• Member Since 23rd Jun, 2013
  • offline last seen Jun 19th, 2016

Flames173


Pretend this is an amazing short bio message.

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A secret war is waging in Equestria. No pony has a clue about it, but this war could end their lives entirely. The war front has come dangerously close to Ponyville. When Celestia sees no hope left, a sliver of light shone in the dark, literally.

Chapters (2)
Comments ( 7 )

The Luna turns evil again bit is quite cliche, and Celestia sounds OOC. That is why I dislike this story.

Alright... This leads to something interesting...

Mmm... I liked this story, but find a rather conflicting in favoriting. I favorite most of the stories I find interesting, and yours is, but it's happening too fast... Alright, I'll favorite.

Here's just some suggestions. The story itself is very good, but the way you tell it is too rushed. I might suggest a little more explanation in events going on. Also, the character seems too foreign and he already jumped to a war. (Again, rushed but I don't really care for rushed. That is more about others. I find many people really care about rushed stories) I don't really know Sky, not at all. You should try to get the readers to know him better. Even if it's little by little. I don't know almost anything about him or his way of thinking so far. Sorry if I seem to criticize... I don't really have ever wrote one of this type if comments before with critics, but this story has great potential, at least it seems to me. People can be very critic at stories.

Again, I'm favoriting the story.

~Red

Celestia using a child...

Yeah, no, I can in no way, shape or form ever see Celestia using a CHILD of all things to win a war.

That does it, I'm writing a Mommylestia fic with an actual MOMMYLESTIA. Thanks, your interesting story gave me the push! :twilightsmile:

4370333
Eh I know, but really, it's harder to come up with an original storyline, and yeah she is.....your opinion is your opinion, I'm not complaining.


4370612
Lol, thanks, I'll try to remember this while making new chapters or revising the current ones (it is supposed to have a bit of a rushed feel though)


4371417
Umm....your welcome?

Twilight and Celestia really do seem out of character. Not for using a child, mind you, but the casual way they seem to be trying to recruit him.

4450687 Will hold off on rating until I read further

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