All Private Shadow Heart wanted was to protect others, so she joined the Solar Guard in an effort to fulfill that dream. However, it seems as if her dreams are crushed when her first assignment is to babysit some self-important, arrogant Night Tribe noble.
However, events quickly disabuse her of that notion as she is thrust into a world of political intrigue, espionage, and piracy.
Oh, and to top it all off, the princesses themselves have charged her with taking down an international sapient trafficking ring.
It must be a Monday...
The Dark tag is there for some more mature themes and a grittier depiction of the evil being confronted by our heroes. (namely the pirates and the slavery ring.) I don't subscribe to describing gruesome scenes of death and destruction, but the fact that there is a slavery ring automatically earns this story the dark tag in my book.
Also, the alternate universe tag is there because this is a far more seedier and troubled Equestria. All characters and events from the show still happened and are depicted as such, but there is also a distinct presence of pirates, griffin warbands and slavers, which have never appeared in the show.
The setting is just after the Canterlot wedding episode, but before Discord is set free again.
MLP:FIM and related characters are owned by Hasbro and Faust.
I only own my name.
Coverart by Esuka, on Deviantart at: http://esuka.deviantart.com/art/Cumulus-331391259
I very much want to see where this goes.
4215182 Thanks for the catch! and I'm glad that you like it so far!
4215195 No problem.
I like the way you fixed the issue in the previous chapter. too bad you didn't use clotpole though.
oh well. 
it is what it is.
WOO! 50 views!
I keep hearing Glados' voice here.
Interesting and realistic character. Like Templar22 I am curious where this goes. Since this is a story, coupled with the unusual ship, her new assignment will be a lot more action packed then she suspected. Or at least dangerous once in a while, with her acting as bodyguard.
That, or he wanted her because he's a stuck-up noble who wants the best protection that still manages to stay out of sight. Stealth spells work for that, though I wonder how long she can hold those up. Unicorn magic supposedly ask both effort and concentration.
I really like your interpretation of the armor's coloring enchantment.
Nice one.
Okay, this one deserves a prize for being to first name to make me laugh, ever.
His family jewels?
For being realistic...I'm afraid that this is not how it would work--at least not here in Europe. Here, Shadow Heart's career would be ruined even if she was technically in the right. She used violence "unprovoked", assaulted a civilian, ignored orders, insulted many of the most influential ponies of the capital city, but most of all: she would now be the talk of every noble in town and they would not stand for her getting anything less then the worst they could give her.
In fact, she would probably go on a black list now and find it hard to find employment anywhere that is related to them. Since they are the nobility, this means that she will be cleaning dirt somewhere unless she moves to a town far away and gets out of their sight.
Of course, this is Equestria. There are more mares then stallions and they are ruled by women. Ponies might be more forgiving then humans.
Sorry if this sounds kind of hard. It's not fair I know that., but insubordination AND assaulting people of high ranks is a bad thing here. They have the power, you're just a grunt.
4247168 Just watch and see. I actually just finished the next chapter, and it should illuminate some things for you.
...Also, it should create a whole ton of question.
Also also, if you've followed my blog, you will have figured out that Knight Breeze is the character that I played in a pony RP with my friends. Rather Dashing was the name of another character in the same game. So, I actually take no credit for the name whatsoever.
It made me laugh as well.
This was a triumph. I'm taking a note here of how huge a success it was.
Though you should teach Shadow Heart the Feather-float spell. Invisible + jumping of a cliff= no pegasi or griffin would find her.
I suppose Blue Blood really is the one exception to the nobility. I wish the high ranking people on Earth were like that.
Let me assure you that I never interpreted this as Shadow being turned into a damsel in distress, and I had full confidence in this not being a Gary Stu story since I know your other story. However, if you feel the need to point it out then others might have objected already. Like you I prefer competent characters and not overpowered ones, but to many people they are the same.
4247363 Thanks, that really takes a load off of my mind.
And yes, I've had people complain about mary sues in my stories before. I drove me nuts.
4247302
I figured "hey, now I can use gore and dark themes like slavery and forced prostitution", but instead I turned off players or made them think it wasn't about adventuring.
Ponies make for great tabletop games. Advanced cities in the middle of monster territory. Different races, cultures, legendary creatures. I still wish I could have shown you mine, but I made the mistake of starting it in a NSFW forum.
4247370
The trick is to make them lose at least once in the beginning. Then readers can identify with them and your character is suddenly an underdog and they'll root for him.
Like, what if the story had started with rumours of thestral slaves? Or maybe Knight had one too few explosions?
4247384 The thing there is that Shadow Heart is jumping into the middle of a story that has been going on for quite some time. Sit back and wait and you'll see some backstory as the story progresses.
4247394
I fully understand that. The ship was a pretty good indicator of that. However, might a new reader not have turned away already?
4247411 There is that possibility, yes. But that is possible for any story that you write. I took a calculated risk by writing the story like this, I just hope it doesn't bite me in the butt.
I honestly am a little wary, for several reasons:
1) We'll need to see whether the Gary Stu accusation really won't hold. All we have by now is your word and the story, which doesn't disprove it at all as of now.
2) Blueblood acting OOC. I don't necessarily mean the villain thing (I don't really like it so much, but depending on how it's presented it can work) but the fact that he acted like a drunk frat boy last chapter. Unless that was an act because he thought she would be more open to that instead of his usual MO, it doesn't really fit. Blueblood was a jerk to Rarity, but a very sophisticated one. The whole 'come on, babe' thing is something Shining Armor might do, not Blueblood.
4247953 Keep an eye on blueblood. I know the drunk frat boy thing was out of his character. That was the point. Did you notice how he suddenly wasn't drunk as soon as she attacked him? there is more then meets the eye here.
I love that the Griffin had a Russian accent. "In soviet equestria, You Mustache question"
4250729
That was actually why I wondered if it'd been an act all along.
And I should've added this in the last post: For all my criticism of the story, it's still interesing to read. I want to see how it develops.
100 views! woot!
Fancypants does seem like the kind of pony who would work behind the scenes like this. maybe my memory or my paranoia is playing tricks on me but I was slightly worried you might turn Fancy and Fleur into slave-owning bastards, but as it is, I like your idea for their characterization..
The "show don't tell" definitely worked here.
As always I am delighted to read your performance of the English language. You are clearly well-read. I didn't see any typos either.
Other points of interest were that there were winged slaves as well, the burned off Cutie Mark, and how Fancy Pants' efforts might be just a drop on a hot plate but it would be unthinkable to act otherwise. On the other hand, he did just make the slave trade prove lucrative once more.
Poor shadow Heart.
200 views! woot!
This is a rousing good, thud-and-blunder adventure ...and describing Shadow Heart's foreleg as an "arm" causes it no harm at all.
Really.
Just keep on writing, this is great stuff.
Ah. "The nobles" again. Of course. Aside from Fancy Pants, they don't ever get a break in stories.
Ah well, that's just something that's happening. Build up evil nobles, juxtapose them to the glorious OC (Knight Breeze in this case)... It'll be a good thing to have Shadow Heart at his side, mainly for one reason: To be a constant reminder that his actions also have consequences. For all of Luna's shilling, he should be held accountable. Just being sorry isn't enough if that doesn't lead to any sort of change; it's worthless.
Am I bitter? Maybe. But then, I've seen this movie play out so often...
YES!!!!! A Captain who is versatile and unpredictable as the wind. I approve
5227060 It isn't the whole noble class. For example, as stated before, Knight Breeze is a noble himself (he's a count). There will be others as the story continues, so don't be such a downer!
Besides, the story is just getting started. Relax and enjoy the ride!
Two spaces here and needs a comma.
Shadow should be in some deep shit for what she pulled, but I was never in the military because they don't like people not able to see every color.
4247372
That sounds rather interesting, maybe most people just don't like their characters being abused and having to deal with the mental trauma that can come with some of the darker aspects of slavery and such.
5227084
Hmm. Maybe somepony should point that out to the protagonists, too. I mean, that's the way they're talking about the matter. Things look pretty cut-and-dried from where I am, but hey, I could be mistaken.
5227105
The players were not supposed to be abused. Instead, I wanted there to be a reason why the bad guy needs to be defeated. Sombra mind raped and enslaved the ponies, the Diamond Dogs tried the same, Discord as well, etc. The difference was that in my setting you can see the fallout. No matter how you look at it, the ponies have to deal with destroyed lives and infrastructure.
To be honest though, the idea of ponies in prostitution is rather...sick and I hope it doesn't come over like that. Instead, it's where I place my changelings as I figured they could get good meals there, until I realized that eating love means that the victim feels miserable.
The question remains, is he really 'rather dashing'?
I don't know... bones are pretty damn tough. The falling rock would have 183 J of energy. Guess it really depends on where it hit her and if her foot was planted.
I will attest to this, every story needs 100% more Luna. No. MATTER. WHAT!
I am liking this so far, but still sorta on the fence.
Capitalize this.
Was this intentional?
Unneeded ending quote.
Might be more, too tired to really find stuff.
5230518 Thanks for the grammar catches! as for 'Rather Dashing', the character is the OC of a friend of mine, he picked the name, not me.
That being said, I nearly laughed my butt off when he told me his character's name.
5228191
And players did not like having to see the fallout of such actions? It seems like a great motivator. Have you found that most people on the site just do not like dark stories?
5230654
No problem, I will likely continue to do so in the future depending on how awake I am.
5231425
There are plenty of people here who enjoy dark stories, and I have found some of the darkest and most twisted on this site dedicated to MLP instead of Lovecraft or something. The problem I encountered with my players is that they were playing "heroes". They didn't want to see the police taking offense to their actions, or see that they themselves are the villains here.
For instance, he was using his magical charms on a shopkeeper to get her items for free, and unintentionally damaged her marriage when her husband in the shop saw his wife falling for a stranger and completely forgetting about him. Furthermore, mind control is illegal in my Crystal Empire, but when the guards tried to arrest him, he attacked a cop for being in her way, as that is what you do in Skyrim--kill endless droves of guard without repercussion. These ponies however, had lives and family.
5232106
Players play like that? Jeeze, they need to know that actions have repercussions. I have never really led an RP, especially in a forum type deal nor have I played in one of that type. In Skype, when I notice things stagnating (one example was because of a total Gary Stu) I'll generally flip to the antagonist and do my best to break other characters and cause havoc. I am usually disappointed that there seems to be no police or guard presence.
Best Character EVER!!
I would love to see more of this story. I like the characters and the setting. and now I wanna know what happened to Lyra and how deep this slavery ring is going. I hate that it aint been updated sense November but I can wait till the next update I suppose. This is a pretty well written story. atleast in my opinion
6204807 Thank you! I'm glad you like it that much!
Also, don't worry, I haven't abandoned this, or any of my other fics. I don't abandon fics without telling everybody. It's true that I haven't written this one in forever, but that has mainly been because of public disinterest in this one, and public interest in my "What I've Become" line of fics.
However, I have been working on the next chapter for this fic, albeit at a much slower pace. You'll see something for this soon.
6205166 WOOO! I cant wait for it. and no worries I understand what your saying about the delay.
Dangit. I knew going into this that there were only 6 chapters, but it still sucks to have caught up. Right when it was about to really get started too.
Why do I fall in love with everything of yours I read?
6842800 It's probably the crack I lace every typed word with.
6842870
Drug-infused literature... Genius!
Seriously, though. I feel like your stories aren't nearly as popular as they deserve to be.
6843063 I know. The only story that seems to get the attention it deserves is What I've Become/What I've Done, and personally I feel like that's one of my... less fantastic stories, in terms of the actual story and its potential. In terms of how much effort that's gone into it, it's definitely my top story.
6843075
I mean, I can certainly see why people like What I've Done/Become. I really like the series as well. The thing that confounds me is why your other stories get so little attention. And you aren't the only one, either. Seems like many people won't bother looking for stories they might enjoy, or putting in any effort beyond clicking on the Featured box. It's really quite unfortunate for lesser-known authors like yourself.
6843116 I know, right?
The oddly competent bumbler/trickster is always fun...