Dis·so·lu·tion
noun \ˌdi-sə-ˈlü-shən\
: termination or destruction by breaking down, disrupting, or dispersing
The world below her is burning, and all Nightmare Moon can do is watch.
What do you do when all you've ever known ends? Not by your hooves, but by those of another.
Written for Everfree NW Writing Contest
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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This is great. When I started this, I honestly didn't think I would like it. i guess you learn something new every day. Good luck with your contest, but you won't need it.
This was pretty good. Good luck in the contest. But you might wanna fix these. Errors in the description usually lead to instant downvote.
world
This should be "all you have ever known"
Wow, well done! You captured the emotions very well. Seems a little rushed but I assume it's supposed to be within certain parameters for the contest both in length as well as deadline.
This is a remarkably compelling premise and you sell it pretty well. Kudos.
I do need to speak up and strongly suggest you fix the story description. It needs to have a Dark tag, and be bumped up to Teen rating. This is a much more grim story than the current description suggests.
Best,
H
4038053
Suggestion noted and applied. Thank you for the input and the fave!
For a first fic, this is pretty great. You could stand to get an editor though, to catch stuff like this:
Hopefully you see the issue there. :B Still, I liked this.
This was simply amazing!
4043552
Any suggestions of where to get one? I wrote it for the contest so I didn't really have time for a close edit, but it still turned out 'aight. Glad you liked it.
4047107
There's a whole buttload of review groups here on Fimfiction. This link compiles a few of the better ones.
Wow. That is the first and over-arching word that I can use to describe this story. Wow. The writing was excellent, the plot semi-logical... And that ending. That ending was absolutely grand!
An apocalypse of biblical proportions confined to the space of under 4K words! You went a little bit over 3K, but I personally find this to be a brilliant piece of work that makes me suspicious if it is truly your first bit of fanfiction ever.
Nevertheless, a quick proofread for the very few errors present and some breaking up of some of the text blocks and the story, writing-wise, would be flawless imho.
The only issue I have with the plot is this "darkness", but the story gives so many potential interpretations for what it is that really I have a hard time calling the ambiguity of it an issue.
The title of the chapter I also find a little strange. decrescendo is probably not the best way to put it. I would advise something like: Sunrise, Sunset or just Sunset for a more impactful name for the chapter title.
4143084
Thanks for the input! I was a bit rushed when I wrote it, but yes this is my first published piece of fanfiction. Also your suggestion for the new chapter name has been noted and applied. Thank you again for taking the time to comment and I'm glad that you liked it.
Interesting, although it's unclear exactly what befell Celestia, besides death. Also, how could Luna hope to provide anything, but a bitter end. There's no food, air, or water up there and without light, well...
6861811 Magic, nigga!
But in a seriousness this was truly well written and I love it, insta fav
6861811 A world killer, aka an asteroid
6931548
How did you come to that conclusion, exactly?
6937598 the orange flash that Luna observed striking the planet before the fire and darkness began to spread
That was good