My life used to be normal. A normal Norwegian-teenager in a normal Kentucky town. That was, until the Green Flu hit. I wasn't immune and I watched with horror as I was changed. I became a Hunter, as I would discover later. At least I get the fun of killing without consequence. Oh boy was I wrong.
A L4D/MLP crossover.
My first Fanfic so please. GO easy.
( Note, when I say Frog Position, I mean like how a frog sits, EXAMPLE FIRST PANEL: http://isismasshiro.deviantart.com/art/L4D2-Spit-check-252833290))
Chapters (2)
This is a great story, a few errors here such as, lowercase i's and words conjoint together, but nonetheless a very great story. However you got a little bit of the story messed up. Celestia mentioned; " No Josh, I removed the virus from you. But I cannot change you back. I am sorry." I hung my head in defeat. And as I did a loud scream was audible, the sound of a little girl screaming. I bolted out of the library door, and found a Griffon terrorizing a small Gray and Blonde Filly.'
That paragraph had multiple errors that may confuse the reader. Such as, what has he been changed to and how does he know about his change already? Also he wouldn't hang his head in defeat. It'll more likely be in despair. Unless it was due to him not being able to change back, but if he's a zombie then wouldn't he not want that back anyway? Another problem was I bolted out of the library door. A reader might ask, "How did he get there?" "How does he even know its a library?" As it could have been just someones living room with multiple book shelves. You also capitalized 'Griffon, Gray, Blonde and Filly.'
Those should be left lowercase for the few reasons being, blonde and gray are colors. Not names or showing of too much importance like a title. Griffon is a species like dog and cat. Therefor should be left lowercase. Filly is a young female horse in this case, so it is similar to humans calling each other man or woman.
Despite the mistakes, I do enjoy some of your use of words such as, terrorizing and slaughtered. The ways you describe certain parts of your story also leave interest in me.
Overall: Great story, minor errors here and there, just needs a bit of editing. Plot seems fine and I look forward to new chapters. Tracked.
PS. If you think I'm being a troll/grammar Nazi, the truth is... I'm really not. Its just because it seems your overall skills in writing seem good enough that I am allowed to criticize to make you better. I'm not saying I'm better than you, I am not. I am probably the most illiterate person here! I just felt like I should point a few things out to prevent the same mistakes to occur in the near future. Great story, and I hope this will be a long one!
Thank you.
368843 Then why the hell are you reading it, I'll change it for ya then/
368974
Because it's amusing.
Oh sorry, I took what you said the wrong way.
368980
Don't be a jerk... and EOM_gamzee don't change it.
Chapter 2 should be up today.
I don't see why it has so many dislikes. Have I done something wrong outside a few grammatical errors ?
371035 nope, it's just trolls get attracted to these kinds of stories, like dogs on fly poo. I think i said that wrong...
371625
Much agreed
Okay New chapter should be up. Sorry that it's short, but I am a tiny little bit braindead. Also thanks to thunderseethe for proofreading!
ANy comments, suggestions ?
There's a space in my name
Thunder Seethe*
I'll get to it here soon. A bit busy right now!
You know, this isn't too bad. Why are people thumbing it down? I don't get why they could hate it...
i will be posting the new chapter today, along with a another, and a new story.
Yeah it is rather interesting.
whats going on with this story? No updates in a while
Thunder i sent you the latest chapter to proffread.
Oh... I'll get to it ASAP! Sorry, haven't exactly been spending too much time on my email...
Dude, by the comments, I think there's supposed to be a chapter three by now.
BEEN VERY SIDETRACKED
MOAR
MOAAAARRRR