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Anon and I have been friends for awhile now. We get along together and Dinky loves him to death. I feel very fortunate to have a friend like him. Its just, I have always liked Anon a little more than I probably should. He needs a friend right now, seeing as he just went through a bad break up.
Who am I kidding anyways. Who would want me? I'm just... damaged goods.
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I love it. More pwease
Moar, for the love of god, Moar.
Ahh Derpy, I'm not much for normal Pony romance, but if I could then I'd write a heartfelt story just for you!
Ahem, good start so far. Just make sure to double check your grammar, Presence is spelled like so, not Presents.
4197059
Thanks. I still have trouble with words like that.
the world truly needs more derpy oh and fuck you twilight fuck you with handfuls of rusty nuts and bolts
Love it so far. Have a fav and a thumbs up
WHY TWILIGHT, WHY?!!
Not too often (as in only once) do I see a DerpyxHuman romance fic, and one from the pony's POV makes it unique (at least for me.)
I eagerly await more.
You, sir, used one comma in the entire story. The first thing I was going to say was that you should find an editor. Looks like you already know that.
But you can help yourself if you read this.
I like it. MORE!
This NEEDS to be continued.
I'd change the story pic if I were you. I'm all for "bedroom eyes" pics, but that one just makes Derpy look legit retarded. So... no.
I'm game for editing. Not to imply your story is a game... I mean... Ummmm. Let's see now. How should I go about salvaging this?
In all seriousness, I am interested and rather punctual by nature.
Technically, this is also an unorthodox way of providing a resume of sorts.
Each sentence, excluding the prior two that express the same grammatical style, contains unique little snippets of grammar that many might not be aware of.
I tend to specialise in commas, but I'll be fine so long as you don't abuse semicolons. Semicolons are, regrettably, my kryptonite.
Here's hoping you'll consider me.
you had my curiosity, now my following
Your story has intrigued me, continue
I have only two things to say and that's-
1) Twilight is a cunt!
and 2) I myself don't usually read AiE's (Anonymous in Equeastria's) but this one, where Anon lost his memory and gave himself the name Anonymous, ingenious! You kept my interest with that, I'll continue reading to see what you got in store.
I'm game if you still need another editor.
Maybe he just needs to...
(•_•)
( •_•)>⌐■-■
(⌐■_■)
Let it go...
(Okay, old joke is old. I get it.
)
wow a DerpyxHuman romance thats rare which is a shame because its one of my favorites
Well then, you have my interest, however I would like to see a confrontation between Twilight and Anon, either she's trying to apologize and he isn't accepting it or she's trying to steal him away and Derpy save's the day, but other then that I look forward to see were this story leads.
* "time, asking" - a comma is supposed to link related sentences of that kind, not a period.
** "answered"
This, to me, so far is the most gut-wrenching part of this fic. I hate to see the mistakes in it.
EDIT: finally found a much less harsh expression than "bad writing". It was much smaller than that.
I'm excited. I feel like it would be better if Ditzy hadn't already showed interest in him (romantically) this fast. It can work but I feel it takes can make the rest of the story happen to fast. It kind of makes most conversations have a romantic bent instead of just flowing naturally. Still I'm looking forward to it, and I hope the story picks up pretty much the day after he goes too Ditzys house. Gives you some nice conflicts to work with.
Very good start. I'm eager to read more.
Everything I spotted for grammar and such has been mentioned by others, but one thing I don't think has been said is that there's a lot more tell than show.
This story sure deserves my like and fav, I'll make sure I read the next chapter as soon as it comes out... You've got a wonderful start there.
oh my gosh! derpy and human?! MUST READ!
Give us more.
All the yes that I fouls produce for a YEAR isn't enough to describe just how much I love this.
Please, I'm begging you on my handstand knees, more!
I'll do anything but please, for the love of god more!!!
oh Sal you've done it again.
reactiongifs.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/proud.gif
*when Sal posts a new story*
I hope to see more of this
Dude...Yes, just yes
This is goin' to be mad, I can already tell
BRING IT ON!
I haven't looked through the comments yet but I can be your editor if you need one.
I would love to edit for you. In all honesty, i lack the full imagination needed to write a great fiction. There's just something in me that doesn't let me keep ideas for very long, but I'll take helping someone else with their fiction as a consolation prize. I'm sure it will also help me with developing a sense for writing as I'm currently hoping for an education degree in the future.
4201116
I wouldn't be so sure about that. I'm going to try and play on the idea that Derpy puts herself on a low standard, and because of this she has the thought of 'I'm not worth it, so why even try?' mentality.
I think that should keep most things in check and also open new directions that can be taken. Honestly I dont know what will happen, but that is always half the fun.
Twilight, your a cunt!
Watch some people downvote this because they think twilight a the best!
4202414 thats usually the case isnt it?
sad and unfortinate!
this is an amazing story, cant wait to read more! thank you for sharing this story with us!
I kinda also want to see the other elements reactions to Twilights choice in taking things too far, if they really are Anon's friends that is (I'd imagine Pinkie is, she'd befriend a rock if you drew a smile on it)
But otherwise...Yay Derpy!
Please donate chapters of the story to teh peoplez. We need moar. Please think of the children
Will place into my read later list for now, gotta have more Derpy in my life.
I say for now because I want it longer before I begin. This is great bait though.
I'm vaguely interested in this, but I can tell you now, if every chapter is like this I won't be reading it for long.
4203066
Depend what you mean by 'this'. A little more info would help me and make you look like less of a jackass.
can't wait for the next chapter !
Fucking grade A man keep it going.
4203126
90% of the time my goal is to look like a jackass.
This is broad narration of general events. I was being told about events that happened a while back, not experiencing the events.
I'm not telling you to use the present tense.
Those eyes...
4203167
Then you should be pleased to know that future chapters will be true 'slice of life'. Since this was a summary of events thru Derpy's perspective, I felt it was only right to fast forward to a point where things are happening, while also setting up a basic universe.
Did you mean "eyes"?
Love this story.
Do you still need an editor?
This is really good
I look forward to more of these.
4203221
For the future, there are snappier ways to do exposition than to say A, B, and C happened to set up the story, and now we start with the interesting stuff at D. Snappier would be to say, if we start at D, which of A, B, and C can we assume? Or in this case, if we started with Anonymous crying on Derpy's doorstep, one could infer most of the important back story. Knock knock! Who could be out in this rain? I opened the door to a sobbing Anonymous. "It was all a lie! She -sniff- she never liked me," quoth Anon. This was the most upset I'd seen Anon since he appeared in the town square [quantity] [unit of time] ago. "Who? Twilight?" I asked. Though asking for confirmation was more to verify the words and not the pony; their relationship had seemed to most to be very one-sided but it was a little difficult to understand Anon through his bawling. The tall human nodded his sodden head and confirmed, "She wa- was just keeping an eye on m-me for the Princess." Shabam, and it hits the ground running. Not entirely in medias res, but certainly after all the stuff you don't care about for this particular story.
Just a thought. I'll hang around and see what chapter 2 (1) winds up looking like.
4203317 nooooo...he has only one eye because he stabbed his other eye and pulled it out. He now has an eyepatch and one eye.