point of that was to say the ball should get rolling sooner rather than later. Introspection is fine and it's well-written, but eventually the point comes where those introspective thoughts and feelings need to be turned into some kind of action. That's just good writing. I see it a lot where someone will write tons of build-up and take forever to reach a disappointing resolution. Like a bad Stephen King novel. Or a spanish telenovela. Basically, a point to all of this (the story so far) should at least be hinted at when the new chapters come around.

I'm probably telling you things you already know, but I'm just trying to help as much as I can.

Good luck to you. Go Patriots.

[Tayman]

388399

Wow, thanks for your feedback. It really helps. I understand where you're coming from. I feel this story is very delicate. I didn't want to have Pinkie Pie immediately descend into sadness and self doubt right away. I wanted to pace it properly. The first chapter is just the introduction to what causes Pinkie to start doubting herself, and the second chapter is how it begins dragging her down. At this point, she's mainly keeping up appearances around her friends (although Fluttershy has a keen eye for this sort of thing, as you've noticed). The next step will be for these feelings to manifest themselves around her friends and other ponies. They'll want to find out what's wrong with her, but she won't tell them, either out of shame or a desire to not worry them (which has been mentioned before).

So that's why the first two chapters are broken up. I want Pinkie's descent to be gradual and clearly defined. Chapter two is also a different day, so it made sense to me to split it.

Anyways, I'm glad you're enjoying. It's good to hear that the emotion came off as genuine to you. Since Pinkie Pie isn't displaying any obvious tells around her friends, I could only tell the emotion, and I was afraid it wouldn't have as great as an impact.

[Fernin]

I don't even like Pinkie Pie in any particular and your story makes me want to reach through my screen and try to cheer her up.

I'm impressed. This is an idea I've seen explored before, but not in such detail and at such pacing. Usually I see it get rushed through straight to the bit where Pinkie goes absolutely cupcakes. You are doing a good job, especially with the way her efforts to self-correct backfire on Pinkie and put her further into her spiral.

One change I would suggest making is, don't sandwich your dialogue inside narrative. I cannot recall if it's actually incorrect to do that. However, you can give dialogue greater prominence / impact by leaving it free on the end or beginning of a paragraph instead of burying it inside the paragraph.

[Frost]

Just another Cupcakes prequel, or an original story that makes a lot more sense? Based on what I've seen you write so far, I'll bet on the latter. Nice job making it a descent, and not random unexplained massacre insanity.