A Chapter
====BREAKING NEWS: MAN MISSING AFTER POLICE BUST CTHULHU RITUAL====
'No, no, no no nononono. This is bad.'
A lone, black-robed teenager strode through Ponyville, his breath quickening, and his hands seizing the chest of his robe. His eyes darted around with frightened familiarity. He knew perfectly well where he was. He was in Ponyville. He also knew perfectly well who lived in Ponyville, and that also frightened him. Ideas and thoughts flooded through his mind like the water of a flash flood through some town, sweeping away both sanity and hope.
'I can’t be here. The longer I’m here, the more chance there is of human contamination. What do I do what do I do whatdoIdowhat—' his thoughts were interrupted by somone calling out to him.
An impossibly familiar voice cried out, “Mister? Are you okay?” Whirling around, the teen looked down to see Applebloom, the cutest thing he had ever seen, was looking up at him with concern in her eyes. As his heart pounded, he thought to himself,
'Her sweet, cute little innocent eyes. I can’t be here I can’t be here I can’t be here!'
With as much masculinity as he could muster, given his moderate-to-extreme hysteria, the teen screamed, “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!”
The teen broke into a dead sprint in the opposite direction, drawing even more attention to himself. As the teen ran, he noticed several ponies giving chase, calling out to him, but he heard no words. His was the sprint of a man like unto a person who wants to evade a shotgun wedding.
'This is bad! This is really, really bad!' he thought.
He didn’t listen to the concerned cries of the ponies around him. He believed, in his heart, that his presence would tarnish the cartoon world he had found himself in with his different and... human lines of thought. Thoughts such as democracy and beef and violence and Milhouse, ones that would surely cause the ponies grief as they struggled to understand these surely alien things. Turning around a corner, the teen found an exit out of Ponyville. He looked back and noticed that his pursuers had grown in number, and that they were coming closer. He looked to his side and saw Pinkie Pie bouncing alongside him, who took the chance to ask him, “Hey, new friend? Are you feeling okay?”
The teen shouted in fear and somehow ran even faster, leaving a dust trail out of Ponyville in his hasty retreat.
====BREAKING NEWS: CULT OFFICIALLY DENIES DISAPPEARANCE INVOLVEMENT====
Breathing heavily, the wayward teenager looked around his hiding place, peering around for any sign of searching ponies. Seeing none, the teen got up and promptly got tackled by none other than Pinkie Pie. She locked herself onto his midsection and closed tight, snuggling and nuzzling the teen. Naturally, this caused the panic levels in the teen to peak.
'AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!' he thought.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!” he screamed.
“Ssshhh... sssh... sshhh ssshhh,” cooed the pink pony.
Incredibly, the teen got calmed down by Pinkie Pie’s efforts, and his breathing slowed enough to help him cool down from his run and panic. There was a pause, then Pinkie Pie asked, “There, now. Isn’t that better? Won’t you tell me your name?”
The teen swallowed nervously, took a few moments for his heart to stop racing so fast. “M-Marcus, ” he replied,
“That’s a nice name, Marcus. I’m Pinkie Pie. Why were you running from ponies who were trying to help you?” Pinkie Pie hummed.
Marcus remembered his alarm and struggled slightly, but Pinkie Pie only held on. Her brow furrowed a bit, then she sternly said, “Marcus, no one is going to hurt you.”
Then Pinkie Pie’s voice softened, and she said, “Just tell me how I can help you. P-Please.”
Marcus relaxed and thought about his answer for a few moments. After a period of silence, he finally said,“I-I don’t want to hurt you. Any of you. This place is too innocent for someone like me.”
Pinkie Pie opened her eyes and looked up at the displaced human, confusion and expectancy written on her features. “My human—" Marcus continued,
“Stop right there,” Marcus, stunned into silence, watched as Pinkie Pie scooted up to nuzzle his neck, and she said, “Oh, you were so worried about what we would think of you that you would rather distance yourself than risk our friendship. You must care for us, but... why would you think that you could hurt us with your special-ness?”
“But I’m just a man that—”
Pinkie Pie hugged tighter, cutting Marcus off with, “Don’t you ‘But I’ me, Mister. You’re special, and that can’t hurt anyone on purpose. Oh, how could you carry so much sorrow?”
“Because I come from a mean and cruel world, P-Pinkie Pie. People die from other people’s actions, and...” Marcus's eyes searched, and his hands grasped themselves.
Pinkie Pie renewed her snuggling. “Oh, I’m so sorry, Marcus. You don’t have to worry about that anymore," she said.
“H-Huh?”
Suddenly, Pinkie Pie turned her head to address someone Marcus hadn't seen, and asked, “Oh! Twilight, did you get all that?”
Marcus looked up, and sure enough, Princess Twilight Sparkle was there with quill and parchment, finishing up writing on it. She gave a nod and walked off, rolling up the piece of parchment. Marcus watched as Twilight left, who noticed as Pinkie Pie nuzzled Marcus some more. As his breathing slowed, Marcus looked down on the faithfully cuddly creature. He shrugged, and finally hugged Pinkie Pie back.
'She’s too cute!'
====BREAKING NEWS: SEARCH FOR MISSING CULT MEMBER CONTINUES====
It was a normal day for the Day Court in Canterlot. Celestia sipped her tea, content that she had resolved another problem that had arisen in her kingdom. It came as a pleasant surprise, then, when a letter arrived from her student turned fellow princess. It was nice to read such letters, as they always provided another insight into the magic of friendship. However, her brow furrowed as she read the contents of the letter. The guards and the workers at the Day Court knew too well the telltale sign of the Princess about to make their days particularly interesting, so they situated themselves and tried to ready themselves for what they thought they knew was coming. Her first order was, “Get me the council.”
====BREAKING NEWS: INVESTIGATIONS INTO CULT GOES DEEPENS: PARAPHERNALIA FOUND====
The Equestrian Council, assembled in an emergency meeting, sat as they awaited Celestia’s briefing. The Solar Ruler herself sat alongside the Lunar Ruler, Luna. She was just as in the dark (no pun intended) about the proceedings that required the current council meeting as the rest of them were. Finally, after all the members had arrived, Princess Celestia stood and addressed the council. Her voice carried with it all the experience and the patience that comes with governing a nation for a long time.
“I thank you all for coming on such short notice. You must be wondering why I called you all here. Suffice it to say, we have never faced a scenario quite like this,”
Celestia brought out a letter, the very same that she had received just a while ago. She then added, “I have received an epistle from Princess Twilight Sparkle. She has informed me of an ongoing situation. A visitor from a new world has recently found his way into Ponyville.”
All the eyes in the room were on Celestia, and all the ears were hinged to catch every word. This was good to see for the Solar Princess. Turning the corner of the table, waving around a scroll in her telekinetic grip. The very scroll that had prompted all of this. She then said,
“This visitor has come from a world where hatred and love exist, but it is evident that hatred has corrupted the world to an unacceptable extent. The sole inhabitants of the world, called humans, have been subject to the same hatred that existed in the days of old in our lands, before we cast it out. They hate themselves and others around them, and the corruption of the world drives them to want for food and for them to fight amongst each other, even to the death.”
The council members were stunned. They had heard of such a scenario in their history before, and it necessitated an endeavor of historic importance. Surely she wouldn’t... but she would, and she did. Celestia decreed, “Equestrian Council, it has become necessary for me to call...
A Cuddle Crusade. We must banish the evil that is plaguing our new friends.”
A collective gasp rolled through the council chambers. A Cuddle Crusade had not been called in such a long time; it almost felt mythical. For it to happen now, in this day and age? It seemed extraordinary. Celestia caught the attention of the Council by clearing her throat, and said, “You know what you all must do. Council dismissed.”
With that closing statement, Celestia had instructed Equestria to mobilize itself for the Crusade.
====BREAKING NEWS: CTHULHU CULTISTS PLEADS INSANITY IN COURT====
It was some time after Princess Celestia had called the Cuddle Crusade, yet Queen Chrysalis still couldn’t believe it. She sat in her throne in the Hive, contemplating her options. The Cuddle Crusade had not been called for the longest time. It was only ever called a few times after the defeat of Discord, and those efforts had not been in vain. All creatures were to answer the Call of the Cuddle Crusade, or suffer being another target of the Crusade. The target of the Crusade was a recently-discovered world called Earth, which was home to Humans or Mankind. Evidently true evil had long taken root on earth, corrupting it and its denizens since its beginning. The Cuddle Crusade would put an end to that, one way or another.
Queen Chrysalis looked to her changelings who were amassed before her and awaited her response to the call. She sighed. Her next few words would decide the fate of the changeling race. She had to let go, lest her past destroy her and her kind. She finally announced aloud, with a slow and deliberate voice,
“We will answer.”
The changelings around their queen buzzed with activity, for they knew that they must prepare. All must answer the call.
====BREAKING NEWS: “HE VANISHED IN A FLASH OF LIGHT” CULTIST CLAIMS====
Celestia looked around the council room and smiled. The room itself was prepared to exactness, with colorful banners lining the stained-glass windows. All the banners sported some design of arms reaching around hearts. Such a banner layed on the table, and the golden, wood seats were all occupied. All the races of her world had answered her call, as was proper for such an event. In attendance to the current meeting was:
The Griffon King, white-and-gold colored and dressed in royal red robes;
The Queen of the Changelings, shy and nervous about being in Canterlot, and being around other such powerful beings;
The High Chief of the Zebras, covered with gold jewelry and possessing an air of experience and wisdom;
The Alpha Dragon, Spykoran, a dark purple dragon with an aura of power and authority;
The Sultan of Saddle Arabia, Sandy Hooves, with his varied entourage and expensive clothing;
And the last but not least member of the Cuddle Crusade, Steel Resolve, the Biggest Minotaur Around.
After all, it took a world to save an entire other one.
She stood up, her felt-lined gold armor clinking. Celestia spoke aloud, saying, “I must thank all of you for answering this most noble of calls. We have had our human draw us a plan of attack, which I shall share with you.”
Celestia then used her telekinesis to reveal a world map of Earth. With a pointer, Celestia began her presentation. “When we arrive, our first target of Cuddlequest will be a nation among men called ‘The United States of America’. And before you ask, Blueblood, yes I’m sure it’s not ‘Amareica’,”
====BREAKING NEWS: AURORA LIGHTS SEEN ALL OVER THE WORLD: CTHULHU?====
Leonard just wasn’t having a good day. First, he accidentally burned his toast. Second, his computer froze again while checking the news. Third, he didn’t get the mail he had been expecting for the past 3 weeks. The bright colors in the sky didn’t quite sit right with him, either.
The sky was filled with lights. The colors swarmed and flowed over the sky, like a river of sensation. Just looking at it made his skin tingle. The aurora snaked across the sky and stretched from horizon to horizon. It even seemed to glow in the sky, giving to some grand displays, especially at night.
Leonard watched the swirling mass of light. While beautiful, the lights served only to unnerve him. All this Cthulhu obsession by the media was getting to everyone, everywhere.
'That’s just how people are, I guess,' Leonard thought.
As he sipped from his mug, something occurred to him. He mused, 'So, if this weird weather pattern isn’t due to climate change, and normal auroras are generally made by solar winds and charged atmospheric particles or whatever Wikipedia says, what’s causing it?.'
As he stared into the morning sky, he suddenly noticed that a segment of the aurora stayed a freaky shade of sky blue.
'It’s almost as if it’s another sky,' Leonard pondered. 'But that’s just silly.'
A noise from street level drew Leonard’s attention down from his second-story apartment balcony. To say he was stunned by what he saw would be an understatement. He saw cartoon ponies, griffons, minotaurs, and other kinds of incredible creatures in formations in the street. He saw a big white horse shouting out orders to the rest of them. The formations made their ways around and into the apartments surrounding Leonard. He looked at his mug, then he walked back inside and collapsed on his bed. He was interrupted by a knock at the door. He got up, saying numbly, “Yeah, yeah, yeah... I’m coming.”
As soon as Leonardo opened the door to his apartment, he saw no one at eye level, but when he looked down, the last thing he saw before being tackled was a grinning pink pony.
====BREAKING NEWS: WHOOPS: CTHULHU RITUAL INSTEAD SUMMONS CARTOONS====
This was definitely not one of the things that was running through the President’s mind when he ran for President. Sure, he had thought of how to deal with death and taxes, but certainly not an entourage of sparkling pony princesses at the gate of the White House calling for you. An agent leaned in to whisper in the President's ear.
“Mister President, they’re still outside.”
From outside, the President could hear, “Mister Presiideent! We’d like a word!”
The President sighed, then started on his way outside to what perhaps would be the most interesting political interaction in human history. Walking around the lawn to the gate, the President got a better look at the guests lobbying at his gate. From a distance, he could easily have mistaken the guests as punks wearing elaborate costumes, but as he got closer, he noticed their fluidity and how much they didn’t look like a bunch of pranksters.
'This day just got interesting,'
The president waved to the guards, and the gate was opened, admitting the cartoonish creatures in. The large, white one said, “I am Princess Celestia of the Cuddle Crusade, and I have urgent tidings to share with you.”
The President sighed. “Well, might as well take this inside,” he said.
With that, the group walked into the White House. The doors closed, and a magical flash of light signaled the entrance of Cuddle Crusaders.
Washington, DC was secured within a few hours.
====BREAKING NEWS: UNITED STATES TAKEOVER: PRINCESS CTHULU?====
Edward Portsmith rubbed his eyes as he read the latest series of newscasts. It had to be a joke. It simply couldn’t be. A bunch of talking beings summoned by a Cthulhu ritual? The Americans being taken over by said creatures? Ridiculous.
What was even more ridiculous was that more and more newscasters (particularly American ones) were consistently reporting this, with videos and pictures of the things. Edward got up and looked out across the London cityscape from his apartment window. He saw the same thing he saw every time he looked. People rushing, people gawking and staring, people and their worries and concerns... Until they all stopped as one and started to gaze at the sky.
'What an odd thing to do. What’s going on?' Edward thought. He looked up, and saw... military cargo planes.
American military cargo planes.
“It’s an invasion!” Someone screamed.
“What are they doing?” Another asked.
A person pointed up, and shouted, “Look, people are coming out of them!”
“Mommy, what’s happening?” asked a scared child.
Then, a thousand voices shouted, “REJOICE IN THE COMING FUN!”
Edward looked on at the cityscape, barely able to believe his eyes.
Pink ponies. Parachutist pink ponies. Prancing pink parachutist ponies. PRANCING PINK PARACHUTIST PONIES POUNCING ON PEOPLE.
As Edward’s mind slowly unravelled, he failed to spot a pony that primed herself to jump through Edward’s open window amid the chaos on the street, and now, as he was pinned by one of the pink ponies offering him friendship, happiness, biscuits and tea, Edward’s mind finally went into safe mode, and he fainted.
====LONDON SNUGPOCOLYPSE: FATE OF EARTH IN BALANCE?====
“So... Pinkie Pie...” began the TV host. This was the interview of a lifetime. Or it would be, if the pink pony didn't immediately interrupt. She said, “Yiperiee, Mister Carpston!”
Then, Carpston managed to ask, “Why and how did thousands of you parachute into London and nearly snuggle London to death?”
“Those weren’t all me, silly! I only brought the one of me here today! Those were my nice changeling friends, who’ve all volunteered to look like yours truly! Maximum Snuggling, I say!” The pony replied. Carpston looked at the audience, and then at the camera. He opened his mouth to add his thoughts, but he was interrupted by a pink blur. Soon the studio was filled with pink blurs. The last coherent words of the transmission were, “CUDDLE PARTY!”
====CUDDLE CRUSADE ADVANCES ON EUROPE: PERIL OR SALVATION?====
Stats
Page generated in 0.024 seconds
Total duration
594 users online
935,399 hits today, 2,782,760 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
I really hope people keep doing these cuddle fics
More!!!! I pledge my self to the crusade!!!! Snuggles!!!!!!!
I'm pretty sure a situation as sudden as that would be met with absolute panic. Imagine it: You're sitting around, minding your own business, when all of a sudden, thousands of pink things fall from the sky and start tackling people. I don't know about you, but I would respond violently in that situation.
Realism aside; interesting... Go on.
Oh by Celestia, if only this could happen for real.
10th like.
You sir are one of the best writers on here. With that music...oh my GOD... that was single hoofedly the most epic thing I have ever read. Have a like and a fav.
I have no words...
4171004
"Met violently"
(Aims sniper rifle at Fluttershy)
"Welcome to Earth."
4170915
I PLEDGE MYSELF TO
THE CRUSADE WITH THE POWER OF CANTERLOCK!!!
Why am I reminded of this song?
[youtube=gEKR-mzJaNo]
4171004
I pretty much abandoned all pretense of realism when I sent that teen to equestria by way of fouled up cthulhu summoning ritual.
4170849
More cuddle crusader fics, yip.
4171401
Aww, you're just saying that.
4171572
4170915
Welcome, crusaders. I've been expecting you.
Now... go forth and cuddle the multiverse.
For Cuddlestia.
4171673
Because things.
4171257
What would be legit impressive is 90 more just like those.
4171029
You mean snuglestia, or cuddlestia, or completely and faithly in character true to canon Celestia.
4171838
Certainly better then its whiny, misanthropic, poorly thought and poorly written alternative
4171838
If we're going to other universes, I have dibs on Spira.
#CuddleFantasyX
4171838 Snugglestia
4171004 Honestly, how could you possibly panic at the sight of
twilight.ponychan.net/chan/files/src/139380887381.png
?
it's literally impossible. These ponies have been designed to be everything humans are attracted to (in an 'oh my gosh isn't that adorable' sort of way), rather than afraid of. Besides, they've been calculated to be around waist height.
24.media.tumblr.com/00d080e4a9db88261584e9fd7a8717eb/tumblr_mf8v0gfyjl1r3k1m8o1_500.png
4171922
But they're all Pinkie Pie. She's scary.
But mostly it's the unexpectedness of it. Imagine, you're walking down the street doing your own thing, and all of a sudden, and army of unidentified pink things comes out of fucking nowhere and starts tackling people to the ground. I'd flip out, wouldn't you?
4171838 Naw I'm being serious. That was epic
4171958
I'd be more "wut" to be honest.
Soldier: Sir! Colorful capitalist pigs are marching through Red Square!
Putin: (sigh) Deploy all riot squads. And tell them not to be afraid to use excessive force. I am sure we can cover it up la....
(window crashes)
Putin: WHAT THE HELL?
Pinkie: SNUGGLES!
Putin: NOOOOOOOOOOO
4172914 Ok, I gotta ask 2 things. First, what the hell even sparked this one? Seriously, I'd give ANYTHING for this kind of mad inspiration for even half my waking moments! Second, please tell me this will continue! This may have been an April Fools prank, but it's glorious and I'd love to see more insane hijinks for this!! Please consider it!
Also...in all honesty, I'd likely suffer near fatal heart attack form these events, but barring allergies to pony coats and such, I'd be all over the cuddles like white on rice!
Alliteration is Awesomation!
4173024
It's not easy being utterly mad.
wallpoper.com/images/00/30/57/85/the-joker_00305785.jpg
4173266
...hmmm, fair point.
I'm looking forward to see where the cuddle crusade will go
4173274
It is not for the sane. So don't try it unless you want to suffer being utterly brilliant.
4173317
...oh come on, WHY did you have to say that!?!? It's like telling Johnny Bravo, who's standing over the big, red button which blows everything the hell up, not to press it. And my response, much like his, is as follows: "Awe, now I gotta!"
And with that, a combination of Ed, Edd, and Eddy, Kamen Rider, MLP: Friendship is magic, and several other things is dancing around in my head to the tune of, "I LOVE CHICKENS EDDY!!"
...and this, I lay squarely at your feet, good sir.
Remember, you brought this on yourself.
4171958 You have a valid point, that being said most people's first reaction would be to run from the swarm, rather than fist-fight it.
But i will admit there would probably be some violence at first, for the ones that landed in the wrong place.
Has Zamairiac started a trend this month?
I think he has
This is amazing .-.
4173399
It's not so much "blow everything up" as it is "red pill or blue pill"
4173466
Who?
4173481
I think he means me
Down Fred, down!
Good story so far mate, here's hoping we get to see Celestia cuddling human's like no tomorrow
4173491
4173476
What's this doing on the front page?
4173499
This story's pretty adorable and funny, I'd be surprised if it DIDN'T make it onto the front page
So what now? Anti-Cuddle Resistance?
4173501
I'm freaking ouuuuut
I didnt laugh. I didn't guffaw. I didn't bust a lung. None of that.
I giggled like a lil' kid.
Many kudos, Tux, it's rare for someone to do that to me by writing.
I, for one, welcome our new cuddly overlords.
Its a nice mix of epic, scary, funny, silly and adorable. Love it.
That music lasted exactly the length of the story. I have a lucky reading speed.
Anyway, this story seems interesting, but I'd like to see some more graphic, uncensored cuddling action.
And speaking of which, it occurs to me that the dragons, minotaurs, and griffons may face a little more difficulty than the ponies.
MY MIND CANNOT COPE WITH ALL THE SNUGGLING! AHHHHHHH!!!!
I'm astonished that Celestia summoned the dragons and not, say, the breezies... I mean, while breezies are adorableness made fae, anything cuddled by a fully grown dragon tends to go squish.
4173649
Luckily, the Japanese had prepared for exactly this occasion.
4173649 You forgot the many giant robots that have defended Japan over the decades and continue to do so. One of the current giant robots is a walking trainbow.
news.tokunation.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/5/2013/12/Trainbow.jpg
There's also warriors who have fruit themed armor.
Overall, I'd say Japan is quite well defended, and will probably be the last country to fall to the Cuddle Crusade.
We must fight them with power equal to their own!
Soon, they shall be bear-hugged with the might of big friendly Canadians with fluffy arm hair!
MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
cuddlapocalypse
A pony take over cuddle attack? OK. Its paltonic cuddling for fun time!!!!!!
That was funny, but can you write an omake version that shows what would really happen?
4173831
Thing's get dark real quick, so no omake version.
4173749
Gwuaaaah Poneeee desu kawaaii
Japan is already ours.
epic music, epic story and omg the minotaurs and russians hugging would be awesome
"RUN IVAN RUN"
"CAN'T TOO MUCH CUDDLING"
"you are worthy of our hugs, do not fight worthy foes."
Huh, you know now the "apocalypse" isn't looking that bad.