When I first saw Anon, I honestly couldn't believe what I was seeing. Standing in the middle of town, just looking around unsure of everything, was a tall creature the likes my eyes have never seen before. Living in Ponyville means that you tend to see a good amount of weird stuff every now and then. Since the elements of harmony decided to stay here, that quota of weird skyrocketed to a new all time high.
This creature though wasn't something we were used to. We have seen beasts from the Everfree, griffins from beyond the Equestrian borders and more than a few donkeys and cows. But there was something about this creature that screamed at us that he wasn't meant to be here. He stood on his hind legs like a minotaur, but his height was easily a head or more above the princess herself.
The thing is, he looked so scared and confused at the time of his arrival. He just looked around as if trying to comprehend where he stood. There was something sad about this as I looked at him. The fear that filled my body seemed to die out. This creature wasn't like a manticore looking to eat a pony. The way he just stood there frozen, looking around. He was scared out of his mind.
We all kept our distance though. We had no idea if this was all just a ruse of some kind. Something to lure us in so it could snatch us up. I know now how silly that thought is, but at the time it seemed so very real. One moment we were all just living our lives, and then suddenly this creature was standing in the masses. The ponies barricaded themselves into their homes as soon as they all caught sight of him.
I’m ashamed to admit that I too was with them as well. I was just peeking out from my window as I held Dinky close. We all just watched him as he stood there motionless. Though it didn't take long for us to see the elements of harmony slowly approach the creature cautiously. Twilight was the one that spoke out to him at the time. Asking him who he was and what was he doing here.
His answer still chills my heart to this very day. In a voice filled with sadness and fear he simply answered.
“I don't know.”
Twilight and the other elements took pity on the creature and showed him to what I assumed would be the library. From there I heard talk around town that the creature had no memory of his past and in turn had lost his name. He took to calling himself Anonymous for some reason. Day by day ponies from around town speculated on what the creature was and what he was planning.
Small things started to pop out of the library every few days or so. Things like ‘human’ and ‘omnivore’ were some words that were spoken. Ponies started to get nervous when they found out that this creature ate meat, but Twilight assure everypony that the creature Anon finds the idea of eating sapient creature to be abhorrent. It helped, but ponies were still on edge.
After a few weeks passed, Twilight and her friends started to show him around town to meet the local ponies. Everypony kept their distance and even made sure their foals never got too close. Words like ‘monster’ and ‘beast’ were tossed around behind his back. I never spoke such words, but I always made sure to keep Dinky close in case something were to happen.
A month or so later, Anon started to integrate into our little town. Ponies slowly got use to his presence and didn't mind if their fillies and colts got near him. Though they may have accepted him, they only accepted him from afar. If he tried to talk to ponies, they would usually shy away from him. Some ponies would downright ignore him. Every time it happened, I saw the sadness in his face, but then he would just hold a smile for everypony else.
As far as I knew he was working over at Sweet Apple Acres at the time. Though he was still living with Twilight at the library. The princess not too long after came over to meet with the human. From talk around town, it was said that the human managed to impress the princess and even got a laugh from her. The princess declared that he was no danger to anypony and assured them that he had a friend in her as long as he lived.
That came as a shock to the town. but even with her recommendation the ponies still kept their distance from Anon. They always kept him at hoofs length and never allowed him closer. Because of this he had very few friends. I’m pretty sure his only friends were the elements of harmony. It was sad, seeing as he was nice to everypony, even the ones who were mean to him.
I was delivering the mail and Anon happened to answer the door once. I, of course, yelped from surprise but he didn't show much reaction as he greeted me. I quickly hoofed over the mail and bolted away. I can still remember the small frown on his face when I looked back. The next day I came back, he answered the door again. I’m proud to say that I didn't bolt away this time. I hoofed over the mail and gave a small nod as I walked away.
When I looked back, I could see a genuine smile coming from him. So it became a daily thing. I would give him the mail and take my leave. As the days went on, I slowly found myself less tense around him. He couldn't be bad if he was so nice, right? It was when I hoofed over his mail one day I decided to try and say something.
“Um, nice weather.” I said nonchalantly.
That seemed to surprise him as he gave a nod.
“It is isn't it.” He smiled at me as he said that.
We parted ways after that simple exchange, and it slowly grew from that day. Our little talks turned into conversations. He told me about some human things and I hung on every word. His world sounded like a sci fi novel. I told him about my life and he understood when I didn't go into detail about some rougher aspects. I’m probably being a foal for thinking I had anything to complain about.
Soon we got to a point where I was comfortable with him meeting my daughter, Dinky. Those two got along better than I could’ve ever imagined. He was so sweet as he played with her. She loved riding on his shoulders. It was funny because he had to hunch down a lot when she was on his shoulder in the house. After that day we became friends. I was his first friends outside of the elements of harmony and he was my only friend, period.
What happened a few more months passing caught everypony by surprise. Even myself. Twilight and Anon started dating. This shocked many and gained more than a few hateful glares and words about such union. Though they both ignored it. They seemed to enjoy each others company. What I found odd was that nopony in town had ever seen them get intimate. Not a single kiss nor long lasting hug. It almost seemed one sided.
As it turns out. It was. From talk around town, the relationship was just a means for Twilight to keeping a closer eye on him. I guess the princess said that she wanted Twilight to keep an eye on Anon and to make sure nothing happened to him. She somehow blew it out of proportion and took it too far. Anon was furious when he found out. Why wouldn't he be?
It was on that day that he left the library and came to the only pony he knew he could trust. That pony was me. When I opened the door that night and saw what stood before me, I couldn't help but feel my heart break. There standing with a single bag and tears flowing down his face was Anon. He was crying his eye out, telling me about what happened in a full stutter.
To this day I don't know what he said, but I took him in and gave him a place to stay. He has always been a great friend, so I didn't want to let him down. To be honest, I kinda felt happy to know that Anon was single again. I must be a terrible pony to think something like that. It’s just.. I have always kinda liked Anon. Ever since we started to get to know each other, I found myself enjoying his company. I liked the talks we had and how much he cared for Dinky.
Am I a foal to allow myself these feelings? I usually just keep to myself, but Anon makes me want to be out in the open and to do things. M-Most ponies ignore me, and even say terrible things when they think I can’t hear them. Anon is my only friend, and yet, I can't help but feel something when he is close to me. I want him to be close for as long as he can manage.
I guess I’m just a foal for thinking he would ever look at me like that. Why would he? My eyes are weird, I can't stand straight for very long without wobbling a bit. I constantly crash into things and fall down a lot. Why would anypony ever look my way? I guess I’ll be alone, but at least I have his friendship. As long as I have that, I think I’ll be happy.
I love it. More pwease
Moar, for the love of god, Moar.
Ahh Derpy, I'm not much for normal Pony romance, but if I could then I'd write a heartfelt story just for you!
Ahem, good start so far. Just make sure to double check your grammar, Presence is spelled like so, not Presents.
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Thanks. I still have trouble with words like that.
the world truly needs more derpy oh and fuck you twilight fuck you with handfuls of rusty nuts and bolts
Love it so far. Have a fav and a thumbs up
WHY TWILIGHT, WHY?!!
Not too often (as in only once) do I see a DerpyxHuman romance fic, and one from the pony's POV makes it unique (at least for me.)
I eagerly await more.
You, sir, used one comma in the entire story. The first thing I was going to say was that you should find an editor. Looks like you already know that.
But you can help yourself if you read this.
I like it. MORE!
This NEEDS to be continued.
I'd change the story pic if I were you. I'm all for "bedroom eyes" pics, but that one just makes Derpy look legit retarded. So... no.
I'm game for editing. Not to imply your story is a game... I mean... Ummmm. Let's see now. How should I go about salvaging this?
In all seriousness, I am interested and rather punctual by nature.
Technically, this is also an unorthodox way of providing a resume of sorts.
Each sentence, excluding the prior two that express the same grammatical style, contains unique little snippets of grammar that many might not be aware of.
I tend to specialise in commas, but I'll be fine so long as you don't abuse semicolons. Semicolons are, regrettably, my kryptonite.
Here's hoping you'll consider me.
you had my curiosity, now my following
Your story has intrigued me, continue
I have only two things to say and that's-
1) Twilight is a cunt!
and 2) I myself don't usually read AiE's (Anonymous in Equeastria's) but this one, where Anon lost his memory and gave himself the name Anonymous, ingenious! You kept my interest with that, I'll continue reading to see what you got in store.
I'm game if you still need another editor.
Maybe he just needs to...
(•_•)
( •_•)>⌐■-■
(⌐■_■)
Let it go...
(Okay, old joke is old. I get it. )
wow a DerpyxHuman romance thats rare which is a shame because its one of my favorites
Well then, you have my interest, however I would like to see a confrontation between Twilight and Anon, either she's trying to apologize and he isn't accepting it or she's trying to steal him away and Derpy save's the day, but other then that I look forward to see were this story leads.
* "time, asking" - a comma is supposed to link related sentences of that kind, not a period.
** "answered"
This, to me, so far is the most gut-wrenching part of this fic. I hate to see the mistakes in it.
EDIT: finally found a much less harsh expression than "bad writing". It was much smaller than that.
I'm excited. I feel like it would be better if Ditzy hadn't already showed interest in him (romantically) this fast. It can work but I feel it takes can make the rest of the story happen to fast. It kind of makes most conversations have a romantic bent instead of just flowing naturally. Still I'm looking forward to it, and I hope the story picks up pretty much the day after he goes too Ditzys house. Gives you some nice conflicts to work with.
Very good start. I'm eager to read more.
Everything I spotted for grammar and such has been mentioned by others, but one thing I don't think has been said is that there's a lot more tell than show.
This story sure deserves my like and fav, I'll make sure I read the next chapter as soon as it comes out... You've got a wonderful start there.
oh my gosh! derpy and human?! MUST READ!
Give us more.
All the yes that I fouls produce for a YEAR isn't enough to describe just how much I love this.
Please, I'm begging you on my handstand knees, more!
I'll do anything but please, for the love of god more!!!
oh Sal you've done it again.
reactiongifs.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/proud.gif
*when Sal posts a new story*
I hope to see more of this
Dude...Yes, just yes
This is goin' to be mad, I can already tell
BRING IT ON!
I haven't looked through the comments yet but I can be your editor if you need one.
I would love to edit for you. In all honesty, i lack the full imagination needed to write a great fiction. There's just something in me that doesn't let me keep ideas for very long, but I'll take helping someone else with their fiction as a consolation prize. I'm sure it will also help me with developing a sense for writing as I'm currently hoping for an education degree in the future.
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I wouldn't be so sure about that. I'm going to try and play on the idea that Derpy puts herself on a low standard, and because of this she has the thought of 'I'm not worth it, so why even try?' mentality.
I think that should keep most things in check and also open new directions that can be taken. Honestly I dont know what will happen, but that is always half the fun.
Twilight, your a cunt!
Watch some people downvote this because they think twilight a the best!
4202414 thats usually the case isnt it? sad and unfortinate!
this is an amazing story, cant wait to read more! thank you for sharing this story with us!
I kinda also want to see the other elements reactions to Twilights choice in taking things too far, if they really are Anon's friends that is (I'd imagine Pinkie is, she'd befriend a rock if you drew a smile on it)
But otherwise...Yay Derpy!
Please donate chapters of the story to teh peoplez. We need moar. Please think of the children
Will place into my read later list for now, gotta have more Derpy in my life. I say for now because I want it longer before I begin. This is great bait though.
I'm vaguely interested in this, but I can tell you now, if every chapter is like this I won't be reading it for long.
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Depend what you mean by 'this'. A little more info would help me and make you look like less of a jackass.
can't wait for the next chapter !
Fucking grade A man keep it going.
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90% of the time my goal is to look like a jackass.
This is broad narration of general events. I was being told about events that happened a while back, not experiencing the events.
I'm not telling you to use the present tense.
Those eyes...
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Then you should be pleased to know that future chapters will be true 'slice of life'. Since this was a summary of events thru Derpy's perspective, I felt it was only right to fast forward to a point where things are happening, while also setting up a basic universe.
Did you mean "eyes"?
Love this story.
Do you still need an editor?
This is really good I look forward to more of these.
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For the future, there are snappier ways to do exposition than to say A, B, and C happened to set up the story, and now we start with the interesting stuff at D. Snappier would be to say, if we start at D, which of A, B, and C can we assume? Or in this case, if we started with Anonymous crying on Derpy's doorstep, one could infer most of the important back story. Knock knock! Who could be out in this rain? I opened the door to a sobbing Anonymous. "It was all a lie! She -sniff- she never liked me," quoth Anon. This was the most upset I'd seen Anon since he appeared in the town square [quantity] [unit of time] ago. "Who? Twilight?" I asked. Though asking for confirmation was more to verify the words and not the pony; their relationship had seemed to most to be very one-sided but it was a little difficult to understand Anon through his bawling. The tall human nodded his sodden head and confirmed, "She wa- was just keeping an eye on m-me for the Princess." Shabam, and it hits the ground running. Not entirely in medias res, but certainly after all the stuff you don't care about for this particular story.
Just a thought. I'll hang around and see what chapter 2 (1) winds up looking like.
4203317 nooooo...he has only one eye because he stabbed his other eye and pulled it out. He now has an eyepatch and one eye.