Fallout: Equestria Unity

Tetragrammaton #1 · Apr 5th, 2014 · · · Chapter One: My Average Day ·

New FoE sidestory.
And I thought my day would be absolutely boring.

It's quite an interesting start, even if it's not really real.
Nice move by the way, five - I'll call them personalities - in one pony, always discorded...I hope we'll see more of that later on.

Just a few minor issues:
- your spacing habits. If this would be GoogleDocs I would be (almost) fine with that, but really devide your story in thematic paragraphs. It makes reading it a lot easier. Oh, and there are a few double spaces " ", you might fix that.
- Your including of Somber's bat ponies: some people will like it, some hate it. I'm rather neutral when it comes to that. I would just recommend you not to take mayor points/originalities from other stories.
- very, very minor: the perk: I don't say I dislike the perk in any way, but it seems just like a normal piece of text. I (personally) think you should...pep it up a little, so that it doesn't look all the same. Like this (if you like):

Level up. (would be useful to tell what level the character currently is, it's hard to keep track otherwise)
New Perk.
Pistol Proficiency 1: You are now 25% more accurate with pistols while in S.A.T.S.

Things can get pretty interesting from here on and give it a like for its uniqueish premiss (if there is a story with that premiss already, I apologize. I don't mean to offend someone, but I simply haven't read said story yet). I'll follow this story's progression. Keep writing.

And in case noone has done this yet:
Welcome to the FoE community. You can run, but you will only be hugged tired.
For your own good, try to think of something nice while we harvest your soul's power to sustain our superiors' immortalitiy.

DerpyDaringDitzyDoo

DerpyDaringDitzyDoo #2 · Apr 6th, 2014 · · · Chapter One: My Average Day ·

Reply

Just so you know, G-Man64 added your story to the Fallout Equestria Group! Feel free to PM me if you have any questions about this

Shadow Fall

Shadow Fall #3 · Apr 6th, 2014 · · · Chapter One: My Average Day ·

Reply

4188791 Truthfully I wasn't really sure whether or not I should even publish this. The only reason I made this was because a friend asked me to and the only reason I am putting it up here is because that same friend asked me to. As for the issues. The first one I didn't really notice until I put it up because I originally typed this up in word so it looked a lot better there. The second about the bat ponies. The friend mentioned above wanted me to put our OC's into it. My OC is a bat pony and his is Diction. I do know that Somber had bat ponies in it because said friend is currently reading Project Horizons and has informed me on them. The third issue I have edited and I thank you for the advice ^.^ This story will be a little confusing because there will be sort of Flashback chapters (Like upcoming Chapter 2) while the rest will actually stem off from Chapter one. I'm not sure if I'll be able to complete this for a while (Mostly because I'll be shipping out to basic in about 2 months), but I will try my best to finish this story. As for Destin's Multiple Personality Disorder I do plan on having several issues come up because of it.

Tetragrammaton

Tetragrammaton #4 · Apr 6th, 2014 · · · Chapter One: My Average Day ·

Reply

4193784
If those ponies are your OCs then everything is alright. Just wanted to warn you, there are some people with quite...extreme attitudes (both ways) concerning everything connected to PH. And don't worry about completing it fast. There are some stories out there that are 2 years+ and not even half through with their plot. Don't rush anything, just keep writing whenever you feel to.

There's no such thing as too confusing when it comes to reading a FoE story. Confusing things are what makes stories good. (if they are resolved in the end.)

Tetragrammaton

Tetragrammaton #5 · Apr 24th, 2014 · · · Chapter Two: Home ·

Reply

I think your class system is a little bit confusing.
I mean: E->A->C->F->Q?
Is there a reason for this "complicated" classes instead of A->B->C->D->Q?

Also, why does she barricade herself inside her room on her birthday and refuses to eat? I don't quite get that. I mean, she has this C-class friend and yeah... strange. You might clarify that.

Anyways, good chapter.
Great, another voice inside her head. Wonder how it will get along with Wrath and Pals.

Shadow Fall

Shadow Fall #6 · Apr 24th, 2014 · · · Chapter Two: Home ·

Reply

4280796 The reason it's like that is because (In my mind I was thinking this) E = Executives, A = Average (The normal ones), C = .... I don't remember why I used C, F = Failed (Essentially useless for anything besides test material), And I explained Q, quarantine. And he (It's still Destin) used to always get woken up early by his parents on his birthday so they could have a family breakfast before opening gifts. The absence of this early wake up is a reminder that his parents are dead. And his friend, Diction, is E class because he's a scientist. I think I may have edited out mentioning that, thinking that the later mention of Diction and his assistant would be enough to clarify. If you think the main character is a female, then I've actually succeeded in one aspect of the character. Destin is actually kinda feminine in a way. His body is more curvy like a mare's, and his voice is a little higher, though not too much.

Deathpony