Maybe Ponies aren't so bad...

by TheDawsonator1

Chapter 4: No Meat? NOOOOOOO!

It was morning once again in Ponyville and once again, Lyle woke up in the hopes that this was all just a bad dream and that he’d wake in the apartment but no, fate was not done with him, not by a long shot!

He saw that the door was open and headed down to breakfast to a rather satisfied looking Twilight and a half-awake Spike.

“Good morning Lyle” Twilight said brightly.
“What’s made you so happy?” Lyle asked sourly
“Is being happy illegal?” Twilight asked rhetorically.
“Yes, it is very illegal to be happy” Lyle replied sarcastically.

Twilight said no more on the subject, as breakfast was some salad with haysticks, the latter of which Lyle did not like at all.

“Don’t we have any meat? All this vegetable stuff is killing me” Lyle complained
Twilight suddenly got a dark look and a bit of a shock, “You eat meat?”
“Course I bloody do, I’ve been craving meat every since I got here but I can’t seem to find any” Lyle replied
“Y-You’re carnivore?” asked Twilight slowly.
“Well Omnivore, which means we get eat veggies and meat but I would rather eat meat!” said Lyle, falling in a semi-daydream about meat.
Twilight processed this and asked, “You don’t eat Ponies do you?”
“Hell no! Humans and Horses have been best friends forever naturally! We don’t eat our best friends but only really desperate people would want to eat horses or ponies, that or they be very sadistic. Same goes to Dogs, they’ve been two of man’s best friends as far as anyone can remember, oh how I miss my little puppy” Lyle explained.
“I see, you have a dog? What are they like in your world?” Twilight asked with great interest
“Dogs are real loyal to their owners unless neglect and abuse have been inflicted upon them, only a real fucking cruel person would do such a thing! They’ve been dubbed many times as “Man’s best friend”, they can be a huge source of comfort and they can also be highly trained to do things like keeping security around places or even just for show, it also helps that Humans can’t outrun dogs, so you don't wanna mess with them.” Lyle explained once more
“Applejack does have a dog named Winona, there are a different kind of dogs that are quite dumb but dangerous called Diamond Dogs, nasty creatures they can be as they can kidnap ponies and force them to be slave workers but they can be outwitted.” Twilight explained a rather smelly bunch of creatures she wouldn’t go near with a 200 foot pole.

Lyle couldn’t help but notice Twilight was being much more polite towards himself but maybe that was all an act or something, who knows?

“See this isn’t so bad isn’t it” Twilight said, practically reading Lyle’s mind.
“Maybe not, but back to the original question, where’s the meat at?” Lyle asked.
“Well you see…Equestria doesn’t really eat…meat” Twilight said slowly
“What?” Lyle said dangerously.
“Uh oh” Twilight muttered and she and Spike entered a makeshift bunker out of nowhere.

3…
2….
1….

“WHAT DO YOU FUCKING MEAN THERE’S NO MEAT?!”

The whole treehouse launched in the air for a brief second before landing again in response to Lyle's outburst.

“You mean to tell me, there is NO meat at all? Nothing? Zilch? Zero? Not even a steak or a sausage anywhere on this damn rock?!” Lyle asked not believing what he was hearing
“Not one drop” Twilight said simply
“But there has to be one drop on this planet I can eat” Lyle said rationally.
“The only place you can eat meat nearby is in Griffonia, but that’s way too far away to the north and they don’t take kindly to strangers and not to mention they are quite warlike and start fights easily” Twilight mentioned this fact, cutting all Lyle’s hopes of meat.
“B-But, I’LL GO CRAZY! I NEEEEED MEAAAT! I will not succumb to only salads for the rest of my existence on this planet!” Lyle protested, refusing to believe the truth.
“You can live without it” said Twilight
“But you don’t understand Twilight, meat isn’t just any old food, it’s the food every human needs, it’s like well I dunno, Ponies without hay?” Lyle replied sharply

Twilight gave a moment’s thought about what it would be like without hay, suffice to say that it would not be a pleasant one. Lyle, before Twilight could do anything else, went outside muttering something about ripping his insides out.

…

20 minutes later…

Lyle was outside, bored out of his mind so much so that he had went through a ten minute boredom montage involving: smashing his head on a wall, trying to impersonate Pinkie’s bouncing thing she does and even talking to the ponies around Ponyville, who seemed to have conveniently accepted him. This bothered him a little bit and he seemed a bit suspicious due to the fact it was simply too good to be true.

Lyle missed his entertainment so much, there were video games, TV, Movies, computer, friends and maybe the occasional amusement park. But here he was in Magical Ponyland that is literally flooding of happiness and friendship, he got so bored of this that he accessed his inner “Assassin” and climbed the whole town hall building with his bare hands and was on top of the roof admiring the view.

"So much Bullshit! No meat, I'd rather die than go vegetarian!" Lyle complained under his breath.
“Watcha doing?” a familiar Cyan Pegasus asked from above
“Oh it’s you, what do you want?” Lyle lazily replied
“Couldn’t help but notice you being up here without wings that’s all” Dash said landing next to Lyle
“Hands, best things ever, accept no substitutes! They can do so much wonders compared to those hoofs of yours, which quite honestly, I wonder how you even grab things with them” Lyle explained how he got up here.
“I dunno, it just seems second nature that I never about it like that, especially when you have these babies” Dash said flapping her wings fondly.

Lyle had a mental image suddenly, he had sprouted wings and was flying all over town with ease and quite a few people looked jealous.

“I wouldn’t mind flying, it’d save a damn lot of time getting places back in my world plus it would kinda kill the boredom” Lyle mentioned half-heartily.
“What’s your world like?” asked Dash curiously.
“Um well…put it this way, there are many ways to describe my planet, some places it’s harsh and cruel but in others it’s paradise with the occasional guy going through hell in it, there is many ways to describe it like I said, it really depends on the person's experience, as for me, it has it’s ups and downs and all that stuff but home is home and there is no place like home” Lyle said and suddenly got a mad idea, ‘maybe if I click my heels and say there’s no place like home, I’ll be back in the apartment in no time’

Before either parties could continue the conversation, Applejack came running down the street and started calling to Rainbow Dash.

“Rainbow, Lyle, Ah need yer help pronto!” Applejack called out.
“What’s wrong?” Lyle asked curiously
“The Crusaders went into the Everfree Forest, they haven't come out and they’ve been gone a while now” Applejack explained
“Wait a moment, the Everfree Forest?” asked Lyle
“Yep” Dash confirmed
“The one that everypony pretty much should stay the hell away from?” Lyle asked again
“That’s the one” Dash confirmed
“Well that’s fan-fucking-tastic! So these kids decided to walk into a forbidden forest, yep this is gonna end well” Lyle said with a hint of sarcasm
“Well you’re helping us find them” said Dash
“WHAT? No! I am not finding those fillies, it’s their fault they’re stupid enough to walk into a dangerous forest that’s conveniently next to the way-too-peaceful town!” Lyle protested but Rainbow Dash was hearing none of it.
“You’ll go or I’ll drop you from this building” Dash threatened
“You wouldn’t” Lyle put a big try-me face on.

Within a second, Rainbow Dash had lifted Lyle off the building and he was hanging at such a height that is he fell, he would surely break every bone in his body.

“HEY! HEY! LET ME DOWN!” Lyle screamed.
“Not until you agree to help find the crusaders” Dash said
“NO!” Lyle said
“I can’t hold you much longer, you’ll have to say yes or get very hurt” Dash said deliberately loosening her grip a tad.
“Alright! Alright! I’ll search for the brats! Just don’t drop me!” Lyle said, desperately clinging on.
“Good, that wasn’t so hard now was it?” Dash said, smirking maliciously.
"Your death will be slow and very painful!" Lyle muttered furiously.

…

A couple of Minutes later saw Applejack, Rainbow Dash and Lyle entering the Everfree Forest. Suffice to say, Lyle was angry about this, while AJ and Dash were worried about the fillies.

“Okay, so what’s the plan? Scream on the top of our lungs? Run around in circles? Or go find a monster lair or something?” Lyle asked.
“Well, the Everfree is dangerous at night and it’s getting close to night as we speak, so we need to split up and find the fillies fast as we can” Dash explained
“Those kids are gone done it this time” AJ muttered
“And if one of us finds them?” asked Lyle
“We meet back here in an hour and if they are not back then we get the others” said Dash
“Well, let’s get to it then” AJ said, rushing into the forest
‘Great, finding fillies in a dangerous forest, this day can’t possibly get any worse! And I realize I just fucked myself!’ Lyle thought, letting out a sigh as he walked in.

The Everfree Forest was a dark forest, very little light breached the canopy of the forest at all, distinct sound could be heard from all directions creeping Lyle out a little bit. What made it more creepier is there was a slight fog and the trees seemed to like evil.

Stories were often told about this place, some say it has other-worldly features hidden in it, some say this forest caused Nightmare Moon to be born and even some say there might be a connection to a strange place somewhere in it.

Although, what ponies do know is that the very nature of this place is not guided by Ponies at all, it all happens on it’s own! This reminded Lyle of home a little bit as he wondered about how his family and friends were reacting to his disappearance.

After 30 minutes of wandering, Lyle was getting bored of this search when he heard 3 young voices nearby…

“Scootaloo, Ah thought yer said this was the way out?” a southern accent rang out.
“Well, it did look like the way out didn’t it?” Scootaloo argued with her friend.
“Well, we didn’t even get our Explorer Cutie Marks or anything” a squeaky voice said, clearly disappointed.
‘What on hell is a cutie mark?’ Lyle thought before calling out to the trio, “HEY! Crusaders!”
“Huh? Who’s that?” Scootaloo asked seeing Lyle.
“I will not harm you, your friends: Rainbow Dash and Applejack sent me to help find you” Lyle said, who could tell monster may be on their minds right now.
“I know you! You’re that hoo-man thingy Rarity told me about” said the Unicorn filly.
“First of all, It’s human, second of all, My name is Lyle” Lyle rolled his eyes at the Unicorn filly.
“I’m Sweetie Belle” the Unicorn said.
“Ah’m Applebloom” said the Southern accented filly.
“And I’m Scootaloo” said the brave looking Pegasus
“And together we are…THE CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS! YAY!!” The fillies shouted loud making Lyle’s ears hurt.
‘I needed those ears you know’ Lyle thought angrily when a sound came from behind.

Lyle and the Crusaders turned around to see a chicken thing rising out of a bush, the crusaders screamed and run like hell the other way.

“Wait! What’s wrong?” Lyle called to the fillies.
“Cockatrice!” yelled Scootaloo
“Relax it’s just a random chicken with a lizard tail, I’m sure that’s nothing to worry- Wait…why are my legs all stony?” Lyle asked as the Cockatrice’s eyes glowed red, “AHHHHHHH! I'M TURNED INTO STONE! SOMEONE, HELP ME! AHHHHHHHH--!” Lyle screamed as his whole body turned to stone.

Lyle was now fully sealed in stone and could not move an inch, nor could he be aware of that fact as his mind went full blank white on him, a look of shock was present on Lyle's stony face. The Cutie Mark Crusaders ran to get help, leaving Lyle to his stony fate, for now.

Author's Note:

Chapter 4 is up! I hope you enjoy!

Comments

[Anyne]

Twilight suddenly got a dark look and a bit of a shock, “You eat meat?”
“Course I bloody do, I’ve been craving meat every since I got here but I can’t seem to find any” Lyle replied
“Y-You’re carnivore?” asked Twilight slowly.
“Well Omnivore, which means we get eat veggies and meat but I would rather eat meat!” said Lyle, falling in a semi-daydream about meat.
Twilight processed this and asked, “You don’t eat Ponies do you?”

Twilight, stop being such a stupid bitch