HUMAN World

by Razalon The Lizardman

Penultimate Chaos

“Finally, we’re here!” Applejack said.

Along Canterlot’s main street, nestled between a couple of concession shops, was a small brick building with a giant comic book sign held above the front door. Taped to the windows were a bunch of posters depicting various comic book characters along with sales signs and ‘Coming Soon’ announcements, while new releases and other comic book merchandise were on display in the windows.

Spike let out a huge yawn, smacking his lips. “Store’s not gonna open for a little while,” he said while slumping against the building, setting the comic down beside him. “Let’s wait here until the owner comes.”

Fluttershy and Applejack nodded, and sat down on either side of him. Fluttershy set her bag beside her, careful to set it standing upright.

“Ah reckon the others are gonna come back sometime soon,” Applejack said, glancing down at the comic. “Didn’t take us too long ta get out the last time.”

Spike looked upwards in remembrance. “We only spent about twenty minutes of real time inside the Power Ponies comic, but it felt more like an hour or two.” He picked up the comic, frowning a little as he turned to the page with the enchantment, staring at the panels of Warren at his computer. “The enchantment does make it sound like there’s a lot more to this comic than it appears; they must be going through a lot to be taking this long to come back.”

“Oh, I sure hope they’re alright,” Fluttershy cut in, gazing worriedly at the comic. “A lot of the stuff we put in HUMAN is very scary and dangerous. If I had known this would happen…”

“Ah, don’tcha worry ‘bout nothin’, Flutters,” Applejack said, giving her a dismissive wave. “It’s jus’ a comic. Ain’t no real harm’s gonna come their way.”

“The Power Ponies comic did a really good job convincing me the danger was real,” Spike remarked, and looked up at the store. “The owner of this place really knows his stuff.”

“He’s gonna know a lot more when Ah’m through with him,” Applejack snarled, stomping a hoof against the pavement.

Fluttershy smiled and gently patted the top of her bag.

---

“We’re coming on the home stretch, girls!” Twilight called from the driver’s seat.

Despite her enthusiasm, anyone could see the studious alicorn was very clearly exhausted and sleep-deprived. Dark circles hung beneath her eyes, her mane was frazzled, and there was a slight slur to her words. She’d once again taken up the position of driver on the group’s journey across the HUMAN comic’s world, but after fifteen minutes of driving from the airport, her friends’ concern and temptation to offer to take her place was steadily growing. After all the group had been through, and all the stress if surely must’ve put on Twilight, they figured a rest would do her good.

“Please don’t overexert yourself, darling,” Rarity replied from behind the driver’s seat. She turned around to face Pinkie in the far back. “Is everything peachy back here?” she asked.

Pinkie glanced down to the unconscious married couple laying on the floor of the van, wrapped in each other’s arms with soft, contented smiles on their faces.

Pinkie tapped her chin. “Hmm…” Then her face brightened, and she reached into her mane, pulling out her black marker.

But before she could uncap it, Rarity’s hoof smacked it from her grasp, sending it clattering into a corner of the van. “Pinkie Pie!” she snapped. “That is positively inappropriate, especially after we hijacked their van.”

Pinkie’s face drooped. “Sorry,” she muttered, before brightening up. She then pulled the mobile device out of her mane and began fiddling around with it.

Rarity was about to lay down to get some rest when Twilight screamed “Hit the brakes!”, followed by the van jerking to a stop, sending her and Pinkie tumbling across the floor, and making Rarity’s head impact against the back of the driver’s seat. The resulting pain, coupled with Twilight’s ear-splitting shout, was enough that Rarity felt herself tempted to swear up a storm. Only just barely did she supress the urge, instead letting out a long groan as she struggled to get back to her hooves.

“Ohmygosh, is everypony alright!?” Twilight asked, panickedly.

“I’ll live,” Rarity droned.

“Doin’ fine,” Rainbow said from her place under the driver’s seat.

“Oooh, kitty videos!” Pinkie cheered as she touched the device’s screen, completely unfazed by what just happened.

“Oh, I’m so, soooo sorry!” Twilight continued. “I didn’t realize the light had turned red and the car in front of us was coming so close and I-I…” She stopped, then did her breathing exercise to calm herself down. Looking at each of her friends, she offered them each an apologetic smile. “Sorry if I scared you, but you’re alright now. Right?”

Rarity finally summoned the strength to rise to her hooves, the pain in her head settling down, as she returned Twilight stare with her own, furrowed gaze. “Darling, perhaps it’s time you took a break from driving?” she suggested, though her tone came across as more commanding.

Twilight frowned, and turned back to the steering wheel. “I can’t put that burden on you, Rarity,” she replied, flatly. She gripped the steering wheel with her magic. “You know that.”

“I’m not asking to relinquish driving duty,” Rarity clarified, “only that you pull us aside for a quick rest.”

Twilight turned back around, her eyes widened. “Wait, really?”

“Yes…” Rarity arched a brow. “Why does that surprise you, dear? You need a rest.”

“You’ve been nagging about wanting to get home ever since we came to help Twilight,” Rainbow said from under the driver’s seat, sounding just as surprised as Twilight. “Now you’re just okay with stopping for a bit?”

Even Pinkie stopped to stare at the unicorn. “Why’s that, Rarity?” was all she asked.

Rarity huffed. “Excuse me if I care more for my friend’s well-being than my desire to get out of this wretched comic book.” She tossed her mane back in a show of distaste. “Frankly, I’m rather insulted you would think otherwise.”

Everyone just stared blankly.

“... Uh, right,” Twilight finally said. The light soon turned green, to which Twilight instructed Rainbow to hit the accelerator once they were clear to move. “Where should we stop to rest?” she asked once they were moving.

Rarity and Pinkie looked out either side of the van’s windows. Buildings of all shapes and sizes flew past, all with signs with names appropriately HUMAN-esque. Trying to make sense of them all, however, was quite difficult, as the context behind the names were unknown; none of them immediately struck the ponies as a place to rest and relax. Except for one.

“Ooh, let’s go there!” Pinkie said, pointing out the window toward the nearest shopping plaza. “‘Mellow Mushroom: Pizza Bakers’; that sounds like a great place for both food and R&R.”

“Indeed, it seems to be a good choice,” Rarity said, looking to where she was pointing. “Although, there seems to be an awful lot of people there already, going by the number of cars parked outside.”

“It’s as good a place as any I suppose,” Twilight said, before making the turn onto the plaza.

A minute later they had the van parked right outside the building and were gathered on the pavement, looking up at the entrance, above which hung a black and white sign with, fittingly enough, an anthropomorphic mushroom with a mellow-looking facial expression and twirling a pizza.

Pinkie took a whiff of the air, and smiled while licking her lips. “I smell some goood pizza,” she said, before her nose wrinkled up in disgust. “Also a lot of shameless plugging, for some reason.”

“I do have to wonder whether eating food in an enchanted comic effects you upon returning home,” Rarity mused, then turned to Twilight. “Would you happen to know the answer, Twilight?”

Twilight shook her head. “I haven’t had the time, nor the interest to learn a lot about how enchanted comics work.” She stifled a yawn and smacked her lips. “Well, maybe I’ll learn something when we get inside. You still got money, Pinkie?”

“Yeper-pepperoni!” Pinkie chirped.

“Alright, let’s get inside, then,” Twilight said, before crossing the plaza, followed by her friends.

---

If there was one thing Geo Frey hated more than his mom nagging him to get married and have some foals, it was campers. The sight of three of them outside his store as he made the trek across Canterlot to open up shop only stripped away even more of his already lacking faith in ponies. Why couldn’t he be like Omni 1 from Power Ponies # 62 and turn himself into a giant space serpent as he so wished? A life of space adventures would be infinitely preferable to life as a pony.

Because transmogrification spells were restricted for government use only; a fact he strongly detested. Sadly, he could do nothing but accept it and move on with his boring life as a comic book store shopkeeper.

The three campers turned their attention to him as he approached the store. He paid them no mind at first, choosing to focus on selecting the right key from his ring, but paused when one of them spoke.

“That’s him! That’s the owner!”

Geo turned to the campers, surprised to see the icy daggers they were all shooting at him, but remained calm nonetheless. “Yes, I own this establishment,” he replied. “And I do not appreciate campers loitering outside my store. If you haven’t heard the news, the latest issue of The Masked Mare won’t be finished until next week.”

He used his telekinesis to lift the key ring up to the door, quickly selecting the right key, only to feel his hoof jerked to the side, along with his entire body, bringing him face to face with a very irate-looking orange earth pony mare wearing a stetson.

“Now jus’ hold on right there, mister,” she snarled. “Y’all ain’t goin’ anywhere ‘til we have a little chat ‘bout what happened to our friends.”

Geo just sighed while pushing her hoof away. “Lady, I have a business to run. If you want to buy some comics, fine, but leave me alone otherwise.”

The little dragon rushed over and held up his comic so he could see it. “Why did you send this to Princess Twilight?” he asked, seething with anger.

Geo would’ve ignored the question and continued with his business, but the front cover seemed familiar to him. Leaning down, he looked it over for a few moments, before rising and making an ‘ah’ shape with his mouth.

“Right, I remember this,” he said, smiling a little. “This was commissioned a few weeks ago to be sent to Her Highness Princess Twilight Sparkle.”

“Wait, this was commissioned?” the dragon asked.

Geo nodded. “It was.” He looked the comic over again, admiring his own hoofwork and magic with a satisfied gleam in his eyes, before frowning a little. “Although, I was a little surprised at how few bits they offered up for the commission, considering who they were. Normally I’d create a world with a lot more substance to it, along with transformations, but not without the right amount of coin.” He shrugged. “Oh well, that’s business,” he finished, before returning to his business of getting ready to open up shop.

“Who commissioned it?” the yellow pegasus asked.

“I’m not at liberty to divulge names,” he replied, turning the key and opening the door, “but I do believe the commissioner is someone who you and your friends are well acquainted with.” He made to step inside, only to feel a hoof wrap around his leg. Turning around, he saw the yellow pegasus looking up at him with a dark gleam in her eyes.

“Tell us who commissioned it,” she said.

The sinister tone with which she spoke managed to unnerve Geo a little, but he still managed to keep calm and shake off her hoof. “And what if I don’t?” he asked, annoyed.

The pegasus said nothing in response. Instead, she unzipped her bag and reached inside, pulling out a black and yellow can with a white lid. Geo’s ears perked up when a very faint sound began emanating from the can.

Buzzing.

He gulped.

---

“That… is weird,” Rainbow said simply. Two of her three friends nodded their agreement, while Pinkie busied herself fiddling with the mobile device, paying her no attention.

The Mellow Mushroom was jam packed with patrons. To and fro, waiters and waitresses guided them to their tables, while the chatter of those currently settled in and enjoying themselves and their food filled the restaurant air, forcing the ponies to speak up to hear each other. They had to keep their chairs tucked close to the table, lest someone accidently bump into one of them and shatter Twilight’s illusion enchantment.

The current subject of the ponies’ attention, however, hung all around the restaurant’s walls and ceiling. Paintings of an exquisite caliber adorned every viable space along the inside of the restaurant, their richness and attention to detail that of a master artist, the subjects of each painting varied from the abstract to self-portraits.

And each one looked like the victim of a mad comedian, as each and every painting was defaced by cartoonish additions: popping eyeballs, overly large mustaches, the works.

“Indeed,” Rarity mused with a nod. “This is quite an… interesting choice of atmosph– oh, who am I kidding? This is simply dreadful!”

“Keep it down, Maria,” Twilight said in a sharp whisper, nervously darting her eyes back and forth, on the lookout for eavesdroppers.

“My sincerest apologies, Twila darling.” Her face scrunched up in disgust. “But still, just look at it.”

Twilight nodded. “Yes, it is pretty unsettling,” she agreed, and tapped her chin with a hoof. “I wonder…”

“Can I start you girls off with something to drink?”

The four friends turned to see a young man wearing waiter attire looking expectantly down at them, holding a pen and notepad in his hands.

“Ah, yes,” Rarity spoke up. “Some lemonade will suffice.”

“I’ll have the same,” Twilight said.

“Me too,” Rainbow followed.

“Me three!” Pinkie chirped.

The waiter jotted down their unified order and smiled. “I’ll be back with them shortly,” he said, and set off.

“So, anyway,” Rainbow spoke up, drawing everyone else’s attention. She put her hooves behind her head, leaning back in her chair. “After we get outta here, I was thinking of getting a copy of this comic for myself. It’s no Daring Do, but this is a pretty cool world to mess around and adventure in.”

“Of course you would take interest in something like this, Jenny darling,” Rarity replied, playfully rolling her eyes, before frowning and flipping her mane in a haughty manner. “I, however, am quite looking forward to being rid of a comic as uncouth and uncultured as this.”

“You did have a hoo– er, hand in crafting HUMAN, Maria,” Twilight pointed out.

“Indeed I did,” Rarity replied. “However, nothing I contributed could possibly have inspired all the repulsive ruffians and life threatening situations we’ve encountered.”

“Our lives haven’t really been in danger,” Twilight said.

“Really?” Pinkie asked, looking up from the mobile device, confused. “Then why don’t we just jump off a cliff or something so the shock will get us out of here?”

“Oh, come now, Candy,” Rarity said, waving a hoof dismissively, “as if that would ever work. If it would, why would we need to travel all the way across the country to Warren.” She turned to Twilight. “Isn’t that right?”

“...”

“Twila?”

“...” Twilight sheepishly rubbed the back of her head. “Well…”

“Darling,” Rarity said, a rising irritation to her words, “please choose your next words very, very carefully.”

“Okay, I’ll put it like this,” Twilight began, holding her hooves up in a semi-placating manner, “I don’t know exactly what might happen if we tried to kill ourselves in here, but based on what little I know of secluded dimensional magic, offing ourselves could break the enchantment enough to propel us out of the comic.”

“Then why did you make us go through almost twenty-four hours of mayhem if you knew that much?” Rarity asked, resisting the urge to shout her query.

“Because… Because…” Twilight trailed off as her cheeks flushed red. “Eheheh…”

The tension that coated the air between the ponies for the next few minutes was practically palpable, as Rarity glared icy daggers at Twilight while the lavender mare tried to formulate a coherent response through her nerve-wracked conscience. Deciding to not get involved, Rainbow and Pinkie busied themselves watching more videos of themselves on ‘Youtube’.

Eventually, their waiter returned, carrying four glasses of lemonade on a serving plate. “There you are, ladies,” he said, passing each mare a glass.

Finally, Rarity turned her attention away from Twilight, much to the latter’s relief, and to the waiter. “Thank you, good sir,” she said, before taking a sip.

“Are you girls ready to order?” he asked, taking out his notepad and pen.

“Just a twelve inch, plain cheese pizza to be shared between the four of us,” Twilight spoke up, her mouth lifting into a smile.

The waiter jotted down the given order with a nod, before leaving.

“Now then,” Rarity spoke up, pushing her lemonade away from her and refocusing her attention on Twilight. “Perhaps you’ll grace us with an explanation of why you didn’t inform us of the possible easy escape from this comic?”

“I thought it was too morbid, I’m sorry!” Twilight said, raising her voice a few octaves. Realizing her mistake, she lowered her voice back down as she continued. “That, and as much as I don’t appreciate being tricked, whoever made this comic must’ve put in a lot of work, even if they left out a lot of stuff from the books.” She sighed, setting her hooves on the table and resting her head in between them. “Sorry for letting my attachment to HUMAN affect you girls.”

“Hey, I’m not complaining,” Rainbow said, leaning back in her chair again, wearing her trademark cocky grin. “This ride’s been a total blast.”

“Totally,” Pinkie agreed, not looking up from the mobile device. “Oooh, ‘Cupcakes’ sounds fun to read.”

Rarity cast a brief stink eye toward Rainbow and Pinkie, before sighing and turning back to Twilight, her eyes softer than before. “I forgive you, Twila,” she said.

Twilight smiled. “Thanks, Maria.”

Silence reigned supreme for several minutes between the ponies afterward. Twilight and Rarity busied themselves gazing at all the paintings hanging on the walls, and commenting on whether their artistic merit has been lost as a result of the ‘additions’. Rainbow contented herself with humming under her breath while continuing to lean back in her chair. And none of them ever once noticed the growing horror on Pinkie’s face while she stared at the mobile device.

“Looks like our food’s coming,” Twilight said as she noticed their waiter coming towards them, carrying a large serving plate.

“Cool,” Rainbow said. “Hey, Candy, our food’s here.”

Pinkie said nothing.

Rainbow frowned. “Candy?” She turned to her friend, and only then did she notice her friend’s wide-eyed, fearful gaze. “Um, is everything alright?”

More silence. Pinkie’s eyes remained fixated on the mobile device, while her mouth hung open in a state of shock.

“Uh… Pinkie–”

Suddenly, Pinkie poised her hoof above the mobile device. “YOU MUST DIE!” she shrieked, before slamming her hoof against the mobile device, instantly shattering it into a thousand tiny pieces of metal and plastic.

One piece — a particularly large section of the glass screen — sailed through the air and struck Rainbow in the forehead. With a hurt yelp, Rainbow fell backwards in her chair onto the ground, feeling the chair strike something along the way, accompanied by a pained grunt. She didn’t even have time to open her eyes before she felt something land on her face. Something soft, greasy, and steaming hot.

Reflexively, Rainbow shot up into the air, shouting ‘Ah! Get it off! Get it off!’ while zipping through the air in a panicked rush. Quickly, she got a grip on the pizza stuck to her face, pulling it off and chucking it to the floor. Bits of sauce and grease clung to her muzzle, which itself was now a bright shade of pink as a result of the pizza’s searing hot surface.

“Oh, man,” she rasped, hanging limply in the air while her wings continued to flap. “That sucked.”

It took her a moment before she noticed her friends staring up at her, jaws slightly agape. She saw some restaurant patrons in her eye’s corner doing much the same. Swiveling her head around, she saw that pretty much every single person in the restaurant had equally shocked expressions plastered on their faces.

Confused at first, Rainbow suddenly recalled what Twilight had said about her illusion enchantment, about how it would be shattered if she did anything out of character for a human.

And hovering in midair, with wings that humans did not have, was very much out of character for them.

“Is that really Rainbow Dash!?” someone from the crowd of restaurant patrons shouted.

Said pegasus hovered down to her friends, turning to Twilight with panic-stricken eyes. “Twilight…?”

Her friend’s horn glowed. “On it.”

The four friends disappeared in a bright flash, reappearing outside in the parking lot, just a couple of meters from the van.

The back door was open. The sleeping couple inside were gone.

The ponies’ ears were suddenly assaulted by blaring sirens from their left, forcing them to fold back out of reflex. Turning left, they saw a series of flashing red and blue lights coming towards them from the road.

“Get inside! Quickly!” Twilight shouted over the sirens.

Her friends all clambered inside in an eye’s blink, and Twilight teleported herself again into the driver’s seat. She then summoned the van’s keys from her special pocket space, quickly inserting them into the designated slot and turning, revving up the engine. Pinkie crawled under the driver’s seat and pressed a hoof down on the accelerator.

“Somepony close the back door!” Twilight shouted.

“On it!” she heard Rainbow reply.

The instant she saw that the back door was closed through the rearview mirror, Twilight released the emergency brake and put the van in Drive. The van sailed across the medium, tearing through the outdoor plants and onto the street, narrowly avoiding collision with several more cars as she righted the van and began following the road, all while a legion of cop cars followed right behind.

I guess this was bound to happen sooner or later...

Comments

[Alticron]

“Tell us who commissioned it,” she said.
The sinister tone with which she spoke managed to unnerve Geo a little, but he still managed to keep calm and shake off her hoof. “And what if I don’t?” he asked, annoyed.
The pegasus said nothing in response. Instead, she unzipped her bag and reached inside, pulling out a black and yellow can with a white lid. Geo’s ears perked up when a very faint sound began emanating from the can.
Buzzing.
He gulped.

theouthousers.com/images/jck/beeweapon.jpg

[ShadwSonic]

See Pinkie, THIS is why you pay attention to the story tags and description...

[The_Laundry]

“Oooh, ‘Cupcakes’ sounds fun to read.”

Once again:
media.giphy.com/media/VCD63s5JpEgs8/giphy.gif